Yes, I know. There are dozens of books written about how to increase your happiness, probably hundreds of different blogs all promising you the secrets to the keys of happiness, and thousands of articles written on this topic. Since the positive psychology movement got started a while back, it’s been going bananas. And why wouldn’t it? Who wouldn’t like to learn some “secrets” to unlocking their inner happiness?
Happier people tend to live longer, live healthier lives, make more money and do better at work. It’s a chicken and egg problem, though. Does happiness bring those kinds of things, or do those kinds of things lead us to be happier?
While we may not exactly know the answer to that question yet, we do know the answers to many other questions about happiness.
1. You control about half your happiness level. Although the exact level will vary from individual to individual, it appears that up to about 50 percent of our happiness levels are preset by genetics or our environment (called our happiness set-point). But that’s good, because it also means that about 40 to 50 percent of our happiness is within our power to raise or lower.
2. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Once we get to a certain level of income that is enough to pay our bills and keep us in the lifestyle we’ve grown accustomed to, more money doesn’t result in more happiness. The only two exceptions to this rule is if you give money away, or if it significantly improves your social rank. People who give money away appear to sustain greater levels of happiness over time than those who don’t.
3. Lottery winnings create only temporary, short-term happiness. Winning the lottery makes people happy in the moment, but that happiness fades fairly quickly and then people return to their prior level of happiness. People who have won the lottery appear to be no more happy than those who haven’t in the long run. Sure, we could all use the extra money, so play the lottery or gamble only what you can afford and for the sheer enjoyment of doing so — not for the potential big windfall.
4. Relationships are a key factor in long-term happiness. While research has demonstrated that this effect is strongest for married people, other research has shown that strong social connections with others are important to our own happiness. The more of these you have, generally, the happier you will be. And while marriage is significantly correlated with increased happiness, it has to be a strong, healthy marriage in order for that to be true.
5. Focus on experiences, not stuff. People who spend their time and money on doing things together — whether it be taking a vacation to someplace other than home or going on an all-day outing to the local zoo — report higher levels of happiness than those who buy a bigger house, a more expensive car, or more stuff. That’s likely because our memories keep an emotional photograph of the experience, whereas the material things don’t make as big an emotional imprint in our brains. So ditch buying so much stuff for yourself or your kids — you’re only buying artificial, temporary happiness.
The Darker Side of Happiness Research
You should also be aware that there is a growing backlash against such “happiness psychology.” After reading an except from Barbara Ehrenreich’s book, “Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America,” I can say I haven’t been impressed by the first round of criticism. In an excerpt, Ehrenreich demonstrates her own lack of basic psychological science grounding in tangents about psychological assessment design and whether a simplistic equation used for illustrative purposes really captures “happiness.” It appears to be a very uneven book where she makes arguments based upon personalities (Seligman’s, for example) and specious connections (The Templeton Foundation). These are both Logic 101 fallacies (personal attack and guilt by association) that, while making for interesting reading, does little to address the positive psychology research itself.
There are legitimate criticisms to level at the field. For example, a great deal of the research in positive psychology is conducted on college students for course credit. College students, the vast majority of who are in the late teens or early adulthood, are not representative of the general population (findings from college research don’t always hold up when done with a more representative sample). And many studies are done in an artificial laboratory setting, where the researchers have set up an experimental situation that may or may not be representative of the real world. They do this so they can control all the variables except that which they are studying, but it create an artificial environment that while trying to mimic the real world, often falls far short. Human behavior is so complex that how we react toward researchers in a university lab setting may be very different how we react in a natural setting with our friends and family.
The five tips here, however, don’t suffer from these problems. They are reliable conclusions that you can put into practice in your life today. You do have control over how happy you want or allow yourself to be.
24 comments
I am happy most of the time, however recently I started feeling less happy at work, that the work I was doing wasn’t as satisfying as it had once been. I have been trying to work through this issue by learning coping skills to help me through the feelings I have been having. Denice Kronau’s blog has been very helpful. She teaches exactly that… how to be happy at work. It has really helped rejuvenate my desire to be at work again.
