“I think I’m in love with my therapist. What’s wrong with me? What should I do?”
It is not unusual to feel strong feelings of “love” or affinity toward your therapist. But those feelings probably aren’t what you think.
Psychodynamic theory suggests the reason that many people fall in love with their therapist is because they are repeating emotional patterns they experienced as children toward their parents. This behavior and set of feelings was first described by Sigmund Freud who coined the term “transference” to describe it. He discovered transference after noting this many of his mostly-female clients would start describing their own romantic feelings toward him. In some patients, the feelings were not romantic, but instead more childlike and Freud took on a parental role in the patient’s mind. It was as though Freud became their father figure, and the tempestuous relationship would then play out in his office.
Freud described this process over a hundred years ago, and therapists and their clients still deal with this issue even in modern psychotherapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy. Because the process itself is a very real possible side effect of psychotherapy, although it doesn’t happen to everyone in all therapeutic situations.
Why Does Transference Occur?
Nobody can say for certain why transference seems to be a process of many people’s psychotherapy, regardless of the actual background of the therapist or focus of therapy. Goal-focused, short-term psychotherapy is no guarantee that transference won’t occur. Some cognitive-behavioral therapists, in their efforts to focus on empirically-based treatments, simply ignore these feelings when they come up in the course of psychotherapy. Others downplay their importance.
Transference likely occurs because the therapeutic environment is generally seen as a safe, supportive and nurturing environment. Therapists are seen as accepting, positive influences in our lives, but sometimes also as authoritative guides. In these various roles, a therapist can inadvertently step into roles previously occupied in our lives by one of our parents. Or a client can become infatuated with the seemingly endless supply of wisdom and positive self-regard some therapists exude. The effects can be just as intoxicating as one’s first love. In this increasingly detached world, someone who spends nearly a full hour with our undivided attention may become quite godlike.
Therapists may also represent an individual in a person’s life that provided the unconditional acceptance (and perhaps love) that we all seek from important others in our life. Our mother. Our father. A sibling. A lover. A therapist doesn’t ask for a person to be anything other than themselves. And in the honest emotional environment that’s so often found in the best therapists’ office, it’s easy to idealize (and in some cases, idolize) the accepting, caring professional who sits across from us.
I Think I’m in Love! Now What?
So you feel like you’re in love with your therapist and while intellectually you may understand that this is just a normal process of psychotherapy for some, you still need to do something about it.
The first thing to understand is that this is not anything you should be ashamed or afraid of. This type of transference is not an uncommon feature of psychotherapy, and these kinds of feelings are not something you can simply just turn on and off at will. Having these feelings for your therapist is not “unprofessional” nor does it cross any kind of therapeutic boundaries.
Second, talk to your therapist. Okay, I know this is the hardest step, but it is also the most important. Your therapist should be experienced and trained in transference issues (yes, even the modern cognitive-behavioral therapists), and be able to talk to you about them in an open and accepting manner. As with most issues in therapy, bringing it out into the open and talking about it usually is sufficient to help most people in dealing with their feelings. Your therapist should also talk to you about ways you can better understand them in the context of your therapeutic relationship, family history and background, and what kinds of things you might be able to do to help and reduce their intensity.
Third, accept your feelings and continue in focusing on the reasons that brought you into therapy in the first place. For some people, this will be easy. Once they’ve discussed the issue with their therapist, they feel relieved — like a weight has been lifted off of their shoulders. For others, the process may be more difficult and require that some therapy time be spent further discussing these feelings with your therapist.
I should also note that if a therapist returns your feelings of love in any form whatsoever, it is a breach of the professional therapeutic relationship and ethics. Professional therapists are trained to cope with their own “counter-transference” issues, and in the U.S., a romantic relationship between a client and their therapist is considered unethical and verboten. You should consider ending your relationship with such a therapist and talking to your regional ethics board about filing a complaint.
“Falling in love” with your therapist is sometimes a normal process of psychotherapy. It only means that you’re feeling positive, intense feelings for another person who is helping you with important issues in your life. Do not run away from these feelings — or your therapist — in fear. Talk to your therapist about them, and chances are, it will help.
