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Viktor Frankl

How Can I Overcome Depression on My Own?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’ve never been to a psychologist, though i really wish to. Atleast for another year i will be unable to seek professional help since I have issues with my parents who are more bothered about their reputation since they are in the medical field and we live in a small town. From the time I was eight I’ve been having depressive issues. I used to try and supress it. i’ve been suicidal and tried to take my life more than 15 times in the last 10 years. I have all the symptoms of depression. the problem is that from the last one year i have been so miserable that it is effecting my social life(which is as good as non-existent now) and my studies. I have been molested when i was 12 and have always had relationship problems with my parents. they are fed up with me and the mess i create. i have been promiscuous and can’t stay faithful in any of my relationships with the opposite sex. im unstable and can’t stay in a relationship for long. my longest has been a year and a half. i also can’t seem to stay single at any point of time. i’ve had casual sex. though i have stopped that now. i lost my virginity at 15… i was a victim of date rape and that has left an irreversible effect on me. 6 months back i was blackmailed and then forced to sleep with three guys. my then boyfriend helped me out of it. after that i am unable to have a normal sex life…with almost no interest in sex. i really want to lead a normal life. please help me. i cry for no apparent reason and i get angry for even the slightest provocation. i was a college topper but after what happened six months back i am unable to study….i keep thinking about it.

I know that you are interested in helping yourself out of depression but I am not sure that is a wise decision. My main concern with you helping yourself is your many suicide attempts. When you have tried to help yourself out of depression in the past it seems that you turned to suicide. Because of this I would strongly advise that you see a professional.

Is there any way that you can see a professional without your parents finding out? And if they did find out, what would be the outcome? Would it be that bad? Isn’t your well-being more important than their reputation? It would be unfortunate if your parents cared more about their reputation than about the psychological health of their daughter.

Have you talked with them about how much you are suffering? Do they know about your many previous suicide attempts? It could be that they are not aware of your depression and maybe if they knew, they’d try to assist you into treatment.

Try to steer your thoughts away from thoughts of suicide. I have written about suicide often and I always tell people the same thing: it is never the answer.

People with depression often think that suicide is a good way to end their emotional pain. People suffer so much at times that for them, dying would be better than having to live with the psychological pain they have to endure. Because they cannot think of any other way to feel better, they mistakenly believe that ending their life is their best way to solve their problem.

But what if they are wrong? People assume that suicide brings relief but no one really knows this. It’s an assumption often based on desperation and impulsivity and not based on any facts or evidence. In fact, people who have had near death experiences (NDEs) after attempting suicide report having hellish experiences in the “afterlife.” What if suicide brings more pain and suffering and not less?

There are many people who have attempted suicide and lived and eventually find a way to decrease their depression. Viktor Frankl explains this idea in his popular book Man’s Search for Meaning. He recalls interviewing over twelve thousand people who had attempted suicide during his time as a doctor in an Austria hospital. The common theme he discovered among his patients who had attempted suicide was that they were happy they had lived because they eventually did find a solution to their problem. He used this knowledge to help other distressed patients as way to prevent suicide. Speaking to patients who had yet to find an answer to their problem, he stated the following: “…who can guarantee that in your case, it will not happen one day, sooner or later? But…you have to live to see the day on which it may happen, so you have to survive in order to see that day dawn, and from now on the responsibility for survival does not leave you.”

What he means is that a terrible situation can improve but you’d have to be living to know and to experience that improvement. For you, this means that because your situation might get better, as it does for so many other people, it’s your responsibility to live to see that day come.

You need to know that you can recover from depression. There is an excellent chance that you will be able to overcome your depression, with the right help.

Do you have any friends to talk to? Do you have a person in your life that you trust or who you can spend time with that can keep your mind occupied and way from suicidal thoughts? Try to find others to spend time with but as I mentioned above, I would strongly recommend that you seek help immediately.

In summary, I would suggest that you talk with your parents, consider going to a therapist even if your parents would not approve and try to keep it a secret if you have to. You have to do whatever is necessary to get better. You need help from a professional and you need it now, not a year from now. Your well-being is paramount and you need to make yourself a priority, even if that means “embarrassing” your parents. This is a matter of life or death and getting help now is more important than preserving the reputation of your parents. Please believe this because it’s true. Get help now.

