Imaginary Friends Archives

From New Zealand: I’m a 12 year old girl and i have been traumatized throughout my childhood up until i was about 8 years old. I’ve been going to counselling since i was 10 and everybody i see (including my own family) have told me that i have been traumatized even though i don’t feel traumatized at all.

I cant even remember the amount of times ive tried to tell my family that i don’t feel any attachment what-so-ever to my father (who neglected me and was an alcoholic, police getting involved didn’t help either…) but they keep telling me it’s all in my subconscious. I barely remember my childhood which doesn’t help, and recently ive been diagnosed with PTSD because sometimes i’ll randomly go into this state of aggression or depression, burst into tears in public, be spaced out and do weird stuff without remembering any of it.

I also developed imaginary friends around about this time last year, but i’ve been going to imaginary worlds since as early as i can remember. The psychiatrists thought this was odd that i only developed them now, and they don’t know why i hallucinate (because apparently i hallucinate too) but i have 2 particular imaginary friends that are special because they don’t live outside of me, they live ‘in my head’. They don’t have bodies and i can’t interact with them, they just talk to me through my mind and sometimes are the cause of my ‘episodes’ i think.

One of them is a 16 year old boy called Adrian and another is a 15 year old girl called Jane. Adrian talks to me more, but he hardly ever makes me have an episode because in those episodes i get violent (which isn’t often) so he’s basically my ‘insanity switch’, as i call him. Jane creeps me out because i will be controlled by her without even realizing it. Her personality isn’t as stand-outish as adrians so it’s hard for me to realize that i’ve been her. And i don’t remember what i’m doing, so i’ll find myself lying on the side of the road with a cop car beside me, and next thing you know i’m crying and hugging my mum because i have no idea what i’ve done wrong. One minute i want to kill my mum, the next minute i want to kill myself, the next i want to know why i can’t remember half of my life. This is Adrian, Jane, and me fighting over my body, and i’m sick of it. Is this DID?

I’m so very sorry that you’ve been through so much and that you continue to be in major distress. It may be that you don’t feel traumatized because you are psychologically protecting yourself from having the feelings. That’s what the people who are helping you mean when they tell you that your memories (and probably the feelings that went with them) are in your subconscious. Your visits to imaginary worlds and your imaginary friends are likely another way your system is protecting you.

Although losing time as you do and feeling like there are others in your head who talk to you or who make you do things are symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), I don’t have enough information to make a diagnosis. I trust that the mental health professionals who know you well can answer your question. Even more importantly, they can help you recover from trauma and become the girl you are meant to be.

I’m glad you are in treatment. You know that your “episodes” and your impulses to kill your mum or yourself aren’t normal. You know you need help to feel in charge of yourself. Your letter shows me that you are intelligent, curious and sensitive. Those are important ingredients for success in treatment.

I urge you to be an active member of your treatment team. Your therapists depend on you to be as honest as you can with them and to share all of your thoughts and feelings — even when they don’t make much sense to you; especially when they don’t make sense to you. Therapists can’t read your mind or your heart so your reports are a key part of your treatment. With time and work, you and your team can get you back on track to be a normal teen with just normal teen prolems.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

From a teen in Wales: I can’t stop imagining the life I don’t have. This problem started maybe 5 years ago and has been getting more frequently noticeable. I mainly pick up on real life celebrities or social figures who I like and place myself in a situation with them.

There have been times where I have been with family and had to excuse myself to the bathroom as I have thought of an amazing idea to act out. Although it is sometimes exclusive to my imagination, most of the time I will physically (and silently) act it out. Each character has their own personality and backstory and my own character fits in with the narrative perfectly. The relationships are usually brothers/significant others/best friends.

When I go into the real world I can switch it off – I don’t tend to think of the characters at all when I am at school and occupied. However, I find that I am at home most of the time and when I am bored/lonely the scenes seem to just happen from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. They can be normal situations such as cooking dinner or sometimes I imagine we met doing the celebrities field of work, e.g pop star.

I am 16 years old and since the age of around 11 I have found that I do not fit in with the group of friends I currently hang out with. It’s not that I can’t socialise – I find that I am quite good at it actually – but rather that I don’t feel comfortable with the people I am with as I have multiple toxic friendships.

Also, the characters are rarely female. I grew up in a household of exclusively females as my father was not present throughout my life and I have no brothers. I also do not have many male friends in my real life but all of the people who I imagine in my head seem to be male.

I have also suffered with mental health problems since around the time this started as I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 12 or 13.

I am mostly interested in why I do this and whether it is normal. I can’t ask anyone in real life as I am ashamed that I spend my time creating characters. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

Lonely kids often create imaginary friends to fill the void. You seem to have a more active imagination than most. Since you are able to socialize and you can switch it off, it’s not clear to me whether this has become a psychological problem or if you are developing a talent for creative writing. If you were seeing me for counseling, one suggestion I would make is to start writing to see if putting the ideas “on paper” would help you channel your tendency to create scenarios.

Since you have a diagnosis, I’m assuming you also have a counselor. If you don’t, I encourage you to get one. Please don’t be ashamed of sharing what you’ve shared here. A therapist will not judge you but will instead help you decide if this is a talent you should nurture or a problem you should solve — or both.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

Imaginary Friends

Is This DID?

I Imagine a Life I Don’t Have