“I think I’m in love with my therapist. What’s wrong with me? What should I do?”
It is not unusual to feel strong feelings of “love” or affinity toward your therapist. But those feelings probably aren’t what you think.
Psychodynamic theory suggests the reason that many people fall in love with their therapist is because they are repeating emotional patterns they experienced as children toward their parents. This behavior and set of feelings was first described by Sigmund Freud who coined the term “transference” to describe it. He discovered transference after noting this many of his mostly-female clients would start describing their own romantic feelings toward him. In some patients, the feelings were not romantic, but instead more childlike and Freud took on a parental role in the patient’s mind. It was as though Freud became their father figure, and the tempestuous relationship would then play out in his office.
Freud described this process over a hundred years ago, and therapists and their clients still deal with this issue even in modern psychotherapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy. Because the process itself is a very real possible side effect of psychotherapy, although it doesn’t happen to everyone in all therapeutic situations.
Why Does Transference Occur?
Nobody can say for certain why transference seems to be a process of many people’s psychotherapy, regardless of the actual background of the therapist or focus of therapy. Goal-focused, short-term psychotherapy is no guarantee that transference won’t occur. Some cognitive-behavioral therapists, in their efforts to focus on empirically-based treatments, simply ignore these feelings when they come up in the course of psychotherapy. Others downplay their importance.
Transference likely occurs because the therapeutic environment is generally seen as a safe, supportive and nurturing environment. Therapists are seen as accepting, positive influences in our lives, but sometimes also as authoritative guides. In these various roles, a therapist can inadvertently step into roles previously occupied in our lives by one of our parents. Or a client can become infatuated with the seemingly endless supply of wisdom and positive self-regard some therapists exude. The effects can be just as intoxicating as one’s first love. In this increasingly detached world, someone who spends nearly a full hour with our undivided attention may become quite godlike.
Therapists may also represent an individual in a person’s life that provided the unconditional acceptance (and perhaps love) that we all seek from important others in our life. Our mother. Our father. A sibling. A lover. A therapist doesn’t ask for a person to be anything other than themselves. And in the honest emotional environment that’s so often found in the best therapists’ office, it’s easy to idealize (and in some cases, idolize) the accepting, caring professional who sits across from us.
I Think I’m in Love! Now What?
So you feel like you’re in love with your therapist and while intellectually you may understand that this is just a normal process of psychotherapy for some, you still need to do something about it.
The first thing to understand is that this is not anything you should be ashamed or afraid of. This type of transference is not an uncommon feature of psychotherapy, and these kinds of feelings are not something you can simply just turn on and off at will. Having these feelings for your therapist is not “unprofessional” nor does it cross any kind of therapeutic boundaries.
Second, talk to your therapist. Okay, I know this is the hardest step, but it is also the most important. Your therapist should be experienced and trained in transference issues (yes, even the modern cognitive-behavioral therapists), and be able to talk to you about them in an open and accepting manner. As with most issues in therapy, bringing it out into the open and talking about it usually is sufficient to help most people in dealing with their feelings. Your therapist should also talk to you about ways you can better understand them in the context of your therapeutic relationship, family history and background, and what kinds of things you might be able to do to help and reduce their intensity.
Third, accept your feelings and continue in focusing on the reasons that brought you into therapy in the first place. For some people, this will be easy. Once they’ve discussed the issue with their therapist, they feel relieved — like a weight has been lifted off of their shoulders. For others, the process may be more difficult and require that some therapy time be spent further discussing these feelings with your therapist.
I should also note that if a therapist returns your feelings of love in any form whatsoever, it is a breach of the professional therapeutic relationship and ethics. Professional therapists are trained to cope with their own “counter-transference” issues, and in the U.S., a romantic relationship between a client and their therapist is considered unethical and verboten. You should consider ending your relationship with such a therapist and talking to your regional ethics board about filing a complaint.
“Falling in love” with your therapist is sometimes a normal process of psychotherapy. It only means that you’re feeling positive, intense feelings for another person who is helping you with important issues in your life. Do not run away from these feelings — or your therapist — in fear. Talk to your therapist about them, and chances are, it will help.
585 comments
You’ll be back, crying like the rest of us.
You have never before experienced anything to the level of intensity you are about to experience, Torn in 2. Buckle your seatbelt, you’re in for a long and rough ride. Especially now you have confessed to him. Always seems to ramp it up a notch or two.