Well, you can’t ENTIRELY control 50% of your happiness level. Try being laid off from work for more than a year, worrying about basic survival, and see how happy you are. I know a lot of people in this situation right now–including one person who just committed suicide after being unable to find work for two years. So much for happiness research…
Indeed, you can’t control all 50% of your happiness — a lot of that will still be stuff that happens to you in your life that we have little control over (like being laid off). I indeed overstated that percentage.
I agree with the percentage. No matter what life throws your way, we as human beings have the ability to overcome and persevere. I know getting laid off is terrible, but there are many, many, incredibly worse things out there, and people still manage to survive. No matter how bad you have it, someone will always have it worse, and happiness is a verb. It is an action. It does not happen passively. You must work at it constantly, just like a job. Trust me, I lost my little brother and best friend in an instant. He was just 18, I thought happiness would never be possible after that. If you want it, and work hard enough at it, it will happen, and remember, you may not have a job but you are alive, and so are your loved ones, reserve your seriously sad give up moments for the ones that are absolute. You will get another job eventually, but you can never bring a loved one back. I do not say this for sympathy, only to share some hard earned lessons that may help someone else learn in less of a rough way. I wasted way too much time obsessing over things that I now realize didn’t even matter in the long run. Keep things in perspective, work hard, and focus on what you do have not what you don’t. I only give my advice because I’ve been there, I am living proof that there is always hope, you can always overcome, and you can always perservere. It is not an easy road, but a road worth traveling, because life is too beautiful to waste by not enjoying every moment. Good luck!
Happy people can endure crises because they have good relationships and strong internal resources to get through the tough times.
So perhaps one key to happiness is to work on having good relationships and strengthening our emotional/mental selves.
There will always be tough times to face, but flexibility and positive focus can bring us through.
Nicely done, John.
Personally, I believe this insistent drive for happiness can become disabling within itself. General happiness is the ability to basically ignore all the bad things that you know are going on in the world and in your life. This to me describes a delusion. Not that it isn’t necessary in order to survive life, however a constant drive for happiness is going to leaving you constantly analyzing and over analyzing your life and self. Not feeling settled because you aren’t happy enough or as happy as so and so.
The point is that while happiness is important what is more important is contentment. It’s okay to be sad or angry or even depressed, contentment is acceptance of whatever emotional state you are currently in but not allowing it to control your life.
“Does happiness bring those kinds of things, or do those kinds of things lead us to be happier?”
Exactly! That and the following claifiations are why thre’s nothing reliable about these findings:
1. “You control about half your happiness level.”
That’s rightbut trivial. We cotrol everyting we do to 50%.
2. “Money doesn’t buy happiness.”
It does, depending on how muchyou own in comparison to others
3. “Lottery winnings create only temporary, short-term happiness.”
Because if you don’t have the skills to make money, you don’t have skills to keep it.
4. “Relationships are a key factor in long-term happiness.”
Basically yes, but it depends on the quality of the relationship and how important it is for you.
5. “Focus on experiences, not stuff.”
Again, that depends on your personality. There are people who don’t prefer experiences.
I sent this link to Dennis Prager, who has a “Happiness Hour” on his radio program each week. It’s interesting stuff, and I hope he shares his take on it.
Another couple reasons lottery winners don’t find happiness from their winnings: (1) many secretly feel they don’t deserve it, (2) suddenly experience social dissonance, caught between their between former social circles and those of the wealthy – circles which often don’t overlap – and (3) must suddenly contend with an onslaught of not only philanthropic organizations, but friends and relatives hoping to get a piece of the pie. It can bring great confusion and sadness to have long-estranged people show up with hopes of schmoozing some money out of you.
Actually, I have to disagree that general happiness is about delusion or ignoring what’s happening. True happiness is accepting and responding to issues that crop up and realizing that both the highs and the lows of life are fleeting. Which is exactly the way it should be.
