Tag:

Interaction

Black Sheep of the Family

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW August 17th, 2019

Not that it really matters but I am starting to feel like a outcast in my family and I am the eldest child out of my other siblings. I feel that my parents have picked out their favorites and have sorta left me to the slaughter. I come from a good family and I am a good person have really done no wrong to no one just typical things that people do in life.

I don’t go around my family as much as I use to I can count on one hand how many times I visited my parents this year alone and we do reside in the same state. I do feel bad about this at times however I’ve come to realize that less time with family means less pain for me. I hate how I’m treated!!! I am just a no one to them, my mother calls me sometimes but not the way she calls my sisters, its like she has to force herself to call me. I am a good person!! Why cant they love me like they love and treat my other siblings? I just want to fit in I want to feel right. Will I always feel like the black sheep or be treated as such because I am not as bright/smart as the others?

I am currently on zoloft generic brand but I don’t feel its working I’m thinking of getting on the brand name zoloft because the generic brand may not be working for me. Is there a difference?

It is unfortunate that your family treats you badly but there may be little that you can do to change this. It might be best to continue to limit your interaction with them.

If I had the opportunity to interview you, I would want to know if you ever discussed your feelings with your family. If not, one option might be to tell them how you feel. They may not be aware of how you feel. Perhaps bringing it to their attention might help. If you don’t feel comfortable having an in-person discussion with them, consider writing them a detailed letter.

An important part of human development is becoming your own person. For some people, this can mean estrangement from their families. That can be an undesirable path but in some cases it is necessary for healthy psychological development.

It is important that you do not misinterpret the meaning behind your family’s actions toward you. In other words, the way they treat you is not a reflection of you. Rather, it is a reflection of them and the psychological problems that they may have. Their unresolved psychological problems might prohibit them from fully appreciating you or may limit their ability to express their feelings.

With regard to your medication, there could be a difference between the generic version of Zoloft and the name brand. Consult your doctor for further details. Switching medications might improve your symptoms.

If you continue to struggle with this problem, I would highly recommend consulting a therapist. A therapist could assist you in facilitating a discussion with your family. A therapist could also help you to navigate your family situation. Take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

September 13, 2011 0 comment

Very Anxious About Social Interaction

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 25th, 2020

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am very anxious when I talk to people, and tend to blank out, or just go mute. I want this to stop, please help! When I talk to somebody I get very anxious, my palms sweat, and I never can think of anything to say. I used to be a very outgoing person, now I seem to be unable to talk to anybody I do not know. I have tried many things, for example going out of my way to talk to people I don’t know, but either nobody responds, or I just go blank. I really want this to stop, I want to have friends like I used to have!

P.S: I also have major sleep problems and insomnia (if this might affect it in some away.)

I would have to know much more about you to know with certainty what is causing your problems but it seems as if you may have social anxiety. If I were able to interview you in person I would want to explore the change process that took you from being a very outgoing person to presently struggling with social interaction. Was there a negative event or series of events that may have led to your current anxiety? Something is responsible for your loss of confidence. You had it once and now it’s gone. In addition to anxiety you may also be experiencing depression. It is very common for anxiety and depression to co-occur.

Generally speaking, when interacting with others try to be yourself. Try not to worry about what others think about you because you cannot control what they will ultimately perceive. In every social interaction you should strive to be authentic, down-to-earth, and attempt to communicate with others in a sincere way. In other words, simply try to be yourself. Nervousness often occurs when an individual attempts to be someone that they are not or simply are guilty of “trying too hard.” If you focus on trying to be yourself, then the nervousness should diminish.

If this is an issue that you continue to struggle with then you may want to consider counseling. Counseling is a great way to improve social interaction skills.

Even if it is uncomfortable at this time, you should continue interacting with others. The more you interact with others, the more practice you will get and the more likely it is you will improve. A therapist can teach you valuable new skills in addition to their giving you objective feedback about your present interaction skills. If counseling is not an option, ask your parents if they may be able to assist you. They may be able to assess your interaction skills and give you tips about how to relax in social situations.