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How Can I Correct Inability to Focus?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am 19. For the last 5 years i have some problems. It started when i was 14 and was feeling very disappointed of myself because I played tennis very bad and my father was screaming at me and offending me because i played so bad. I was feeling so guilty..and i thought what if couldn’t concentrate anymore, what if i couldn’t focus, what should i do?(I wouldn’t be able to be good at anything, besides tennis where i suck). How would i be able to speak to someone, to take good grades in school,to leard.I thought if i can not concentrate my life is over..i will be useless.When i tried to focus on something i started stressing and started distracting my mind from whatever i wanted to focus on with pictures, or whatever.So i got so stressed and i said to myself oh My god i can not concentrate,i can’t stop distracting my mind whenever i want and need to focus on something.I also thought i will always distract my mind when i try to focus and got so stressed and depressed since then..This last 5 years were very bad. Because i am afraid i can not focus i have become very stressed when i have to talk to someone because i think i will probably not be able to focus to what that persons says therefore i will not know what to say or answer .If i try to read something i get stressed and can not focus to waht i read(this is very frustrating),but if i forgot about this problem i can read and focus very well,the problem is i almost always recall to myself that i have this problem.Every time i have to speak in public or to soomeone unknown i get so stressed..i feel i will explode..my chest tenses, don’t know how i still manage to do it.

I feel everything is my fault,and also i feel everything is against me,i feel frustrated because i can not live my life happy,and very stressed when have to talk to someone.Before this i used to be very smart,i used to focus very well on anything i wanted,but i also felt insecure sometimes but not so bad like now.

I ‘ve been to a therapist but it doesn’t work well,i will go to psychiatrist but i am not sure what to tell him.I don’t know why i can not focus and distract my mind.i feel very insecure because i think” how can i be confident if i can not focus when i want to”.It sounds weird when i say it to someone”i can not focus on anything because i distract my mind when i try to focus”

People would say stop distracting yourself but i can’t and i am scared of this,and stressed.I feel it is my fault,and i feel vulnerable.I feel something is holding me from being happy,maybe it is me but i can not deal with this. What do you think it is and how should explain my problem to my psychiatrist?

You started your letter by recalling a negative experience as a teenager when your father berated you for not being a good tennis player. He screamed at you and this caused you to feel bad about yourself and to feel guilty about your performance. This is also the time when you began to lose your ability to concentrate and to focus. It is likely that this event traumatized you and led to your inability to focus.

Now everything you do is interrupted by your inability to focus. This problem has followed you and interfered with so many aspects of your life. Do you see a connection between the teenage tennis incident and your current attention difficulties?

Are you familiar with the concept of “hyper-intension?” The idea was written about by psychiatrist Viktor Frankl in his 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning. He writes that when a person intensely focuses on their fear that attention may have the unintended consequence of producing or increasing the fear. In other words, a person’s fear is made worse by their intense focus on it. This may be partly what is happening to you.

The solution to this problem, Frankl says, is to apply a technique called “paradoxical intention.” Paradoxical intention means that you do the opposite of what you would normally do in response to a fear.

Dr. Frankl gives the example of a patient who suffered from sleeplessness. The theory was that the patient’s anxiety and focus on his inability to sleep was the reason why he or she was not able to sleep. He instructed the patient to try to stay awake for as long as possible. Thus if the patient focuses on the opposite of his fear (i.e. trying to stay awake for as long as possible) the intended outcome, in this situation, would be that he or she falls asleep.

In your case, you might be able to apply paradoxical intention to your attention problems. Instead of worrying that you will lose your concentration, as you probably have grown accustomed to in most situations, try the opposite. Whenever you expect that you will lose your concentration, deliberately try not to concentrate. You could also try, in a social situation, to shift your concentration onto what color shirt a person is wearing or what type of shoes they have on. The basic idea is to change the focus of your thought. Not focusing on your fear by focusing on something else may serve to decrease it or eliminate it. These ideas may not work but they are worth trying.

