From Australia: Hi, I’m a 15 year old girl currently attending school everyday and doing fine with my grades. I have currently had a fallen out with most of my friends because I was standing up for a boy who they all hate. Because of this they have all decided to ignore me and act like they’re having a ‘blast’ in front of me.
The main problem is this boy who I’m really close friends with for one minute, but we continue to argue because he always twists words and gets people against other people who he hates. I’m the only one seeing his other side because I’ve experienced it myself where he has twisted my words and gotten people against me. So I tried warning my friends about him, but they didn’t care and thought he was a ‘great’ friend and then started verbally abusing me through messages on Facebook. We never say anything face to face.
Anyway, now that I have lost all my friends I’m feeling very lonely! I can’t concentrate properly in some of my classes as I’m constantly thinking about them! I’m thinking about them in the morning, recess, lunch, night, when I go to sleep and even when I wake up! I feel depressed and I don’t have a very great self-esteem now. Whenever I’m left alone in class I get anxiety (I’ve grown up with selective mutism but have recovered from it well). I even once had a panic attack and had to storm out of class before I burst into tears. My face always blushes and turns red when the teacher comes over to talk to me. I’m feeling really low and I’ve been forced to retreat to the library with one of my friend every recess and lunch time but that only makes me feel nerdy (sorry for the cliché word).
I’m just over thinking about the whole group of friends that I have lost and I feel like I’m not good enough. My self-esteem is a bit lower and I have a constant feeling of loneliness. I say every now and then to my friend I now hang out with ”My life is so sad” and ”I’m so lonely” though she tends not to reply. I just feel miserable. I’ve tried sorting out things with my closest friend that I have lost but she say’s she ”doesn’t know why she hates me”. I just don’t know what to do?
From my point of view, you are better off without this group of so-called friends. Friends don’t treat friends this way. By standing up for the boy, you were doing something honorable. You were trying to help your group be more mature. Sadly, they are more interested in being part of an immature herd than being mature individuals.
Your self-esteem does not depend on acceptance by people like that. Your self-esteem depends on whether you behave in a way that you believe is right and how you contribute to making the world a better place. Sanding up for the boy was a good start. If you want to build on that, find an activity that supports something you believe in. Participate actively. You will meet other people who share your beliefs and are willing to do something about it.
Fortunately, you have already started to find new people. Please don’t be dismissive of the person you are hanging out with. She’s a better class of friend.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie