Tag:

Layoffs

Depressed and I want to Move Back to Chicago

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker March 5, 2011

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I want to move back to Chicago where i grew up. I’ve been unemployed since august working parttime at Macys (on call) I”ve lived in Houston for 16 years and am miserable. I hate it here. but i have two kids (6 and 9) and have been married 12 years. My marriage sucks. I can’t stand my husband. Everything he does agitates me. We fight all the time. We have no money and it seems to get worse everyday. I wouldn’t be surprised if i lost my house one day very soon.

I miss my family in chicago but I don’t know where to start. i’ve been looking for a jobs for over a year in the Chicago area so I won’t be soo dependant on my family but it’s hard to get a job when you’re long distance. i’ve been looking locally and don’t even know what to do anymore. I”ve been teaching since college but feel like a failure. any ideas where to start?

There’s an old saying: “Wherever you run, there you are.” I don’t know if there are more opportunities in Chicago than in Texas. I do suspect there is a wounded child inside of you who wants to go home for the comfort of having family nearby. Of course, once they give you a hug and s hot meal, you still won’t have a job. You’ll still be having conflicts with your husband. And your kids may well be angry with you for pulling them away from the only home they knew and their friends. A move might be wise but it shouldn’t be done just because you think there is a geographical cure for all that is wrong.

The job market for teachers is your area is reportedly very tight. I don’t blame you a bit if you are hurt and angry that your profession has been taken away from you for now. I know it’s hard to keep it in perspective, but budget cuts and layoffs are not your fault. Fortunately, as a teacher, you do have lots of skills that can be redirected to other jobs. I think you need a career counselor to help you explore alternatives beyond those you’ve already thought about. When I did a web search for career counselors in Houston, I came up with pages and pages of possibilities. Do take a look.

Meanwhile, don’t underestimate the stress that being short on cash and long on disappointment can have on a marriage. Perhaps you and your husband would be fighting anyway. But it’s possible that you two are taking your financial and job stress out on each other. If that’s the case, you need help to get back on the same team, working on the problems, instead of on different teams tearing each other down. A few sessions with a minister or a counselor might help you remember why you married each other and could help you find ways to be mutually supportive. You might even both decide that a move to where there is a family support system isn’t such a bad idea. I have no way of knowing if that’s true. But two intelligent adults should be able to figure it out if they can start addressing the problem head on instead of sitting in anger.

I think you made an important step in writing to us here at LifeHelper. Instead of just throwing in the towel, you reached out for a little help. Now consider whether there is enough good in your marriage to work on it. If so, call a truce and start working on concrete steps for managing your present and planning for your future.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

March 5, 2011 0 comments

Job Burnout and My Employment

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker February 5, 2011

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m an Air Force veteran… separated from service in ’95 honorably. Since ’95,I’ve been through 14 jobs all told (9 welding, 1 maintenance and 4 odd jobs for cash). I liked the Air Force(welding/machinist) job and a mining machinery job the best… I’ve been released from probation during the maintenance job and fired from a welding job two years ago over a dispute with the boss about timeliness/quality of my work(which he was becoming more critical about). Most jobs I’ve been laid off from; however three weeks ago I was laid off from my last job after an anger episode I displayed after a project I was working on needed rework when I made a mistake due to not understanding what was to be done.

My last boss and most of my supervisors agreed that I do good work overall (I hold a welding certificate from the state of Illinois and Missouri), but I’m feeling increasingly resentful towards my career field due to lack of work, layoffs,minimal pay/benefits when I’m working, ill equipped shops, a**hole type coworkers/supers at some jobs,etc. My wife is going through stressful times trying to help/care for her mother,who has some form of dementia and is uncooperative and combative in some instances… And our 16 year old son is having trouble in/with school.

All of this adds up to some hard times emotionally/mentally for me and all of us. I myself have noticed I’m getting a “shorter fuse” so to speak with my job issues.. and I don’t like it. I’m afraid I may already be unemployable since I’ve sent out over two dozen resumes/applications earlier this year and have attended six interviews with no results. Any and all words of wisdom,advice,recommendations,etc. will be much appreciated. Thanks for your help.

Yeah. Times are really hard for the trades. I do sympathize with how frustrating the job situation is. It also sounds like your house is becoming an emotional pressure-cooker. You’re angry. Your wife is stressed. Your son is having some troubles of his own. As tempting as it is to want to sink into a depression, it certainly won’t help. In fact, you’ll end up feeling even worse because then you’ll be depressed as well as jobless.

I have to tell you: 2 dozen resumes and 6 interviews is barely scratching the surface when it comes to serious job hunting. The rule of thumb is that unless you are making 2 contacts a day, you aren’t really looking. Finding a job is your job right now. That means dedicating at least 40 hours a week to the project by searching the job market, making personal contacts, arranging for informational interviews, and perhaps searching farther afield than you have been.