Even if you try the technique of paradoxical intention (whether it works or not) you should continue to be treated by mental health professionals. As for how to explain to your psychiatrist what you are experiencing, you can tell them exactly what you explained so well in your letter, which is that you have a fear/anxiety associated with concentration and focus, you do not feel prepared and you often feel that you are not “good enough.” You could even print your letter (and my response) to give to your psychiatrist because it’s a good description of what you are experiencing.

I hope this response helps you to better understand your problem and to see the connection between a traumatic teenage experience with your father and your current concentration problems. I cannot know if that event “caused” your attention problems but there does seem to be a correlation. Thanks for writing and please take care.

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Life Is Too Much

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m going to start from the beginning (I’ll give the short version)My parents were never married. I lived in lower middle class environment. My father married another woman had three kids with her and they lived quite well. He always provided and took really good care of his already over privileged children. Christmas time, I would get 20 bucks (if anything) and his kids would get new game systems, cars, etc. When i turned 10 he and his family moved to Kansas. When i turned 16, I lived with my grandparents (my dads parents because he didnt want me living with him though he had a basement that was the size of my apartment) Due to the fact my mom and I fought all the time. We didnt talk for a whole year and it was obvious she was happy and more at peace now that i was gone. By the end of my senior year her and i started talking again. I decided i wanted to go to an art school to expand. I had won a scholarship that i planned to use for part of my schooling…Then reality set in. I went to Kansas city to apply for a community college (which i wasnt too happy about, but i was going to school so i really didnt care)I had gotten all of my paperwork finished and it was time to find a place to live. I found a place near campus but i needed a co-signer and my mom couldnt do it because she had horrible credit. So i had to ask my dad and he just wouldnt do it he danced around the subject until we dropped it. so my mom and i returned back to my home town as she ask me to pay her back for the money spent on the hotel we stayed at which meant i wouldnt have the money to pay for schooling. When i returned to my grandparents house they had changed the locks on the door and i had to find a place to live with no job and no school. Fast forward to more recent times, I worked some horrible horrible jobs while my dads kids got new cars, help with college, and support. This started to twist my faith in humanity. When i began freelancing, I was getting ripped off all the time when i needed the money. A few years later I took a job in Tulsa where a friend and i got ripped off so we needed to come back and my own father wouldnt help me. My mom’s boyfriend at the time (which i barely knew) gave us the money to come back. When i finally landed a real job in art, I felt the backlash of not having an education or privelages, staff made fun of my work behind my back and to my face this only lessend my faith in humanity and hate my father even more. Now, I still work for the same company even though they’ve screwed me over, stopped me from getting ahead even though i’ve made them tons of money and devoted myself to them like crazy and its because I dont have that peice of paper. And I know what you’re going to say, “Do something else” “Go back to school” I really cant since I just had a kid (which i really didnt want but i had no say so in it and his mother isnt working)I currently live in saint louis and plan on transferring back to my home town soon but if i quit, there isnt anywhere else i can work where i can use my skill adn my son wont have insurance. I’m pretty much tired of life. It’s boring, disapointing,and nothing but a series of let downs. Most of the time I’d rather not exisit at all then get up and work for a bunch of crooks and paying for my dads stupidity (which by the way hes getting rich off of his new invention). I really feel bad because my girlfriend is really optimistic and i’m more of a realist. At this point I have no faith in humanity (beside “literally” a handful of people) People to me are useless and I wish i didnt have to live among them. If it were up to me, I really wouldnt be here anymore. I always get everything I dont want. even when I have a possitive feeling about it. I really dont know what to do anymore. I’ve watched self help tapes, read books and all of that crap but none of it works. people tell me i should forgive my dad for his stupidity but i really feel like i’d feel better if i could watch him die.

I sense resentment and anger. Though it is understandable, it is not psychologically healthy to harbor those feelings. Do not let your past dictate your future. You had a difficult life. It is unfair. I realize that it is challenging to put that aside but I think it is what you need to do in order to become a mentally healthy individual.

