Thoughts won’t shut up, devouring soul, frightened to death. I NEED HELP! I REALLY NEED HELP, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF ANYMORE! I can’t sleep. It goes on in cycles, longest insomnia has lasted is 7 days. People keep talking about me. They keep wanting to hurt me. They say cold, mean things and they JUDGE ME. I can’t pay attention. Words mix up, sometimes I don’t understand what people are saying, almost like they are speaking in a foreign language. A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING!!!! He used to touch me. It freaks me out because I keep seeing and feeling the emotion I pushed away. My psychiatrist is going to re-test me. She’s worried I’m hearing things. STRANGE VISIONS. I see stars in the room and they are smiling at me. Once I saw everything tell me to die and I kept saying egg salad. I feel like crying because I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM. I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS. I DON’T KNOW WHO SHE IS.
What is wrong with me? I don’t normally act like this. At times I do. At times I don’t. I hate my arms. They are huge and disgusting. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I’m freaking myself out. I hide from people, I don’t like to be around people because they think I’m weird and I do, too. I scare myself. So I’m never really around people. I used to be social a lot of the time. It all stopped when I turned 18, got in that abusive relationship where he abused me, and now I’m like this. I freak myself out. Sometimes I become really violent because I’m tired of people talking about me and not understanding me. I throw things. A lot of times I hurt myself.
This is really scary, I hate it when I get like this. I’m sober now, I’m not on drugs or alcohol, but still…
I feel there’s something underneath me…its tingling…
Gosh, I’m losing it. Just help me. I don’t understand myself when I get like this, what is wrong with me? I’m tired of seeing these visions. My thoughts devour me.
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much difficulty. It is difficult to feel ungrounded and unsure.
The most efficient way to deal with this problem is to continue to relay your symptoms to your psychiatrist. If you feel that your psychiatrist is not helpful, then consult other mental health professionals. If you are overwhelmed or feel that you might harm yourself or others, then it is important to go to a hospital immediately. A hospital stay may help you to stabilize.
If this situation is not an emergency, then consider other treatment options such as psychotherapy. You mentioned that you have a psychiatrist but did not say whether or not you are involved in other types of psychological treatment. Individual counseling might be helpful. It could assist you in analyzing your thoughts and help you to become more grounded. Group therapy could also be helpful. With group therapy, you would have the advantage of interacting with a number of individuals who can provide support and guidance.
I would also recommend inquiring about a sleep study. A sleep study might uncover the reason for your insomnia.
It is not easy for me to determine “what’s wrong.” I only have a limited amount of information. Your lack of sleep is likely contributing to your psychiatric symptoms. Insufficient sleep can lead to irritability and moodiness. In extreme cases sleep deprivation can cause paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. You might greatly benefit from a sleep medication. Please discuss this possibility with your psychiatrist. Lunesta and Ambien are two popular medications. They might provide relief.
I hope you’re able to get the help that you desire. Please take care. I wish you the best.
Dr. Kristina Randle