Teenagers And Parents Archives

Thank you so much for looking at my problem. Im very close with my mom and I love her so much.. Lately she has been very sad and emotional (Not her period). My mom and dad don’t talk that much or see each other that much due to his work schedule of one permanent job and the other time working for his parents. He leaves the house at 4:30am even sometimes and doesn’t come home until 10 or 11pm. Shes been married to my dad for 20+ years.Has been a mom for that much time as well. I think She feels very lonely and just she has too much pressure on her. (She has 6 kids). I will say that my mom has played both roles in my life as a mother and father. i kind of understand why she is so depressed and upset all lately for the past two weeks especially. I am very close with my mom so that’s why its very hard to see her like this. She also does suffer from chronic headaches often. I don’t know if this helps she she did suffer from anorexia when she was younger. We don’t fight often because I try to be on my best behavior to keep the pressure of my mom(THIS IS TRUE). My sisster is sometimes very demanding and bossy to my mom. She yells at my mom a lot. My other sister has a lot of attuiude.My Older brother who lives a home does help around the housebut is always on his phone.My little brother is a good boy ut sometimes doesnt listen always andin a way I feel like I am playing a parent role in his life. Before these past weeeks this she would be very normal but on some of the others days she would be angry and upset a lot and would get mad at me for things I didnt even do. Also has said some very hurtful things in the past (mean things), which I do forgive her for.SHe says we all blame her for things .She always kind of speaks negative about her self. She says “I am done with this” all the time and means it and “I can’t do it, i’m going to leave” a LOT. SHe says that many people blame her for stuff and she doesnt like. My sisters do not help clean the house which is a 3 bed 2 bath. theres four others living here besides me . Three of them don’t do a darn thing not even a dish. We made a cleaning schedule and they don’t even do there days of cleaning. It all falls on my mom. She also says she wants to be left alone a lot and really doesn’t want to socialize. I feel very bad for her because she does have lots of presuure on her and just dont know what to do because it makes me very sad to see her sad all day long. I love her to death and i just need advice and help to get my mom back to normal! Thank you so much and so sorry to bug you! (age 14, from US)

Thank you for writing in with your question. It is very clear to me that you care a great deal for your mother and are worried about her. I’m sorry that she seems to be going through a rough time right now. Since it has only been a couple weeks that you have noticed a more severe change in her mood, it could be that she is just not feeling well and may pull out of it. It does sound like she has a lot on her plate raising 6 children with your father not being around much. She probably gets tired and overwhelmed. However, keep in mind that your father isn’t at home much because he is working to support the family. And though it may not be ideal, this may be an agreement that your parents have between them.

I appreciate your concern for your mother and know you want to help her if you can, but I want to remind you that you are the child and she is the adult. She is the one in the role of looking out for you and your siblings and making sure your needs are met. It is not your job to take care of her. Your job is to go to school, help out at home, and enjoy this very important part of your life.

I think you should talk to your mom about your concerns and let her know how much you care. I also think you should talk to your father about what you have observed. It may help if you tell him that you miss him and appreciate what he does for the family but wish he could be home more often. If you think your mom is getting worse, it may be helpful to go to family counseling where you can bring up your concerns in a safe environment.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

How can I tell if I have depression or if I’m just a moody teenager? I’ve taken many online surveys before, including the SanityScore one, and they all say I have “Severe Depression” but I’m still skeptical. I have extreme mood swings, I feel hopeless and worthless sometimes, I feel like I can’t control anything in my life, but then sometimes I think I’m just overreacting. I think that there are people who have it worse than I do, and that I should just stop thinking about it. I sort of want to bring the idea up to my mom, but I don’t want her to judge me. I wrote a letter to her but I haven’t given it to her yet. Do you have any advice?

You have asked a very good question. It’s probably a question that many teenagers and parents have pondered. To give you the best answer I would need to interview you. My questions would be geared toward determining the seriousness of your symptoms. I would want to know information such as how frequently the symptoms disrupt your life, to what degree and whether you have contemplated or attempted suicide. Your answers to those questions could help me to determine whether you have depression.

From what you have written, it does seem that your symptoms are significant and concerning. Having extreme mood swings is not normal. Many individuals will occasionally experience periods of irritability but it’s unusual to have “extreme” mood swings.

The National Institute of Mental Health website states that “if you have been experiencing some of the following signs and symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks, you may be suffering from depression:”

“Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
Irritability
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
Decreased energy or fatigue
Moving or talking more slowly
Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight changes
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment”

NIMH also goes on to say, “Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptom. Some people experience only a few symptoms while others may experience many. Several persistent symptoms in addition to low mood are required for a diagnosis of major depression, but people with only a few – but distressing – symptoms may benefit from treatment of their “subsyndromal” depression. The severity and frequency of symptoms and how long they last will vary depending on the individual and his or her particular illness. Symptoms may also vary depending on the stage of the illness.”

You mentioned feeling hopeless and worthless. You didn’t specify how often you feel that way. Teenagers especially may experience those feelings occasionally and that may be relatively normal. To experience them on a regular basis (a few times a week) would be abnormal. You also feel that you can’t control anything. I am not certain what you meant by that expression but usually that feeling is associated with anxiety. Depression and anxiety commonly co-occur. I wonder how often you feel out of control and if you have a reaction to that feeling.

I tried to provide a nuanced answer but the simple answer is this: If you feel depressed then you should seek help. It’s not advisable to let your depression symptoms worsen before you decide that treatment is warranted. It’s better to be proactive and treat the symptoms as soon as you notice them occurring. You already have a letter written to your mother. The next step would be to give it to her. It is important that she knows how you are feeling. It would be helpful for you to discuss this with her and put a plan in place to make an appointment with a professional. Please take care. Thanks for writing.

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