Safe Place Archives

Ok So My Dad Has A BIG Anger Problem. I’m Gonna Tell U Guy About Him And PLEASE Tell Me If He Needs Help Or If Its Not A Big Deal.
Ok, So He Is Just So Angry All The Time And He Never Thinks Its His Fault Or Ever Says Sorry. So Some Of The Craziest Things Hes Done Is Throw A Bed At My Sister, Throw A Vacume At Me, Throw A Chair At Me, He Basically Throw’s ANYTHING He Sees. Hes Broken A Ton Of Stuff Like The Button On A Tv, Alot Of Chairs, A Vacume Etc. When He Hits Someone He CANT Stop He’ll Keep Going Untill My Mom Stops Him. Like When We Were Little He Would Chase Us Up The Stairs And Hit Us. He Breaks My Sisters, My Mom, And Me Into Tears ALL The Time. I Always Told Myself That I Wanna Go Somewhere Else And Run Away Or Even Kill Myself Cause I Just DONT Wanna Be With Him. And If Someone Would Talk To Him About It Then He Would Twist Our Words And Blame EVERYTHING On Us. For Example, One Time When We Went To Six flags We Kept Telling Him To Go On A Ride with Us And He Got Mad and Said ” Nobody Wants Me People Just Ignore Me And Dont Care About Me” When We Told Him To Go On A Ride So Obviously We Do Care Bout Him And We Didnt Ignore Him ! I Could Go On And On But I Think This Is Already VERY Long. So Please Help Me And Tell Me Your Opinion And If I’m Just Making A Big Deal Out Of It Or If He Should Really Go To Anger Management. :'(

No kid should ever have things thrown at them. No kid should be hit or live in fear of her own father. I’m worried that at some point your dad won’t know how to stop and you (or your mother or sister) will be really, really hurt. So – yes, your dad does have a big problem but it would probably be dangerous for you to be the one to tell him so. I have no reason to think that he would have a calm discussion with you about his behavior.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother is as afraid of him as you are. Instead of protecting you girls, she breaks into tears. She needs some help too. It might help if you, your mom, and your sister had a serious talk together about what to do. You can’t change your dad. He isn’t interested in changing. But it’s possible you could all get away to a safe place until he gets himself into some counseling and learns how to control himself.

Support your mom in checking into options for practical help and support. There is a 24-hour crisis line in your city for families like yours. Also check out this website. Everyone in your family deserves so much better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am a Combat vet, Iraq 05-06 right before I deployed I lost both of my parents within a month( natural causes) three weeks later I was in the thick of it in Bagdad, when I came home I was fine for about 4-5 months then I started getting depressed and having anxiety attacks. I sought treatment from both the civilian and military doctors, nothing helped. I just recently lost the last of my family, my brother due to cancer. I am still experiencing all of the symptoms and now I am starting to see things out of the corner of my eye, dark movements. I do not want to talk to anyone or be around people, I also find myself almost wanting to put myself in situations that that would give me the chance to hurt someone, especially when I am angry. I also am starting to have thoughts that (Not that I would do it) things might just be better if I were not around never been born etc.the doctors have given me all sorts of meds Cymbalta, Abilify, Xanex, Welbuitrin nothing helps “try Deep Breathing” “relaxation” whatever it doesn’t work. I know I need to go back to the doctor but I know all they are going to do is say ” try this drug, or try that one” what do I really need to do?

A: You’ve experienced multiple losses and trauma. Your whole system is saying, “Enough. I can’t take any more.” It’s understandable. It’s normal for symptoms to return. It hurts. It hurts because it is emotionally painful. And it hurts to feel like you’re losing control. Of course you’re depressed and anxious.

By all means, go back to your doctors for a medication evaluation. But I don’t think medication and calming routines are enough. I think you need the “talking cure” as well. Underneath the depression and anxiety is a layer of grief and rage. Although medication can help you feel better, those problems can’t be just medicated away. You need time and a safe place to mourn your family and to work through the trauma. If your local VA doesn’t offer group and individual treatment for PTSD, I urge you to find a clinic that does. Specifically look for a therapist who has experience working with military personnel. If you have a spiritual life, I also urge you to look to your chaplain for support for your losses. It’s especially hard to feel orphaned and without the comfort of family when we feel out of control, confused, and emotionally upset. Do try to remember that you carry the people who loved you within you and they would want to help you get to the other side of this.

Finally, make sure you are getting some exercise. As tempting as it is to withdraw and do very little, that will only contribute to the problem. Inactivity reinforces depression. A power-walk or run or playing a little basketball (or whatever other sport you like) can reduce your anxiety and produce endorphins that will help mitigate the depression. Unless your doctors advise otherwise, commit to at least 30 – 60 minutes of breaking a sweat every day.

Thank you for all you’ve done for the rest of us. I am truly sorry you are now going through such a hard chapter in your life. I do believe that honoring your experiences and your grief with time and therapeutic attention will get you to a better place.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Combat Vet needs help