585 comments
Hi Bonnie..good, good..I would be very interested in hearing how things turn out..keep us posted. DEE
Kriistene,
Don’t do it, seriously..no no..try and resolve the home life issues first..talk to the “T” about this..then see..don’t jump in just yet..I know..it’s so tempting, especially when there is such a physical attraction. Given the current state, I say no, but would still support you if you did..it’s up to you..DEE
Anika,
Don’t know how I missed your blog..how are you doing? What can I say? You seem to be going through was most of us here have/are going through. How long have you been seeing him as a patient? How long since the intense feelings began? Just you know, I totally understand the whole Facebook thing..did that for a while and finally put a stop to it..it just made things worse for me..but I had to get to that point..that in the end, the situation was doing me more harm than good AND affecting my relationship with my husband. You will get there though, at some point you will get tired of the intense feelings and how exhausting it is to have a relationship with someone in your mind only..it takes time and goes through stages..anyway, we’ve all been there..keep us posted..DEE..
P.S. Got rid of the Bon Jovi CD too!
?? Bon Jovi, “you give love a bad name ” what a cracker and a flash back to the 80’s !!!!! Joke: What would John Bon’s sister be called if her name was Anne? Answer Anne Jovi” ha ha ha, get it? I am mad. I agree with phases and stages, but is it possible to love your husband so much, and yet have intense lust (not love) feelings for your therapist????? x K
Kriitene,
No 80’s Bon Jovi for me..just more recent stuff, that the “T” had playing in the background once..damn him! Well, loving someone and lusting after someone else are two different things. I’m in the same situation remember? Here’s the thing though, you have to ask yourself: What is it exactly that you want from the “T”? An affair? That’s easy to do. If that’s it then I say go for it. But to disrupt your life, and perhaps all the progress you have made is alot to give up for sex. Have you talked to “A” about what he wants? I just think that in the end Kriitene, you will regret your decision and then where will you be? Seriously, think about it long and hard. It sounds like your and “A” have come to this decision together(?), talk to him..see what he wants too. It’s a tough one for sure and I know how you feel. Wanting someone so badly. Keep me posted. DEE
Thank you Dee. But, the more I think of reading my letter to my therapist about my love for him, the more nervous I get. I’m not sure I have the gutts to do it. I dont know if I am doing the right thing. He returned my call the other day, and we talked for a whole hour on the phone. It was mostly regarding my marriage, but there was a lot of small talk and laughter too. We “hit it off” so well. We laugh and joke together a lot. I know he cares about me more then just doing his job. He has told me before that he lost sleep because he was thinking about our last session or upcoming session. I dont think he romantically has feelings for me, but I do believe he cares for me as a person. I dont want to risk ruining what we have going by telling him that I love him. It is a war inside of me to unload this burden and risk losing what we have and making him pull away, or to keep it inside and deal with it on my own.
Bonnie,
I know..I wrote and tore up about 4 letters myself. I just couldn’t do it either..they sounded so corny and did not seem to really express what I felt. I ended up telling him via voice mail..I have no idea how he took it, and I have yet to hear from him (which is good). I don’t want to know his reaction, because in the end, I don’t think that I could handle the rejection plus I was concerned about upseting him. This all happened after I was no longer seeing him as my therapist. Your relationship with your “T” sounds alot like mine. It’s been 7 months since I last saw or spoke to him and there is not one day that goes by that I don’t think about him and just wonder how he is doing..like I have said before..I don’t feel the desperation that I once felt, although there are still days I long to talk to him..anyway, I’m better now and happy that I had his insight in the first place. Don’t worry, you’ll get there too. Take Care and let me know what you decidet to do..DEE
Dee,
I cant imagine what you are going through. The idea that there could be an end to therapy, makes my stomach hurt. I still have the letter I wrote him. I came across this website where you can talk to a live councelor for 1.60 a minute. I explained to the councelor my dilema and he told me that in order to make any more progress with my therapy that I should tell him how I feel. I thought this confirmed it for me. My husband is in school for mental health counceling and he told me that if a patient was to fall inlove with the therapist that it is normal protocal to refer them out.(He doesn’t know how I feel about my therapist) I was upset to hear that of course and told him he would be a bad therapist if he ever did that to any of his clients. So it scares me that there is different reactions for different therapists. I know my therapist cares about me a lot and even has talked to me outside of session on phone for an hour without charging at least two times. Regarding treatment of course. We have such a great relationship that I’m not sure I want to risk losing that. I will keep the letter on standby and if I am propelled to tell him then I will have it ready. Thanks for listening and sharing. I am glad to hear that you are on the road to healing. I’m sure it must be real hard to not have heard from him yet. Keep us posted. I will definately keep you posted on how it goes. I see him again next wed.