For God’s sake, no actually – for YOUR sake – I hope T doesn’t get ‘side tracked’ or lost in the transference himself. That just takes a whole handful of S.hi.t and throws it straight into the fan which you’ve just started spinning.
Good luck! Of course, the aim IS to eventually grow from it – and we do, in the end.
and MANCLIENT: I think you are fine to assume; someone’s assumption has to hit close to the mark somewhere. The human experience of love/desire/obsession is a common one afterall.
I am sadly beginning to believe that a very good therapist is difficult to find. But I still believe there are some good ones out there. I never meant to throw my therapist relationship at anyone. I just found my therapeutic relationship so fascinating that discussing it and writing it out helped me to understand it all. And to deal with the separation…It’s very true that I tend to have an overly positive view on things in general. I sensed something Poo, but am still practicing with this. I just hate to think of so many Ts out there who display this kind of behavior. It’s disheartening really. When I say my therapist was totally ethical and professional and that I was extremely fortunate to have found him, it is to present the picture as it should be. It is not meant to stir feelings of envy or anger. Sometimes seeing the healthy picture might help one to see what is not. My motivation has always been to help. I try to hold the ideal place as at least a possibility.
WOW! A lot has happened in the last couple of days. First, Torn in 2, RUN, RUN, RUN, like the wind. 😉 Welcome to hell. Seriously, reading your post reminded me of when I first told my therapist I was inlove with him. How relieved and comforting it was. I too felt cradled that night. And hopeful. And now look at me. Pathedically reminising about the past with my “t”. Very very very few therapists understand transference for what it really is. I wish I would have printed everything I read about transference and gave it to my therapist to read and said, “this is how I feel…” Tread these grounds very carefully. Like Manclient said, these men think about sex all the time! Especially the married ones! They love feeling wanted, and no matter how professional they are, their egos always get in the way. I know my previous therapist loved the attension and was attracted to me and once I acted on my sexual desire, he realized how weak he was and paniced! Threw me out like a whore. Please be careful. You say you struggle with sexual addiction. Well, I tell you, the chemistry in that office will one day be too much to tolerate and you will jump out of that seat and risk it all. Trust me, week after week I had to fight myself not to do it until I finally broke. MY BIGGEST MISTAKE!!!!!!!! The pain is worse then a real break up. I’ve had bad break-ups, but non compare to this sadness that wont leave me. My current female therapist is wonderful and she is helping me sort through these issues.
My (former) psychiatrist is 20 years my senior. I would never have been attracted to him in the real world. What I was drawn to was the fact that he listened and asked what I thought about things – but then that’s pretty much what I paid him to do. I trusted him, and I looked up to him. I made myself vulnerable, and he abused that trust.
I would never have been interested in dating someone like him in the real world. And, they know this. It makes me want to throw up when I think about sleeping with him. He’s in his fifties. It’s like sleeping with a father figure. Ick.
Trust me, it isn’t nearly as fabulous as some of you may think. And the novelty wears off real quick. You might think shrinks would know what to do in bed, think again. People who do this sort of thing to patients are narcissists. Narcissists make lousy lovers. I wish I never met him. He’s a predator, and from what I’ve read about this topic, shrinks who do this to patients usually don’t stop with one.
It’s like I told him at the end, it’s a shame that the only way he could get laid is to lie to women.
Beth,
I believe there are many good therapists out there. Statistically (depending on which study you read) between 8 – 12 % of male therapists have had some s.ex.ual involvement with their clients. In my country it was found to be 1 out of every 10 therapists. That means that 88 – 92% of therapists are ethical enough not to get involved with their clients. That doesn’t mean however, that they will not damage their clients in other ways through poor management of the clients transference or their own countertransference, whatever face that takes.
Paraclete, you’re right most therapists do not cross that line. Most behave ethically. What I’ve learned from this is to trust the warning signs, because those uneasy feelings of wonder what he meant by that, or why is he looking at me like that, or the hug that seemed a little over the top, interestingly enough when I’m around ethical men I don’t have those thoughts – because there’s nothing there to misinterpret. I think patients have a tendency to take ownership of everything – it must be me overreacting. It must be that I’m looking for stuff. It must be that I’m overly sensitive. It must be my illness. Etc. No, it’s not.
In a sense it was almost a relief when he crossed the line completely, because at least then it was confirmed that what I had suspected wasn’t all in my head. The gradual and continual boundary crossings he engaged in prior to the big ones, were just as harmful. THis stuff can really, really mess with a person’s head.
