Tag:

Self Hate

My Obesity and Body Dysmorphia Is Slowly Killing Me

by Holly Counts, Psy.D. November 21, 2023

written by Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Hello. I’m a 17 year old female still in high school. I am 5’8 and weigh 245-250 pounds. Obviously I’m obese. My weight has shattered my self esteem and love for myself. I can’t look in a mirror without shedding a tear. I have tried to diet but that has resulted in binging. I’m currently in a long distance relationship with someone. I really love him for he makes me feel beautiful. We’ve been dating for over a year now. I’ve sent him pictures of my face and he says I’m beautiful and shouldn’t be so negative towards myself, but he doesn’t know about my weight. What I truly fear is that when he sees me in person, he’ll run off as quick as he can and that’ll completely shut me down for good. I love him, he loves me for my nice, caring and funny personality, my facial appearance and etc. I have been dieting a lot but all attempts have failed miserably. Recently I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and that has made it even more challenging to lose weight. I go to school and envy the girls with good and healthy bodies. I can never discuss this with friends because they’re all healthy weight themselves. At this point, I’m lost in a world of hurt and confusion. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel hideous and just disgusting. Please help me. Thank you.

A: Thank you for writing in with this important letter. I’m sorry that you are struggling so much with your weight and body image. None of us like finding out that we have a medical condition, but many times it can be the key to finding answers to our personal challenges. At least now you know that there is a legitimate reason you have trouble losing weight and that it’s not just about will power or the right diet.

PCOS is a complicated condition and I would suggest that you and your parents seek medical professionals who have experience treating it because that might be key, not only with weight loss, but helping your body be healthy in the years ahead. I would suggest working with a medical doctor or nurse practitioner, a nutritionist, and a personal trainer, as well as a therapist or support group. You will need to attack the issue on many levels to find lasting success.

As far as your friends and boyfriend go, they can’t offer you their support if you aren’t letting them in. We all struggle with something and many of us make the mistake of thinking that we are alone in our struggle when that is rarely the case. Reach out and share and I bet you’ll be surprised by what you get back. If you come across those who aren’t supportive, or who are overtly mean, it lets you know who your true friends are. You can “lighten your load” by cutting those folks out of your life.

Physical appearance is obviously only one aspect of who we are. While you are working on becoming more physically healthy, explore and celebrate your other qualities.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

November 21, 2023 0 comments

Everyone Hates Me and I Want To Die

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW July 23, 2021

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I see a therapist at CAMHS under NHS for depression and Social Anxiety, I’m on Anti-depressants (fluoxetine) and take two 20mg tablets a day but they don’t do anything.

Basically I constantly feel like killing myself and I regularly plan how I’m going to do it. I can’t stop feeling like I want to die and shouldn’t be here and I also think everyone else hates me too.

Therapy isn’t doing anything because I find it so damn hard to speak and say I don’t know to every question because its too hard and triggers anxiety. I feel like I annoy my therapist and I think she hates me and cant wait to get rid of me but I like her. I have one friend which I haven’t spoken to in a while and I always feel like she hates me — we don’t speak much and I think she wants me dead — Basically I have no friends and its pretty much social isolation.

I hate my life and I want it to be over. I feel everyone else wants that too, even those who don’t know me well. I’m bad at everything and nothing is ever going to get better. But, if I kill myself would it ruin my therapists career?? Because she hadn’t stopped me etc, I read somewhere else that it would and I don’t want that.

Also I feel way too guilty about everything like if i kill myself then that will suck for my parents.. but I’m not scared to do it — I want to do it. Ive overdosed a few times in the past but the outcomes wernt that fatal. I feel alone like I have no one…because I don’t. Sorry this probably makes no sense I’m an idiot :/

First and foremost, it’s important that you know you’re not an “idiot.” Your letter makes perfect sense. You expressed your frustrations and struggles. I’m sorry that you are having these difficulties.

The problem with counseling might be that you are reluctant to say how you really feel. When clients withhold information in counseling, it is difficult for a therapist to be helpful. Clients withhold information for many reasons, commonly because they fear that the therapist will think negatively about them. Your unwillingness to be forthcoming will prolong your suffering therefore it’s in your best interest to talk about your true feelings.

Saying you want to die and that you hate your life are signs of someone who is suffering and who needs and wants help. Therapists train for many years so that they can help people with the very issues that you are facing. You might be feeling alone because you haven’t been open and sharing with your therapist. Try your hardest to tell your therapist what’s bothering you even if it’s difficult to vocalize. If the idea of vocalizing your feelings is too hard, then bring this letter to your therapist. It might be the start of a much-needed dialogue.

It’s important to realize that many people have felt the way you now do and that they have been helped by therapy. Life can be difficult but it does get better when you fully utilize the help that is available to you. Keeping things from your therapist and hiding your feelings, are ways of not fully utilizing your therapist. I hope that you will consider my advice. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

July 23, 2021 0 comments

Really Depressed

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW May 23, 2011

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Thank you in advance. For a while Now l have been feeling depressed and suffer from anxiety and l know its reasons but no one seems to. For an outsider l seem to have everything l need in life which l do and am very thankful for most of it: money decent amount, a family that loves me but that has trouble understanding me and my mental issues as they never had that sort of problems and l study at a prestigious ivy league college. But in reality l have zero confidence l was constantly bullied at primary school but l had good friends in high school and was a really good student. But at college l couldn’t make friends they were all like geniuses who excelled and partied at the same time and l tried to hide my rising depression. l couldn’t sleep felt exhausted unmotivated suicidal and lost huge amounts of weight that are threatening my heart’s health( l started having trouble climbing stairs and l used to be an athletic) lm on the verge of failing college yet cant concentrate on working. The main issue is that l have no one to talk to no supporting system. l tell my family about academic issues and they are supportive but cant tell them about my increasing suicidal thoughts. l have no friends and lt kills me to talk to my mates from HS because l see they are very happy about their lives and lm embarrased talk to them. l had very few friends in the past as l had changed school every year till HS due to parents. lt feels self indulgent for me not to appreciate things l have but l also know its the depression talking and that l need to change things. l know that l might never kill myself for my family and not for myself but am afraid that one day l might as the thoughts become stronger and my life becomes more and more a failure. The last two years have been a journey of self hate and mental destruction and a waste of intellectual motivation. l really want to embrace life have friends feel healthy have fun… Live .where can l start? What can l do?

Get help immediately. It seems as though you have depression and it is only becoming worse. Since you are in college you can use the services at the university counseling center. Utilize the services that are available to you. As you mentioned, it is becoming increasingly difficult for you to speak to your family and friends about your symptoms. Professional help is required.

You did not mention this concern but seeking professional help should not evoke feelings of shame. Unfortunately many people feel that way. They believe that they “should” be able to fix their own problems and subsequently choose not to seek help. Seeking professional help is a very wise choice. Your depression appears to be growing. You’re having thoughts of suicide. Every time an individual is considering suicide it is a very serious situation. I strongly urge you to seek help as soon as possible. It would be the wisest and most efficient choice to make at this time. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

May 23, 2011 0 comments