Do less attractive people think the people they date (who also tend to be less attractive) delude themselves into thinking their dates are more physically attractive? According to new research, the answer is “no.”
You remember that website that used to be popular, HOTorNOT.com, which allows visitors to rate the attractiveness of random, anonymous photographs, right? Well, researchers are using the site to conduct research into people’s attractiveness and perceptions of attractiveness, because now it includes a dating component too. A team led by Leonard Lee (2008) from Columbia University recently looked into the question of whether our own attractiveness biases affect our perceptions of those we date using the site.
There is an existing body of research, as the investigators note, that show that physically attractive people tend to date other physically attractive people. For reasons not entirely clear, we all tend to gravitate to our own level of attractiveness (as well as socio-economic class, race, and social circles). That’s why the beautiful people in Us Weekly and People all inter-date and marry. That’s also why rich people tend to marry other rich people (sorry to dash your hopes there!). Naturally, since our society places a great deal on a certain idea of physical attractiveness, such people are also more popular dates. And since beauty seems to be a universal constant no matter what the culture (based upon factors such as facial features and waist to hip ratios), it’s hard to get away from the influence of attractiveness in dating and mating.
Some theories that have been put forward about why these biases exist include evolutionary (helps to maximize the attractive, more “fit” genes), market forces (attractive people want other attractive people, so they’re not left choosing from the less attractive), and parental influence (we look for mates who resemble our parents! Yikes.).
The current study touches upon a psychological mumbo-jumbo theory called “cognitive dissonance.” When a person chooses someone they believe to be less attractive than themselves, they must try and reduce the internal conflict regarding this choice. “Hey, I’m pretty good looking, why did I choose someone obviously less so than myself? Is there something wrong with me?” In order to reduce that internal and unconscious conflict and resolve the discrepancy, so goes the theory, they might persuade themselves that the person they chose is actually more physically appealing than initially thought. And others would agree.
So the researcher set out to test this hypothesis using the HOTorNOT.com website and its dating component. (The researchers also ran a separate experiment to ensure that “hot” people on the website really were rated as being attractive by folks in the real-world, which they were, confirming the validity of the HOTorNOT data.) They examined two different sets of data — 2,386,267 rating decisions by 16,550 members looking for meeting requests (dating) and 447,082 rating decisions made by 5,467 members just randomly rating the attractiveness of others on the site (not looking for a date). These data were taken from a 10-day period in the summer of 2005.
The two data sets allowed the researchers to first determine whether individuals perceived as less attractive by others are more willing to date others who are also perceived as less attractive, and second to see whether people’s own attractiveness affects their ratings of others’ attractiveness. Would the less attractive rate potential dates are being more attractive than they really were?
Their findings should surprise no one — more attractive people tended to prefer potential dates who were also rated as more attractive.
The researchers also found that a person’s own attractiveness didn’t influence how they rated others. People rated highly attractive by others were rated similarly by the participants in the study, regardless of how attractive (or unattractive) the participant was. People don’t delude themselves into thinking that when they date someone as unattractive as themselves, that the person they date is more attractive than they really are.
The researchers also confirmed the well-worn finding that people sought out dates of similar attractiveness levels (or people who slightly more attractive).
In a small add-on study of 24 speed dating participants, the researchers also found that less attractive people tended to place less weight on physical attractiveness (no surprise) and greater weight on characteristics that had nothing to do with attractiveness, such as one’s sense of humor.
The upshot? People find others similarly attractive ala universal characteristics of beauty no matter their own physical attractiveness levels. And we tend to date people who are similar in attractiveness to ourselves.
Reference:
Lee, L., Loewenstein, G., Ariely, D., Hong, J. & Young, J. (2008). If I’m not hot, are you hot or not? Physical-attractiveness evaluations and dating preferences as a function of one’s own attractiveness. Psychological Science, 19(7), 669-677.
20 comments
Someone should run a study on the differences between men and women because I think men are far more likely to date women that are as physically attractive as them or more attractive than them, while women are a little more lenient in this regard.
Wendy Aron, author of Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness.
http://www.wendyaron.com
i wonder: have there been any studies about the therapist/client dyad–specifically, about whether a therapist is more likely to be invested in his/her client if the client is attractive?
That’s a very good and interesting question.
I would say “yes”. Attractive people do seem to get
more “breaks” in life and that could very well be one of them.
I am an unattractive woman and I am not attracted to other unattractive partners, so I am single.
I have to wonder whether attraction between unattractive people is actually much lower, and whether most people are prepared to settle for less because they know it’s all they can get.