Or — maybe it’s time to retool. At only 45 years old, you have a whole career span (20+ years) available to you. If you go back to school to learn an additional skill set, you may make yourself more employable. If we were talking in my office, we would also start to brainstorm other job possibilities for you. Some jobs might be related to what you already do but I’d also encourage you to think about other options that you maybe never allowed yourself to think about before. If you’re on unemployment, there might be funding available for you to retool. As a vet, you may also have educational benefits coming to you. Do check with your local VA to see if they have career counseling or job placement counselors available.

We’re not done yet: I also hear you when you say that your “burnout” plus the home situation is resulting in a short fuse. It might be that you have more of a chip on your shoulder than you realize. People are surprisingly sensitive to when there is a powder keg in the room. It doesn’t make for good relationships with co-workers and bosses. An anger management group or a course in conflict resolution might give you some better tools for handling your frustration so you can be effective, not just angry. This would be helpful on the home front as well as on any job. Again, check with your local VA. They might be able to tell you where to get that kind of help.

I’m impressed that you wrote to us for suggestions. You are doing your best to take responsibility and to take charge of yourself. That takes some of the burden off your wife and it is a positive role model for your son.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

February 5, 2011 0 comments

Job burnout

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker January 16, 2011

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m an Air Force veteran…separated from service in ’95 honorably. Since ’95,I’ve been through 14 jobs all told(9 welding,1 maintenance and 4 odd jobs for cash).I liked the Air Force(welding/machinist)job and a Mining Machinery job the best…I’ve been released from probation during the maintenance job and fired from a welding job two years ago over a dispute with the boss about timliness/quality of my work(which he was becoming more critical about). Most jobs I’ve been laid off from;however three weeks ago I was laid off from my last job after an anger episode I displayed after a project I was working on needed rework when I made a mistake due to not understanding what was to be done.

My last boss and most of my supervisors agreed that I do good work overall(I hold a welding certificate from the state of Illinois and Missouri),but I’ feeling increasingly resentful towards my career field due to lack of work,layoffs,minimal pay/benefits when I’m working,ill equipped shops,a**hole type coworkers/supers at some jobs,etc.

My wife is going through stressful times trying to help/care for her mother,who has some form of dementia and is incooperative and combative in some instances….and our 16 year old son is having trouble in/with school. All of this adds up to some hard times emotionally/mentally for me and all of us. I myself have noticed I’m getting a “shorter fuse” so to speak with my job issues..and I don’t like it.I’m afraid I may already be unemployable since I’ve sent out over two dozen resumes/applications earlier this year and have attended six interviews with no results. Any and all words of wisdom,advice,recommendations,etc. will be much appreciated.Thanks for your help.

Sometimes life truly is very unfair. You’ve had a lot heaped on your plate at once. The economy stinks. You wife is probably less able to be supportive right now because she is also trying to care for her mother. And you must both be very worried about how best to help your son.

Part of the problem with jobs may well be the economy. But you also have the integrity to see that you have issues that are contributing to your unsteady employment. I certainly respect that kind of honesty. You can hardly be blamed for being frustrated. But as you well know, how you handle that frustration can either help or hinder your employability.

You enjoy your work. You’re good at it. It’s a testament to your abilities in your trade and your positive social skills that you’ve been hired by so many places. That’s an amazing track record during these hard times. It says to me that you will find more work if you keep at it. You will keep the work if you also do what you need to do now to learn to manage your frustration and retool so you stay competitive.

I wonder if you are taking full advantage of the help available from the VA. You may qualify for educational benefits so that you can add some specialized skills to your resume. Do also check out www.vetjobs.com/ if you haven’t already. Meanwhile, look into whether there is a counseling center (either through the VA or a community clinic) near you where you could get some coaching on how to handle your frustration more productively.

Meeting with your son’s teachers and the school guidance department may give you some direction for how to help your son. Most important of all is to stay involved with your son’s life — both by supporting him in his schoolwork and by making it a point to spend time doing things with him. That lets him know you are in his corner. It might be helpful for you and your son to be more involved in his grandmother’s care. If the family works as a team, no one will feel like their needs are always taking second place to grandmother’s illness and your wife won’t feel like it’s all on her. Finally, many local senior centers have support groups for those who are caregivers of people suffering from dementia. Helping the helper is key to preventing burn out.

As daunting as this whole situation may be, your best bet is to stay active. You have several fronts to manage at once. Take a big step back and make a list of the things you need to do to keep yourself and your family in balance during this difficult time. A plan of action will focus your efforts. Use the period that you’re on unemployment to hone your skills or get some additional training. Show your son that when the going gets tough, the tough get going by using every resource they can find.

I do wish you well.
Dr. Marie

January 16, 2011 0 comments