We have a choice in life. You were not able to choose how you were raised but as an adult you have a choice in how you live your life. I am reminded of the book by Viktor Frankl called Man’s Search for Meaning. I mention it often because it shows clearly the resiliency of each person. If you are not familiar with Dr. Frankl then you may want to consider reading his book. The book is about his experience in a concentration camp. Though he suffered tremendously, both physically and mentally, he found meaning in his suffering. He was tortured by his captors. He watched his friends die of starvation, others being put into gas chambers, families and children being killed. He experienced pure evil. He could have been a bitter and angry man due to that experience but he wasn’t. He could have simply given up on life but he chose not to. He recognized that some people continue fighting for life while others give up. What is the difference between the two? Some found meaning in their suffering, and thus meaning in their lives and the others did not.

It is easier to give up on life but it is the wrong thing to do. It is understandable to be angry with your parents but how does that benefit you?

You may be thinking in terms of revenge, contemplating how you might hurt your father to pay him back for the suffering you have endured. If that is what you are thinking then you are on the wrong path. Nothing can change the past but you have a choice in how it will affect your future. There may be something positive that can come out of suffering. Dr. Frankl referred to this concept as tragic optimism. Essentially, tragic optimism means that even if we had experienced something negative, unpleasant or traumatic, something good can come from that experience. It is an occasion to turn suffering into human achievement.

You have tried many ways to improve your attitude and way of thinking. I commend you on your efforts. Even if it hasn’t worked yet, I would encourage you not to give up. Just because it has not been successful does not mean that it never will. You have not tried therapy. That might be something to consider, if you are open to it. You should also consider reading the book I mentioned earlier. Your girlfriend has the right attitude and I hope you will listen to her as well as consider therapy. Thank you for your question. I wish you the best of luck.

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Spontaneous Blushing A Symptom?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a problem with blushing when I am the center of attention. It was so bad when I was growing up that even if a single person would talk to me for any length of time, I blushed or was terrified of blushing. I would obsess about not blushing so much while communicating with a person that I wouldn’t pay attention to anything the person said. This blushing problem has improved since I became an adult, but from time to time while engaging in conversation with anyone (especially men), I still get that anxiety and make excuses to end the conversation or anything to avoid the person seeing me blush. Blushing has always been a huge source of embarrassment for me. I want to know why I had and still have this problem and what I can do to change it. Is it a symptom of something?

I know of no mental health disorder in which blushing is a specific diagnostic symptom. While blushing is not a specific symptom of any one particular mental illness per se, it may be associated with social anxiety disorder. Individuals with social anxiety or social phobias feel particularly anxious in the presence of other people, especially when they are the center of attention. These symptoms seem to match your experiences.

Among individuals with social anxiety disorder, everyday situations can be fearful. Individuals with social anxiety often do not feel confident about themselves. Because of this, they tend to avoid the situations that make them anxious. In the short run, avoidance decreases anxiety but overtime, it can increase its severity.

Can social anxiety be treated? The answer is yes. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective. CBT is a treatment that addresses both behaviors and thoughts related to anxiety. Generally CBT lasts for approximately 12 weeks but the length of treatment depends on problem severity. Some CBT therapists require clients to complete homework assignments such as recording your daily moods or feelings. Therapy sessions can be conducted individually or in a group setting. Another very effective treatment is exposure and prevention response (EPR) therapy. Usually, EPR is used to treat individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder though it has been effective for other types of anxiety disorders.

Another idea is a concept called “hyper-intension.” I’ve written about this concept in other answers but I think it may apply to you. The idea was written about by psychiatrist Viktor Frankl in his 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning. He believes that when a person intensely focuses on their fear that attention may have the unintended consequence of producing or increasing the fear. In other words, a person’s fear is made worse by their intense focus on it.

The solution to this problem, Frankl says, is to apply a technique called “paradoxical intention.” Paradoxical intention means that you do the opposite of what you would normally do in response to a fear.

What is encouraging about your problem is that it has improved. The reason for this may be related to an increase in self-confidence. Another reason may be because you have trained yourself to be less anxious over time. There may be other explanations as well.