Wow! A lot has happened since I last read these posts. First, Torn in 2, RUN RUN RUN, like the wind. Welcome to hell. Seriously, reading your post reminded me of when I first told my therapist that I was inlove with him. He was very supportive and I too went to bed feeling comforted and cradled and hopeful. Until the nasty day he threw me out like a whore. Very very few therapists understand transference like it truly is. I wish I would have printed everything I read about transference and gave it to my therapsit to read. Manclient is right, men think about sex all day long, especially the married ones! No matter how professional they think they are they are weak and thier egos get in the way. In the “real world” most men that week after week hear a woman tell them how much they want them and are willing to do anything for them; idealize them; practically worship them; and hang on their every word, would jump at it. Men love that! Especially the one’s who aren’t getting that at home. So here they are in a professional setting, I can only imagine the turmoil inside. They are literally fighting thier human nature! Torn in 2, you say you struggle with sexual addiction. session after session the sexual tension will get stronger and stronger until one day you will want to jump out of that chair and attack him. If he finds you sexy but is a coward like mine, he will dump you. Just be careful.
Paraclete,
Manclient is right. He most likely freaked out after your fight and thought it is safer to keep you by and you will eventually forget about it. Count your blessings. The hugs aren’t safe anymore. He tainted your inicent hugs. Seek a new counclor to help heal you and process all that’s happened.
Claire
How did he finally cross the boundary completely? what led up to it, if you don’t mind me asking, and did he spring it on you or were you open to it and it kind of just happened? forgive my nosiness – it just gives a better insight. You say you questioned the meaning behind things he would say or do – did you ask him if he was attracted to you, and did he ever deny it?
It’s just a shame to me hearing about all of these situations and how poorly the therapists handled them. Because, when handled correctly, transference doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It’s a potential goldmine of information about the client. When it is explored and dealt with properly it can be beneficial in many ways. My feelings for my former therapist were essentially me and everything that I’m about. I’m guessing a lot of therapists out there need better training in handling this properly and maintaining good boundaries while doing so. The key being to keep the client’s best interests as central.
god…. I must sound so boring K
When I began to have feelings for my therapist, I found out right away what was going on because I have the internet. I’m a big girl, now it is up to me to decide to continue with the therapy or not. Any of us can quit at anytime and go to someone else and if we’re in a bad situation but not quitting than what is OUR selfish motive? I try to look at my part, be accountable, and not blame the other person for everything. Even if my therapist experiences counter-transferrance, I will STILL, as a big girl, have choices. I look at this whole process as TWO people making decisions. No one is forcing me to continue with therapy.
If I continue to blame everyone for every situation I find myself in, or try to assume what other people are thinking or feeling, I’m not growing up much, am I? This is why I’m so glad that while this is happening, I already wrote most of my 4th step in AA (which is really just a design for living for any human being) and I’ve learned how to see these kinds of truths in a realistic way. I have more power over my own life than I thought.
My experience might not at all be Paraclete’s. Then again, maybe it will be similar. But I can tell you this: It is up to me to leave therapy at any time and stop being the victim.
It’s important to be able to see our parts in this stuff. My part is this: The truth is that I can leave psychotherapy at any time if it gets too uncomfortable. The truth is I don’t know what the therapist is thinking or feels like.
These truths free me of anger and victimization.
Look at my first posting (above). I was partially “assuming” my therapist did this to me on purpose, but I know better than to fully assume it – I ASKED him if he did, and I could tell by his gentle response that he did not force this to happen. If I had simply assumed, I’d experience a lot of wasted anger.
This stuff is in my OWN HEAD, it’s the way I am, and it will play out in the future with another relationship so I might as well work through it now so I can have a REAL relationship later that could be healthy. If things get screwed up, I can always have some balls and leave.
Torn in 2
You are right, the power is completely yours to stay or leave. If you can hold on to that, and when it gets really hard, you can still tell yourself its your choice to stay and then actually STAY – you will be doing very well.
No therapy is successful if it is abandoned when the going gets tough.
An abusive therapy however is a different story. Some people get trapped inadvertently – their own feelings can trap them, and the therapist can foster a dependence which can become crippling.
From my experience and what I’ve read, We can ‘transfer’ unresolved feelings that extend right back to our youngest moments. No one holds a two year old to account for throwing a tantrum or becoming hysterical when they are tired or having a breakdown when they can’t have something they want; its expected, and adults understand that two year olds are driven by needs which are all consuming and overwhelming.
