Q. What could I possibly be as far a diagnosis? I was just wondering if you could at least give me some direction in which diagnosis I probably have. Sexually abused 6 times by different men, unable to recall certain events in my early life and bad short term memory. When I trigger, I guess you could call it, I tend to rock back and forth, repeat things, (ex-im a bad girl, bad girl), tend to go into the fetal position, I get exteremly paranoid, I play with my hair, in really bad times I suck my thumb, I hear things out loud at times not alot though (ex. Theres a spider in there)…when I sort of trigger, I tend to repeat things in my head but thats it or rock standing up..its not that noticably though.My triggers happen everyday though I do not know why. I have nightmares ever ynight, and I have been an SI for over 6 years. I have never been diagnosed or have a therapist, Im currently trying to get one. I dont do those tests because I feel Id be biased and get test results maybe not so accurate. I have had sucidial attempts 6 times. but I have been trying to hurt myself since I was very young…dropping my moms weights on my feet trying to break them, sitting in the middle of the road playing cards waiting for cars to run me over, and trying to put my legs on the car exhaust pipe to burn them. I never thought those were SI attempts however I put two and two together later realizing they were performed intentionally for intentional harm plus this website helped me realize that. Do you have any outline on what I might have? What it possibly seems like, I know you cant diagnose me but any idea would help.I have asked others about this, however I am getting sick of being mentally unwell and not knowing what I possibly have.Thank you.
As you have alluded to in your question, it is difficult for me to give a diagnosis over the Internet. To be honest, I am unsure whether you have a psychiatric diagnosis per say. I am not saying that you are not suffering and I am not saying that you do not have any diagnostic symptoms. What I do mean is that your symptoms do not seem to match any one formal diagnosis, as measured in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV). Given the little information that I do have from your e-mail, your symptoms seem to be closest to matching the diagnosis of Major Depression. You must remember that I am basing this on very little information and I have no true way to know what diagnosis you may actually have. The truth of the matter is that having or getting a diagnosis, in many cases, has little utility. What matters most in your situation is that you are suffering and have suffered with depression and suicidal ideation since you were a young child, and you have yet to seek treatment. The goal for you now is not to find out if your symptoms match DSM-IV criteria. Rather, your time and energy should be geared towards finding a mental health professional who can help you relieve your mental anguish so that you can start living a happier, healthier life, free from depression and suicidal ideation. You have lived with mental anguish for far too long and for your own well being, it is time that you make your way to a professional. I am glad that you are getting sick of feeling mentally unwell. Perhaps now you will take the necessary actions needed to help yourself feel better.
Allow your therapist to thoroughly investigate your case and allow that person to find the source and solution to your problem. Many conditions have multiple components and as such fit no one diagnosis code well. Good luck on your journey into therapy. It could be the road to the contented, happy life that each person so richly deserves. Take care.
