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Violent Outbursts

I Feel Like Something Violent Takes Over

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker January 7th, 2023

From a 18 year old girl in Sweden: I enjoy getting in relationships only to completely destroy the person later on. Or well, not really. I enjoy it in the moment. I get all gittery and giggly and I feel really good inside. It’s not a sexual thing either, it’s just fun. I feel like life without hurting others would be boring and mundane.

It’s almost like a mood I get in. It’s a different me than the normal me, cause when I get back to my normal self I can feel quite bad. Or can I? I don’t even know if I feel bad or not. I know it’s a bad thing and and I’m an outright scummy person. I should feel bad. I may feel bad sometimes but I don’t really care.

And then we have this side of it:
The “personality switch” also happens when I’m with my friends, but it’s different then. I can get very violent and I just can’t stop giggling. It’s like something out of a movie. I realize what I’m doing in the moment but I just can’t stop myself. It’s like something takes over.

My friend said my eyes get scary? That she was kinda scared of me when I got like that. The last thing I want is for people to be scared of me! I’m not a scary person! Or that’s what I’d like to think but I’m starting to doubt myself. I don’t actually wanna hurt anyone I’m just in the moment…

I do wanna stop this but I don’t know how. And I don’t wanna seem like an edgy teenager trying to be cool either, this is becoming a problem when my friends and even my dad at one point are telling me I scare them. And it’s a problem cause I can’t stop my violent tendencies, I don’t wanna end up in jail or anything!

And I’m so confused with my own thoughts on this, I’m all over the place as you can see.
Is there something wrong with me?
Is there some sort of personality thing happening here?
How do I stop myself?

When I read your letter, my first thought was “What happened to this person that created this problem?” Generally, people who want to hurt others have been terribly hurt themselves. If you were seeing me for therapy, I’d want to explore whether your thoughts of violence are a way you try to protect yourself. Thoughts of violence certainly give you the feeling of being in control or having the upper hand.

If that isn’t part of the picture (or if it’s only a part of it), I’d want to talk with you more about the “switch” — tracking when and how it happens.

Obviously I can’t do any of this. I do think what you are describing is serious enough that you should make an appointment with a therapist who can. You don’t like these feelings. You are concerned about them. You are scaring people you care about. Those are all good reasons to get an assessment from a mental health professional. It may be that you just need some reassurance. Or it may be that you need some healing. You and the therapist will decide the best way to help you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

January 7, 2023 0 comment

Erratic Uncontrollable Mood Swings and Anger

by Holly Counts, Psy.D. March 11th, 2022

written by Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Since I was a child I’ve experienced extreme changes in mood with no explainable reason behind them. Counselors have always explained it as a result from physical and emotional abuse as a child. I’m almost 30 now, married with two children and have every reason in the world to be happy, but I never feel that way. My temper/attitude seems to be getting worse every year. I’ve noticed a pattern that falls into play around the same time every year. (August – October) I become overwhelmingly upset and depressed with my life. Never anything in particular, just everything at the same time. I feel “something has to change,” and I end up making split-second decisions that affect everyone around me. Within the last 5 weeks, I’ve left my home where my husband of 10.5 years still lives, I see my children every 2 days, and I’m no longer able to enter my home which we’ve lived in and owned 8 years now. The pure thought of walking through the door causes me so much anxiety that I become extremely angry, which leads to violent behavior. I’m not able to pin-point a direct cause for these feelings, and in the back of my mind would love to return home. I just can’t force myself to do it. The worst part about it is that I don’t understand or recognize the issue or reason why. I’m constantly angry, but I’m never able to explain why. I feel like everyone would be better off if I were to just disappear. I don’t know what to do since I have no medical insurance, no money, and medications have never made a difference in the past. All of which ends up leading to overwhelming unexplainable anger. Why am I so angry all the time, if I don’t have a reason to be? Why am I unable to enjoy the little experiences in life and with my family without having irrational thoughts about breaking things and hurting people? I’m not a violent person. But I turn into one when I feel “an attack” coming on. I begin feeling extremely overwhelmed. It feels like there’s electricity inside me that needs to be released, and as the energy continues to build I “black out.” When I calm down, I don’t remember what I’ve said, what I’ve done, or why it even happened. But more often than not, there’s a mess waiting for me to clean up. It’s controlling my life, relationships, and my work. I don’t want my children to hate me or to be afraid of me like I was of my mother. I don’t want to turn into her. That is what has controlled every rational thought and decision I’ve made since the age of 10. It’s beginning to become harder and harder to prevent and control. What can I do? Please Help! (age 29, from US)