As adults we have the ability to engage logic and rationale in situations that don’t suit us, but in the middle of a very young transference those two year old (or whatever impulsive age of childhood) feelings can suddenly swamp our brain, and they can be completely overwhelming; I’ve experienced feelings in therapy that have left me wondering “where the hell is this coming from? This is ridiculous, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but I don’t know how to stop it and I can’t control it”.
Torn in 2, its in moments like this when feelings you can’t stop or control sneak up on you, logic and reasoning – and your usual composure and control – go out the window. Experiencing them is not the problem, it can be part of therapy – the danger and the risk is that in those moments you are investing tremendous trust in your therapist, they suddenly have so much power. You don’t just hand it over voluntarily in these moments, you did that when you agreed to enter the therapeutic relationship. Hopefully though, the therapist is able to guide you through when you are at your most vulnerable – help you navigate through it, and help you to understand it, then help you to integrate it as part of your whole and adult self, you grow, you regain your power, and you are ready to leave therapy.
This is my understanding of how it’s ‘supposed’ to go – but the thing is, if you think that you have all the power and will retain that throughout the therapy process – if there’s any deep emotional work to do – that’s simply not true. Its a fact that the therapist DOES have more power than the client, sometimes completely. This is why the law holds them accountable.
Anyway, who cares about the theory?? Every therapy is different. Who knows how yours will go tornin2.
Manclient, where are you? Tell me what I should say about the hugs. I put up an argument about it because i was hurt. But that’s crazy, a hug that’s had to be argued for is worth s.hi.t. He said we should keep talking about it. I’m just gonna go in happy, and treat it like it’s no longer an issue.
Time to move on from this rubbish!
Nothing. You should say nothing. Most likely he will take two steps forward after that, as you take a step back. Then you’ll take 3 forward. He – 2 back. Once you do enough of this dance, you’ll understand that it’s a mental game and you get nothing out of it. No treatment, no clearly return affection. You’re stuck in a limbo. You are frustrated, in pain and can’t take more of this agony. Once you’ll fully comprehend “the beauty” of this game, which can last forever, you’ll see that behind the mask of budda, there is a very weak human. Weaker than you. Hopefully it would be enough of a turn off to get out.
Those steps can include sex, kissing, something that my therapist called “connection”. The rubber band connection.
Why not get a real rubber band instead? Put it on your wrist and any time you want to see him, pull it and let go. If it does not work the first time, pull it harder next time. It’s less painful, equally productive as a therapy and much safer for your mental health.
cheaper too! 😀
I just need some hot smart man to walk into my ‘real’ life and sweep me off my feet 😉
“Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream
of what I need!”
Need? Nah, but it would be a nice distraction!
Good points though poo, that is exactly the dance we’ve been doing over the last 2 years. But this decision of his is different. And, it just doesn’t feel like he’s gonna step forward again this time.
There was a familiar pattern between us; this has broken it. Maybe you and MC (manclient) are right; maybe when the threat is gone and things relax again, the dance will resume.
I can’t be arsed with it anymore. We had something for sure; all those hours staring into each others eyes, holding hands in silence like lovers in a crowded room knowing they have to hide it.
Its all just pointless s.hi.t. I want to grieve the loss and move on. Nothing is as constant as change.
Paraclete,
Thank you for that description of what might happen in therapy for me. It helps me be prepared and if that all happens maybe i won’t be as scared or think I’m a “freak”. I’ve been in therapy for years and all that never happened, but then again, I used therapy as a “check-in” tool. Maybe this therapist can help me get real.
As for the feelings I have for him, at this moment, if he told me next week that we should stop therapy now at 8 weeks into it because he’d rather have a relationship with me, I’d gladly oblige him 🙂 but I think he’s too professional and in truth I’m reality I’m glad for the strength I believe he has.
Thanks again for the feedback.
“if he told me next week that we should stop therapy now at 8 weeks into it because he’d rather have a relationship with me, I’d gladly oblige him :)”
Oh dear – that’s exactly how it starts…
I understand that many people here would likely see me as an equal participant since he didn’t hold me down and use force. In fact, when my subsequent therapist turned my psychiatrist into the medical board I told the prosecutor I didn’t want to testify because I felt like there must be something wrong with me that gave him the idea that I wanted this. I shouldered all of the responsibility for years. He, of course, shouldered none of it. My therapist said he meets the criteria for a psychopath. As per usual with this sort of thing I wasn’t his first, and I likely won’t be his last.
