Wondering how you can show someone in your life that you care about them? Here’s a few suggestions that may help you do just that.
1. Do It, Don’t Say It.
You know that old common wisdom, “Actions speak louder than words”? Well, it’s true. While you can apologize for not doing something until you’re blue in the face, you’ll gain so much more appreciation by another in your life by simply doing it in the first place. Yes, it means you have to work harder to keep on top of things to begin with, even with simple things like taking out the trash or running that errand you said you would. But the reward is that your loved one will know you care because you just did it without being asked or reminded to do so.
2. Refuse to Argue and Pick Your Battles.
Arguments are a constant source of relationship strife, even amongst family members or friends. You may say, “How can I just stop arguing?” Easy, because engaging in a conversation with another person is a choice we make (whether we always do so consciously or not). Make a conscious effort to note when you’re entering into an argument, and then just stop. Remember, not every argument is worth engaging in — so don’t feel like you have to get into an argument just because someone else is asking for one. “Sorry, I can’t talk about this right now, let’s talk more about this later…” or “You’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry” will put a sudden halt to the argument. Which leads us to…
3. Apologize Often, Even If You’re Not Wrong.
Why should you apologize even if you’re not “wrong?” Well, it depends on your point of view. Is being “right” more important to you than your loved one’s feelings? Is being “right” something you’ll be proud of when you’re on your deathbed — “Well, hell, I may have caused her a world of hurt, but at least she knew who was right!” Apologies are simple, free, and entirely within your world of control. Handing them out just as freely and easily will, in the long-run, make you feel better and also make your loved ones feel better. It shows you care more about them rather than winning any particular (all-too-often, silly) argument. (As with all things, when taken to an extreme, this is also not particularly healthy behavior, but do know when to pick your battles.)
4. Do Something Unexpected.
Most people love a surprise, especially when that surprise is something that helps them or makes their life a little bit easier, if just for a minute. It could be as simple as a card to show appreciation “Just because,” or offering to watch the kids one night when it wasn’t your turn. It could be saying, “Hey, I’ll cook dinner tonight” or “Hey, I’ll take out the trash,” and then just doing it. Even simple actions can speak volumes, especially if the other person has had an especially difficult day. Imagine if it were your night to cook but you’ve had an especially difficult, stressful day. Your significant other knows this, and offers to cook instead. It’s a great expression of caring, even when it may seem too obvious or simple.
5. Sharing is Caring.
Sound trite? You bet it does, but guess what, it’s also true. It’s so much easier to eat the last cookie, or to get a glass of water just for yourself. But it shows you care when you offer someone else the last cookie or ask the other person if there’s anything you can get them while you’re up. Simple acts of kindness are the ones we so easily overlook in everyday life. Yet they speak volumes to others in our lives.
6. Wake Every Morning with An Appreciation for The Other Person.
Being grateful for the people and things in our lives is one of the most simple ways to achieve a sense of daily happiness. You don’t have to engage in huge displays of love or affection. Simple actions, like saying, “I love you” or packing someone’s favorite lunch may be all that’s needed. Often time, living with someone day in and day out can breed a certain familiarity (or, as the old saying goes, “contempt”). Keep that in mind, acting in a manner consistent with someone who loves another, not someone who is keeping silent score. Even if your partner never knows it, it’s a way of showing you care that can be just as important as any outward, direct display.
Showing you care to those in your life on a regular basis is more challenging than it sounds. The people we hold closest and dearest to us are often the ones we expend the least amount of effort in displays of caring and affection. Yet, most people appreciate and need the occasional display of caring.
It’s not hard, but it does take a conscious effort on our parts, and one that we may need to remember to do at least once a week, if not every day.
14 comments
Hi John.
Excellent advice particularly at this time of year. Spending time with our loved ones can at the best of times become quite stressful. Trying to keep people happy and non-confrontational depletes our energies.
No: 2. Gives rise to a popular phrase by ‘Edward De Bono’ “You’re right, I’m wrong. This can help to stop conflict before it starts.
No: 6. An attitude of Gratitude.
“Being grateful for the people and things in our lives is one of the simplest ways to achieve a sense of daily happiness.â€
Happy Christmas!
Regards
Dawn Pugh (MBACP)
Doc John
Still, there are times when SAYING it is the best thing. For the actions to be seen as caring, you will still need to express the words:
I care about you SO MUCH!
You are SO special to me!
