Psychotherapy is a great treatment option for virtually any mental disorder or mental health concern, as well as life and relationship issues. Decades’ worth of research have proven its effectiveness, at least when you’re working with an experienced therapist who knows their stuff and uses empirically-backed techniques.
But what happens when you need to change therapists? We all need to change therapists from time to time, so how do you start over with a new therapist? Where do you begin? What do you do? And what do you look for in your new therapist?
Changing therapists can be a daunting, anxiety-inducing process. There is no “right” time to change therapists. You do it when you feel like you’re treading water with your current therapist, or you’re just not seeing the progress you’d like in therapy. With that in mind, here are 7 tips for changing therapists I recommend.
1. Tell your current therapist. Now.
This may seem obvious, but many put the obvious off until the last minute. If you haven’t already, you need to tell your current therapist that it’s time for a change. This should start near the beginning of your next session (don’t wait until the end, even though it may provoke some anxiety in you). While therapists are professionals, they are people too and can have a natural, human reaction to being dumped. While most therapists won’t take your decision personally, there may be some who do. Be prepared to answer some basic questions about your decision — Why are you changing therapists? Is there anything specific about your therapy that you found particularly rewarding? Unrewarding? Helpful? Not helpful?
Remember, this is your decision and technically it’s not up for “review” by anyone, unless you choose to share your reasoning behind it. There’s nothing that says you have to, but in most cases, it’s probably easiest to do so. And who knows? It may help your old therapist better help others in the future, especially if you’re leaving them because of a specific personality or interpersonal issue of the therapist.
2. You are legally entitled to a copy of your record — so get one.
Many therapists act as though your mental health record is their exclusive property. Nothing could be further from the truth. In the U.S., you are legally entitled not only to review your mental health record that your therapist keeps on you, but also to a copy of it. You may have to pay for photocopying costs, but the mental health record is actually yours.
You may want to review and have a copy of your mental health record before moving on. Your new therapist may also want to review your old mental health record and may ask you to sign a release form in order to expedite the process. Not all therapists will do this though, as sometimes these records have very little helpful information in them. I’ve seen progress notes that were no longer than 2 sentences long: “Patient showed up for session on time. We discussed patient’s current issues and therapist recommended following through on homework assignments.” This isn’t going to be particularly helpful to a new therapist to read through pages of similar material.
What does having a copy of your record do? It helps you understand the progress you’ve made to date, what goals you’re accomplished, and what areas may be of greater difficulty for you. Ideally, your treatment record will help you and your next therapist figure out where to pick up, and what sorts of things might be helpful to watch out for as stumbling blocks in the future.
3. If you still need a new therapist, ask for a recommendation.
Surprisingly, therapists who work within the same town or community tend to know one another, at least by reputation. Good therapists usually stand out, and even bad therapists will usually know who might be a good therapist who’s also a good fit for their patients who are looking for a change. If you’re leaving your current therapist because you question their ethics or judgment, then this may be a step you can safely skip.
Also, check out online directories, such as our psychotherapist directory here at Psych Central. They can help give you the basic background information about a therapist without having to lift a finger (other than to type your ZIP code in!).
4. Put your fear aside — this is a part of the therapist’s professional work.
Some people stick with the wrong therapist for them for far too long for one reason — fear. They are fearful to speak up for themselves, or to suggest something as seemingly drastic as leaving their current therapy.
Therapy doesn’t always work with a therapist you’ve chosen for a multitude of reasons, however. If you’ve tried your best, were open to change, and actively worked on changing your thoughts and behaviors associated with the problem that brought you into therapy in the first place, then it’s not your fault. Sometimes it just takes the right combination of therapist + patient = change.
As mentioned in #1, your therapist is a professional who should be trained and experienced in people leaving their practice from time to time. Expect to be treated in a respectful and professional manner when you’ve announced your decision. (And if you’re not, that’s just another sign it was the right time to move on!)
5. Consider taking a therapy break.
I’ve known people who’ve been in therapy for 3, 5, even 10 years at a time, sometimes even with the same therapist. We all need breaks from things — even helpful or beneficial things like psychotherapy. Consider taking a therapy break if you’ve been at it for years at a time, a vacation from therapy if you will. It doesn’t have to be long — a few weeks or months. It may give you a fresh perspective on what you most need and want out of your next therapist.
6. Prepare yourself for re-telling your story all over again.
Even if your new therapist has a copy of your old mental health records, they’re still going to want to hear it from the “horse’s mouth,” so to speak. So prepare to share your family history and life story up to the present, in your own words, to your new therapist.
This is probably one of the most frustrating parts of starting with a new therapist — picking up the pieces and getting the new therapist up to speed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people upset about this prospect. And why wouldn’t you be? You’ve spent months or years cultivating the relationship and knowledge with your current therapist. Starting over seems like such a backward step.
Sometimes, however, taking a step backwards allows us to gain new perspective, or stop ourselves from falling over an edge that is closer than we thought.
7. Approach your new therapist from a fresh perspective.
Just as taking a break from psychotherapy might be helpful, and preparing to re-tell your life story might give you some new perspective, your entire approach to your new therapist is a chance to change things up as well.
