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Real Friends

I Have No Friends and Am Depressed

by Diane Walcutt, Ph.D. February 19, 2024

written by Diane Walcutt, Ph.D.

First of all I want to thank the therapist who is patient enough to go through the problem I am facing.I am not sure what type of disorder I am suffering from but this problem is almost killing me I am very very very very depressed and want to commit suicide because I feel it is worthless to live this type of life. I literally have no friends in my life and I have made several attempts to make friends but I never succeeded. Till the age of 10 I was fine but the trouble started after that. I have changed school and in my class no one seemed to like me. I can confidently say that I am nice person and I never did any unpardonable mistake to be ignored like that .

I have to go to school alone and come back alone. My parents always used to scold me to study well and get good grades. Even though I had high ambitions about my studies I am able to partly achieve my goals. I could have achieved more if I had real friends who can love me for what I am. My parents never cared about what I am going through as a teenager and blamed me that I am responsible for not having any friends. They never thought why I am not able to make any friends. One good character I have is I never give up very easily. So since my teenage I have been trying to make true friends like every other average Joe but all my attempts miserably failed. I feel I have been cursed to have no friends.

I have to tell about my father here. I can say that he is a coward. There was a guy who in my class who took advantage of my loneliness and started harassing me. I told my father about that guy but he never did anything to stop that guy from harassing me. I just went to classes like that for more than a year for the sake of achieving my goals. From that day I lost trust on my parents and I never believe that they are there for me. Because of this loneliness I have a very low self-esteem and I don’t have belief on me.

I tried to analyze my situation on why I am not able to make any friends. I found that I am very innocent not sure how to behave with a person depending on their character.I behave very nicely with everyone irrespective of their age group. I don’t know how to interact with people of my age group. I try to be very polite and nice. The sad part about me is that I can’t access the character of a person and behave accordingly.

So people treat me like a straw and people of my age group don’t find any enjoyment in my company. So no one is interested in making me as his/her friend. I tried real hard to improve my situation by analyzing people’s character but failed. I feel that it should come as we grow and it can’t be taught in school. Due to my fate I lack that basic quality to lead this life. I have stopped interacting with people because I have deep fear inside me that I will definitely fail.

As the days pass I am loosing interest on this life and want to die. I have seen a therapist in person but said I am a normal person without any problems. As a last resort I am writing my problem in this forum hoping to get some help. Pleaseeeeeeeeee help me out!!!

Hello, and thank you for your question:

It sounds like you are having a terrible time, and you may need to go to either a social skills group or find a therapist who specializes in relationship issues. Your problem seems to stem from your relationship with your parents, and that is where we learn to form intimate, meaningful relationships with peers.

It is quite possible that you are not perceived the way that you wish. While you may be feeling snubbed by others, they may feel that they have tried to be friendly with you and misunderstood how you responded. That is not to say that it’s your fault, however.

It’s simply that we can be viewed as needy, clingy, or even demanding when we are simply desperate to make friends. Please consider going to another therapist. The one you went to probably didn’t understand where you are coming from. Be completely honest about how it feels to be rejected or abandoned and try to figure out what is really going on at the root of all of this. I can’t diagnose over the Internet, and no one should really try. All I can say is that you are struggling to be understood and loved and need to find a professional who can help.

Please try to find a new therapist. You can find one in your area at Psychology Today.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

February 19, 2024 0 comments

Bipolar or Just Lonely?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker December 28, 2023

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I graduated from college last year but I moved to a new country and haven’t got a job yet. Hence I spend most of my time at home alone. I have bipolar 2 disorder diagnosed 2 years ago. I am on daily medication(Valproate 750 mg). My illness is well controlled on the whole. I haven’t had hypomanic episodes after i started medication. However, I have been feeling low and don’t feel like doing anything for the last few months. I have been taking a language course for the last 1 month so that was keeping me busy in the mornings. I feel normal when I’m out around classmates or with my husband. However once I’m back home and alone, I feel depressed and lonely. I don’t have real friends here. Just a handful of people I hang out with once a week or once in 2 weeks.

Now that my course is over, I just feel depressed all day. Don’t feel like studying, doing house chores…nothing. I just eat(I also want to binge) and watch TV all day. I feel like im sabotaging and self-destructing myself but can’t help it. I feel safe and comfortable just lying on the sofa all day. The only time of the day I feel better is when my husband is back from work and I have him around.
This feels so much like the depressive periods I used to have years ago before I got diagnosed. However, it isn’t as serious as before. I don’t know how to get out of this vicious cycle.
I also haven’t visited a psychiatrist here and it’s going to be complicated since I’m in a new place.

Do you think it’s my Bipolar or the loneliness or stress of moving/not having a job?
What can I do to help myself?
Thanks

Thank you for writing. You have made many changes in the last year that are causing you stress. Please don’t scold yourself for it. Many people would find your situation challenging. That being said, it’s time you took better care of yourself. You are taking serious medication without any support of monitoring from a psychiatrist. It may be that you need a change in dose or a change in medication. Please identify a psychiatrist today and make an appointment.