So, I get that many people would assume I willingly participated or seduced him or that the relationship was mutual. It wasn’t mutual. If I had been in my right mind, and I wasn’t, I would never have dated a guy like him. This guy had me on 5 medications that he changed around at every visit, and he had hospitalized me 3 times. I was a complete mess, and honestly I don’t know what he saw in me at teh time other than an opportunity. It certainly couldn’t have been my dirty hair. There are reasons this kind of thing is unethical in every state and illegal in several. It’s abuse.
In the therapeutic relationship there is a huge imbalance in power. I spilled my guts to him which made me vulnerable in a way that he wasn’t. He didn’t come in and spill his guts to me and be vulnerable with me. He was the one in control. I did what he told me to do, and I wanted to please him – because one of the issues I was working on in therapy was learning to stand up for myself instead of being a doormat. Talk about irony.
Paraclete, you asked how it happened. As I said before it happened gradually. THey tend to work on the boundaries. It’s not like they just walk in one day and put the move on you. It was gradual. It might be a look that made me uneasy or a hug that went a little long. But, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it to say, “ah ha he’s trying to start something here.” I will say that the joking he did got a little more flirtatious and he told me some stuff about his past sexual experiences which I now know is a huge red flag of inappropriate behavior. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Then, one day I was deeply depressed. I was sitting on teh sofa in his office and he got up from his chair and came over and sat by me. I wouldn’t look at him, but he took my hand. He talked to me about trust. He asked me if I trusted him. I nodded. I’m not an idiot, but I trusted him and frankly I should have been able to. I used to take all the responsibility and all the blame, but it wasn’t mine to shoulder.
He talked to me about self esteem. He told me that he liked me. I wasn’t sure how to take it and thought he might just be trying to make me feel better. He asked if I liked him. I didn’t answer. The therapy session ended soon thereafter and he walked me to the door. I wouldn’t look at him, because I was afraid he was going to kiss me. He told me to look at him, but I was afraid. He said, “I’m not that ugly am I?” I said no.
The next session he asked if I remembered teh question he had asked last time. I can’t remember how I answered. I think I said no. So, he asked again. I told him I did like him. But, still I wasn’t sure how he meant it. Did he mean like him in a friendly or in a sexual way or what? I didn’t know what he meant.
Anyway, he kept talking a lot aobut self esteem and how mine was in teh toilet and that I should go to a spa so I would feel better about myself. He asked if I had ever been to a particular spa out of state, and I said no. Then, he asked if I wanted to go. I didn’t answer. I left that evening completely freaked out. I cried as I drove home because I knew this was it. I knew that no matter what decision I made I was losing this relationship. It was all out there, now.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt very alone. I was afraid if I told I would never be able to see him again and that he would get into trouble. I was so dependent on him at that time, that I couldn’t bear to lose that relationship. I was also very isolated. I really didn’t talk to anyone except him. I emailed him that night and told him I would go. We both drove separately to a city in another state and that’s when my life went from bad to worse.
After that night he didn’t call me. I kept going to my stupid therapy appointments and he would kiss me and do what he wanted with me, and frankly all I wanted to do was die. He came to my house once to be serviced but those were the only times he contacted me. No flowers, no phone calls, just me making him happy. I came very, very close to putting a bullet in my head. Two months later, I decided I better move away. I moved 9 hours away from him. I stopped working completely and lay in bed.
The therapist who treated me afterwards was wonderful. She got it. Any time, I tried to take the blame for it, she put it squarely where it belonged – with him. One of teh things she told me many times is that if he had been ethical, no matter what I said or didn’t say, no matter what I did or didn’t do – this wouldn’t have happened. And, she’s right.
I’m glad most therapists don’t play these kind of head games, because it destroys people.
Claire,
I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I am glad you are feeling angry towards him. This is healthy. It is a step in grieving and healing. I think I’ve gone through most of the steps. I think I am now stuck between depression and acceptance.
Paraclete,
Be careful of the ‘games’ you allow yourself to play with your therapist. This isn’t helping you and it will only drive you mad. I’m so sorry you have to go through that. It is a form of emotional abandonment what he did to you. It’s not much different as if he physically abandoned you.
Paraclete,
I think you are on the right track, you WILL get over him. Remember he is weak, weaker than you think. Like Bonnie said this is a game, a dangerous one, but if you play it right, you will win and you will be in control again. Your other option what I think Bonnie is implicating is to just quit cold turkey, No more “T”, then you move to another one who can really help you in your original issue, but this is hard, really hard, if you can do it then do it.
