Wheelchair Archives

I’m 15 and I have family issues. My Mom said she’s gonna call a psychiatrist on me and make me stay the night in a mental hospital or something. She wants me to change schools too and go to a Christian school.
This is completely ridiculous because:
A) I’m a nice person. They call me a mean person all the time and it just lowers my self esteem. I know I’m a nice person because I care more about other people than I do myself. I wanna adopt kids from Africa, my friends and I never ever ever get into arguments, nobody at school has anything against me, I help people (like if someone drops their books in the hallway I’ll help them pick them up and or if some girl is in wheelchair I’ll hold her lunch tray or pick something up that she drops or help someone with a question and give advice to people I don’t even know). Just stuff like that. They just think I’m a mean person because I don’t act all hyper and happy and friendly around them like I am when I’m with my friends. It isn’t my fault if I don’t wanna talk about boys and music (that they don’t even know) to them. That’s just stuff I do with my friends. That’s what friends are for.
B) They say I isolate myself. Everyone needs some private time just to themselves, right? I don’t see the problem with that. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. And yeah I’ll admit I don’t enjoy being in the same room with them because they always find something to argue with me about.
C) Sending me to another school is flat out dumb. I love my school and I love the people there. She wants me to change because too many pregnant girls are there and too many kids who do weed are there. I mean EVERY school is gonna be like that. Christian school or not- there will always be bad people everywhere and I think a normal public school would be good for me. If she doesn’t believe me she can get me drug tested. I told her that and that STILL isn’t enough to convince her. She’s impossible to please.
D) I got a cell phone about 6 months ago and they think that’s changing me. A cell phone can’t change somebody. I think I’m at the age where I’m finding out who I am and stuff and it’s just a coincidence I just got a phone at the same time.
E) They think I’m getting too serious with my boyfriend and that he’s causing a problem when I’ve only been going out with him for 3 months and they’ve said numerous time this has been going on for 6 months.
F) They’re also saying that me being a vegetarian is wrong. That’s a personal descision and they just have to learn to accept it like accepting somebody’s religion.

They’re both Christians and so am I, I have a relationship with God and all that jazz but she says that the Bible talks about eating animals. It also says don’t kill anything. The Bible says you need to take care of your body so if I don’t get all the protein I need then I’m sinning or something. I’m skinny. So I don’t see why I need to have the exact amounts of fat and protein everyday.

G) She says I need to bring more people to church. I bring two of my friends to church every week. What more can she ask for? Like no on else will fit in the car! And you can’t MAKE someone go to church with you. It’s their choice.

Do I have a problem? Do I need a psychiatrist? Or are my parents just overreacting?

You sound like a sensible, caring teen who any parent would be proud of. So — either you aren’t seeing and sharing the whole story – or your folks have never parented a teen before and don’t know what to expect. If you are on the level, then my guess is that your parents are terrified because of all the negative things they’ve heard about the teen years. In their efforts to protect you and themselves, they are going overboard. Let’s give them credit for how much they care.

Your best friends in this situation might be your school guidance counselor and the psychiatrist your mom wants you to see. Share your letter with the counselor and see if perhaps she or he can meet with your parents to reassure them that you are a normal kid behaving in normal ways around her family. If that doesn’t do it, go ahead and see a psychiatrist. If all is as you say, the doctor will most likely support you and will tell your folks that you are all going through a normal stage.

BTW: The doctor is also liable to tell your parents that there are lots and lots of parents who would be enormously grateful if they were only arguing with their kids about how much meat they eat. (And yes, you do need protein but research the web for ways you can get what you need in the vegetable world, ok?)

You all sound to me like good people. Your parents are doing their best. You are too. I hope you can find another adult who can give all of you some support so that your folks can relax and you can go about the business of growing up.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

First of all thank you very much for taking your time in reading my problems…
My mom is the most important person in my life, she is the one that i most admire and adore. The thing is that latley she is being extremley aggresive to me verbally and i am too. She lost my father years ago, and she is in a wheelchair…so i kind of understand why she is so depressed and upset, she has had a rough and hard life. The thing is that we fight ALOT, more than you could imagine. We cant have one simple conversation without getting into a fight. Sometimes its my faul for being a stupid teenager, but sometimes she is really really aggresive. She has said things to me that is hard for me to forget. Whenever she is ill, she blames me for it. She complains ALL day long, she curses a LOT, she is always thinking negativley and blaming me for many things. On the other side, i get very rude too…sometimes when shes nice, i am the one picking up a fight. I can be very rude to her and i am always yelling at her. I dont understand why i do this, i thought that maybe it had to do with me being upset at her for loosing her beautiful attitude she had. I know she is the most amazing woman ever, but still nowadays i dont recognize her or me. I really dont know what to do. Whenever we fight i come back instantly asking for forgivness, but she is NEVER satisfied with my apologies or my attitude when i change, so i go back into doing the same. She has never apologized to me (i ALWAYS have the fault of EVERYTHING)…and this is getting really bad and ugly…most of all very hard. I cant be fine without her, she is the person that i love the most and i dont understand what is going on right now. I think i may hold some things against her that i cant let go, like maybe some of the words she has used when shes upset…or looking at her so depressed made me mad because i know she is better than that. I dont know how to help her overcome her depression either…she doesnt accept help, from anyone. Please PLEASE im begging you for help or advice, this is driving me crazy, i cant spend one more day listening to bad words and complaints and negative things and fights and insults. I just cant…

Thank you and sorry to bother!

You are not a bother. Doing what we can to help is what this service is for.

It sounds to me like you’re right. Your mother is suffering from depression. The blaming and criticizing and cursing isn’t really about you. It’s about her frustration and emotional pain. She has reason to be depressed and irritable. She has lost her partner and her health. She is probably more dependent than she ever imagined she would be. After years of maintaining a positive attitude, she’s exhausted. That doesn’t make it okay for her to be critical and rude to you. But maybe it helps you to be reminded that she is tired, not terrible.

At 19, you are in a position to be helpful. Part of moving into adulthood is to see parents as people and to shift from being a needy child to being a supportive adult. Right now, you are the one who can change your relationship. Your mother can’t. She’s too locked into her depression. The first step is to stop trying to change her. You can’t. The only person you can change is you. If you do, it is likely she will eventually start to shift as well.

A person can only be in an argument if the other person argues. It’s time for you to stop. If your mother says something hurtful, just say something like “I’m sorry you feel that way” and excuse yourself. If she blames you, don’t get defensive. Remember it’s not about you. Just say something like, “I know. Things are hard.” Find out what resources are available to provide her with counseling and some practical help and offer her the information. If she pushes it away, just leave the information where she can access it. Don’t insist on it. Don’t be pushy. Just tell her you love her and want better for her.

Do reassure her of your love and admiration regularly. Just don’t get hooked into debates. Bring her water. Offer to do her hair or polish her nails. As soon as she goes negative, say something like “I guess you’re too tired. I’ll come back later when you feel better.” No sarcasm, please. Smile. Give her a kiss and leave. Check back in after an hour or so to try again.

Meanwhile: It’s time for you to get on with your adult life. You didn’t mention whether you have a job. I hope so. If that’s not possible, start volunteering at something meaningful to get you out of the house and to build your resume. Join an activity where there are other young people who share your interests. Your mother can’t offer you a whole lot of support right now so you need friends who can.

Right now, the only “person” who is winning in your home is Mr. Depression. Don’t let that continue. Kick him out the door and resolve to bring back the beautiful attitude your mother once provided. Once there is more love and light in your relationship, your mother may be more willing to accept the help she needs.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Wheelchair

My parents are completely ridiculous

Want to Help Depressed Mom, but How?