It’s hard to get there but once you stop pinning your self-worth and the worth of others on what’s happening “outside”, or even on your emotional reactions it all becomes a lot easier to bear.
I think it is dangerous to get too pinned-down on values, as the most obvious issue is that human beings are different, and have different requirements at different times. A person who does not have work (been there) will usually focus on that and their “happiness” will be affected by it – sometimes to extremes. Whether it be 50% or 40% or 60% is I think irrelevant compared to a realisation that we can indeed affect our level of “happiness” and should aim to make it positive, not negative. The bigger question for me is what really constitutes the state of mind called “happiness” and how it can be achieved more frequently, and probably as importantly, how can we help others achieve as well. I would bet that even so-called happier people are not happy all of the time. To that end, the information in this article gives some possible pointers in our personal learning process.
It’s worth noting that the happiest populations by country of residence live where there is relative economic equality and almost no poverty.
I agree with Michelle that “Happy people can endure crises because they have good relationships and strong internal resources to get through the tough times.”
This reminds me why people who have had insecure attachments as children can have more trouble with this not having had the nurturance required to build a solid emotional foundation or internal resources. This is what psychotherapy is for. But telling those who did not have this upbringing may cause people feel more badly about themselves because they are not able to control their attitude and just “be happy” as those who didn’t have their upbringing. There are exceptions, but I don’t think its fair to say that everyone in those circustances is somehow less than because some others had overcome such a childhood unaffected.
I agree with EJames that this is very relevant “It’s worth noting that the happiest populations by country of residence live where there is relative economic equality and almost no poverty.” The world happiness surveys do generally incidate the happiest all around the world live in nations which provide for basic needs.
It reminds me of Maslow’s hierarchy-a person’s whose basic needs are fulfilled: food, shelter, health care, etc-will allow them the resources to strive toward self-actualization. It’s difficult to “be happy” when your exhausted from trying to get basic needs met for yourself and children. Of course if you have had a healthy attachment as a child, you are already ahead of those who did not.
Money can buy happiness to a certain degree. Having heat and not having to worry about how to buy food, not having to worry about how you will get your sick child treated each time she falls ill, having a reliable car to get to work, well so many things, free up positive energy. I think this is especially true when you are poor but live surrounded by a world designed for the middle class, like in the U.S.
I describe myself as a happy go lucky person.never a victim always a survivor.I have had some dreadful things happen to me in my 64 years and yet I seem to have the ability to pick myself up dust myself off and get going again.I have had 2 massive heart attack where I “died” 4 times. I am still here. I had open heart surgery and contacted a very bad infection 3 days later. I am still here. I laugh, I laugh a lot. There are things I can do and things that I can’t do but I give life my best shot always. I have had 9 years of bonus days.my mantra is I woke up this morning, I’m breathing in and I’m breathing out , no matter what happens it will be a good day. Positive thinking works for me.I live alone in a tiny flat amongst some of the unfriendliest people I have ever met. Yet I am happy. Why? Laughter really is the best medicine.
I grew up with two parents who always seemed to be extremely angry with me after my brother died. There were no cuddles and kisses for me.My father was a perfectionist and so was my mother.When I was 56 years old I asked my father why the anger. His reply stunned me. I never loved you he told me, I never liked you, I do not find you a likable or lovable person.What do you do when faced with that sort of thing. I was hurt and angry and I walked away saying to my father that I felt sorry for him not for myself because at least I had joy in my life he had none. He had asked me to move away from the state in Australia I was to move to another state to become his carer. I did that. He threw me out after 10 days saying we didn’t suit. I was in a strange place and in an instant I was made homeless.What do you do in a case like that. You get on with your life and live the way you want to and be happy.I went from having a good job with a nice rented flat and good friends to nothing. I had nothing as I had given it all away to friends and a charity. I had to start all over again.I only went to his funeral to make darn sure he went behind that curtain into the fire.I never shed a tear not one.Yes I was bitter but hey I’m still here and he can no longer harm me.I’m also happy.With very little money but I have made some great friends.
