From a young man in the U.S.: A couple years ago I was diagnosed with borderline bipolar disorder. It got really bad to the point I couldn’t work and it took a toll on my marriage. Luckily, I found a medication, along with natural supplements, that help me a lot.
I have always been more of an extrovert when it came to talking to people and making friends. For some reason, my whole life, it seems, people have always made fun of me. Most the time I think it was light hearted and I could brush past it most the time and know that it was because they felt comfortable with me or they loved me. (I also played sports in high school so that’s fairly normal)
Some days it really gets to me and I have a really hard time. I’m very curious if there is a reason why people have an easy time making fun of me. It is because of my personality or is there some other explanation? I think an answer that made sense might make me feel better about it.
I’ve always been really good at hiding my emotions, so I know it’s hard for people to notice if what they say has an affect on me. Is it because the underlying of my disorder? Is it a normal occurrence for other people? Or am I just a loser altogether and most people are making fun of me because I think they’re joking? After all, they do say all jokes have some truth with them. I’m very curious and hope I can receive some sort of an answer.
Thank you very much.
Living with a mental illness is challenging. You are managing both what you experience inside and how you present yourself on the outside. It’s difficult to know whether and when to trust your own perceptions. Your illness has been significant enough to damage your marriage and your work life. I don’t think what you are describing is a “borderline” issue.
I do know that medication alone isn’t enough. Medication may make it possible for you to function, but it doesn’t help you gain insight into your own behavior and other people’s reactions to you. I don’t know if people are making fun of you or if that is your perception. I don’t know if you are as good at hiding your emotions as you think you are. I don’t know if there is something you say or do that makes people so uncomfortable that they distance from you. I don’t know if you are well-loved and you can’t see it. The point is — neither do you.
You need and deserve to have a happier life, unencumbered by doubt and anxiety. Your wife loved you enough to marry you so I’m guessing that at the core you are a decent, talented guy who knows how to love but not necessarily how to express it in a way that others fully understand.
To get there, I encourage you to find a licensed therapist who can meet with you regularly to help you know yourself and who can support you in developing the social insight and skills you need to feel comfortable in the company of others. A therapist can provide you with a safe place and a sounding board to explore the issues you put in your letter.
You might also find it helpful to join a forum here at LifeHelper to talk with others who share some of your experiences and who can give you practical help and support as you heal.
I wish you well.