Hi Bonnie,
It was very hard once therapy ended. I wasn’t ready to leave and probably should’ve told him this, but was to afraid at the time. Last winter was a tough one and my feelings for him went through many differenct stages. I came to a point this past spring where I knew I just had to let things go as it was starting to affect me in a negative way. I have found a new therapist (a woman this time) who has helped me keep everything in perspective and who has assured me that I am not a bad person for having feeling for my therapist, that it is a natural part of the therapy process. It’s how we handle these feelings that counts. Anyway, He will always hold a special place in my heart and I owe him alot. Hope this helps. DEE
Hi… I think there are many variations on feelings toward T’s. I saw him today,and for the first time I told him , I would have the stamina to leave my husband, and when the time comes, i would certainly prefer to be with someone (not marry)He stopped dead in his tracks and stared and we just looked at each other for quite a while, I noticed a twitch in his eye, and saw a different face looking at me. I like him so much, he saved my life, and I would never hurt this man. Maybe I have matured in my feelings over the last 3 yrs.He has always been most genuine person. Unconditionally been there for me out of hrs etc.. .take Care X K
Hi Dee,
I’m glad you found a woman therapist to help you through this tough time. I am thinking of talking to a pastor about this too.
Wow, Kriistene. That is a big move. Does he feel the same way about you? What did he say about it?I can only dream of my therapist feeling the same way. I guess I’ll find out soon.
Hi Bonnie,
I can very much relate to your situation. I’ve been completely out of therapy for 9 months now. I returned briefly to tell my therapist how I felt about him. I did it in much the same way you have been considering…with a written note. He was very gentle, caring and accepting…as he always was as my T.
It can also be very helpful to you if you study the feelings, understand where thay are coming from and what they mean. The motivations behind these feelings offer lots of information on what you desire in a relationship.
This expereince has been well over a year for me now and I’m still not perfect with it. My feelings have not changed during this time, but I have been working hard on changing my response to them. The grief from leaving therapy has been a great struggle, but I honestly do not regret a moment of it. I think I have grown emotionally from this and have seen some of my own potential. I care for him very deeply and always will. Best of luck to you.
Beth
Beth,
Thank you for sharing that. I have thought of those things and I would also like for my therapist to help me sort through them too. I have a very selfish husband that only cares about himself and his needs. My husband has the same therapist that I do. My therapist gets real frustrated with my husband and relates to me more. He tells me he cant help being biest. He is very caring. Returns my calls and relates to me. I’ve never had that before, especially from my father, so maybe he is like a father I never had. Except he’s in his 30’s like me and gorgeous. 🙂 I see him Thursday. Maybe I’ll have the gutts to tell him. I’ll bring my letter with me just in case.
Hi ,he did’nt say a word. I am not going to hurt my family or him. That’s the absolute last resort.It feels so good to be with him, I have never felt so protected and cared for in a slightly different way. I like him intensly. But outside the sheltered walls of T, things would perhaps be incredibly different. But you know, he’s just so genuine and wonderful. XXX K
Kriistene,
I absolutely know what you mean. I finally told my therapist today. He was very shocked. He was quiet for a long time. He was very compassionate and told me he does not plan on transferring me out. He said we have developed a relationship and a working relationship. That made me happy to hear that he considers us more then just client therapy. Of course not in a romantic way. He said he will work with me on it. I was so nervouse, but I did it. I am glad to have this website to be able to share with others who are going through this. I’ve only told 2 of my close friends and they completely do not understand me and I can tell they look down on me for it. I just dont even talk to them about it any more.
Thanx Bonnie, I appreciate your feedback. My best friend ,who also happens to be psychiatrist is on to me, didn’t even have to tell her. Yes friends, family generally wouldn’t understand, but they haven’t seen how hot he is!!!! xxx K ps going O/S for 3 wks to germany. Chat when i return take care all.