Something we should realize (even though it doesn’t help much, really), is that some people don’t have any love to give. They may have been abused and treat their children the way they were treated. “Hurt people, hurt people.”
How sad for all of the people who grew up with dysfunctional, abusive parents.
As children, we are perfect and innocent. Some where along the way a person(s) told us lies about ourselves, either verbally or non-verbally, and of course we believed them.
As adults we have to re-program ourselves to realize it was never our fault. Those old tapes die hard, though..
Every child deserves to feel safe, loved, respected, validated and heard.
Our friends sometimes (in my case also) become….our family.
After all….who/what is family? People who love us.
Love, Allison
My husband and I recently went from years of bread-line living to a decent, comfortable living (I got a good job after grad school & temporary employment & unemployment). Money now buys us therapy to deal with long-standing childhood abuse issues that were making us miserable. It buys us medical cover and dentist visits. It buys me sick leave and holiday leave. It buys us holidays away together so we can relax and reconnect. We always had enough money and social support to eat and to see GPs if we got sick, but sometimes it was a stressful, scary juggling act. Some people can’t make it no matter how they juggle. Money totally buys happiness, in ways that people can’t comprehend unless they can imagine the real, daily debilitations of going without all these things.
The students who started attending Epicurus’s school-communities 2300 years ago and kept on building their lives on practicing his teachings uninterrupted for over 800 years would have smiled heartily at the “newness” of the never-ending row of “evidence” in support of opinions that used to be are self-evident for them. Although Epicureans have never referred to the achievability of happiness in percental terms, they knew and know that we can change some things (basically our attitude) and we cannot change other things. They knew that human relationships were the alpha and the omega of happiness and therefore they cultivated friendship in their communities and their couple relationships. And they knew what Scattycat stressed in his comment and what Democritus propagated before Epicurus:
“At one and the same time we must philosophize, laugh, and manage our household and other business.â€
I have been researching the topic of financial literacy. This lead me to explore the relationship between happiness and money. I had come upon most of the facts before but this article has put it into 5 very concise “secrets” all in one package. Thank you.
Excellent article. Lotteries definitely do not create long term happiness, although if you think about it, you would think that millions of dollars would make you forever happy.
I absolutely agree with number five.
You CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU.
We never truly ‘own’ … ANYTHING. We just get to keep it for a while. On the day we die? Every sing thing that we own now belongs to someone else. All that Donald Trump has worked for his entire life will belong to someone else on the day that he died.
We should absolutely focus on experiences and relationships; there are millions of millionaries around this world who can NOT figure out why they are not happy. The reality is? The more you have? The more people might try to take from you.
If you have noticed, they never even bury a married man with his wedding ring. It seems most families are aware that a funeral home might steal the ring before the body gets buried, so they never even put it on a dead man’s hand. A man who stays married for FIFTY YEARS…. gets buried without it.
That should tell you.
Everything is dust in the wind.
The lottery finding isn’t reliable, see this paper:
http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/soc/economics/staff/academic/oswald/lotteries05.pdf
That finding, however, wasn’t published in a peer-reviewed scientific journal (that I could find). And I’m also not aware of it being replicated in any way in a different country or culture, so it’s hard to say the lottery finding isn’t “reliable.” It may be more fair to say the evidence is still out.
I think money could make someone happy (that is, it has the capability, so even without it or much of it one could be happy) because it makes people content (no elaboration needed) which follows that lottery winnings could make people happy, even for a short while.
Happiness is circumstancial, anyway.
Nonetheless it’s giving that gives joy, not just happiness, and I believe that that’s what separates rich happy people from rich sad people.
But all these are just assumptions. We need citations people! For my dearest research.