When you feel the blushing occur, I would encourage you to remain in the uncomfortable situation. If you force yourself to endure your anxiety it will diminish. Don’t avoid a situation because you think you may blush. As I mentioned earlier, avoidance could make your anxiety worse.

Also, keep in mind that while you may focus on the blushing other people may not notice. If you surveyed the other people present when a blushing episode occurred you would likely find this to be the case. Even if others did notice they most likely would not comment. Blushing does not necessarily have a negative connotation. In fact, some people may find it endearing.

If this is a problem that continues to bother you then I would encourage you to see a therapist. Because your fear is so specific (i.e. blushing) and it has improved over time, it may only take a few targeted therapy sessions to extinguish. I’d highly recommend it. I wish you well. Thanks for writing.

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Hating Myself and Humanity

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Well, I should begin by saying I grew up in a few broken homes and the stereotypical dysfunctional upbringing. Moving from school to school and really only having stability the first six years of my life. I use to be an outgoing kid, but in high school I started to get really nervous and quiet around people. I missed a lot of school to play video games or smoke dope(only because a girl I like did it). I started doing very impulsive things with my life(joining the army, getting married to someone I never met, randomly hooking up with many women in different sexual environments recklessly, having a kid with someone I didn’t know, etc).

Now to the issue. I’m at a point in my life, where I look in the mirror and hate the person staring back. I feel like an empty void, a shell of a human. I don’t get sad when people close to me die and I’ve really only felt jealously and rage when in a relationship. The only positive feelings I’ve had in a long time are that for my daughter. Even then sometimes I wonder if I love her as much as a normal person would. There are lots of things in my life that I’m capable of doing and want to do, but for some reason I just don’t. Some of these are easy task like going to the bank or to school. For some reason, most people I meet I find boring or annoy me. I try to stay friendly for society’s sake, but I don’t know if there is one person that I enjoy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just want to get motivated and do what I need to give my child the life I never had, but all I can seem to do is play video games or exercise. Sometimes I think of my death and how blissful it would be, but I know I would never fulfill that fantasy because I love my child too much. I’ve went through life thinking I’ve had myself in control, but I can’t function correctly. I can’t sleep, I can’t feel anything, I make poor decisions financially, I use women although recently I’ve even grown tired of sex. I don’t know what to do.

When I was younger my mom took me to a therapist once and I found myself just manipulating the therapist to think how I wanted her to. There is probably more, but I’ve been losing my memory as of late.

I would recommend trying therapy again. Perhaps you were not ready for therapy then but are now. You are likely very different now than you were then. You may be more motivated. In the first therapy experience, your mother may have forced you to attend. In this case, you’d be going of your own volition. Your choosing to go and being motivated to go could make the difference this time. It is worth a try.

If you decide to pursue therapy, it is important that you find someone with whom you feel comfortable. How can you achieve this? I often recommend calling 5 to 10 therapists and discussing in detail what you would like help with. Ask direct questions such as:

  • Have you helped others with similar problems?
  • What were the outcomes of those cases?
  • How would you help me?

Ask for specifics. If you speak to a therapist with whom you feel a connection, then the next step would be to meet with him or her in person. It may take time to find the “right” therapist but when you do, it could make a significant difference in your life.

If you are not interested in therapy (which I would advise), then you may want to read several self-help books that have helped many others. I would highly recommend two books in particular: M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled and Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning.

You should also consider being evaluated by a psychiatrist. You may benefit from medication. Medication may not “solve” your problems but it can help you to feel better and to temporarily eliminate the “void” that you feel. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Trying To Find Hope with Depression

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

…to hold on to …I am struggling at the moment and yet I am aware that I should be feeling good. I am drawing to the end of a course of cbt, and I have benefited a great deal from this – my therapist was great, but not enough. I think my hopes and expectations at the outset were wrong – I really hoped that I would come out and things would be sorted, but of course they are not.