In fact, consider the new therapist you choose from this fresh perspective, too. If you had a woman, maybe a male therapist might be more helpful this time around. The main qualities I look for in a therapist is someone who’s well-experienced, has prior experience working with my specific kinds of issues, and is someone I can connect with almost immediately from the first session. It’s kind of like a first date — you know there’s a connection there or not almost immediately. Give it up to 3 sessions to figure out whether your new therapist is right for you or not. If not, move on again. It’s much easier to do so sooner rather than later.
Changing therapists is not the easiest thing to do, but it’s sometimes necessary to move on for your own benefit. Don’t be afraid to take the plunge if you feel the time is right.
These are just 7 tips I’ve come up with for changing therapists. Do you have more (I bet you do!). If so, please add your tips below.
26 comments
My Tip:
Even if you tell your T, and ask for a referral, your T may not want to let you go.
So, expect to get NO referral or a long, unhelpful listing vs. a personal recommendation.
Expect that the T will offer to try something new or read a book, so as to better help you with the issue. The T who thinks “I can fix anyone with anything” can be hard to get away from.
You have to TRUST your instinct that you need something different, even if you like the current T. This can be very hard to do if you’ve always doubted yourself, or misjudged people.
Be prepared to talk to a LOT of frogs before you find the right one.
While these tips are good, and of course it is your decision and you are not obligated to give your reasons, consider, too, that any good therapist will want to discuss your desire to quit/change as a treatment issue. Perhaps a person’s desire to cut and run has more to do with getting to the (painful) heart of the matter or something about the therapist which touches a nerve in the nature of (possibly healthy and helpful) transference.
And that, AF,would be their choice.
It would be nice to leave a therapist without getting that babble about avoidance, transference, blah blah blah.
Hi. I am confused. I asked for a copy f my records before leaving therapy and was told that “per policy and per CT state law, I am not allowed to have my records directly. They can only be forwarded to another clinician.” Is this true? I find this hard to believe in this day and age.
Thanks for the article and any info. you have on this issue would be greatly appreciated.
In Florida the same thing is said. I checked laws regarding mental health and found the reason a copy of your record can be given to another clinician. Copy is NOT given to patient/client if current treatment team believes what’s in the record could hurt you mentally or cause you to become unstable.
One way to get a copy for yourself is to get a friend’s or family member’s address to have the copy sent to, in care of Dr Smith. Idid that to get a copy of mine which I then gave to my then therapist.
I had no problem leaving a few therapists after one or two sessions. One male psychiatrist asked me (I was 22) if I was breast or bottle fed on the first history intake interview and I thought he was coming onto me.
Another told me that my bulimia did not compare to other women who had kids with spina bifida, leukaemia etc.
Another (work place therapist) actually told my employer who told my mother who worked at the same place, all my deepest secrets. I only found out when my mother told me, the therapist did not discuss it with me. I was 24 and so distressed about it.
Another threw a hissy fit when I asked her how many kids she had (I was pregnant at the time) and the last one terminated me, lucky I already thought she was a complete nutter. I later learned she had a nervous breakdown and moved onto another career.
No wonder I thought my current therapist was ok. She seemed normal compared to the rest of them.
Honestly, if you don’t like your therapist, you have the right to simply never come back and find another one. They won’t stalk you and hunt you down. Unless you are attached, especially in a negative way, which is not unlike the Stockholm Syndrome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
Then it is far more difficult.
Sonia
Therapy Unplugged
To know how and when to change therapists, you need to be emotionally stable enough not to need a therapist.
LOL @ David. Never was a truer word spoken.
These are some good tips, both in the article and the comments. Therapists are professionals, but they’re also people with their own problems. But, as the client, their problems are not your problems.
@Sonia, you’ve had some interesting therapists. Wow.
Hi Pam,
My best friend had a therapist who was murdered by a client, after he moved way up north of Australia. I used to go with her occasionally when she saw him as we kind of had a very intense friendship. He was a most gentle, kind man who helped us both.
Sonia
@harvest, you have the right to get your records, unless the therapist can substantiate that not doing so would be harmful to you. Here is a link to the CT law regarding this: http://www.cga.ct.gov/2006/rpt/2006-R-0599.htm
Submit the request in writing, and if you have another provider who could receive them in case your therapist is unwilling to provide you with your information, include that contact info and cc the new therapist. If the therapist is still unwilling to give your records to you or a representative, consider following up with advocacy services: http://library.uchc.edu/departm/hnet/advocacy.html
AF’s admonishment about leaving to escape the painful is the weapon used by many a therapist to control many a client.
The problem with this type of “interpretation” is it intrinsically invalidates and diminishes to the client. Simply the dynamic of the therapist as the “correct” interpreter of events defeats client empowerment.
The client’s perceptions of the here and now should be acknowledged and respected. Therapists too often have their noses so deep in their theory books that they abandon common sense.
I have been in therapy for over 2 years. My T has helped me through some difficult times and has been very supportive. We are a good fit. But i have developed feeling s for my T for the past year. We have discussed this, but I still have them and I am afraid I am becoming too dependent on him thus the reason for wanting to move on.
If your therapist doesn’t do it for you in the first few sessions, then leave.
There are plenty of good ones out there.
Don’t avoid the hard stuff though by using that as an excuse.
I am not religious and was referred to a therapist by my doctor. I told her when I met her that I didn’t want god to be part of my therapy. She said she might bring it up from time to time and I said OK because my doctor said she knew her. Big mistake. I later found out my doctor only met her once. Then when I was in crisis when I thought an abusive man was going to hurt me she ended the session by asking me to think about god. I wonder the ethics of a therapist who would take a dark hour to manipulate me like that. I told her that she should not take non-religious clients. She says she likes the challenge. If she wants to be a missionary great. But leave me out of it. I blame myself because I know Jesus freaks (no offense) can’t help it and I should have known better than to see her. But I think she was unprofessional and manipulative to take someone in need to further her own aims instead of saying flat out, I can NOT not be religious so we wouldn’t be a good fit. Now I’ve spent it of time and don’t know where to go to start new.
I am a Christian but I didnt want a Christian counselor so I get what you mean I am a depressed one so I believe that non Christians can be moral,living and helpful and I’m sorry you had that experience but please find someone else my counselor found out I am Christian and now talks bible and that’s not what I wanted and today he said after talking to me he feels like he needs therapy so I’m not going back cause now i cant be open because i feel like I’m a burden on him its messed up.
I saw the same therapist for a little over 2 years, though the last few months felt really unproductive. My (former) partner and I saw a couple’s therapist for about 9 months and I felt like I learned a lot more in that therapeutic relationship than I had in 30 months with my individual therapist. My partner and I ultimately broke up and I discontinued therapy altogether for several months for financial reasons. I’d like to go back; is it weird (from the therapist perspective) if I want to work individually with my former couple’s therapist? Does it matter? I have no problem with it, but I’m afraid to reach out to my former couple’s therapist to see if he’d see me individually because I don’t know if that’s weird/strange/unethical/etc in the profession. Insights?
I had not given a thought to it in an very long time as I figured things don’t always go great in this life.
When I was pregnant a therapist went out of her way to avoid me when someone made a mistake about my appt. It could have been them or me. I had a high risk preg & didn’t need to be ignored.
Another therapist,upon hearing I was done with therapy said “it’s you not me.” Very inelligent & kind at the same time.
Another therapist said unusual things to me while moving too close to me. He was off in many ways.
And wasn’t kind when he said unusual things.
It felt like he was being a turn off on purpose
but make sure to give reasons why I should go back to therapy even though he scared me so much.
Intution tells us when someone is up to something bad. Who needs to pay for horrible treatment. Unfortunately we can get that for free in many places. (I called agencies who heard the whole story, what happened since the 3rd visist, and
said to report it.)
I have been with my current therapist for a year and a half. She has treated me holistically and with a focus on my spirituality, I feel as though I have made a great amount of progress with her. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of incidents in the last month where my trust in her has been broken and where she has done things that have seemed unprofessional (though not unethical). I’ve confronted her on these incidents but still feel as though the relationship might be too damaged to continue.
I currently have booked sessions with two other therapists. While I am not completely sold on leaving therapy with my current therapist, I think going to these other sessions might help me gain perspective. What I haven’t decided yet is whether to mention to my current therapist my reconnaissance plans or to delve into the issues I have with my current therapist with the therapists I’m meeting. I hope I will find a better fit, will feel more confident in my decision to stay on with my current therapist, or will decide that I do not need therapy at all.
I have a wonderful therapist but now I’m moving across the country (my choice to accept a new job). Finding a new therapist is one of the most stressful parts of the move. Fortunately there is enough time to go through termination before I leave the area. It’s bittersweet.
I definitely think it is important to get a recommendation from your current therapist when you are switching therapists. I’ve only made the change once and it was because I was moving. Unfortunately, my therapist didn’t know anyone where I was moving, but he did give me some pointers on how to find another therapist. It made the process much easier for me.
I am on a 2 yr break from therapy and it is wondrful. I could stop there. I have read articles on finding a new therapist. Nothing has helped. I pray everyday and that does so much for me. Just started meditation.
I also started painting. One day I may find a qualified professional to talk to …till then.
I appreciate your tip on checking online directories to find a good therapist. It would seem that if you are looking for these types of directories they could also provide you with patient testimonials. My sister is going through a rough breakup and needs to see a therapist so maybe she’ll have to search some of these directories to find a good one.
Great to find this article. It helped a lot. Thanks for sharing such a valuable knowledge.
Its true, good you are spreading awareness and helping people from getting trap.
i am really distraught because this has been thrust upon me. my therapist of 5 yrs is retiring in her mid 30s to be a stay at home mom after adopting a second child, which was thrust upon her by surprise as well. i got 2 wks notice, had my last appt w her last week, and see some new guy tmrw. she built him up, but i just want her back. i am trying to use radical acceptance but it feels like i will have an appt w her again like always, and i dont want this to happen.
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