Thank you in advance. For a while Now l have been feeling depressed and suffer from anxiety and l know its reasons but no one seems to. For an outsider l seem to have everything l need in life which l do and am very thankful for most of it: money decent amount, a family that loves me but that has trouble understanding me and my mental issues as they never had that sort of problems and l study at a prestigious ivy league college. But in reality l have zero confidence l was constantly bullied at primary school but l had good friends in high school and was a really good student. But at college l couldn’t make friends they were all like geniuses who excelled and partied at the same time and l tried to hide my rising depression. l couldn’t sleep felt exhausted unmotivated suicidal and lost huge amounts of weight that are threatening my heart’s health( l started having trouble climbing stairs and l used to be an athletic) lm on the verge of failing college yet cant concentrate on working. The main issue is that l have no one to talk to no supporting system. l tell my family about academic issues and they are supportive but cant tell them about my increasing suicidal thoughts. l have no friends and lt kills me to talk to my mates from HS because l see they are very happy about their lives and lm embarrased talk to them. l had very few friends in the past as l had changed school every year till HS due to parents. lt feels self indulgent for me not to appreciate things l have but l also know its the depression talking and that l need to change things. l know that l might never kill myself for my family and not for myself but am afraid that one day l might as the thoughts become stronger and my life becomes more and more a failure. The last two years have been a journey of self hate and mental destruction and a waste of intellectual motivation. l really want to embrace life have friends feel healthy have fun… Live .where can l start? What can l do?
Get help immediately. It seems as though you have depression and it is only becoming worse. Since you are in college you can use the services at the university counseling center. Utilize the services that are available to you. As you mentioned, it is becoming increasingly difficult for you to speak to your family and friends about your symptoms. Professional help is required.
You did not mention this concern but seeking professional help should not evoke feelings of shame. Unfortunately many people feel that way. They believe that they “should” be able to fix their own problems and subsequently choose not to seek help. Seeking professional help is a very wise choice. Your depression appears to be growing. You’re having thoughts of suicide. Every time an individual is considering suicide it is a very serious situation. I strongly urge you to seek help as soon as possible. It would be the wisest and most efficient choice to make at this time. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle