The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the yardstick that mental disorders are measured against. But every disorder in this reference guide is meant for individuals, because that’s how doctors diagnose diseases and disorders.
So it would be ground-breaking if the working groups that are focused on revising the DSM suddenly decided that a disorder could be diagnosed not just in an individual, but in a set of people — such as two people in a particularly unhealthy romantic relationship (Co-dependency Disorder?) or family (Scapegoating Disorder?).
This is exactly what some folks wanted to do to make their paydays easier in divorce court. The proposed disorder? Parental alienation disorder. Its “symptoms?” When a child’s relationship with one parent is poisoned by the estranged parent.
Thankfully, it appears the working group charged with reviewing the research in this area and making a decision for the new draft of the DSM has erred on the side of keeping to the standard — that we shouldn’t be diagnosing disorders that aren’t contained within an individual.
‘‘The bottom line — it is not a disorder within one individual,” said Dr. Darrel Regier, vice chair of the task force drafting the manual. ‘‘It’s a relationship problem — parent-child or parent-parent. Relationship problems per se are not mental disorders.”
Regier and his APA colleagues have come under intense pressure from individuals and groups who believe parental alienation is a serious mental condition that should be formally recognized in the DSM-5. They say this step would lead to fairer outcomes in family courts and enable more children of divorce to get treatment so they could reconcile with an estranged parent.
Among those on the other side of the debate, which has flared since the 1980s, are feminists and advocates for battered women who consider ‘‘parental alienation syndrome” to be an unproven and potentially dangerous concept useful to men trying to deflect attention from their abusive behavior.
The problem is that there’s very little scientific evidence to support this disorder; this comes as no surprise when you read the proposed definition:
Dr. William Bernet, a professor emeritus of psychiatry at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, is editor of a 2010 book making the case that parental alienation should be recognized in the DSM-5. […]
Bernet’s proposal to the DSM-5 task force defines parental alienation disorder as ‘‘a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high conflict divorce, allies himself or herself strongly with one parent, and rejects a relationship with the other parent, without legitimate justification.”
What the heck is “legitimate justification?” And who determines what’s “legitimate” and what’s not?
Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like, with or without justification? Since when would that be considered a disordered behavior; doesn’t this occur every day in perfectly healthy marriages?
Talk about a slippery slope that seems designed to ensure it could be used in whatever way needed in a messy divorce.
After reviewing the evidence, I don’t believe we’re anywhere close to saying that this sort of triangulated relationship is a “disorder.” Certainly it’s unhealthy behavior, and certainly it can be treated if all parties are interested.
Parental alienation disorder is not a recognized mental disorder, and it’s unlikely to appear in any form in the new DSM-5 coming out next year – and that’s as it should be.
Read the full article: Psychiatric group: Parental alienation no disorder
33 comments
The author writes: “Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like…”
It may be the child’s “right” but it isn’t always in the child’s ability to align themselves with whomever they’d like. A child is much like a hostage, unable to fend for himself in the world and totally dependent upon his adult caretakers. A child has less choice than he might desire as he is not a fully autonomous person.
In an ideal world, would parents use their children as tools to be manipulated against an adversarial spouse? No. However, we do not live in an ideal world and children’s rights are often disrespected. Just look at the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study on the CDC website to see the sobering long-term effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Hi John:
In the article you reference, Dr. Darrel Regier said,”It’s a relationhip problem – parent-child or parent-parent.” There already are recognized mental conditions that involve multiple individuals at the same time. They are relational problems and in the chapter of DSM-IV-TR, “Other Conditions That May Be a Focus of Clinical Attention.” DSM refers to them as “mental conditions,” not “mental disorders.” Dr. Regier seems to be saying that parental alienation is an example of parent-child relational problem. Many mental health professionals agree with that opinion. Although Dr. Regier has stated many times that parental alilenation seems to be an example of parent-child relational problem, he does not think that should be stated explicitly in DSM-5.
Thanks for your interest, Bill Bernet
Where there is a buck to be made, there is a label to be invented
“Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like, with or without justification?”Really? Concerning parents, perhaps the most important relationship in that child’s life?Isn’t it a child’s right to go to school or not?Isn’t it a child’s right to go to the dentist or not?Isn’t it a child’s right to choose his teachers?Isn’t it a child’s right to choose all of his/her clothes?Isn’t it a child’s right to choose what his/her meals should be?Isn’t it a child’s right to choose what tv shows he/she watches?Isn’t it a child’s right to choose when to go to bed?And what do you do when the child has been the active target of a parent that lies to the child about their other parent?Are you saying that never occurs?Are you saying parents can’t condition their children, through reward and punishment, and giving and withholding love?This never occurs?I am an insane and malevolent dog owner, that’s because as a child I was bitten by several dogs. Whenever I feed my dog, I give him food, followed by a shock through his electric dog collar. I have done this repeatedly for four years.Question: what do you picture the mental state of that dog to be? Sane? Insane?Question: in the DogSM IV, should owner alienation syndrome be listed?