What I love to hear from you in couple of weeks is that you don’t crave him anymore, that you can’t stand him anymore. Playing this game is to get rid of your “T†forever, and it is to make it easy for you to do so. If you don’t have that reason in front of you, you will complicate things. I don’t know how you look like, but I’m sure you are beautiful; I know you are smart, you just need to be strong and then you are perfect.
Good men!! Is there such thing, I don’t know where they are? There is someone out there looking for you Paraclete, one day he will trip in front of you and fall in love.
Cold turkey is a good suggestion. It is not realistic to stop craving him in 2 week. It is not realistic to expect that you will not be able to stand him, but in several months you’d be able to detach your self from situation enough where you’ll start feeling nauseous at least half of the time when you’ll think of him. That’s 4 hours of nausea out of 8. Not bad, I think. You’ll see things from slightly different prospective. Any of the excuses not going to be as valid, as they are now. You’ll see that in any bad or complicated situation there was OTHER WAYS to handle things. It’s all comes down to choices. It’s true that we can not control some things in life, but for the most part it’s based on rational decisions. I’ve seen my therapist making those decision over and over and over. I have seen him being very brave and I have seen him terribly sheepish. I do not want a sheepish person in my life, as a therapist or as a close friend. I am not sure, Paraclete, if that helps you, because our situations are all so different. I’ll post it anyway, because it helps me. Toxic stuff.
Aww, MC … Thanks :D:D
Yes, I think you refer to a previous post of mine – I want to play this game just long enough to get things back to how they were – when I was getting what I wanted from him, not him telling me I cannot have it and making me feel rejected. Yes, if I can turn things around so that we’re back there again, it will then be MY decision to say, you know what, “I’m ready to stop now”. Always easier to be the leaver than the leavee.
As to my looks, its all in the eye of the beholder isn’t it. I consulted with another therapist about my situation with my T, and they said that I was “such an attractive young woman”, that my T “didn’t stand a chance”.
Nothing like a comment like that to make you feel completely guilty and responsible.
Poo –
My feelings of ‘craving’ for him have decreased heaps. I used to think of him constantly, the frustration drove me nuts, I couldn’t get enough of my fantasies. They kept me awake at night and coloured my dreams. I have never known desire for a man like that in my life. Didn’t realise it was possible.
But that’s changed. Time has decreased the intensity, and the way he’s been treating me lately has cooled my desire. I still have the emotions though, I fell so deeply in love with him and that won’t disappear overnight. Is it dangerous? I don’t know. I know the desire would be re ignited in an instant if he were to behave like he cared again …
I want this to stop, I really do – but I can’t walk away yet. I still have work to do, the work I went there for in the first place, it’s only half finished. I don’t want to abandon that.
I don’t know, Paraclete, I can’t relate to many things you say and to some – I do. Sometimes you seem to make sense and sometimes you do not, that’s why I wonder if some comments are genuine.
If you’d like me to be straight forward – I think it’s nuts to continue to see him. How can you trust him as a therapist after he let you massage his feet? It’s rather bizarre behavior coming from a therapist, don’t you think?
the comments are genuine – except for the ones where I’m deceiving myself.
Maybe i don’t want to continue genuine therapy with him – it feels like I do, but I can’t seem to give up the desire to have him love me. Its not healthy, I know it. Truth is, i tried to leave twice; both times were disasterous; first time I came close to suicide.
I am very mature and independent in the world outside of that therapy room; but in there I am completely dependent and needy of that man, and unable to make the decisions to leave that I know are wise. This is the dillemma I explained in an above post to Torn in 2. Sometimes other emotional drives take over the ability to reason.
I am getting stronger though; I can feel anger now, and I couldn’t before. But poo, if I wasn’t struggling with this issue like mad I wouldn’t be here. See, it depends if I’m talking with my head or my heart. They conflict a lot.
I know what I should do; I’m just not strong enough to do it yet.
I understand.
Do you understand as much as if he were to love you the way you want to be loved, he would not touch you or allow you to kiss him ( the kissing part just blows my mind. another reason I question this posts. it just does not seem humane)?
I don’t see a therapy with your T as an option.
Hi folks,
While I appreciate the comments here, they are far afield from commenting on the specific blog entry, so we had to close the comments to this entry. First-time users who come to this entry will find it can take a long time to load because of all of the comments, and so previously I had asked that people not use the blog entry comment area as a support group.
We created a support group for this topic just for you!
http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=108
I hope and ask all of you to please use the support group instead. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
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