This is torture. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I feel so overwhelmed. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hello, I’m new… I have a crush on my therapist and already discussed it with him. The problem is, I think I only brought it up because I wanted him to tell me back… but he didn’t.
I’m afraid if I continue to talk about it, he might drop me as a client. Anyone have some advice?
I find it difficult to believe that so many therapists are so “ethcial” on this very issue. I only say that because we are all human and have attractions. I understand why it’s considered ethical, but surely there must be marriages born out of this situation?
What about women that might report them to an ethics board because they don’t reciprocate?
Go back to a post I made here in August for the point, but I’ll say it again for those like jinx’d who ask: there is NOTHING professional or ethical to get romantically or physically involved with a patient as their therapist! It is wrong, counter therapeutic, and can lead to one’s license being revoked. Anyone who says otherwise is clueless or a predator, or as a patient does not understand or accept professional boundries. This thread is not accepting of this, and will lead to trouble.
Good luck!!!
skillsnotpills, board cert psych MD
Hi Jinx’d,
I know exactly what you are going through. I am completely inlove with my Therapist. When I told him I partly hoped that he would return those feelings. I got better then that–understanding and insight on why I feel this way. I know I would be inlove with him in any other situation as well, but the fact that it happened in a theraputic environment shows that there is definately more to it then love. In my situation, I am using him as a coping mechenism to not have to deal with the issures in my life. I am by no means, down playing your feelings for your T. These feeling are very real.
Even though I would love to have an affair with my T, I love him too much to put him at risk of losing his license or/and going to prison. Because that is what would happen if someone found out and reported it. And even if you never get caught, it would always be over his head that if you ever get mad at him or he brakes it off, you will report him.
It is a good thing you told him. He is there to help you through ANY emotion or problem you have. You cannot make any progress in therapy concealing your feelings. You should be able to talk about your feelings as often as you feel necessary. Hopefull he is able to help you through this hard time as mine is helping me. I love my T very much and I probally always will. Hope this helps. Hang in there.
P.s. You should also be able to talk to him about your fear of being “dumped” by him for talking about it. I am sure that if he is a good therapist, he will reasure you. If not, then he’s not worth it.
skillsnotpills – thank you. I do understand that it isn’t therapeutic or ethical. It seems that being a therapist is almost a damned career.
At this point I might as well just find another therpaist, because I can’t stop thinking about mine. Its torture that he doesn’t feel the same about me and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Sadly, I’m in such a bad state with my depression, I need someone to help me sort out my life. I almost hate him now for making me love him.
skillsnotpills,
I understand your frustration with therapist who get involved romantically with their patients. I am sure there are some jerk therapists out there who get off on vulnerable patients. But I am also sure that there are those who genuinly get caught in the natural affections you get when you really hit it off well with someone that is so much like you. It must be really hard being a Therapist.
jinx’d,
I hope you dont run from your feelings. You really should work it out with your T. It will only continue to happen with the next T you get. You need to work on where these feelings are coming from. Did you get my measage ubove?
Bonnie
Thank you for your message. I never realized until this thread how common this actually is. I’ve never fallen for a therapist before, but this is my first male one.
I really do want to touch more upon my feelings for him, but it is horribly embarrassing and I feel angry that he doesn’t feel the same. I do have body image issues and very low self esteem and this feels like the ultimate rejection.
My heart and stomach hurt when I think about this issue. After I told him, I felt like a dumb ass for doing so. He looks uncomfortable around me, and that is what frightens me about bringing it up again.
What makes me worse is that I’m married.
Jinx’d
I too have self esteem issues. And I am married with 2 kids, and he is married too. That is unfortunate that he is acting uncomfortable. Could it be that maybe you are assuming he is uncomfortable because of your self esteem issues?
There is nothing wrong with how you feel. I felt real embarassed at first, but the more I talked to him about it, the more relaxed I felt. Maybe you could tell him that you suspect it is transference and that you want him to help you through it. That might relax him more to know that you are seeking for him to help you through it. What exactly did he tell you when you told him how you felt? Let us know how it goes. You might feel more comfortable writing a letter too. That sometimes helps to put your feelings to paper.
Bonnie,
I guess I think he’s uncomfortable because he seemed a bit surprised at my revelation.
On the visit before I told him how I hate being ugly and fat and I know people are thinking that when they look at me. He said “I think you’re a beautiful woman, so I’m not sure why you would thinks like you”. I knew he was saying that just because.