And, yes, you may be quite lonely and at loose ends. As difficult as it may be to think about, you need to do more to connect with people and make some new friends. A job will help. So will finding an activity or club (book club? art lessons? political work?) that puts you in contact with people who share some of your interests. It’s a time of winter sports in your part of the world. If you don’t know how to ski or skate, think about taking some group lessons. You will get out of the house and you will meet some people. As you know, some strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. Gather up your courage and get out there. With more to do and more people to do it with, you will soon feel more comfortable in your adopted home.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

December 28, 2023 0 comments

Things Went From Bad to Worse

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW December 26, 2023

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Well first off. I’m a sophomore in college. I just got out of a breakup. She left me with someone else in kind. I was diagnosed Bipolar II w/ psychotic features (depression prominent). I now get upset over the smallest things, and I get hung up on little words when people talk about me. I have a horrible memory, and it takes me forever to remember names. If I don’t write down my schedule, I will have time periods in the day that are kinda just blank. I am having trouble talking to people I don’t know in person. I can talk to new people online though. I am seeing strange things, like shadows, and such. I am afraid to sleep in the dark. I am afraid to be in the dark. I hear people talking and I assume it’s about me, and it makes me more depressed. I am getting ready to start back at college, and it stresses me out more. I am beginning to hate life. It seems as if I have no real friends, just pretenders. I wanna get help, but I have no insurance.
What should I do? What could be wrong with me?

It is difficult to determine exactly what is wrong. It may be that stress is making it difficult for you to concentrate. It may also be that stress is bringing on a possible psychotic episode. You describe having memory problems, paranoia and visual hallucinations. I am concerned about your current state of mind and that the upcoming school year is causing you distress.

You asked what you should do in this situation. You do not have health insurance but as a college student, you should have access to student services which can include psychiatric assistance. These services are free. Make an appointment to see one of the mental health professionals on staff. They should be able to help you and provide medication if necessary. I would also recommend contacting your primary care physician or the professional who diagnosed you with bipolar disorder. He or she may be able to provide advice for you in this situation. If you are experiencing symptoms of psychosis then you will likely need medication to help treat your symptoms. Please do not ignore your symptoms. They may become worse and you want to avoid this outcome, if at all possible.

If your symptoms become overwhelming, go to the local hospital for an evaluation even though you do not have health insurance. Hospitals recognize that a certain number of individuals without health insurance will utilize their services. Many hospitals have funds set aside to cover uninsured patients. Two other options include contacting a local community mental health center for services or calling the local health department. Explain your situation and ask them to connect you with free or low-cost services for individuals without health insurance.

What’s most important is seeking help and not letting your symptoms become so overwhelming that it leads to a serious psychotic episode. When it comes to psychosis, or any other mental health condition, it’s best to be proactive and take steps to prevent more serious problems.

I hope you are able to access the help that you need. Please be proactive and get help sooner rather than later. Please take care.

December 26, 2023 0 comments

Depressed, Lonely & Suicidal

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW April 29, 2011

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am a 16 year old junior in Utah, I am an only child whose parents are both over the age of 50. As such I grew up not knowing how to speak with other children my age. Now that I’m in High School and I’ve finally realized how to speak with my fellow classmates, they refuse to talk to me using the fact that I was a “freak” in our younger years. Recently I was turned down four times by four separate girls for Junior prom. I feel alone and unloved. My parents are often gone socializing with friends or on private vacations with each other. Every time I’ve tried to discuss my issues with somebody they tell me to take care of it on my own. I have no real friends, I’ve never even come close to being invited to a party, and I’m wondering if anything I’ll ever do will be worth it. Please help me, I don’t want to die alone.

Many famous people, even movie stars, have had a similar childhood to yours. They talk and write about being socially isolated, shy, shunned, the ugly duckling. This in no way stopped them from having a successful, fulfilling adult life.

Please understand that while your life might be difficult now it likely will get better. You are lonely and depressed but that could change in an instant. I would recommend counseling as soon as possible. Your parents may not be available to provide you with the proper emotional and psychological support but they can arrange for you to see a mental health professional. Request that your parents do so immediately. You should inform them about how you’re feeling. They need to know so that they can help. They may be completely unaware of how you are feeling. Make them aware. Don’t be silent. Get help.

I would also recommend that you speak to your school guidance counselor or another faculty member about how you feel. I’m suggesting this for several reasons. One is that they may be able to help you access mental health treatment. Secondly, they can discuss the problem with your parents. Another reason is because they may be able to connect you with a peer support group.

I would also recommend involving yourself in extracurricular activities. This would force you to be in the presence of others. When an individual is depressed they may not want to be in the presence of others but doing so can be a tremendous help. Often depressed people want to remain isolated but it only makes their situation worse. The more you interact with others the better you will feel.

I would also recommend volunteer work. Volunteer work has many possible benefits. One benefit is that it ensures interaction with others. Second, many people feel good about helping others. It can be immensely rewarding. Finally, volunteer work has the potential to give meaning to one’s life.

I hope that you will take my advice. Please let me know if you utilize some of these suggestions. If you feel overwhelmed or that you are at risk of harming yourself call 911 immediately. Please take care. I wish you the best.

Dr. Kristina Randle

April 29, 2011 0 comments