Don’t leave me wondering – gee, he told me he made a donation to the charity that helped me, does that mean he cares or does that mean he likes the charity?
Yes, this is great reading for my husband, esp. the part about doing things without being asked or reminded (ha!). Express those feelings and also do the actions that show the love.
True. I was thinking of some of the less obvious ways, and left out the most obvious way to show you care — find a way to tell the person. Regularly.
Good points for a peaceful relationship. It takes a decision to have a good relationship instead of having someone to worship you or recognize you have power in the relationship. It takes a lot of work to get in the habit to follow these ideas but once it is a habit then it becomes easy.
please try the web site http://www.gratefulness.org – it’s a great place to go to “light” a candle, “walk” a maze, or just to read the daily quotes and try to appreciate all the good things you have.
Being fundamentally grateful for your life, and the other person, lowers your blood pressure, and makes everyday irritations FAR easier to take!
Great ideas — all true. In my relationship, though – the actions aren’t enough. She needs to hear it, too. I try to do surprises – little things she might not notice right away – but then she’ll get mad because I didn’t tell her.
Ideally, relationships work best when both people are doing things like this. When both people are trying to out-love and out-do the other person.
Great information John I found your article on google and am going to use this subject on my blog. You have some really innovative ideas on how to show appreciation.
John
Doc John
I always try to keep her happy but all my effort
are valid for some time only.I alway try to avoid arguements.some of my behaviour what she liked early
are worthless some points of time.what should I do sir.I really need ur help sir.
priya, I’m in a similar boat. Sounds like your actions are falling short. You need to talk to her and find out what makes her happy, then do those things without being told. You can’t “keep her happy” any other way. When an argument breaks out avoid the fight, but don’t avoid why or what the argument was about. Figure out what the problem is, talk about it and find a way to put an action into it. Don’t be afraid to voice your own concerns. If she’s with you then she loves you.
This is some good advice. My wife needs both to hear and see me do the actions. She knows when things don’t match up, and when the resentment builds. I know I’ve not been perfect and I have a long way to go, but I am using these articles to formulate a plan to become the husband my wife deserves.
I’m really glad to be here..Tanks doc for a place as dis where we can develop on our personalities n behavioral attitude.I hop to learn
Eric Fromm’s, the “Art of Loving” speaks about the 4 aspects of Loving! 1. Care and concern 2. Respect 3. Responsibility 4. Knowledge of the other person!! Agree with me, or not??
“It’s not hard, but it does take a conscious effort on our parts, and one that we may need to remember to do at least once a week, if not every day”.
This statement is pure collective brain-washing and proven cultural Marxist communism.
I accept this is the way of a lot of humans are towards others, but this is also a societal construct of pressure and DNA tampering in more modern times, which is making this a bigger problem than societies before us.
The simple fact you force more humans in a confined space, you have caused a problem of un-caring, not alleviated or helped in any way. So the leaders of countries and governments are causing societal problems through force.
Some of us do not need to or make any conscious effort to be appreciative or complimentary or compassionate towards others, good and bad.
This is a born thing that cannot be taught, even if all you head people and consensus over facts groups are deliberately altering the fabric of basic life by saying things that are not true, but brain-washing the people to make them believe it is true.
We are born to help or always need help, this is simple logic and a fact of life and human existence.
Yet society is bringing in Marxism, trying to say everything is learned and taught to all humans, which is absolute rubbish and goes against the grain of human life and all other forms of life on this planet.
It does not matter what race, colour or way of life you come from, it is all the same, poor people have a caring nature, rich people have a caring nature, as some humans are born with this way in their DNA. Some people are born cruel and not able to communicate or interact, and this never gets better, regardless of trying to blame society for there way of doing things that makes them seem different.
You will never be honest and true if you brain-wash yourself into saying or complimenting others, when it is against the nature of you in the first place.
I’m not exactly sure what Marxism — a political system of belief — has to do with learning a new skill or habit. Anyone can learn a new skill or habit. It’s not rubbish, as people do it every day — change their habits and behaviors on their way to becoming a better person. Your behaviors and beliefs aren’t found in some tiny component of a gene. They’re made up of the billions of interactions you had since being born, with the people around you, with the environment around you, with the experience you personally had in learning and exploring these things.
Of course people can change. We have over 100 years of scientific research that shows that’s true. And so yes, a person can learn to be more caring and thoughtful. It is not in a person’s DNA. If you believe otherwise, then you disbelieve science. And if you’re not a believer of science, you’re probably on the wrong website.
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