About a month ago, I put in a new faucet. Our old one was leaky, old, crusted over, and the dripping, dripping, dripping was torture to my ears. Imagine trying to sit and write something brilliant with that going on in the background every 1.7 seconds?
Finally, I took it upon myself to take care of it. I thought I’d suffered enough with this thing, more misery than it was worth hoping something would happen. Since my husband wasn’t too enthused, I decided I’d tackle it myself. I was going to “fix” my faucet. I did get the right parts at the store, wrestled with the old faucet for a while, and finally got the thing working.
What pride I had in doing it myself! I was reluctant even to ask help from my husband after a while when I was stuck on the last piece — yes, the last stinking piece before I could turn it on. I stuck to my resolve and found a way out of my pickle. Truly, this was something I had fixed on my own, top to bottom, inside and out.
While that worked out pretty well for my faucet, that approach didn’t work so well for my depression years ago. For starters, I didn’t even realize the miry bog of despair and anxiety was a significant treatable problem. I thought it was normal after your life turns upside down as a new parent. And guess what — I’m the professional you’re supposed to call in these kinds of things. I’m a therapist and I was still bamboozled by depression.
I told myself every which way ’til Sunday that this was something I could beat, something I could get over. It would change when this thing would happen. Once my daughter was this old, all that stress would be gone and things would be good. Or if I just try to “do better” or “be better” at this working mother and wife thing, I’d feel much better. Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. Not even barking up the right tree.
It would be like me trying to figure out how I could argue with the city utilities office to make the flow of water into our house slow down. We’re paying too much for our water for some reason and the inside of my sink keeps getting wet when I’m not using it, so it must be something with the city pipes or the water supply. And if we could just quit washing our dishes, we could get rid of the sink so it wouldn’t get wet anymore. Maybe we didn’t need any water to our house. Yes, what a solution that would be.
The other problem with my self-help approach to depression is that I was looking for a fix. Here’s the truth of the matter — depression can’t be fixed. Nope, working through depression requires a process. That’s layers of awareness, understanding, challenging, accepting, persevering, reaching out, and doing it all over again.
So maybe a bad mood on a Saturday afternoon is a self-help fix job for yourself — much like replacing your own kitchen faucet. Months or years of depression including weight changes, lost sleep, no motivation, lack of energy, no enjoyment of life, and some scary thoughts about living one more day – no, this job requires professional help. This is going behind the walls to replace all the worn out pipe attachments, rusted pipe sections, checking each and every faucet, and monitoring everything to keep the whole system working smoothly.
So if you know that you have a history of depression or if any of the above symptoms sound familiar, you need to ask yourself a question. Is this really a self-help job, or do you need to call a professional?
9 comments
How about when you have been struggling with depression for your entire life, but always wanted to be a professional, have been to professionals, have made some progress, have finally, just barely, become a professional, and your professional says now start doing it yourself.
Rapunzel,
Thanks for your question – this gives me a chance to clarify. When I say do-it-yourself, I am speaking to those who are really reluctant to get any help at all, who are somewhat denying that they have a serious problem.
There is clearly a level of personal responsibility that each person has for their own mental health. I’m not entirely clear if you mean that you are becoming a counselor yourself – is that right?
Especially if you are working in the mental health field, you need to do all that you can to keep yourself healthy and aware of your triggers. Learning good mental self-care is important for everyone.
I hope I addressed your question. Take good care of yourself, and feel free to comment again.
Hello,
Do-it-yourself is indead not such a bad idea. I figured that out few years ago. I was always interested in psychology (and now I’ve been studying it at the OpenUniversity) so I started treating myself as my first and so far the only patient. And we have quite a good relationship 😉
Anyway, after many years of a “regular treatment” I managed to turn my own thinking around and get to do things in my life. My constant bad mood still needs time to go away for good but I feel much better with myslef now. I have found out who I am at last! And that was the first step to liking myself. Now I can look forwards instead of backwards. And knowing who I am (it took a long time) I can now start making plans, having dreams and doing my best to acheive them. Having a goal in my life is what I needed.
I’m on a right road now despite the fact that some administration stuff makes the things go more slowly than I would like them to go (yeah, now I’m a bit in a hurry as I lost so much time), but at least I know what to do and what not to do.
But to do that, this kind of self-therapy, one needs somehow a discipline and a strong personality, although it sounds contradictory… I can’t really explain it. It worked for me, I managed to ask myself questions at the right moments, and after a while – give the “right” answers that helped me further and further.
And I saved a lot of money :D. Take care!!
Would it be fair to say that both self-help and the support and advice of others have a role to play, and we should be open to getting help from both?
Yes, I certainly think so. Misjudging a really big problem for something that you can just “will” away is where depression can get a foothold.
Of course, everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves. And doing things on your own is important. I know that when people do not realize the magnitude of what is going on and continually believe it is nothing they could/should/would ever reach out about, that can trap a person.
When you have professional help for a clinical depression, you can become better equipped to eventually handle things yourself.
I wish I could get a professional but I can’t afford it. I’ve been to a therapist through my local free clinic but we didn’t get along very well and I had to stop seeing her. I can get antidepressants through the clinic but I don’t want to take them w/o seeing a professional. Maybe when I get a good job I’ll be covered by my insurance…until then, I dunno.
What about those who have realized that they are depressed and have anxiety but are unable to do anything about it other than “self help?” I’ve tried many times to overcome my depression and suppress any feelings that come with it, but they always come back. Feeling emotionally drained at times to feeling completely emotionless, the weight loss (with the weight gain…), the eating disorders and unstable sleeping patterns. I would see someone if I could, but I’m under my parents insurance and they would frown upon a lot (as silly as it seems, yes it is true).
There really isn’t a question here I guess
I have to agree with Adam, why are the otions self hep OR a professional? Why not both?
I went to a professional regarding my depression. I found the process interesting and I talked about things I had not discussed in years (or ever in some cases). The problem I found was that after 12 months of navel gazing I was still no happier and there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
I then discovered learned optimism though a self-help book and that combined with the love of a good woman (thanks Fi!) I am now very happy, a proud dad and getting married this week! I think there is a lot to be said for self help, well, in my case at least!