The problems that were there before are still there now, although I do have a few more strategies for dealing with them and I have a better understanding of where they came from. Work and work-associated stress are major issues, but in the current job climate there is not chance of changing that. Loneliness and a need to be loved is another issue, and whilst I am going out a little more than I was a year ago this is never easy – my teaching job seems to take over all of my life (not just at school) and I am constantly exhausted. I have only two relationships behind me – both significant, but no marriage and only ever at a distance – I keep my distance from men on the whole (even people), so where other people may have as many failed marriages that is the sum total of my relationships. I have explored fertility treatment because I was so desperate to have a child of my own, but so far treatments have both failed and been interspersed with the need for various gynaecological operations.

I am currently on another waiting list for a further round of treatment, but I am trying to come to terms with the fact that at 46 it is highly unlikely that it will be successful. I do have a history of depression, hence the cbt, but since I have been pursuing fertility treatment I have not had anti-depressants. Right now I am at another low. The thought that this is as good as it gets (and it isn’t good) is taking over. Work will not improve. Fertility treatment will not be successful. As of 3 weeks time there will be no further counsellor support. My diabetes is throwing up more and more issues and though pretty well controlled for the past 30+ years has me increasingly concerned about kidney malfunction, eye-sight, neuropathy and issues such as gangrene. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to get old. I don’t want my family to die although we are not terribly close. I don’t want to be on my own. I don’t want to have to keep struggling with this life I hate. So where do I look? How can I find something to hang onto that will help me through this?

Thus far it seems as though you have been unhappy with your life. On one hand, you are unhappy with the course your life has taken. On the other hand, you are very fortunate. It is important not to take your blessings for granted. The humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow says that:

“getting used to our blessings is one of the most important nonevil generators of human evil, tragedy and suffering.”

Are you overlooking the basic goods of your life? You have a job, you have a career. You have a warm place to sleep at night. You have heat in your home. You have food to eat. You have clean water to drink. Many people in the world do not have these luxuries. It is important not to overlook the many blessings in your life. Unfortunately, for many people, they do not recognize their blessings until they lose them. Don’t make that mistake. Recognize the good things that really do fill your life.

I would characterize your questions to be philosophic in nature. They are not unusual. They are the questions that many ask during the course of their lives. What is life about? What is important in life? More specifically, your questions are the subject of existential philosophy, in particular, the existential concepts of facticity or thrownness. This means that you are not in this world of your own making. You have been put here on this Earth with perhaps a body you may not have chosen, the eye color you would not have chosen, the height or the weight that you would not have preferred, with a certain level of intelligence or talents, rich or poor, tall or short, living in a large city, or living in a third world country, none of your own choosing. None of these things are by choice. You would choose to have a good relationship and to have children but you were not given that choice. Perhaps you would have also chosen to be taller if given that choice but again you were not offered a choice.

We are all similar in that there are things in life that we would have chosen to be different, or that we would have chosen for our life but we were not given those choices. Those are the facts of life and thus the term “facticity.” The question becomes, can you still live a good, meaningful life under those less than ideal conditions? The answer, according to the existentialists, is yes.

You must play with the cards that have been dealt you. It is easy to focus on the negatives of life and ignore or greatly underplay the many goods with which you are blessed.

You can focus on the negatives and all the things that you have desired but not received or you can choose a different tactic. The best example of this is the life of Dr. Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl’s story is one about surviving in the most horrific life circumstances and still being able to find great meaning, joy and happiness. He wrote about how we can choose to see and to experience joy and happiness even in the midst of horrific circumstances. You may be underestimating the goodness and the goods in your life and not thoroughly enjoying them. It’s a matter of choice; it’s a matter of deciding to be happy even though your life didn’t go as planned.

I would recommend reading several important books, including Man’s Search for Meaning by Dr. Frankl; Messages From the Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss and to consider studying the basics of existential philosophy. You may also greatly benefit by getting involved in charity work. Perhaps you could become a Big Sister to a child needing love, compassion or guidance. It may be one way to express your love for children and to receive the love from a child that you strongly desire. Another consideration is to become a foster parent.

I am unaware of your religious beliefs but the majority of the world population believes in God. Some people believe in God very strongly. For those religious people, they believe both that God helps those who help themselves and they believe that God has a plan for them. They have to work their best to help themselves and they also have to trust in whatever destiny or plan that God has for them. Perhaps we should all have humility. So much of what happens in the universe is beyond human comprehension and understanding.