I went through almost half of the session and said “M, I need to tell you something that is bothering me”. It took me a few minutes of starting and stopping, turning red, wringing my hands, but he was patient and told me to take my time. I said “M, I think I have a small crush on you and I thought you should know in case you wanted to drop me.
I think he was genuinely surprised, but he told me that the session before, he was worried that I might take his comment on my beauty the wrong way. I started to feel so embarrassed as he explained how this is quite common given the safe & intimate situation with therapy. I almost felt like running out at that moment. He said that from time to time, he will come across a beautiful client and finding himself floating off or not concentrating properly. I asked him what he does at that point? He said that he will speak with a supervisor or even his wife (she is also a therapist) to figure it out. I just tried to joke if off because I was so freaked out.
I don’t know what he’s thinking or even what I’m thinking. I’m just afraid if I bring it up again he’ll say goodbye because of my lingering crush. I do want to continue with him because I like his style and I do, or did feel comfortable.
This whole thing is so confusing to me. I’ve been in therapy for years, all with females, but I was never quite honest. That is why I picked a male this time. I thought it might force me to be more open and honest about how to fix me.
Jinx’d,
Sounds like you had a very possitive experience. I can only hope to have gotten a compliment like that from my T. He’s complimented me on what I’m wearing but never on my actual looks. I too have told him how insecure I am with my looks and wieght. I dont think he would tell you that you are a beautiful woman to make you feel better. His job is not to flatter you, but to help you with honesty. My T was surprised when I told him too. He was actually speechless for the first 5 minutes. It was kinda funny. I think your T is handling it very well and delicately. I wouldn’t worry about it. I think he seems like a very nice person and it is nice of him to let you know that this happens to him from time to time. He seems like he knows what he is doing. Dont let it hang over your head every time you see him.
Bonnie,
Thank you for the positive comments. I just don’t want to let my crush get in the way of my focus of therapy. Maybe I’m just thinking a little too much about this whole thing to move forward.
Bonnie, do you feel obsessed? I do… I look up his wife and him on facebook just to see their profile pictures. That seems disgusting doesn’t it?
Jinx’d,
I thought the same way. I told my T that I have so many issues I want to talk about and now I have this in the way. He said these feelings are necessary to make progress. I guess he is referring to transference. They are a part of you and what you are, and what better place to have them but in the safety of your trusted therapist. It would be so much worse if we, being married, got these feelings towards someone else who took advantage and broke our heart and destroyed our family life. I am not inlove with my husband, but I have 2 kids and would never leave my husband. I think there is more to marriage then just being inlove.
I am very obsessed. I have an obsessive personality and I am smitten by my T. I have not been able to do my regular chores around the house, I cant eat. I wake up thinking of him and go to sleep thinking of him. I fantacise about him all the time and have to resist the urge to seduce him. I too have looked him up on facebook. I listen to sad love songs all the time too. And I cant begin to tell you how much time I spend on the computer looking up websites about transference and being inlove with your therapist.
I told him how I cant stop thinking of him and he is trying to help me find coping methods to keep my mind buisy. It’s helping some. I am just trying to help others in as many ways as I can. If it’s from babysitting to going to church–anything to keep my mind of him. It is easier to keep your mind off your problems when you are helping others with thiers.
P.s. Another thing my T told me is, to not think about it too much and how to “fix” it. Process it slowly. Take your time. Dont panic. I found that comforting. I am in such a rush to get away from this feeling that I am missing the whole journey. I am still working on it, but I feel I am finding some peace in it—at times.
Hi Bonnie and Jinx’d,
I have been following your blogs..both of you sound alot like me and where I was a year and half ago..in fact almost identical!!! I can now say that I’m “over” it..believe me..it took alot to get me to this place, alot of suffering and many lessons in pure frustration. I’m happy to say that he will always hold a very special place in my heart, but the urgency of wanting him and thinking about him all the time is gone. It took a long time..but I’m okay now. I just got to that point and you will know it when it comes your way too. All the best. DEE
Bonnie,
That’s exactly how it is that I feel right now. I felt as if I could have written it myself. Every moment of the day I’m wondering what he’s doing, what his wife is doing and if he’s thought about me. I feel angry at times because I shouldn’t be this way. My husband is a wonderful man, but the love after so many years is just love. No passion, nothing. No kids either, which makes me wonder if we really should be together.
I get angry with myself for feeling this way. This man has a wife, a career and now someone like me that always wants to look him up on facebook. It’s crazy and I feel crazy.
I have one internet friend that I told about this and his comment was “maybe you and your husband just are wrong for each other if you seem to fancy another man?” Do you think that might be true? I’ve actually have had a few “crushes” and I don’t know why. My friend was just trying to help, but it hurt like hell and I felt so much guilt today. My stomach is so upset and I feel like throwing up.
I have to put my head back on straight and stop feeling this way.
Dee,
It’s so comforting to know that you can overcome this, but I’m a very weak person and have an obsessive personality. How can something that is supposed to be so natural be so painful? Maybe we women should just stick to women therapists and we won’t have this problem? Damn myself for trying something different.
I can honestly say i feel tortured inside.
Dee,
Thank you for your encouragement. It is nice to see a light on the other side of the tunnel. I’ve read your past blogs and I can see a lot of growth and healing since then. This is such a wonderful yet terrible feeling. I feel safe it being with someone who will not take advantage of me. That is comforting.
Jinx’d,
I know what you mean about the crushes. I have been married for 7 years and I’ve had my share of crushes and one affair. I cant stand myself sometimes for being this way. But I also know that crushes and affairs dont just happen out of the blue. They are results of something wrong in your marriage. You might want to dig deeper into your marriage and see what is making it feel so dead romantically. You might even want to talk to your husband about it. Maybe see marriage counceling.
I saw marriage counceling with my husband, but for my case, it didn’t seem to help. But we are trying to read books that help our marriage together. He knows that I am not inlove with him and this has caused him to try to romantacise me again, which i appreciate, but I have a lot of pain from a lot of abuse he caused me in the begining our our marriage, and now being inlove with my T is not helping any.
However, I dont think divorce is the answer to your problem. It is dodging the real issue and will only happen to you again if you remarry. Especially if you have a wonderful husband, you dont want to throw that away. Being inlove isnt everything. I think if you work through your crush with your T and why you are feeling that way to begin with, maybe your T can help you transfer that to your hubby.
I read a great book called “Every woman’s battle” by Shannon Ethridge. Look it up on Amazon. It is about women who struggle with emotional affairs. I think it will give you a lot of insight. It helped me out a lot. actually, I think I’m going to read it again–I sure need to.
Bonnie,
Thanks, going to look that book up… sounds like it would be a very good fit.
I can’t imagine going into therpay with hubs. I can’t imagine ever telling about the crushes/affairs I’ve had over the years. It would kill him and I couldn’t do that.
I really do feel like a horrible person these days. Been thinking about my “new” crush, and all the past things and just want to jump off a cliff. As much as I think about my T., all I want to do is talk with him. There hasn’t been much of a sexual aspect so far, but my mind is occupied with him 24/7.
I have a session comming up in a few days and I’m trying to figure out what to talk about. Him or my other depression and more serious issues. Oh, I still have a fear that he will think my crush is too serious and dump me as a client.
Bonnie,
Thx for that suggestion, the book sounds like a good fit for me. As far as doing therapy with the hubs, I’m not sure. I feel like I have so many issues with me that should be dealt with first. I know it’s the chickensh** answer, but that’s all I have.
My appointment coming up next week is starting to make me anxious. I really have other issues to talk about, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I know I’m whipping myself into a frenzy, but the more I try to stop thinking about him, the more I can’t stop.
Damn, I’m such a mess!
Jinx’d,
I know what you mean. My appointment is next week and I am counting the days. I just want to go to sleep every night anxious to end the day so it can be closer to the day I see him. It feels quit pathetic. One thing that has helped me is that I have started going to the gym 3 times a week. It feels excilerating and I am losing weight, which makes me feel good about myself, and gets the happy hormones going.
Maybe you can start a hobby. Of course I think about him while I exercise too, but at least it’s not as bad as when I’m listening to the sad songs. Also, keeping a diary sometimes helps.
I know what you are going through. It is real hard. Dont feel so bad about it. It is normal and it does not make you a bad person at all. Try not to feel guilty. Embrace it. It is a painful yet insightful journey. There is light at the other end of the tunnel. That’s my hope anyway.
