Tag:

Postpartum Depression

I Got Postportum Depression and Did Something Horrible

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker March 18th, 2024

From the U.S.: Me and my boyfriend have been dating two and a half years and in December 2013 I gave birth to our little boy. A week after having my son I got postportum depression and did something horrible. My ex boyfriend wrote my mom and said he had missed me so I wrote him on my facebook and told him I loved him and missed him and my boyfriend went on my facebook and saw the messages.

To this day he has trust issues with me and he questions everything I do. And last night we had talked about stuff he says he forgives me but does not trust me and it broke my heart to hear him say that. I started bawling and he held me and said we’ll get through this.

I love him and our son more than the world. I know I did wrong but what should I do 🙁 when I had post post patarm I had no helo with baby and me and his mom weren ‘t getting along because she tried taking over the baby I was breast feeding and she said ahe had thought he was just sucking my nipple to be soothed so she started him on formula and completely ruined my bonding experience. Because it became so convenient. I told my boyfriend about his mom and he backed her up on it which hurt my feelings.

I have no friends where we live don’t see family much so I felt very alone and made that mistake writing my ex. I know im wrong but advice would be great.

This isn’t just your problem. It’s a couple problem. You made a mistake. You’ve apologized and you feel terrible about it. You’ve done what you can. Your boyfriend now has to decide if he is going to give you the gift of trust. Yes, a gift. At some point, words of forgiveness have to become action. You apologize. He forgives and renews his trust. You make sure not to betray that trust again.

Meanwhile, he has his own apologizing to do. His mother had no right to make the decision about how you feed your son. If she was concerned, she should have helped you adjust to breast feeding rather than taking action. However, she didn’t “ruin your bonding experience.” You and your boyfriend did. You gave in for the sake of convenience. Your boyfriend didn’t back you up and encourage you to resume breastfeeding. (By the way: Mothers of bottle-fed babies also bond with their babies just fine. Just spend lots of time cuddling.)

You two are a parenting team now. Your boyfriend’s first loyalty should be with you. He needs to apologize. You need to decide if you are going to give him the gift of trusting him to be your parenting partner. He needs to make sure not to betray that trust again.

Meanwhile. What do you mean you have no help with the baby? Real men change diapers, give baths and play with their children. You both made this baby. You both need to be parenting him.

Mutual support with other parents is very important at this stage of your life. If the two of you start taking your baby for long walks at a local park, chances are that you’ll start seeing other young parents. There’s nothing quite like a friendship with someone who has a child the same age. Say hello. Admire the babies. Take it from there. You might also ask your pediatrician if there is a parent support group in your area. Take looking for new friends as seriously as you would look for a job or a partner if you didn’t have one. You deserve the mutual support and sharing that other parents of babies can provide.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

March 18, 2024 0 comment

Extreme Anxiety

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker May 11th, 2022

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

For as long as I can remember I have had extreme anxiety issues. I have social anxiety, but the main source of my anxiety is my health. I can’t do anything, and I mean anything without worrying that I am going to die. For example, me and my family went to Disneyland the other day, I was having panic attacks and worrying that I would either just drop dead for no reason or since I had a little bit of a headache that day I was scared was going to have a brain aneurysm. Its always something everyday with my health, it’s exhuasting. All I want to do is sleep all day or just zone out in front of the TV so I dont have to think.

I also have other symptoms, but am not sure if they are part of the anxiety or not they are: feeling like I am in a dream or like a spaced out feeling, weird “what if” thoughts (ex: What if I killed myself or someone else?) and by no means do I want to do this or even have the urge, but since I thought it I get anxiety about it, thinking I am crazy for thinking such things or I am afraid I might sleep walk or something and do it out of my control.

I dont have a job right now and no health insurance, I am just trying to figure out whats going on with me. I am sick of feeling like this. I just want to feel “normal”.

I should mention that I have been on Effexor XR since my daughter was born in 2006, I had Postpartum Depression. I am still taking the Effexor XR, which doesn’t seem to help much anymore, and I am taking 1mg Ativan as needed. I hope you can give me some insight and direction from where to go from here.