I don’t honestly believe I am attractive, I’m pretty average and I always believe the people I’m dating are far more attractive than me. There has been one instance where I didn’t feel that way and knew I was better looking than him but he was also an abusive cuntbag. I honestly do believe that emotional connection makes someone way more attractive despite this article. I’m sure when you find someone you won’t feel like you’re settling.
I’ve always noticed that couples tend to be of the same attractiveness level. The only diverson from this is when the man is very rich and powerful and can attract beautiful women but somehow that seems disingenuous.
What about very attractive females who will not date attractive men because they think there is more possibility of cheating or roving eye, so they date men who are less attractive (but are very intelligent).
Someone, please delete the obvious spam from Joanna – and if it wasn’t spam, why the blatant plug and formatting for the web address? Call a moderator.
Back on topic – I’m pleased to see that they were able to get objective “hot looks for hot” and so does “not hot”, but perhaps along with the data supporting a tendency for people to date “at their level”, there is room to look at those who are ‘not’ but whose self-confidence/self-image puts them at a higher level than that to which they are entitled (by the court of public opinion)?
Hi,
Attraction needed but at home and in privacy. The 2 attractive couples should axpress thier love and joy at home not in public. No cheats will come if couples trust each other.
Thank you
I think that the way we view ourselves is very important in what we will choose in our lover.
I don’t think it doesn’t matter.
So glad I got a nose job and breast implants after my PhD defense.
One thing this study didn’t seem to keep in mind is that the participants are based on visitors of HOTorNOT.com (which I have never ever heard of before this article). How skewed is the data if people are going to a site with superficial pretenses? Yes, people of similar attractiveness may be more inclined to get together, but if people who are unattractive (or considered unattractive by the voters) are volunteering for this, it’s likely they don’t have high self esteem.
Haven’t you ever heard of “it’s not what your body looks like, but how you carry it”? Attractiveness is not only subjective, but it shift over time– women might become old, men might work out and get muscle tone. Do you think that someone who was once unattractive/attractive might still have the same attitude as they used to?
hmmm, but what if a stubborn person overrates their own looks/ attractiveness and will only ever aim for people on that level… say a 3 for who being a 3 is a totally unacceptable reality… they’ll only ever accept that they are a 6 or 7 and they’ll aim for that in a partner no matter how many times they get laughed at or shot down in the process.
I’m starting to think that person is me… But, I just can’t really do anything about it… I’m always aiming for girls that are less than impressed by my interest in them… because, well… i’m attracted to them, but they probably arent in return, unless it’s just my approach that lets me down. And the ones attracted/ interested in me? I just don’t find them attractive/ or see myself with them. I’d have to literally force myself to go out with them. That wouldn’t be fair on me or them… I mean, don’t get me wrong – its not as if I’m going for the hottest fitties (being totally shallow), but I’m either attracted or i’m not. And it’s really obvious to me when I’m not… and when I’m not its almost impossible for that to change enough because of some personality trait. Now, all my friends and brothers can get girls I couldn’t even dream of getting… so maybe that has skewed my physical standards?… I dont know.
So, where does that leave me? Alone I guess…
I’d like a study done into how someone ends up in that unfortunate position… there must be many of us.
I had a male friend like this and it still confuses me. I think you probably are being too focuse on superficial things, I recognize attraction must be there, but sometimes if you really hit it off with someone they do become more attractive in your eyes.
I like when I find a woman attractive that many other men think is “plain” because then I don’t get jealous when she talks to other guys. For a plain girl to look attractive “to me” is a gift. This has actually happened to me quite a few times. My friends and family will tell me that the girl I have the hots for is not so attractive, so I reply, “Then I can count on you not to try to take her from me?” Then over time, this woman gradually becomes more attractive to other men while she’s dating “me.” It’s almost as though my perception of her has the power to change her self-image which then draws other men to her. As the man in this situation, I can’t win. Whether the girl is stunning or plain, sooner or later I have to deal with other men flirting with her.
It sounds like you are actually very insecure. You are convincing yourself at first that these women are physically less attractive than you because other people imply that, so you’re less likely to notice when another man takes interest, then as you build stronger feelings for her you start to take notice of the attention she has likely been getting all along. My advice is don’t be so worried about someone stealing a woman away from you, if you build a loving, honest relationship, even the prettiest, richest man could not take her from you 😉
It’s a wonder the world is not filled with only attractive people. If the ugly ones can’t find mates, then their genes aren’t transmitted to the next generation.