I’m sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. It is very unsettling to not feel in control of your emotions or behavior. I’m wondering why you seem to be discounting the statements from past counselors relating your issues to childhood abuse? Working with victims of trauma is one of my specialties and trauma could certainly explain most of what you have written here. Post-traumatic stress disorder can linger for years and affect our lives in every possible way. It is time to get back into therapy and specifically see someone who specializes in trauma and abuse. I would also suggest that you look into a type of therapy called EMDR. It has been shown to be very effective in helping clients heal from the effects of trauma.

I know you stated that you have no insurance or extra money, but there are always options available. Most cities or counties have community mental health centers that provide services to those in financial need. Many therapists in private practice offer sliding scale fees. Most support groups are free. Do some research into what resources are available in your community, including looking into low cost health insurance.

I know that you said medication hasn’t helped you in the past, but you might consider having another evaluation at this point in your life and to have a complete physical. Our bodies change over time and the combination of the right treatments can make a big difference.

Don’t be a victim any longer. Take control of your recovery now so that you can feel safe in your own skin and feel like you have something wonderful to offer others, especially your children, because you do. You are worth it. You deserve to be happy. It’s time to dig in and get to work on YOU.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

March 11, 2022 0 comment

Handling Severe Anger Issues

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 8th, 2022

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’ve always had an anger problem. Always. It’s just never been as intense as it has been for the past year. I could be laughing and enjoying life one second and in the blink of an eye any little thing could set me off and I have NO control over what I do. It is not ’til hours or even days later that I feel any type of regret or remorse for whatever it is I did or said when in this state. I have three beautiful boys (7, 4, 3) who are the world to me. I would do anything for them. But when I ask them to sit down or stop jumping on the bed and they do it any ways, I’ve had to go outside and either scream, hit something, or even just throw something across the room to “scare them” into listening to me. I do these things to reframe from spanking them because I am scared that I will one day forget they are kids and hurt them. I have spanked them several times but never more than what a simple discipline spanking is. I just dont want to end up doing something I will regret. I really need help to control these feelings or whatever it is that causes me to snap and go dark. Please help me. Like I said I will do anything for my three boys, that is why I am here asking. Begging for some one to help. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. Please.

As you have described, anger has “always” been a problem for you. Lately, you’ve noticed it’s becoming worse, to the point where you have “no control” over your behavior. You fear that you might harm your children. Those are all clear signs that you should seek help.

You have not physically harmed your children, but undoubtedly they are suffering each time you deliberately frighten them. Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

As a parent, it is your job to protect your children from any and all danger. Because there are times when you lose control, they are at risk of being harmed by you. You tried to deal with it on your own and it hasn’t been enough.

By seeking professional help, you will be doing the right thing. It is the most responsible course of action. Many communities offer a range of anger management programs and support groups. Choose a therapist who specializes in anger management.

Some people have the mistaken idea that seeking professional help for psychological problems is a sign of weakness. That is simply not true. It is the insightful and intelligent individual who strives to be psychologically healthy and will do whatever is necessary to ensure that outcome.

Anger problems are correctable. Whether or not you seek professional help for a correctable problem is your choice. I hope that you make the right decision. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

February 8, 2022 0 comment