I was just wondering if somebody could possibly give me an idea of what an official diagnosis would be like for me. I’ve been raped, abused, etc… My mother was an alcoholic my entire childhood and she was never there. She exchanged alcohol for pills and now uses those instead. My father randomly had a stroke and a seizure last August and it caused an aneurysm to burst, so he passed away two days later. I feel rejection with even the slightest thing (like, “I need to get off the phone” or “I’m talking to my friend”), I get extremely paranoid that somebody (especially people I know) watch me in odd ways (through my phone screen or my computer screen), I don’t love any member of my family nor do I want to, I am very antisocial, I get angry easy and just about anything can cause me to feel bad or depress me. I try to do anything I can to make people happy with me. I never say no to anybody and always try to agree with anything peolpe say. Unless I know them personally, then I generally have issues with arguing way too much and thinking I am always right or should always be right.I have problems maintaining friends. I can just see somebody and immediately want to be with them and try to be with them. Then something as simple as them not saying much the first time I talk to them makes me feel like they hate me and don’t want me and I get upset. I could go on and on…Do you have any idea?
It’s always difficult to provide a diagnosis over the Internet since I don’t have the ability to interview you and ask follow-up questions. You named a number of symptoms that don’t necessarily seem to fall into any one particular diagnosis.
You may be experiencing some of the elements of schizotypal personality disorder. Individuals with this personality disorder are described as odd or eccentric. They have difficulty maintaining close relationships. They tend to misinterpret the motivations and behaviors of others and become distrustful of them. Paranoia-associated social anxiety is linked with this particular personality disorder.
You may have elements of schizotypal PD but not everything matches. You described never being able to say no to friends and always agreeing with what people say. Those characteristics are not necessarily associated with schizotypal PD or with any particular disorder which again makes diagnosis, especially over the Internet, quite difficult.
Having difficulty saying no and being agreeable may mean that you are a people pleaser. People pleasers go along with the crowd to avoid confrontation. They also want people to like them and feel that being agreeable helps to accomplish that goal.
You had a difficult childhood. You experienced trauma multiple times over. Your mother was unavailable and you lost your father. Those seminal events could be and likely are contributing to your psychological problems. The most efficient way to deal with psychological problems and to receive an official diagnosis would be to see a mental health professional. The problems with which you are struggling are correctable. Therapy could greatly assist in the process of correcting psychological problems. Click on the “find help” tab at the top of this page to locate a mental health professional in your community. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice