We woke up to the news that fifty people died in a horrible plane crash last night. Grief grips my community here in Western New York. Nothing can come close to describing what anyone who lost a loved one so suddenly feels. My deepest sympathies go to the families and friends of those who perished.
Most of us are not directly hurt by this tragedy but feel the effects of it nonetheless. For those of us who live in or close to Clarence, have friends and family who live here, anxiety can prey on us. Add to that the recent events on the Hudson, fear of flying issues, PTSD or sensitivity to panic attacks. Before you know it we’ve got the formula for full-blown anxiety.
Let’s take care of ourselves so that we can function not only for ourselves but also for our loved ones, especially the kids. How do we do that? Here are some tips:
Turn off the radio or television. Get off the news blogs. I am convinced that our brains and bodies are not made to assimilate repeated traumatic news. All we achieve is overloaded circuits and increased anxiety. Allow yourself to walk away from the news and come back to it later if you must and then only for 10-minute updates.
Breathe. If you begin to feel the yellow flag signals of anxiety coming on (increased heart rate, shallow breathing, tense muscles, sweaty palms…) use your coping tools to keep the fear under control. Don’t run away from the feeling. Stop and breathe through it. Keep breathing; make yourself as comfortable as possible. Go to healthy distractions, like exercise, call a friend, go to church, mosque or temple. If you’re at work, don’t expect yourself to focus as usual, be easy on yourself and keep your schedule light if you can.
The best antidote to anxiety is action. What can you do? You can help. Erica on the Buffalo News blog (look in the comment section) suggests a way to help the family that lost their house and loved one. You can also pray; pray for those who perished, their families and for the emergency response teams. They will need God with them. If you do not pray, find out where you can give blood and go do it. It may not help in this situation but it will help someone somewhere in another emergency.
Be calm for your kids. If you have small children, they need you to be grounded and practical. Answer their questions as directly as you can without elaborating. If they ask: “Will a plane fall on our house?” Answer: “No, of course not. This is a very strange thing that happened. It’s never happened before and it will never happen again.” This is a perfectly appropriate thing to say to small children. It may be a slight exaggeration but not much and they need to be reassured they are safe.
Don’t give in to the anxious thoughts. Fight back. If left alone they will feed on themselves and make you feel more and more out of control. Remember to give yourself the oxygen of balanced thinking. You are fine. A tragedy of this magnitude challenges all of us but most of us are OK. If the undertow of anxiety is too much, reach out to a good friend, pastor, rabbi or mental health professional. We’re here to help.
Sadness is not the same as anxiety. Neither is grief. Grief is necessary. Respect it. Anxiety is an intruder. Firmly tell it to leave.
*****
Originally published on the Explore What’s Next blog.
11 comments
Thanks for this article. I turned on the TV just before going to bed last night and CNN was reporting this. I think it was Anderson Cooper who was on the phone (On Air) trying to get confirmation of what was happening. The video that they showed was a house on fire with small airplane parts sticking out here and there.
I just kept thinking about how uncertain life can be and the suddeness of all this. I just find it to be very scary.
Todays (2-14) NY Times has a nice article regarding background of the passengers of the ill-fated flight. Its amazing how such a random group of 50 persons can be so talented (law students, artists, musicians) and how fragile and transient life can be. Very sad.
Steve and Dr. Gomez:
Last night there were services at the neighborhood temple for the cantor who died on the plane. She sang at the bar and bat mitzahs of many family friends. This morning my son told me his friend’s father died in the crash. The tragedy is very close and, yes, it makes us acutely aware of our vulnerability. Hopefully we’ll be inspired celebrate our lives rather than succumb to the anxiety of loosing it.
Great advice! I’m both an airline captain and a licensed therapist specializing in the treatment of fear of flying. I sent out a newsletter advising my clients – as you did – to shut out the media.
I asked them to do this to avoid what some therapists term “psychic equivalence”, which is when what one has in mind becomes, uncritically, experienced as reality.
This is what happens to people who panic on a flight. They imagine the plane is plunging and that becomes their reality, even though the plane is just in ordinary turbulence.
Similarly, people can “just know” if they get on the plane it will crash. This is also psychic equivalence.
How does psychic equivalence develop? When you first imagine something going wrong on a flight, you know you are engaging in imagination of that. But if you continue imagining that same thing, at some point, you memorize it.
That makes things different. When something is stored in memory, the distinction between something that really happened and something imagined is lost. Once that distinction is lost, when it comes to mind, it carries the authority and the weight of reality.
This is why it is important to NOT engage in imagination – at least not repeatedly – of an air disaster, even one that took place, because it will lodge in your mind as memory and then have power to cause trouble.
When exposed to an event by the media, imagination is used to create a conceptualization of what the media describes. Even though the event happened, what we do is create a conceptualization in our “mind’s eye” which can be confused with reality.
It will NOT be accurate. And, I’ve found that in most cases, what an anxious person does it create a mental version that is far worse than the actual experience, even for the victims of the crash.
The most seriously traumatized people I worked with after 9/11 were not people who were in the buildings, but people who viewed it on TV and imagined what it was like for people in the buildings!!
Amazing, but that is how people are traumatized; they their own imagination which is – without realizing it – turned into reality which is NOT reality.
For more on this, I have a free library of articles at http://www.fearofflying.com/wordpress/
Please feel free to email if you have questions: [email protected]
Though something you KNOW is imagination will not worry you a great
deal, when imagination memorized, what comes to mind does cause trouble.
I really appreciate your suggestions. I agree we are flooded by news, usually traumatic in nature and turning off the source and taking care of ourselves is the best thing we can do. I want to share my sympathy for your son and his friend and family. How sad. Thanks for sharing your well thought though advice.
You make a good point about the media bombardment that we live in nowadays — cable news channels in particular love to engage in speculation and dwell on traumatic news, which probably contributes to what Capt. Bunn warns against. It’s just too much information about things we can’t do anything about. I will definitely take your suggestions — giving blood, fighting anxious thoughts, and Capt. Bunn’s suggestion to not engage my imagination — to heart. I know a few people who could benefit from passing this information on.
Thanks much!
Dear Capt. Bunn,
Thank you so much for your contribution to this article. Your description of ‘psychic equivalence’ and how it can spur traumatizing thoughts and feelings explains very well why overexposure to the media is harmful. In addition you say clearly why negative thoughts in the form of imagining worst case scenarios can be lodged in memory until we can’t tell where fiction ends and reality begins.
In my practice I often suggest ‘visualization’ as a tool to reinforce positive thoughts, feelings and behavior. As I’m sure you’re familiar, it’s used in the treatment of anxiety to help overcome the effects of panic attacks. Psychic Equivalence sounds like visualization’s dark, evil twin.
Many readers of this post have let me know they are grateful for your reassuring words. Thanks again.
Dr. Aletta
Hi, Dr. Aletta–
I found your piece very helpful. I grew up in Batavia, N.Y., just a few miles down the road from Clarence. I still feel a deep connection to the people and places of my childhood, and this tragedy almost literally “hit home”, as the plane seems to have flown over parts of Genesee County. I have a blog of a somewhat different nature on the Psych Central website. Thanks again for your constructive ideas. –Best, Ron Pies MD
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/02/16/having-problems-means-being-alive/