On Eudaimonia or Happiness, a new perspective and procedure from Affective Neuroscience
In affective neuroscience, it is well known that behaviors that involve continuous high and positive act/outcome discrepancy (gaming, gambling, creative work) correspond to elevated dopaminergic activity and a feeling of arousal, but not pleasure. However, for many individuals engaging in similar activity, a feeling of pleasure is also reported, but only when their covert musculature is inactive (i.e., a state or rest). Because relaxation activates opioid systems, and tension inhibits them, it is postulated that dopaminergic activity stimulates opioid activity, but only during resting states.
This hypothesis can be easily tested and is described in greater detail below. If correct, it will demonstrate for the first time that elevated and sustained arousal and pleasure, or ‘eudaemonia’ or ‘happiness’ can be induced easily through simple modifications of abstract perceptual properties of behavior that anyone can easily do throughout the day.
THE CONTINGENCY MANAGEMENT OF POSITIVE AFFECT
AFFECT AND MOTIVATION
Opioid and dopamine systems represent bundles of neurons or ‘nuclei’ in the mid brain that are respectively responsible for the affective states of pleasure and attentive arousal, and sub-serve the neural processes that govern motivation.
OPIOID AND DOPAMINE SYSTEMS ARE ACTIVATED BY DIFFERENT STIMULI EITHER VIRTUAL (COGNITIVE) OR REAL
Eating and drinking, having sex, and relaxing or resting all activate opioid systems, whereas the anticipation or experience of positive act-outcome discrepancy (or positive surprises or meaning) activate dopamine systems.
OPIOID AND DOPAMINE SYSTEMS CAN CO-ACTIVATE EACH OTHER
Taking our pleasures increases our attentive arousal, and increasing our attentive arousal accentuates our pleasure. If these systems are concurrently activated both are accentuated or affectively ‘bootstrapped’, as both pleasure and attentive arousal will be higher due to their synergistic effects.
OPIOID AND DOPAMINE SYSTEMS CAN BE CO-ACTIVATED THROUGH THE ARRANGEMENT OF SPECIFIC ACT-OUTCOME EXPECTANCIES OR RESPONSE CONTINGENCIES
As characterized by the well documented ‘flow response’ (pp.82-86), consistently applied contingencies that elicit pleasurable resting states and consistent attentive arousal result in self-reports of heightened pleasure and energy. This emotional experience can be easily replicated by simultaneously applied contingencies that elicit rest (mindfulness protocols) and meaning (imminent productive behavior and its uniform positive implications). To achieve complete rest and accentuate positive affect, these contingencies must be applied for periods of at least a half hour or more. Just as one sets meditative sessions to last for a set time period and frequency to be effective, so mindfulness and meaning sessions must be similarly arranged, with cumulative sessions if possible charted to provide proper feedback of efficacy. Finally, the intensity of positive affect will scale to the importance or salience of moment to moment meaningful behavior, with the more meaningful the task the higher the pleasurable affect.
IMPLICATIONS
Affect is as much an aspect of how information is arranged as what information is, or the abstract rather than normative properties of behavior. It follows that as a positively affective state, happiness is not just a product of what we think, but how we think, and derives not only from our pleasures but also from our incentives. Positive incentives can accentuate those very pleasures that we wish to maximize, and conversely, associated pleasure will increase the ‘appetitive value’ or ‘liking’ of incentives (or in other words, increase the value of productive work), and all sustained by simple choices within our grasp, as is ultimately happiness itself.
I offer a more detailed explanation in pp. 47-52, and pp 82-86 of my open source book on the neuroscience of resting states, ‘The Book of Rest’, linked below.
https://www.scribd.com/doc/284056765/The-Book-of-Rest-The-Odd-Psychology-of-Doing-Nothing
This above book is based on the research of the distinguished neuroscientist Kent Berridge of the University of Michigan, a preeminent researcher and authority on dopamine, addiction, and motivation, who was kind to vet the work for accuracy and endorse the finished manuscript.
Berridge’s Site
https://sites.lsa.umich.edu/berridge-lab/
also:
Meditation and Rest
from the International Journal of Stress Management, by this author
https://www.scribd.com/doc/121345732/Relaxation-and-Muscular-Tension-A-bio-behavioristic-explanation
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