Bonnie,
Is there anyway to contact you on the board?
Hi Jinx’d,
I’m not sure what you mean by contact me on the board? What is the board?
Are you on the psych central boards?
Jinx’d
I’m not sure what the psych central boards are. But no, I’m just a commoner here going through the same stuff you are going through. 🙂
Jinx’d,
Haven’t heard from you in a while. How is everything going? Have you seen your therapist lately? I saw mine today. It was a struggle not to jump up and kiss him.
Hi Everyone
I have been feeling terrible for days about my obsession with my psychiatrist. I have been seeing him for 3 yrs and I am now having sexual fantasies about him. I feel so guilty about this. He’s an amazing man and Im pretty certain he doesn’t feel anything for me outside professional care etc but I am still so drawn to him. I haven’t fancied anyone in years and now I seem to be obsessed by him. I suffer from BPD and Im sure this is transference but it feels so real. He understands me so well I am totally infatuated. Before reading your postings I thought it best to keep very quiet about it as I thought the minute he supected I would get transferred to another psychiatrist but actualy it sounds like writing a letter is a good option and that a good pysch (which he is ) would help me over this issue as well. I am so scared.
What should I do? Its getting really bad because I am googling him and becasue he’s well known there are photos and also podcasts that I keep listening to. This has really escalated in the last week. There is alot of stuff going on in my life recently and in trying to cope I have developed this additional infatuation. Please help
Hi All,
Sent him a card this past weekend..don’t ask me why I did this…very impulsive moment..nothing to crazy though..just a quick hello to tell him I was well and thinking of him..I feel somewhat foolish, but okay just the same..I’m sure he will accept it with grace…stay well everyone..good luck on your journeys..DEE
I saw him a few days ago and I found myself being angry with him. I could hardly look at him and I just don’t know why? At the end of the session I felt bummed that it was over.
Today I went to see my shrink (same office) today and out he walked for another client. He saw me, kinda waved, but I just looked the other way. Now I’m feeling jealous of other clients? I’m totally mindfu**ed!
Scamblendx,
I am sorry that you are going through this. Welcome to the club. 😉 I think it is a good idea that you are going to write him a letter if talking to him is too difficult. When I told my “T” he was very understanding and caring, but now seems to dodge the issue. Make sure you get things worked out and dont let it linger over you and him for too long without adressing it in full.
You might want to stop googling him. I know that will just add to the infatuation. It added to mine when I looked him up on facebook and sat around thinking of him. I now try to go to the gym and keep myself busy. I dont feel as desperate anymore, but there is still a good amount of time where I just want to yell his name out and pull my hair off out of frustrations. I understand the fantasy. I do that ALL the time. It kills me though, because it reminds me of how much I am missing. Anyway, keep us posted on how it goes.
Dee,
I think it is awsome that you wrote him a card. I think that is thoughtful and he probally appreciated it. I wouldn’t think that is foolish in the least.
Hey Jinxd,
Sounds like you are having the same issue as me. I find myself frustrated and angry at my therapist lately too. I’m not sure why. I guess part of me is trying to push him away. I want to see him all the time, yet I want him to get fed up and transfer me. Though I know that’s not what I really want. I am just really frustrated with myself.
Bonnie,
I see him again on Tuesday, but very worried about what to say. At our last session, I discussed my marriage problems, and how I often want a divorce. He didn’t get a chance to say anything because our time was up. I don’t know if I want to talk about that again. My life is so flipping messed up right now, I’m not sure what problem to tackle first.
I can’t stop thinking of him, can’t stop googling him. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Every time I see his picture I just think about how super sexy he is! Then I google his wife and I think… “oh, she is really not that pretty”, and hate her. I don’t know why I’m so damn obsessed with him and her. It creeps me out that I’m like this.
I hope I don’t walk into our session with an attitude or he might see through me. Whenever we walk back to his office, he follows me, and I hate that. I keep wondering if he thinks I’m fat or if he’s looking at me strangely. Tuesday I’m going to ask him to lead the way. Do you ever feel that nervousness around your T? I can’t even look into his beautiful eyes and talk anymore. He is so good to look at and yet I’m frightened to do so.
I’m a nut case eh?
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