Tag:

Pets

Bad Relationship, Problematic Life

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 16th, 2021

my father past away in 2007 which was about 5 years ago. I have never really mourned properly over his death and i know i seek father like attention in my partner who is 39 (alot older than me), i am 18. He has a problem with addiction and will never stop playing computer or masturbating. His behaviour drained my positivity and listening skills from me in the last 2 years we have been together. i dont blame him but he lives with me and has no job so i cant get him to leave as he has no money. i dont knwo if staying with him is a good idea as he is not a good influence in my life. i take drugs ALOT and i cant stop, im always thinking about getting on. My mother is in a wheel chair and suffers from a nerve probem in her legs known as Charcot Marie Tooth which i also inherrited genetically. Since my fathers passing i feel as if i have no emotion for anything, always emotionally drained and my partner annoys me so much whenever he is upset. i hurt my pets and smile at it. i masturbate and have sex compusivly when i start an dit will go on for 5 – 30 days. i secretly hate all my friends and i have sex with other men for money even tho i am in a relationship. That is also a complusion for me. My partner does not know about it. I just feel like i want to hurt people all the time in an emotional way and sometimes i cry for random reasons or over very small things. i HATE being ignored by anyone or anything. i like watching people suffer, i get off on it, BUT i appear as a positive person except for lately. i have been saying some quite negative things which my partner has picked out but he has his own problems so i dont really take any advice from him. I just feel like i dont care about people and their feelings. i am extremely selfish in some ways but in other ways i will give all my money away to my friends and shout things for them all the time. i just want to know if there is something wrong with me. im tired of feeling this way an di can feel myself drowning in a pit of negativity and sorrow. i hate who i am becoming but i cant stop what im doing. ive tried and when i do, i always think of some reaosn why i NEED to do it or GO BACK so i continue. please help …

You have named a number of areas in your life that make you unhappy. One potential problem area is your relationship with your boyfriend. He has a problem with addiction related to excessive time on the computer. You also stated that he does not have a job. The reason he does not have a job may be related to his addiction.

Other issues that you mentioned include the fact the you feel as though you have an addiction to chronic masturbation. Another potential problem is that you are having sex with men for money. You also described being emotionally unstable, grieving the loss of your father, you may be experiencing stress associated with your mother being in a wheelchair, and you “enjoy” hurting others and animals. Those are all signs of instability.

It is possible that the recent loss of your father is the cause of or has exacerbated your problems. You could greatly benefit from outside intervention. My recommendation is to see a therapist.

Don’t ignore your problems. Much of what you have described is abnormal and it is hurting you and potentially others. I’m not certain how the mental health system works in your country but it would be advisable see a mental health specialist as soon as possible. It is especially important to do so soon, since you feel as though you cannot control your behavior. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

March 16, 2021 0 comment

How do I cope with thoughts of dying and feeling doomed?

by Holly Counts, Psy.D. January 16th, 2021

written by Holly Counts, Psy.D.

I know there are a lot of people who can feel depressed and have a death wish-and I know that I have a life worth living. However ever since I had a chance to think about life – death thoughts have haunted me. I have loving parents, family, and friends (who have helped me with my depression). I’m overweight, and I have been this way since elementary school. I am a talented artist-I draw, write, create etc. I am currently unemployed due to my depression. Besides that I’m in debt, due to hospital bills and moving out too early. And I just got out of another unsuccessful relationship. I know what it takes to get back on track-what is bothering me is that I can’t find the energy or will-I almost just want to pay my bills, disappear and kill myself and no one would ever know. Although my family & friends remind me that they would miss me a lot.

Besides the fact that I have two companions (Leo & Frida-Pets) and I would not want to leave them unattended. So my question is – how do I overlook this feeling? Or maybe I am just doomed in general to feel like this all the time as life progresses, and will never get better??? (Keep in mind I already feel like I’m doomed). I just don’t feel like continuing my life. I feel that my life is over and my purpose is complete (whatever it was).

It definitely sounds like you are struggling with depression which is most likely causing the thoughts of death. People with depression many times do experience a preoccupation with death, not just suicide. You also state that you are an artist. I have met some artistic creative types who tend to look at the darker side of things and experience more angst than the average person (I don’t mean to say all artists do this).

However, the interesting thing is that these people have been able to turn their pain into creativity. Just think of how many wonderful songs have been written from heartbreak. You asked how to overlook these feelings. My answer is that you shouldn’t overlook these feelings. You need to deal with them. You didn’t say whether you have ever tried therapy or medication. If you haven’t, I highly suggest you get professional help. If you don’t have insurance find a local community mental health center, university counseling center or a therapist who offers a sliding scale fee.

There are also some actions you might take to improve your outlook. According to Psych Alive’s website, “Studies show that exercise can be as effective as antidepressants when it comes to treating depression and anxiety. Try to get your heart rate up for 20 minutes a day, five days a week; it has been scientifically proven to help you will feel better emotionally. Even just taking a walk around your neighborhood can help your body start to release endorphins, which reduces depression.” They also emphasize getting a full night’s sleep. “Lack of sleep can contribute to depression and lead to an increase in suicidal thoughts. Try to regulate your sleep, aiming for eight hours a night. If you find yourself without any energy and sleeping most of the day, it is important to get up and try to do something active. Even if it feels, like the last thing in the world you want to do.”

