Within this month, some extremely frighting and scary things have been occurring to me. I have begun to hear noises in my head saying different things with different accents, they tell me different things all the time. Once I remember seeing a man in the forest all alone, and hearing voices stating to murder him. At some times, definitely a lot in my school, it feels like the entire day was one minute, I sometimes literally cannot remember anything I just did. It is extremely terrifying. I feel tired all the time, I rarely, if ever, smile. I am barely passing school, mostly Ds and C minuses – I dont use a single second of my day on studying or doing homework, and seeing as I barely can function in my school environment, I barely understand anything I am supposed to be learning, and I really dont care. I am always silent all day, and when confronted I simply answer with the quickest response I can.
And I really do not understand why I am feeling this. Nothing has really happened, I have begun to speculate if its because of my constant computer use and gaming; dissociation. But I really dont know, and I really cant handle it much longer. Especially after yesterday when my mom was extremely sad at the morning, and I was confused and asked whats wrong. She stated, in anger, that I had attacked her the last night and began to scream out that I wanted to kill her, myself and a bunch of other crazy stuff I could not even remember doing. I tried to act as I remember it and got (fakingly) angry and left the room.
I assume my question is, is it just a phase, something I should get therapy for (I really dont want to tell my mom about the other crazy stuff that has happened), am I suffering from something serious? I have read upon psychopathy, ASPD, etc. and I feel as I can relate to lacking empathy, nor do I ever express remorse in any situations. I really just dont know anymore and its hard to express all of my feelings, but again, getting a therapist is really the experience I really dont want to endure.
Forgot to add while making it initially, I mention my mom only since my father died before I was born.
While I do not have enough information to know precisely what is wrong, I can answer with certainty that this is not a phase. Your behavior is unusual and needs to be evaluated. Clearly something has changed. It’s not normal to essentially have blackouts, hear voices and to behave in frightening ways. You’re not doing well in school and you don’t feel the same as you used to feel. An evaluation is necessary and urgent.
There’s no reason to believe that you have psychopathy or that your gaming is causing this problem. It might be something else entirely, which is why an evaluation is imperative.
I understand that you do not want to upset your mother but you must not ignore your symptoms. Symptoms are like an early alert system, signifying that certain patterns of behavior are concerning and need evaluated before they become worse. Go to your mother and ask for her help. The sooner you seek help, the sooner this problem can be resolved and you can resume your normal life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
