Tag:

irrational beliefs

Psychotic Boyfriend Who Thinks He Is a Psychopath

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW August 24th, 2024

Hi, My boyfriend – who took lots of drugs and cannabis – had a psychotic crisis in March this year. He thought he was a psychopath (not a criminal one) and said lots of strange stuff. First I was OK with it then became very anxious of all that happened, i couldn’t sleep and became very tired. I didn’t have much news neither as he went back to his home country. I didn’t know how things were and became more and more anxious. Made myself movies. Read a lot about psychopaths and psychotic people on the internet and with the tiredness, not having much news I began to think I was a psychopath myself, that I am a very bad person and began to have flashes of me doing bad things to people and i got very scared so i didn’t sleep well again for weeks. Being very anxious. Sometime I am good but sometimes suddenly it comes back and I have panic attacks or very anxious time. I am very scared and it is not possible to live like that. I am scared to ask him if he still thinks he is a psychopath. I know it has never been linked with criminal stuff but I turned it into another way. I don’t know by his family if he still thinks he is. I guess he was just saying shit as he was not doing well.

But now even if my friends, family and psychologist say i am not a psychopath, i still have sometimes, when i am tired or when i have my period, much anxiousness back, images, nightmares etc. And sometimes i feel i got myself back and then it comes back. I can t detach myself from this psychopath word and convince myself I am not a psychopath !!! Being so scared .. Please tell me what you think. Of course you don’t know all the details of all that happened but what do you think ?

This could be an anxiety issue. There is a specific type of anxiety, called illness anxiety, in which people believe that they have some terrible ailment. It can persist without evidence and despite reassurances from friends, family and even mental health professionals.

If you don’t meet the criteria for psychopathy and there’s no evidence to suggest that your behavior is indicative of psychopathy, and the psychologist who evaluated you doesn’t believe that you have psychopathy, then it’s unlikely that you have psychopathy. Believing in reality is ultimately the best cure for anxiety.

Psychopathy is relatively rare. Only approximately one in 100 people is a psychopath. Psychopathy doesn’t come and go when you’re tired, anxious or menstruating. It is a chronic condition that begins in childhood. Nothing in your letter would suggest that you are a psychopath. Just because you fear it to be true does not mean that it is true. In fact, fears are often irrational and likely indicative of illogical thinking.

Mental health treatment is the best way to overcome your anxiety about having severe mental health disorders. If you believe in the facts, participate in treatment and avoid behavior that reinforces your fears, you can overcome this problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

August 24, 2024 0 comment

Does My Mother Have a Mental Illness Problem?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker September 12th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From Australia: I am losing hope and no one I contacted can give me help because no one knows what I’m going through which brings me here.

I have no idea if my mother is ill or not, I feel very sorry for her because of this. She is a single and very lonely 55 year old. I still live with her, but planning to move out as soon as possible because of her condition. My brother moved out because he couldn’t deal with her.

We both have a very bad relationship with her because she constantly accuses us and everyone else for stealing her things. She says ‘stop taking my toothpaste’ or ‘toilet paper’, just everyday objects around the house. Even when we deny it she still believes herself and goes ‘well the locals must have taken them.’ She says these types of things only when they have ran out. Every time my boyfriend is over, when he leaves she accuses him of taking things.

She is unemployed and hasn’t had a job for over 10 years because of this and being home 24/7 and being bored isn’t helping it. She has lost all of her friends because she accuses them of taking her things like the front door for example. Even with serious matters like paying the rent, she says she pays it but she obviously hasn’t seeing as we are getting evicted and she still is saying it’s all a lie and ignoring it.

My father is trying to help her, but he says it’s too difficult because she never listens to anyone. She is just believing her lies. I want to move out so badly, but I don’t want to leave her alone because all she has is me and no one else as my brother doesn’t talk to her.

Another example if something gets ran out of or broken she won’t buy a new one because she’ll think someone will steal it ‘again’. She doesn’t listen to us when we say get help so I have no idea what to do. Whenever she leaves the house she takes all her belongings with her because she’ll think I’ll take them. I seriously need answers because as much as I try to ignore it, it’s still extremely hard for me.

I can’t make a specific diagnosis on the basis of a letter. I’d need to meet with your mom. But you’ve given me enough information to confirm that, yes, she does have a problem. It’s pointless to try to reason with her because her beliefs are irrational. You and the family need to take stronger steps toward getting her help that is helpful.

The first stop should be with her physician. There are a number of medical problems that can cause the type of paranoia you describe. It’s important to check for those before pursuing a mental health intervention. It may be that the problem is as simple as a vitamin deficiency, but it might also be a more complicated medical issue.

If she is medically okay, then it’s time for a mental health evaluation. It must be very difficult for her to live with the level of anxiety and fear that you described. A combination of some medication and talk therapy could help her live more comfortably in the world.

At 17, there is a limit to what you can do. It’s unfair for the rest of the family to leave it to you to manage and protect your mom. I hope you can enlist your father and perhaps other relatives to get her real help. I suggest that the most useful first step is to hold a family meeting without her. Talk about how you can work together to find out what help is available and how to provide the incentives she needs to accept your collective support.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

September 12, 2021 0 comment

My Sister Is Obsessed with Blaming Our Childhood for Everything

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker August 7th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a young woman in the U.S.: My sister is obsessed with blaming how she was raised for all of her problems and makes up stories about her childhood. She recently got a degree in early childhood development. When she was still in school taking the classes for her major, she started talking a lot about her own childhood and criticizing how she was brought up.