It is important for you, though, to get help soon so you can begin looking at the brighter side again and enjoy the friends, family and pets that you have. You have a loving circle. Rely on them for support while you get the help you need. You are not doomed, you just feel like you are. There is hope out there.

I wish you the best.

January 16, 2021 0 comment

I want desperately to move

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 14th, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m 14 years old and have social anxiety / depression. When I was 5 years old, my father was killed in a car crash. After that, my mother continued to work. When I was 9, my mom and I were in a severe car accident. She broke every bone on the right side of her body and I ruptured my spleen and fractured my leg.

When we both got home from the hospital (about 3 weeks later) my grandfather moved in and brought along his 3 dogs and 2 cats. Flash to now, 5 years later. My mother is dissabled and can barely walk, while my grandfather still lives with us, still with all his animals. This whole area makes me think of the horrible things that have happened in the past years. And to make things worse, a relative that sexually abused me as a small child moved in across the street from us, about 9 months ago, and visits my grandfather at least twice a day, everyday.

I want me and my mother to move desperately. I can’t stand constantly seeing my abuser every single day. And the dogs/cats living here aren’t allowed outside and eliminate all over the carpet/linolium. My grandfather has taken over the house and me or my mother have no say in anything anymore.

I want to tell my mother this in a way where she will understand that moving is the best thing for me. I’ve told her this and she gets angry when I bring it up. I can’t do this much longer, its been over 5 years and I feel like I’m slowly drowning in depression. Please, how can I explain this to my mother where she will see that it’s so important to me?

I’m very glad you wrote. My guess is that your mother is in some way dependent on her father for help. She is also in physical and emotional pain. It’s likely she can’t find the energy to consider a move. When you bring it up, it may make her feel terrible that she can’t take care of the two of you on her own. It’s easier for her to be angry than to face how helpless she must feel. Those are just guesses, of course. Only you can determine if they make any sense.

Whatever the case, this is far too big a problem for a 14-year-old, even a 14-year-old as mature as you are, to handle alone. You need to find a school counselor or another sympathetic adult to help you talk with your mother. A counselor or someone else in the helping professions will know if there are public resources available to people who are disabled and in need. It may be that there is subsidized housing available as well as other benefits. Your mom may not know what they are or how to apply.

Please take someone into your confidence. You and your mother have been through so much. You need and deserve some practical help as well as emotional support.

Whenever you need someone to give you some encouragement, consider calling the Boys and Girls Town Hotline at 800-448-3000. Counselors are available 24/7 to help teens who are stressed out. Talking with them is free.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

April 13, 2011 0 comment

Friendship, Interrupted

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 6th, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My friend and I are close, but I do think our friendship is coming to an end. I don’t want it to, but then again I do.

He kills animals; I only LOVE them to death… and since he got his underaged girlfriend pregnant (baby is now a couple months old), he’s been acting like he knows everything. He thinks now that he’s a father, he’s suddenly more intelligent and experienced when it comes to life… It really does get annoying, since we’re both such stubborn people! We’re always having little tiffs about each other being the dumber one, or the more immature one (which I’ll admit, we’re both pretty stupid and immature).

Anyway, we’ve been in so many fights and arguments. Some have been serious and some not so serious. We even had a really ridiculous fight over how I like to punch in the buttons on the lids of fountain drinks – because he hates it. That one turned physical, even though he said he’d never hit a girl – and I said I’d never hit a guy.

For the most part, we do get along. We have some common interests, and despite our more severe differences, we’ve lasted as friends for nearly 10 years.

My issue is that he’s done so many things to intentionally irritate me — he even made a disparaging comment about an old pet cat who accidentally “hung” itself in a bush. He taunts me with the abuse of his pets, and when I don’t show any concern (fake apathy), he gets upset. For instance, after having an argument over his mistreatment of animals, he went into his room and did /something/, then came out bragging about having to throw his dog across the room.

Through these ten years, I know he only said it to bug me, but I’ve learned to ignore his jabs most of the time. Anyway, I faked apathy, and said his dog was dumb, and obviously deserved it.This upset him – he was upset that I wasn’t upset. So, he called me out on an old incident where a feline friend of mine had gotten snagged on a loose string from a scratching post outside, and had been hung from a bush.

I was quite ready to shred him to pieces, but I didn’t show it. It was pretty hard for me to brush that jab off, because my mother was horrified when she found the cat, and he knew it.

I’m not sure what your question is but I have to tell you: I wonder why you want this guy for a friend. He is cruel to animals. He picks fights with you. He seems to want to control your emotions. What on earth makes it worth it to hang out with him?

Going only on what you wrote, I think you need to take your distance and find yourself a better class of friend. Length of a “friendship” isn’t enough to justify keeping it. Voluntee

February 11, 2011 0 comment