Xanex Archives

My husband and I have been together since we were very young. Me 16, him 19. We are now 27 and 30 and have a 3yr old and 9month old. When we were younger, we pretty much did every drug imaginable together. I “grew up” and got over all that and he still has an addiction to pills, which didn’t start until about 4 years ago. He likes pain pills and xanex. But really he’ll snort whatever pill he can get his hands on. We have been going back and forth with this for 4 long years now. I’m at my witts end. It’s becoming clear to me by the things he says, “I can’t believe you won’t even let me do a xanex” that this is never going to change. He’s yet to seek professional help of any kind but has successfully quit the addiction to pain meds several times of the course of this 4 year period which I know for sure because I make him take drug tests. After about 4 months of being clean recently, he has come home high the last 3 days in a row. He’s a super great father to our children (and honestly he’s “better” when he’s high because the pills give him energy) and he supports us wholey on his own. He’s what you’d call a functioning addict. He is going to start seeing a drug counselor this week so we’ll see where this goes but I just don’t know what to do. I know with an addict, it’s a life long issue…no matter how long they’ve been clean. I used to always yell and scream at him and threaten to leave but I had a revelation in the recent months that I need to be supportive of him and try to help him instead of making myself so closed off. However, this isn’t helping either. It’s still the same stuff. What should I do. I’m considering divorce but I don’t just want to give up on him. I know his addiction is doing this and he trys so hard, but always falls back into it.

Neither one of you can go this alone. Sadly, the addiction is part of the fabric of your relationship. You both need counseling and support if things are going to change. I’m concerned that he is “better” when high. It’s possible that part of what drives the addiction is an undiagnosed or undertreated depression. If that’s the case, it’s important for him to deal directly with the depression as part of his treatment.

I also encourage the two of you to find an addictions counselor who is trained in couples therapy as well. (Not all addictions counselors are.) With 10 years and two children between you, I do think it’s worth taking a few months to see if you can work out a way to keep the family together while your husband explores why his habit is so important to him that he would risk losing his family rather than get into recovery.

You might personally find it helpful to talk to the folks at ProjectKnow.com This is a program that supports families of addicts. They run a 24/7 hotline at 866-531-8636.

Thank you for writing. Having gotten past the anger, you are in a good position to try becoming part of the treatment team.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am a Combat vet, Iraq 05-06 right before I deployed I lost both of my parents within a month( natural causes) three weeks later I was in the thick of it in Bagdad, when I came home I was fine for about 4-5 months then I started getting depressed and having anxiety attacks. I sought treatment from both the civilian and military doctors, nothing helped. I just recently lost the last of my family, my brother due to cancer. I am still experiencing all of the symptoms and now I am starting to see things out of the corner of my eye, dark movements. I do not want to talk to anyone or be around people, I also find myself almost wanting to put myself in situations that that would give me the chance to hurt someone, especially when I am angry. I also am starting to have thoughts that (Not that I would do it) things might just be better if I were not around never been born etc.the doctors have given me all sorts of meds Cymbalta, Abilify, Xanex, Welbuitrin nothing helps “try Deep Breathing” “relaxation” whatever it doesn’t work. I know I need to go back to the doctor but I know all they are going to do is say ” try this drug, or try that one” what do I really need to do?

A: You’ve experienced multiple losses and trauma. Your whole system is saying, “Enough. I can’t take any more.” It’s understandable. It’s normal for symptoms to return. It hurts. It hurts because it is emotionally painful. And it hurts to feel like you’re losing control. Of course you’re depressed and anxious.

By all means, go back to your doctors for a medication evaluation. But I don’t think medication and calming routines are enough. I think you need the “talking cure” as well. Underneath the depression and anxiety is a layer of grief and rage. Although medication can help you feel better, those problems can’t be just medicated away. You need time and a safe place to mourn your family and to work through the trauma. If your local VA doesn’t offer group and individual treatment for PTSD, I urge you to find a clinic that does. Specifically look for a therapist who has experience working with military personnel. If you have a spiritual life, I also urge you to look to your chaplain for support for your losses. It’s especially hard to feel orphaned and without the comfort of family when we feel out of control, confused, and emotionally upset. Do try to remember that you carry the people who loved you within you and they would want to help you get to the other side of this.

Finally, make sure you are getting some exercise. As tempting as it is to withdraw and do very little, that will only contribute to the problem. Inactivity reinforces depression. A power-walk or run or playing a little basketball (or whatever other sport you like) can reduce your anxiety and produce endorphins that will help mitigate the depression. Unless your doctors advise otherwise, commit to at least 30 – 60 minutes of breaking a sweat every day.

Thank you for all you’ve done for the rest of us. I am truly sorry you are now going through such a hard chapter in your life. I do believe that honoring your experiences and your grief with time and therapeutic attention will get you to a better place.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Xanex

My Husband Is Addicted to Pills

Combat Vet needs help