From the U.S.: I am so concerned about my husband & am wondering if maybe he is suffering from something more than a usual bout of depression. its pretty consistent nowadays. Usually, in the mornings he is the happy, optimistic, loving husband I fell in love with almost 30 yrs ago. but then come the late afternoon he does a 180 & gets grumpy, apathetic & is basically a real jerk & hard to be around! then he gets down, he’s sorry & keeps apologizing. And somehow I end up feeling like its all my fault when really I can’t get my head to stop spinning from trying to figure out what in the heck just happened!
Invariably he says things like, “Why do I get like that?” And keeps saying he’s sorry! I love him very much, as do our 2 daughters but we all walk around never knowing from one minute to the next how he will react to any given thing & usually whatever it is that has him upset at the moment is something that he blows out of proportion. Also, he is VERY passive-aggressive! Its like that nearly every day!
Both of our daughters have anxiety issues & take medication along with seeing a therapist, (which I believe is somewhat due to his behavior. He’s been like this to some degree for years now but this past year it seems to have gotten way worse!
Please understand, he really is a kind, loving soul…but something just isn’t right! And he gets so apathetic! I am an optimist, he says I’m the only one who can bring him back to earth with my happy attitude! I’m positive he could benefit from some kind of counseling but I doubt he’d go! This past summer he had a real bad cold & he wouldn’t go to the Dr. Then he started having chest pains & only after he had been having them all throughout the week & then on Friday he was hurting so bad it put him on the floor! I THREATENED TO CALL 911 & FINALLY HE AGREED TO GO!
So you can see how hard it will be to get him to see some kind of therapist for himself! If it was for one of us he would happily go, but not f or himself. is he just depressed or something worse?
I’m concerned that this is relatively new behavior. I’m also very concerned that he seems okay in the morning and things fall apart in the afternoon. That suggests that it is exhausting for him to hold it together for the whole day. It also suggests to me that this is a medical problem, not a psychological one.
I think you should start by insisting that he see his medical doctor. Go with him. Explain the changes in his behavior over the course of the day to the doctor. Your husband probably cannot report the changes in his behaviors and mood accurately. It’s possible that you are seeing a vitamin deficiency, thyroid imbalance or even the beginning of one of the dementias. Please don’t let the possibilities scare you into not seeking medical advice. It is better to find out early. It’s just true that early intervention often matters — a lot.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie