When Tiger Woods held a press conference last Friday to explain where he’s at in his life, I got this feeling that we were looking into someone’s personal and private life in a manner that felt a little silly. After all, what business is it of ours — the public — what this sports celebrity does in his personal life?
Then again, one could apply the same logic to virtually any celebrity and our seemingly-endless obsession with following the private lives and failings of celebrities. Entire print publications and weekly magazines are devoted to the following of celebrities’ lives, as well as popular websites like TMZ.com.
We love to follow other people’s lives — it takes our minds off of our own mundane (and often less-than-ideal) existence. It explains why these publications are so popular and well-read.
But why put yourself out there, voluntarily, while you’re still in the middle of your own recovery? Why hold a “press conference” where nobody is allowed to answer any questions? And where is the one person who should be there — your wife? What does it help or prove?
Now some ridiculous journalists — like Donald McNeil Jr. — are claiming that Tiger Woods is suffering from sex addiction, based upon nothing more than so-called “experts” who have never seen Tiger Woods in a clinical setting or had the chance to interview him personally. This “diagnosis from afar” is a ridiculous game some professionals (and even laypeople) play, in an effort to juice the headlines even further. Oh, and of course, the fact that “sex addiction” isn’t even a recognized or diagnosable disorder is, I guess, besides the point.
Perhaps Tiger Woods is going through his own version of a 12-step program. Perhaps he just feels badly about the publicity of it all. Or perhaps he was cajoled into appearing by trusted advisers, friends or lawyers.
But I would say he got some bad advice. This is none of our business and he does not need to be in the public spotlight at this time. He does not need to give public attrition for his personal acts, nor give us an apology. There is only one set of people Tiger Woods needs to apologize to, and there is only set of people who need to be there to hear it — his family. Here’s to hoping he continues his recovery in earnestness and humility, and for a new-found appreciation for the value of his family.
We all are human and we all make mistakes. None of us is perfect. We try our best, admit our mistakes (to our loved ones) and then pick ourselves up, and try and move on. We — you know, us normal people — don’t hold press conferences. We don’t twitter about it. We don’t post a Facebook status update that we screwed up royally and apologize for our actions. We don’t need to because nobody matters to us personally except those we care most about in our lives. Those people we personally harmed by our actions. No matter what else Tiger Woods may or may not have done (or what you think about it), his actions did not harm you or me.
We tell our loved ones or those we caused harm to, and then we quietly work on rebuilding trust and putting our lives back together. So while some may appreciate Tiger Woods’ apology, it was unnecessary and came across as merely self-serving. He need not apologize to us because he did nothing to you or I. The harm he caused was only to himself and his family, no one else.
15 comments
I thought it was crazy for Tiger Woods to apologize to us too. He didn’t hurt *me* when he cheated on his wife–why should he apologize to me? It seemed ridiculous. The other story which I thought was overplayed was the Toyota recall–but then when I heard that lady talk about her car going 100 miles an hour until “God” stepped in–I thought they might have seemed a little callous in their response. But then again, all these stories are only snippets and snapshots of reality.
I am beginning to wonder why you, Dr Grohol, are so quick to dismiss examples of addiction. What, all that defines addiction are chemicals? Ok, I’ll agree that the DSM does not have to list it all individually, but honestly, you do not believe people can have dependencies that meet the criteria of pathological dependency as defined in general, per the DSM?
Woods, in my opinion, is not yet at a level of recovery that will benefit him. And any recovering addict would hopefully agree with me. You do not have media events like this to apologize to those you have truly wronged. It was just about saving face for his businesses and other financial gains, yet another addiction he may have to face.
As far as I am concerned, he should have just come out and read a simple statement, something of the following, moreso from my perspective, but I hope it could fit for him:
“I suffer from addiction in various forms, and I am working to control and eliminate it from destroying my life further. I know people look to me as various examples of successful golfing, entrepreneurialship (if a word), and a celebrity. But, I am just a man in the end, and I have to work at being the best man I can be to those who truly depend on me to succeed at this first. So, let me work on this, focus on other things that are more important to you, leave my family out of petty scrutiny, and above all, pray for me, if you feel necessary, that I can succeed. And thank you for doing so. Thank you for your time in hearing me out.”
If I heard such a statement from someone in the public eye, I might pass out from the sincerity and truthfulness of such an intent.
Well, won’t hold my breath waiting. But, I truly liked to be surprised to be wrong sometimes.
Hi Dr. Grohol –
As the reader above mentioned, I’m disappointed that you would take a swipe at sex addiction in your article (which is how I read it – it may not have been your intent).
We as a society have said that you can have other behavioral addictions – over or under eating, gambling, and so on. But I’m not sure why we would say you couldn’t possibly be addicted to the behavior of sex – in its various forms.
Nearly any behavior that you partake in to a point that it overtakes your personal life, causes isolation, ruins your relationships, and possibly gets you all the way to the point of endangering your freedom… sure seems like an addiction. Who would choose that?
I don’t believe that people who choose to see prostitutes over and over, even when their wife has said that she’ll take the children and the house, is just making bad choices. I’m not buying it. And I believe eventually we, as a society, will eventually reach that point as well.
