Recent History Archives

It feels like NOTHING is real, but…that doesn’t depress me. Shouldn’t it? For the past few months (and nothing I can think of significant has happened in the past few months, at least nothing out of the ordinary) i’ve begun to feel as if the world around me wasn’t real. But it’s not…depressing or scary…and the fact that its not scary, is a little bit odd to me. I don’t feel particularly unhappy or unsafe, in fact, you could even say that recently I’ve been happier than normal. But even sitting down in the living room typing this seems like it isn’t really happening. It’s like i’m just thinking really hard about things happening or watching some odd 3d projection of information pretending to be physical matter or light or whatever. Shouldn’t I be depressed? Why do I feel so strangely…I don’t even know how to explain it. Not euphoric, because that’s too extreme, just…disconnected. A sort of happy isolation. Am I crazy, or am I like…SUPER CRAZY? What’s wrong with me?

I would need many more details about your symptoms to know what, if anything, may be wrong. For instance, it would have been helpful to have answers to the following questions:

Do you have a recent history of substance use?
How often do you feel as though nothing is real?
When did these feelings begin?
Are you able to distinguish between what is real and what isn’t?
Are you engaging in any particular activity when these feelings occur?
Did you recently began taking a new medication?

There are several general possibilities that may explain your symptoms: a significant lack of sleep or the use of drugs or alcohol. If you have used drugs or alcohol recently, your symptoms may be a side effect of those substances. I receive many letters from individuals who have recently “smoked something” and subsequently feel similar to what you have described.

It’s also possible that you are experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition. Depersonalization disorder is characterized by feeling detached or estranged from oneself. Sometimes individuals with this disorder describe feeling as though they are in a movie or living in a dream. Some individuals who experience depersonalization worry that they are “crazy.”

On some occasions, individuals with depersonalization disorder experience derealization. Derealization is the experience of feeling as though the external world is strange or not real. Depersonalization disorder typically develops in adolescence or early adulthood (average age is about 16) and can be exacerbated by a traumatic event. Depersonalization disorder is categorized as a dissociative disorder and may be associated with other conditions such as schizophrenia, panic disorder, acute stress disorder, another type of dissociative disorder, drug use, or a general medical problem.

My recommendation is to have an evaluation by a mental health professional. An evaluation could determine if you should be concerned about your symptoms, if your symptoms require treatment and if you have a mental health condition. It is advantageous to receive an objective opinion from a trained professional when experiencing unusual psychological symptoms. Please take care. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I am a 36 year old married mother of two: I’m not sure what to say or how to begin this. I have periods of rage and depression where I can tell from the moment I wake up that it is going to be a “bad” day. I get overly angry at little things, and pick fights w/my spouse. I have suicidal thoughts (several times a month) but will not act one them because of my children – although I do not think I am a great mother my son adores me (and I love him as much) and I cannot imagine what it would do to him if I was gone. My husband is wonderful and very patient and we’ve worked through a lot of things over the years but lately I just get so tired, and frustrated, and I act out and just generally become disagreeable, angry and violent. I push and push and push until he reacts – the weird thing is once he is angry I feel very calm and together – and my own “anger” dissipates – but until he reacts I just get more and more agitated.

I often feel I am not a good mother, or a good person in general, though I have many friends and family that would most likely say different. My father died when I was 2 and my mother remarried when I was 6 – I grew up in a home where my mother chose my father over me (so I think/thought) and my step-father was abusive both verbally (majority) and physically. I suffered low self esteem and spent years as an adult coming to terms with my childhood.

I’d like to get better but I don’t know what’s my problem. I hate the rage feelings – I hate yelling, throwing things and generally being out of control – especially in front of my children. I don’t expect medical advice per se but does this seem like a problem or just a case of “occasional blues” or mood swings? I’ve truly suffered from moodiness my entire life but really thought I had better control on myself in recent history – however – the bi-monthly “depression days” are really starting to affect my marriage. Please advise if you can…thank you.

I do believe that you have more than the “occasional blues.” Everyone has mood swings but generally it’s not considered a problem until they are compromising your life. From your letter it seems that you have been living a very compromised life. You are suffering daily, to the point where it is affecting your marriage and your overall wellbeing. It is also likely affecting your children. This is the very definition of when one should seek help.

It is important to learn the cause of your anger and unhappiness. If I could interview you in person I would want to know if something has changed lately. Did some event occur? What prompted you to notice the increase in your unhappiness? Knowing this information could help to uncover the reason for your unhappiness.

In my experience as a therapist, I’ve seen anger issues like yours among my clients. It is not unusual for individuals exhibiting similar symptoms to act out in a manner that you have described with your husband. They push and push until they get a reaction from their significant other, friend or family member. It was at that point (i.e. invoking a reaction) that they also too described their anger diminishing. In most cases, it was because they wanted their spouse, friend or loved one to recognize their suffering. It was their way of forcing an emotional confrontation. They had been stoically suffering. They did not want to complain and often felt they didn’t have the right to complain.

I would strongly suggest that you consider counseling. It could greatly benefit you. If not for yourself then do it for the sake of your marriage and your children. Studies show that children whose parents are suffering from mental health disorders may be more likely themselves to develop mental health disorders. Children who have a parent with depression are especially at risk. Depressed mothers in particular tend to be more isolative, withdrawn and less able to respond to the child’s emotional needs, compared to mothers without depression. For these reasons and many others it is very important that you seek help. Please click on the find help tab at the top of this page to search for a clinician in your community.

I wish you well. Please take care.

Recent History

Feeling that Reality is Unreal

Periodic Rage and Suicidal Thoughts