Video Game Archives

I’m not sure if i have depression or anything like that. I’ve never been diagnosed. I’ve been having this issue for a while now and its getting more prominent as the days go by. I’ll be sitting and playing a video game or watching a movie to try and distract myself from myself but it seems to make it worse. I’ll be sitting and then i start hearing my own voice in my head but when it speaks, all it says to me is all the negative emotions that i feel. it tells me that i’m a loser, I’m lazy, and it asks me what am i doing, why do i bother to continue living. I’m worthless and nothing but a bother to my girlfriend. I know at this time I’m not the most active. I’m looking for a job at the moment and when the school year rolls around I’m going to be going back to school to get my life back on track. But anytime that i sit and try to do something a get overwhelming thoughts running through my head telling me things that i can’t shake. Its like my mind knows all my weak spots and aims for them. sometimes it asks me about my relationship with my fiance and says things like “you don’t really love her, you’re just using her, everything you say to her is a lie.” and i end up screaming back at it to shut up. I’m not very good with words so i’m sorry if this description isnt very good at describing. I’m very lost in my emotions and my thoughts and i would like any sort of help. Please, i need any kind of help.

You did a fine job describing your experience. This certainly sounds like it may be depression. You didn’t mention what you meant by your life being off track. But you did indicate that you’re out of school, unemployed, and feeling generally worthless. It sounds to me like your self-esteem has taken a big hit.

I agree with you. You need some help – more specific help than I can give you without talking to you to get a more complete picture of what is going on with you. There are medical problems that could be contributing to your symptoms as well as psychiatric ones. I urge you to talk frankly with your doctor. Inadequate sleep, recreational drugs, or alcohol abuse can contribute to these kinds of problems so be sure to share anyhing relevant in those respects. If you are medically fine, then ask for a referral to the local mental health clinic. If being unemployed also means that you have no health insurance, explore whether there are therapists in your area who work on a sliding fee scale. You at least want to get an accurate assessment and some recommendations for how to get some peace from all those negative words in your head.

Please follow through. Nobody deserves to be mentally beaten up like this day after day.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

So around 2 years ago I was diagnosed Bipolar 1, PTSD, and social anxiety… But I’ve been getting a lot of hallucinations, delusions, issues with communication, etc.. Like right now for instance, I can’t stop laughing and quoting songs or lines from movies…or saying obscene things like “my vertabrae feels like a carnivorous dairy product”. Yes, this obviously could be mania, because I’ve been having problems with that for the past couple months, but I’m also hearing and seeing things, too. I keep hearing people talking bad about me, usually my friends’ or family’s voices, saying things like “you’re worthless, stupid, pathetic, ugly, blah blah blah”. A lot of the time I hear it when I’m alone and no one is there, which scares me. OR I’ll hear random voices I’ve never heard before, but I can’t make out what they are saying.

Also the hallucinations have been worrying me, too. Sometimes everything appears brighter or begins to look like I’m stuck in a video game. OR I’ll actually see strange things, like the print on carpets transforming into faces, or seeing actual people trying to talk to me through a TV (while the TV is off of course), or seeing a woman jump out of a poster I was looking at. The delusions are there, too…I can’t smoke a cigarette on my front porch because I really believe that someone is going to park their car and shoot me. Or I’ll have delusions that I’m possessed, or that people can read my mind and it freaks me out. What also scares me is when I’m hallucinating really bad all I can do is laugh hysterically and try to harm myself and say strange things like “egg salad brains”. Also I repeat myself a lot of the time without realizing it…

Apparently this has been going on for a couple years, maybe longer, but it was never brought to my attention until a few of my friends and family shared their concerns for how strange I can really act sometimes.

I just want to know if this can happen with those who have my combination of mental illness, or if I’ve been diagnosed incorrectly. I’ve read up a lot on schizoaffective disorder and most of the symptoms match up with me.

Diagnosing mental health disorders is not a straightforward process. Mental health professionals utilize the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) as a guide but it is not a perfect system. I cannot say with certainty whether your diagnosis is accurate but it is possible that it is not. Some of your symptoms are more in line with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder than bipolar disorder. Disorganized speech is characteristic of schizophrenia and variants of schizophrenia. It is not unusual for individuals with schizophrenia to make odd comments or to use unusual language. This is sometimes referred to as “word salad.” Word salad, or the technical term schizophasia, is when an individual uses words in a sentence, for example, that have no relationship to one another. Their language can sound jumbled and confused.

What is unclear is what is causing your jumbled or confused speech. The cause may be uncontrolled mania or other symptoms related to bipolar disorder. It may also be symptoms of schizophrenia or related disorders. The problem is that it’s often too difficult to determine the exact cause.

In my experience, it is oftentimes the case that pinpointing the exact diagnosis is not nearly as important as receiving effective treatment. Your symptoms are clearly not under control. Out-of-control symptoms are indicative of an individual who is: not in treatment; not complying with treatment; or not receiving effective treatment. If it is the latter, then you may want to consider getting a second opinion, especially if you don’t agree with the diagnosis.

I’m sorry that I cannot give you a definitive answer. It is a complex question and there is no easy answer. It is good that you are taking an active role in educating yourself about other possible mental health disorders but please keep in mind what I mentioned above: treatment is often more important than the diagnosis. I wish you well. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Video Game

Hearing myself in my head

Diagnosed Bipolar But Could I Be Schizoaffective?