Obsession Archives

I am “in love” with a celebrity male, 29 years older than me. Since I was ten, before I knew his name, I was sexually obsessed with him. That obsession later turned into this “relationship” I made up. I have lost myself, believing that we have many things in common, and that he really loves me even though we never meet. I feel like I will never get over this. I am in a happy relationship now, for over a year, but these sexually desires for this celebrity keep coming back. I come up with these fantasies that his children will love me, his friends want us to be together. I have had a fantasy that he has been looking for me his whole life. I can’t stop.

It’s wonderful that you’re wanting to get to the bottom of your obsession by reaching out for help. In order to figure out why this fantasy relationship has such a hold on you, I urge you to dig deeper and discover what this celebrity represents to you, emotionally and relationally. It sounds like in this fantasy love relationship you feel desired, special, treasured, accepted, and embraced by someone special — the very things that we all long for and look for in our love relationships. The problem isn’t in wanting those things, but in holding on to a fantasy that will never really satisfy your needs instead of finding ways to get your emotional needs met in real-life relationships. The intensity of your fantasy and the large age difference between you and and this celebrity makes me suspect that you have a “hole in your soul” regarding an important male relationship in your early life that needs some attention and healing.

Here are a few questions to help you start looking deeper and start to discover what this fantasy is really about and why it is so intense and long-lasting.

Did you feel loved and accepted by your father?
Did you have any losses, neglect or abuse involving males in your life?
When you are thinking about having this celebrities love what emotions, in addition to sexual attraction, come up inside you?

As you sort through your emotions your fantasies will still continue to surface. When they do I recommend framing them in a non-judgmental way that includes identifying what the desires are really about. For example, you might say to yourself, “Hello celebrity obsession. Thanks for letting me know that I still have some emotional healing to do when it comes to my male relationships. I’m working on that. Goodbye” After acknowledging the fantasy, don’t focus on it, but turn to your current relationship for connection and comfort.

If I had more information about your relationship history I could help you make more sense of your obsession. Since I don’t, please consider seeking a counselor to help you get to the emotional root of your obsession and begin to heal your unmet needs. Click on the Find Help above to find a psychotherapist in your area to help you move on from this celebrity obsession and find more satisfaction and fulfillment in reality.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

I’m 18 years old and preparing to go to university for psychiatry. I have asthma, eczema, ADD and something that seems similar to restless legs syndrome. As I was taking a course on psychiatric disorders, I started to notice that a lot of the things associated with OCD applied to me. I may be just a hypochondriac or something, but I was hoping you could help me with that. I bite my nails, cuticles, and the skin around my nails constantly. I bite my bottom lip and the inside of my mouth. I find that I need to scroll down on a webpage 5 lines at a time, and it bothers me when a word doesn’t quite fit on a line when I’m writing. I tug at my nails too and run things under them all the time (hairclips, toothpicks, etc). I also pick at scabs on my scalp (I have eczema, the scabs are already there) and on my legs (bug bites).

I don’t hoard, per say, but I get upset and cry when I need to throw something away that either has sentimental value to me or that I think I might need later. It’s frustrating when I read something on my iPhone and a paragraph doesn’t line up exactly with the screen size from beginning to end and I have to scroll to see the rest of it. I’ve always bitten my nails but the rest has come on more slowly, over the past year or so. I didn’t realize that any of this was abnormal since it never felt like a real obsession, just something I wanted to do to feel better (these things don’t make me feel happy, just a little…r elieved, I guess?).

I’m not an unhappy person, not particularly anxious, and I don’t care for neatness. I don’t understand it and I’m worried that having any sort of disorder like OCD will jeopardize my chances of becoming a psychiatrist. Plus, I’m afraid of my parents’ reaction if I tell them I want to see a therapist. Any advice?

Although I agree that it certainly sounds like you have symptoms of OCD, it would take a face to face evaluation to confirm it. Unlike the other anxiety disorders, OCD seems to be largely biologically caused. The good news is that it is usually responsive to medication and some talk therapy to learn alternative ways to cope with anxiety. A diagnosis of OCD is unlikely to jeopardize admission to medical school as it does not usually cloud a person’s judgment. Personally, I think that people in the helping professions who have had to overcome their own difficulties are better able to empathize with their patients.

I encourage you to do some further research on the causes and treatments for OCD. Then share the information with your parents and ask for their support in getting some help. Often parental resistance to counseling comes from fear that they will be blamed for their child’s problems. In this case, they are not responsible. They couldn’t know that some combination of genes gave you the body chemistry that results in what looks like OCD. What they can do now is help you get to a psychiatrist and therapist to do a thorough evaluation so you can get the treatment you need.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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I think I may have OCD