Thank you

Thank you for writing. The first thing to do is to go back to the doctor who prescribed the Effexor. The period of time that a postpartum depression generally lasts is long over. If you haven’t been back for a discussion about your symptoms and how you are doing on the medication, you should immediately make an appointment. One of the potential side effects of Effexor is anxiety. What you are taking for depression may possibly be contributing to your anxiety. If your PCP or OB-GYN has been prescribing your medication, I do suggest you see a psychiatrist to get a specialist’s take on whether you still need the medication or if you are taking the right one.

Meanwhile — you really should consider finding some therapy for yourself. Some cognitive-behavioral therapy could help you get your anxiety under more control so that you can enjoy life. I know you have no health insurance. Before you give up on the idea of getting any help, I do suggest that you talk with your doctor or spiritual leader about any free or low-cost resources that may be available in your area. Many private therapists also offer a sliding fee scale or low-income slots.

Please be more concerned about finding treatment and less concerned about finding a label for yourself. As you said, the important thing is to get back to feeling “normal.” You deserve it. Your daughter deserves to have a mom who feels stable and able to cope.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

May 11, 2022 0 comment

I don’t know why I’m so angry

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 29th, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

hi im not sure what is wrong with me and it really concerns me. i get angry and annoyed very quickly about small things and i try not to but it takes control over me and i dont know what to do. i yell at my son that is 2years old and i hate myself for that cause he doesnt know better. i get very angry or aggervated at my boyfriend alot on the smallest things like if he goes to the store without me and forgets something that i asked him to get.

i dont know if its because i am constanly stuck in the house 24/7 with my two boys(2years old and 8 month old) i have not been away from them from the day they were born. i just really need help i dont know what is wrong with me sometimes i feel like disapperaring for a couple of days but i know i cant run away or leave cause i have two boys that i love so much and will never leave. i even get thoughts of my boyfriend cheating on me. he did it for the first 4 years of our relationship and said it was only cause he was in jail for 5 years before we meet and he lost out on part of his life. he said he was over it and wasnt doing it anymore i believe him but then i get these thoughts that are constantly on my mind.

please help me i dont know what to do anymore i want to be a better mother to my boys and a better gf but i just feel down all the time and dont want to do anything.

I am so very glad you wrote. The time to get help is when problems like this start. You’re right to be concerned about the effect of your mood on your boys. They need you to be as stable and loving as you can be.

I am concerned about you. It’s possible that you are experiencing some postpartum depression. Your younger child is only 8 months old. Although it used to be thought that postpartum depression showed up in the first weeks after a baby is born, recent research opens the window for developing it to 6 months to a year. Pediatricians often don’t recognize it because they are focused on the health of the baby and because the mothers feel so bad about their irritability they often don’t report it. Please go back to your OB-GYN for an honest talk about how you’ve been feeling.

On the other hand, you may have a huge case of what my grandmother used to call “cabin fever.” During long winters in the old days, people were stuck in their homes/cabins for months at a time. Close quarters, boredom, and the usual everyday conflicts of life would get to people and they’d end up fighting and brawling and generally feeling terrible. You may not be brawling, but you sure do feel boxed in.

As much as we love our kids, the conversation with little ones is, shall we say, kind of limited. As much as we care for them, they can’t be expected to take care of us. It’s a one-way street for quite awhile. Smiles and coos and childhood play are all wonderful but they’re not the same as someone bringing us a cup of tea and saying, “So — how are you?” and really wanting to listen.

The best cure for what ails you is other parents. There’s nothing quite so relieving as talking to other moms who have kids who are at the same age and stage. Please look into your local churches and human service organizations to see if there is a parent drop-in center or parent support group where you and the kids can go at least once a week. The 2-year-old needs to begin learning how to have friends. And it sounds like you could use a friend or two yourself. Your pediatrician may know where you could find a parent group.

You and your boyfriend also should be talking about how to give you a “mom’s night out” so that you can join a club or go to a gym or just visit with a girlfriend. You need the break. He would benefit too because it would give him personal time with his boys. When men do at least some caregiving for their young children, the kids become more attached to their dads and the dads get more enjoyment from their relationships with their kids.

Please follow up on these suggestions. If you are happier, you and your whole family will benefit.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

August 7, 2011 0 comment