For decades, psychologists and researchers have been telling us the same old thing — boys and girls are fundamentally different. Their brains are different, their childhood development is different, their perceptions of the world around them are different. It’s the old nature versus nurture debate, with many parents unmistakably believing that nature is the primary force in a child’s development and that all parents can do is hang on for the ride.
But a new book by Lise Eliot, PhD, suggests that many of these differences are what we, the adults, make of them. She’s done the equivalent of a meta-analysis on the research foundation for gender differences between boys and girls, and put into a consumer-digestible format. The results are summarized in her new book, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps — And What We Can Do About It. As Newsweek summarized:
How we perceive children — sociable or remote, physically bold or reticent — shapes how we treat them and therefore what experiences we give them. Since life leaves footprints on the very structure and function of the brain, these various experiences produce sex differences in adult behavior and brains — the result not of innate and inborn nature but of nurture.
The gist of her findings is that many of the differences that parents believe are innate or nature-led are not. Motor skills? The same. Ability to have deep emotional feelings? The same. Aggressiveness? The same. Why do we observe such differences in little boys and girls? Because parents often unconsciously reinforce the gender stereotypes within their children —
“Oh, little Sally can’t run as quickly as little Bobby.”
“Oh, Mikey is always so aggressive; Angela is an angel in comparison!”
“Since little Eric doesn’t seem to express many emotions, he must not be as emotional as little Hannah, who has an outburst at the drop of a hat!”
Our children become a self-fulfilling prophecy — they turn into the kids we, by and large, imagine them to be. Parents don’t usually do this consciously, of course. It is the stereotyped roles hammered into us at an early age, reinforced by consumerism and toy makers and commercials, and our own mothers and fathers. Boys are athletic and competitive, while girls are less so, and more social and emotional. These are stereotypes we imprint on our children; they are not naturally this way.
There are some differences the research supports with robust data. Dr. Eliot found that girls write better and more easily than most boys, and that boys have a better sense of spatial navigation than girls (like in reading a map).
And hormones affecting our ability to think and reason and be in control of our emotions? The evidence was far weaker than Dr. Eliot had imagined:
On the other hand, I was surprised at how weak the evidence is for hormonal effects on our mood and thinking abilities. While prenatal testosterone has some pretty dramatic effects on play behavior and, probably, later sexual orientation, the sex hormones that rise at puberty and remain elevated in adults have surprisingly modest effects on our thinking — except for the increased sex drive that testosterone produces in both men and women.
What Dr. Eliot is saying isn’t really new. We’ve known for years that infant brains are extremely malleable. But she’s put it into simple language and has done a good job summarizing the vast body of research to really help put all of that data into some context. Her argument that small differences at birth become amplified over time as we all work to reinforce the gender stereotypes resonates.
Children must learn to stray from their comfort zones, with parents helping them try new things and explore new ways of expressing themselves that perhaps don’t feel natural at first, but will often come with time. Boys, for instance, should be encouraged and reinforced for being able to express their feelings. The book not only goes into what few differences really exist, but also explains what parents can do to help encourage their kids to go outside of their comfort zones.
It’s a timely book, and one that I look forward to reading.
Read the “Time Out New York” interview with the author: Interview with Lise Eliot for Pink Brain, Blue Brain
Read the Newsweek article: Pink Brain, Blue Brain
7 comments
Ana Loya
I read the article about boys and girls not as different as we though. Well I think there are some differences and also all depends on their parents who they treat their children because I have seen that parents take more care for girls than for boys what I mean is that parents see girls more fragile than boys parents see boy strong and ruff. But my opinion is that we have to see boys and girls as a human first and then treat them the way there are acting when they grow up because girls can be ruff too and boys can be very sentimental.
I agree with the lady above. Many people make the mistake of trying to treat boys rough because they want them to be rough, yet I have seen the boys get very sensitive and continue to be emotionally abused. then when they began to act out and be bad the parent then says: oh he’s a piece of work. I raised a girl, and she was easy to raise because i tended to her feelings and how she felt. My daughter had a son, and they think that treating him mean will make him strong, but he is emotionally a wreck and then they wonder why it’s easy to spoil him–which I do. I have to stop giving him his way on some things but I will always let him know I’m His friend and care about his emotions. I can’t wait till he starts talking.
My daughter is emotionally strong and a very secure emotional woman.
hey … im a 18 year old high school girl and ive understood this just walking through life and discovered it the past couple of years… wow… great minds think alike… i have noticed this though… even with labido and sex drive… or willingness to disobey parents…. i know guy friends… who at 17 want .. well to keep it on certain terms.. want none of that from girl friends and others who just assume that becuase they are a guy they should want the complete opppisite… i think alot of this had to do with the former friend had a somwhat abusive father and messed up family he went to a christian school… and was a boy scout and involved in a very christian family…. he thought it was bad essentially to do so i would assume…. with out thinking through the insticnts and phyicallites of it.. i also have grown up in a family with women who act weak just because they are women and seen men who act week and men who dont.. i really think its a choice and for some who havent cut the cord it has to deal with parents but for those who are smart its not so much.. but rather an understanding of this…. and im trying to break the chain… and not act weak because of it… its nothing she really just said straight up.. but.. its implied.. i also know some 50 year old men who are just emotionally weak as all get out.. who run and hid when things get tough… and women who stand when things are “so called bad” in life…i really think it all has to do with fearlessness..
athletic wise ive seen this from going to being that kid who was picked last on the playgroud to the fastest runner and one of the best dancers on my elite team… its all about your phyc……
part of my reason for understanding this may be having spent time in phyc hospital and being on tons of meds until i got myself off….so my understanding of the phyc brain is really good
also with being a dancer .. you have to know how to act well.. and understanging the phyc of those you act like
i also believe this phycological developement has a lot to do with the bigger muscle build tendecies in men… and the appearance of the adams apple being more prominent in men often…..
one other thing i observed is that teenage girls are often considered way more emotional.. and when in middle and high school ages cry for no reason and are often more emotional and feirce.. you could say.. i think this is because as women you start to realize that your not in kindergaurtenn anynmore.. and that the world isnt fair and that you are going to be treated as more emotionally and physically unable..its harder sometimes to be a woman in a society that looks down on them.. but too often women are too nieve to beable to think this through when growing up…
women are also considered to typically machure 2 to 3 years faster than boys.. i also believe that this has to do with the toughen up that is instilled in boys today.. men follow a more just do it philosophy.. because in todays sociey it is ok to be a guy.. and typically your guy friends will back you up… when somones goin against you..
but with girls… your treated as if you need to back down sometimes… and typically many girls in society will never back you up…
so you have to be stronger grow stronger… and to do so… you find wisdom.. that backs up your knowlege to believe
because by this time… the typical person has developed an assumption that common sense is real.. which is wrong.. and that believing in common sense is wise… which is bad and wrong.. no matter what you tell me…. and they all to often have develooped this so unconciusly that they dont even know it….
loved reading this study.. awsome
great study… good to read
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This headline is misleading. The author of this article himself notes that “Dr. Eliot found that girls write better and more easily than most boys, and that boys have a better sense of spatial navigation than girls (like in reading a map).” Those aren’t small differences.
It’s clear that the politically-correct position is to minimize the importance of gender differences, in an attempt to make things “equal.” This may not be what’s best for our children, though.
Yeah tell me about it John. Whenever I see a politically correct article like this it just makes me shrug my head. First of all you can’t possibly take society out of the equation so whatever “study” was done is misleading and useless. If you really want to find out how much society plays into how different men and women are, you’d have to lock 2 of them away in a remote island for 20 years and then go back to see the results. My guess is you’ll find the woman doing much of the things that women have tended to do for the past 40,000 years and men doing much of the things men have done in that same time span. For god sake if there aren’t reslly much innate differences in us, where do you think we got these ways of acting from in the first place? Why would there even be 2 different genders if there was not much perceivable differences.
Seriously give us all a break from this voodoo science.