Your sleep problems should not be overlooked. I would recommend a therapeutic evaluation of your total situation: sleep problems, social anxiety and any other changes that you may have failed to include in your letter.

Good luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

February 21, 2011 0 comment

Not the Real Me

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 19th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

check my score, its kinda lengthy to explain hear. I can go out,i can trust others, i am a master at building up a fake me for every situation there is, and im also great at segregation. Im never happy, i hate myself so much i am never me. I have never been the real me in years, so long that i forgot who that was. All that is left is the me’s i came up with to assume when i am around other people. Hell on me is one that is instable and one is strong, one gives great advice, one is sick and twisted, it all depends on what other people need from me to get what they want out of every interaction. Im an empty shell. When i am alone, i am nothing, i cant sleep or relax, i drink and do things that deter my goals that i set when i think i have found a end all solution for my problems. ANd there has been alot of them in life. I hurt my self as well, when i am sick me….then i take a hot knife blade and burn and cut my self. Not to kill myself, but to feel the pain, cause that me loves the pain. It got bad enough that my tattoo artists has declared there is no part on my left arm thats eligable for tattooing cause its all full of scars. I drink every night, i hate it but i do. Not to get drunk but to stop my heart from racing,to calm down so i can sleep. I tried sleeping pills, but they lost effect. I have taken so many pills over the years that sleeping pills are like a afternoon snack and wont sastisfiy my goal. I have over taken sleeping pills, liquid pain med mixed with rum, mixed with over the counter sleeping pills and had no real effect of a normal sleep. I was up for hours still, barley slept, went to work and did my workout, then went and trained in judo, then went home and had same problem going to bed. There is more, so much more, i want to say, but i need to cut this short and im scared as it is to post this.If someone comes after me for this, i wont be the same person, just as i am not when i go see a doc for help. You will never know, because i will know you within a couple minutes of meeting and i will have assumed a me that will please what ever it is your looking for and you will never see the real me. You will even walk away thinking you acomplished alot with me and that you had a strong connection with me and thats what allowed you to help me. And you will never know me, no one ever knows me. So im hoping that people on this website can help, cause i cant see you and you might get to see the real me and help, cause if i were to see you in person…well u get it, it wont be me.

I hope it will be the real “you” reading this letter. It is not healthy to pretend to be someone you are not. I am not certain if you are consciously choosing to be someone else in the presence of others or if it is an unconscious reaction. In either case, it is most likely serving the same purpose: psychological protection. The key question is: What are you protecting yourself from? If I had the opportunity to interview you in person, I would want to know when this problem began, what you were like before it started, and whether you experienced a traumatic event that may have prompted this reaction, among many other questions.

You are obviously suffering. This is evident from your behavior including the severe self-mutilation and your use of alcohol and sleeping pills. It is clear that the pain you feel is very real.

My concern is that you will continue down a road of self-destruction. I say this because you mentioned that even when you saw a doctor you pretended to be someone else. It will be difficult for someone to help you if you deliberately mislead them.

I would advise you to consider seeking professional help but only if you think you can tell the truth. It would not be beneficial to attend counseling if you have no desire to go or have no intention to be honest with the therapist. It would be a waste of your time.

Part of the problem may be that you have lived as this “other person” for so long that you don’t know how to behave or how to change. Pretending to be someone else has obviously provided some level of comfort and functionality in your life. Therapy could help you to find healthy alternatives to deal with psychological pain.

The choice is yours as to whether or not you want to seek help. No one can force you into therapy but consider the alternative: continued use of pills, alcohol and self-harm as a way to anesthetize your emotional pain. These choices may provide temporary relief but they will only prolong your suffering. I hope you are able to find the help that you need. Click on the “find help” tab above to search for a therapist.

Thank you for your question. Please take care.

July 23, 2010 0 comment