Instead of putting hundreds of thousands of people into our jails and prisons, I believe we should get these people the help that we give to other addicts so that they might be able to rebuild a healthy life, too. I would expect a site like psychcentral.com to support getting people the help that they need to overcome their psychological challenges of all sorts.
Thank you for the opportunity to express my opinion.
A Reader
He is a role model, he needs to apologize to those who look up to him.
Oh come on…he is suffering from sex addiction? Give me a break…while such a disorder does exist, I am willing to bet he doesn’t suffer from it. It’s just a title given to him so he can excuse his behavior…and he is SORRY? I think not…he is only sorry he got caught. I am willing to bet if the first affair wasn’t revealed and no one found out about it…he would still be sleeping around. It’s despicable and I really hope his wife leaves him..some things are inexcusable and saying that he is “suffering” from something mental is completely ludicrous.
Tiger Woods is entitled to make mistakes in his personal life. He is not a moral role model. If you want to be an expert golfer he is a great role model. It a pity that peole don’t have the common sense to see that.
Sex addiction is not a recognized disorder in the current model of mental disorders, nor in the proposed one under consideration (DSM-5). That suggests, and I concur, that the research base just isn’t there yet.
Can people become compulsive in certain behaviors that are rewarding in some manner? Absolutely. Gambling is a prime, recognized example of that. But so is TV. So is, arguably, reading. And sure, I’d add sex to that list.
So it’s not that I object to the concept of people becoming “addicted” to engaging in sexual behaviors (will we also have “flirting addiction”??!), but how we characterize and conceptualize such problems. We don’t need a new disorder for every possible reward stimulus. We need one disorder that captures all of these possible concerns and lists them as a subtype or what-not.
And we need clear, agreed-upon criteria about what constitutes a clear “behavioral addiction” versus just what we “feel” is an addiction. The research literature is littered with competing definitions.
Putting this all into context, I’m not sure Tiger Woods would have even fallen into this category had it existed. If it’s not causing a person serious psychological distress (and it apparently wasn’t, until he got caught), it’s usually not considered a disorder.
Tiger does not owe the public an apology unless he saw himself as a role model, in which case he is partly nurturing his self ego. The other motive of course is that he is trying to save his career ties with the Golf world and sponsers. I think the latter is probably the case and a smart move. He didn’t get where he is today by not considering all options.
I have to say that I think Tiger’s apology had more to do with the loss of sponsorship ads and his wife then a genuine apology to the general public. That’s my opinion and I am sticking to it.
To say that journalists are simply speculating about Woods’s “sex addiction” seems a bit preposterous, considering that he was photographed at the door of one such clinic in Mississippi very shortly after his affairs were discovered. Surely, Dr. Grohol, you must have seen that fact mentioned in the Donald McNeil article that you yourself quoted – so why leave out that tidbit and instead portray the media as “diagnosing” him themselves?
Have we really stooped to diagnosis from afar being “proven” by guilt by association through a photograph? This is the same reasoning used by any gossip or celebrity weekly. Sadly, I rely on slightly more scientific methods in diagnosing… Like talking to the actual person.
Sex addiction is not a distinct disorder in DSM (yet) but it is recognized by the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) under a diffent name: http://cli.gs/U8R81E
There is also an extensive clinical research literature on “hypersexual disorder” and one of the top experts in this field has proposed criteria for consideration in DSM-V :
http://www.resoundinghealth.com/casebook/show/910
Dr. Grohol is following the Goldwater Rule against commenting on the mental conditions of people they have not personally examined. See http://cli.gs/8XLBy4
The article makes sense to me-it does seem that this whole apology story is self serving.
On another note, I don’t see any difference from the quote below and journalists guessing that Tiger Woods suffers from sex addiction (whether or not the condition is in a manual used by the U.S.). How do you know the man’s behavior has not caused him serious psychological distress (before he got caught)?
It doesn’t seem like people are “diagnosing” from afar, but rather, they are just speculating – as you have just done. It’s only natural to express opinions whether or not they are based on personal experience, professional experience, or education, so I don’t understand why you’d point fingers at others, then make your own assumptions about the man’s emotional condition.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I knew immediately when my daughter got the chicken pox virus. There are people who I don’t know well who appear to have depression-I can only guess. But I wasn’t diagnosed with depression myself until after someone I barely knew recognized I had the condition that led me to seek medical help.
“Putting this all into context, I’m not sure Tiger Woods would have even fallen into this category had it existed. If it’s not causing a person serious psychological distress (and it apparently wasn’t, until he got caught), it’s usually not considered a disorder.”
Regarding the quote below, how does one know Woods behavior wasn’t causing him psychological distress? Isn’t your speculation similar to these complaints about the media?
I think its fortunate more people can become aware of sex addiction even if they way its conveyed is not ideal.
“Putting this all into context, I’m not sure Tiger Woods would have even fallen into this category had it existed. If it’s not causing a person serious psychological distress (and it apparently wasn’t, until he got caught), it’s usually not considered a disorder.”
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