She struggled through high school and college and I don’t think she’s too happy with how things have turned out for her so far and she started blaming my parents for that. She says that the reason she didn’t do as well in school as she would have liked is because my parents neglected her and weren’t good parents. She started out blaming things that actually happened (e.g. my mom not letting her sleepover her friend’s house one time when she was little) for her not doing well in school and for her other problems. Eventually she grew more obsessed with her childhood and blaming my parents for everything and she started making up stories about things that never happened or she’ll take something that happened and highly exaggerate it to make it look like she was the victim.

She’s constantly talking about all of this and it’s scary when she makes up stories because it seems like she really believes these things happened. She’s always been difficult to deal with (she’s very stubborn and feels very entitled) and this has made it worse and has put a lot stress on my family. I’m not sure who we or her can talk to about this so I decided to post something here. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Unless there has been significant trauma in a person’s childhood, the way we turn out is ultimately up to us. I don’t think the lack of a sleep-over qualifies as a permanently damaging event. Most parents do the best they can with what they know at the time. Inevitably, they make mistakes. Inevitably they do and don’t do things that in 20-20 hindsight, they wish they had known to do differently. Usually their adult kids do let them know of their “failures” as well as their successes. This is usual life.

It’s so much easier to blame others and to talk about what they should do or should have done rather than to take responsibility for ourselves. Even if all her stories were true (which you say they are not), ultimately it doesn’t matter. Your sister is now an adult woman in her 20s with a college degree. It’s up to her to do the hard work of making her life what she wants it to be, rather than blaming others for what hasn’t been given to her.

It’s possible that you sister has a significant mental illness. It’s also possible that her lies and fault-finding are the result of deep insecurity. In order to shore herself up, she has to put others down. She may be convinced that she will fail if she takes responsibility for creating her own adult life. If so, a way out of doing it is to blame others for how stuck she is.

Like many people who are scared and defensive, she may tell her lies to herself with so much conviction that she ends up believing them. Such people are very difficult to help because it becomes almost impossible to argue them out of their positions. Facts don’t convince them. Rational argument doesn’t win over someone who is being irrational.

Ideally, she would get some therapy. But she’s unlikely to do so since, from her point of view, she’s fine. To her, the rest of you own the problem. I think the family might find it helpful to talk to a family therapist about how to navigate this painful situation. A therapist can help you learn some strategies for managing her behavior and for protecting your own feelings in the process.

I wish you well

Dr. Marie

August 7, 2021 0 comment

How Do I Deal with Boyfriend’s Problems?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker June 27th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: I have been with my partner (that’s just what I’ll call him, we’re too emotionally attached to just say friend at this point), for about ten years now. We basically grew together, and have been through a lot.

Throughout the years, he has decided to leave (about 3 times over the span of ten years) without really giving any reason why. He just kind of ghosted. When I was younger, this would drive me crazy. I would feel dead inside. I was really attached. Every time it hurt.

He had come back three years ago after us not talking for about three years. It started off fine, casual, we both were a lot older and more grounded. And then, of course, romance sprung back up. It was fine, until it wasn’t. Things went far, really quickly. We started trying to figure out ways to make things work, for us to meet up. We tried things, they didn’t work.

We started fighting constantly, he accused me of leading him on, lying to him… There was so much rage. And then he would call me crying, saying things like “you were supposed to save me, I’m going to kill myself..” It was all very traumatic for both of us. And I felt bad because I couldn’t really wrap my head around what to do.

So eventually, after many many fights, we come to this place where we’ve accepted everything and just tried to be there for each other, we cut the romance, we just knew that we always would need each other so we needed to work it out.

It was going fine, up until last Friday. He had seemed distant all weekend, and I told him about it Sunday. He got kind of upset and made it so I couldn’t call him. Then send an email saying “;Goodbye, hopefully forever”. My heart sank. I asked to explain and that I didn’t understand. He then sent back an email that said he’s having a hard time trusting human nature, especially females, he doesn’t think he can take being around a female right now. And honestly, I’ve never been more confused an hurt. I’d give up all my money to know what’s going on in his mind. About three months ago I started research about BPD, and he has all the symptoms. But how do I deal with it?

Let’s take a look at the timeline: This all started when you were only 11 years old! He apparently “left” when you were 14 and “came back” when you were about 18.

Meanwhile, you’ve grown up. But he is struggling with his own demons. You can’t “save him” and you can’t allow him to hold you emotionally hostage by threats of suicide. You can’t wrap your head around it because you shouldn’t. His behavior and accusations aren’t rational or fair. He at least knows enough to not blame you anymore. He has personal therapeutic work to do to be trustworthy and to trust. You can’t help him with that. You can’t understand him more than he understands himself.

Please stop putting energy into trying to fix him. He needs to fix himself. Take a big step back. Accept his decision to part ways for a while. Hopefully he will do his therapy. He may come back to you at some point when he can be the kind of friend, even partner, that you deserve and need. But in the meantime, make yourself available for other friendships and romance.

You are only 21. This is your time to learn about yourself and what kind of person you want for a life partner. You can be compassionate about your friend’s situation without being involved to the point where you are limiting your own development and excluding potential partners from your life.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

June 27, 2021 0 comment