I want to end this answer with a piece of advice from Dr. Brian Weiss.

“Instead of worrying about specific outcomes and results just do the right thing. Reach out unselfishly. Hope for the best. Hope is fine. Expectation is not, because when expectation is present, disappointment is always lurking nearby.”

As described above, you have plans and expectations for your life that were not fulfilled. Those unfulfilled expectations have led to feelings of significant disappointment and unhappiness. Try to cherish what you have. Enjoy the daily pleasures and the basic goods of life. Become mindful of your everyday blessings. Make the best of the moment and try not to perseverate on the past or worry about the future. It may be best to “just do the right thing” and to “hope for the best.”

Good luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Feel Trapped; Want A Better Choice

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am severely depressed & have been for some time. I also have several physical issues that cause me pain & distress. Because of both religious beliefs & societal pressures, I believe I am not able to take my own life.

That being said, I am absolutely miserable here. Because of who & what I am, I will never belong in this society, nor do I want to. I do have a desire to be accepted, yes, but I view this world system & humanity as a whole a depraved & corrupt. I do find some of this depravity & corruption within myself as well, which sickens me. While I am not a fan of humanity, I can be very compassionate toward the individual person, struggling with the human condition, as I do.
I constantly wish I was dead, so that I could just move out of this system, but my diseases are not bad enough to kill me, just bad enough to ensure that I have very few reasons to smile. I feel trapped here in this world. I want out, but I fear if I kill myself, I will end up in a literal place called hell. In addition, there are individual people I love & I am concerned with their pain that may result from such an action. Thus, I will not act to end my life, even though it is the one thing that might bring me some relief from this pain.

It seems the logical thing to do is to just stay here & work as hard as I can to make my stay here as pleasent as possiible. The trouble with that is, because of the depravity & corruption I do find within, I tend to be self-destructive & do not take care of me well. In fact, when I am forced to look around, I am shocked at how poorly I am living.

So, I have a choice between being here, where I am miserable, or leaving, where I may be more miserable & where my loved ones may be hurt worse. I want a diferent option. There MUST be another choice available. Yes this world is this evil to only allow these two cruel options, but God is not evil, so there must be a third option I am not seeing.

I am already in counseling & seeing a psychiatrist as well.

Likewise, I am spending all leisure time outside of work, reading figuring it couldn’t hurt. Somedays, ideally I think I would just like to spend two reads constantly reading in order to increase my iq and build a strong general foundation of knowledge. Even though, I have always achieved very good academic success, I feel like I’ve had blinders on for so many years in regards to my career path until I started thinking on a more universal level a few years ago.
I understand that all important answers are found inside, and I have spent countless hours introspecting but still feel lost. Thanks.

You believe in your religion. Your religion tells you that suicide is evil. According to your religion suicide is the ultimate evil that will put you in hell. You accept this but you fail to see the good in life that is also reflected in religion. You should look at religion in a broader way instead of focusing on one particular faith. From a larger perspective, life is a mystery. God can test you. You can’t reject God because he is testing you in this life. Your path in this world is difficult to understand but in order to understand it you have to remain in the process. For you to consider an act to end this process is simply wrong. It’s as though you are saying that you know better than God. God has given you this life and it is up to you to accept his wisdom. God is an infinite mystery. You believe in God and you need to accept the idea that God is extremely complex, perhaps beyond human understanding. You know that God represents good and that he has put you here for a reason and has given you the ultimate gift of life. You cannot reject that gift. That would be like rejecting God.

You should read all that you can but be careful not to form opinions and conclusions until perhaps much, much later in your life. Do your best to be the best that you can be and to do God’s will and accept God’s gift while you are here. The Viktor Frankl book Man’s Search for Meaning can show you how to see all the good in life. Dr. Frankl saw the good in life despite being surrounded by death and evil. That horrific experience allowed for the creation of logotherapy. Logotherapy focuses on the idea that life is difficult, suffering is unavoidable but great meaning can be found in suffering. I think you would find the book very beneficial.

Please take care. I wish you well.

Kristina Randle

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