Children are individual human beings, with their own likes, dislikes, preferences, tastes, and behaviors.
You cannot empirically demonstrate that a child’s tastes changed because a parent “brainwashed” that child, or because that child simply decided to focus their love and attention on one parent of their own accord. And since you can’t do that, you can’t say the parent or child is “disordered” because of these choices.
Relationship problems fall outside the purview of most mental disorders. This is, at its heart, a triangulated relationship problem. It doesn’t mean it can’t be treated, just that the definition and description of the problem — and how you could distinguish it from normal developmental behavior, especially in tweens — is so vague as to be useless.
The fact is that PAS is severe emotinal abuse of a child not a “relationship problem”. That is a separate thing.I am a child protection psychologist with over 20 years experience and have witnessed PAS first hand. Those with no first hand or direct clinical experience wouldn’t understand. It is a syndrome as it is specific to parental conflict/ divorce/separation and the behaviours of the parent and effects on the child are the same over and over to varying degrees. It is fascinating and both frightening at the same time when you have had the experience of observing it which most professionals have not had. It is severe emtional abuse of a child and manipulation both direct and indirect by one parent to turn he child against the other parent Pure and simple. It may involve or not involve false allegations. It is about time this commonplace everyday syndrome s recognised in the DSM.
Parental alienation is real. This is a tool that mothers use to rip the kids way from the fathers. I see it time and time again. You denying this syndrome is not int he best interest of the kids. You denying this syndrome continues custody battles. The mothers that do this are guaranteed larger child support payments while destroying relations with the dad’s.
There should be automatic 50/50 custody for the kids. This will eliminate many custody battles. If there is a claim of abuse right after divorce is filed and it turns out false the accusing part should have pay the accused for damages.
Of course lawyers and people like you won’t allow this as it makes too much common sense and you won’t make money from it. The feminist only want equal rights when it applies to them. Not to the male population of this world. We are the bad guys and you are only continuing this. It all needs to stop and the alienation by woman of dads needs to stop.
Since Pavlov doesn’t ring a bell, does Skinner?
Does operant conditioning not work on children?
Doctor! You should write that up!
““Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like, with or without justification?—
If you are given proof, that within say, a two year time span or less, that children had gone from having a very loving relationship with a parent, to a vehemently alienated relationship with that same parent (they don’t wish to see that parent, they accuse that parent of all sorts of bad behaviors), and if you were given all sorts of evidence that nothing had changed from that targeted parent,
If you spent an hour, two hours, eight hours, 40 hours with those kids, and could never find a real world excuse to explain their sudden alienation from that parent,
would you say the children’s alignment was justified?
How would you describe their alignment (or unalignment?)
A child can change their friends of their own accord without justification. Sorry to say, they can do so with their parents too.
It happens all the time, even in loving parental relationships where the parents aren’t involved in a divorce or separation. It’s bewildering to the other parent, for certain, but it’s not something you can slap a label on and call it disordered behavior.
Dear Dr. Grohol, I’m surprised with your simplistic approach. You have never seen an alienated child. I invite you to come and meet my son. It would become painfully obvious that there is a difference between children who favor one parent over the other from time to time and a 13 year old child who abruptly begins to seethe with hate and contempt for one parent, when nothing on that side of that relationship has changed. It is espeically interesting to note that the child’s depth of hatred gets worse, as he sees less of his mother. She has no contact with him, yet each week he hates her more. Where does this young man learn things that feeds his contempt, if not from the parent he lives with? As his hatred for his mother grows while he is isolated from her, his adoration of this father reaches almost the “gag” stage.My son hated his father for justifiable reasons when he was small. He watched as his father abused me and I fearfully took the hits to protect my children. When the abuse lead to a psycholic break, I was not there emotionally to protect them. And my son does remember that that was the time I threw him to the wolves. From that point he had to cope on his own. How does a child “cope” with a parent’s irrational behavior without some help to understand it. The most common is to adopt it, and carry the violence into the next generation.
IT IS WRONG who cares if it is a disorder or labeled as. it happens every day and should be a crime. and unless you have gone through it yourself. really, you know NOTHING about it.
Obviously it hasn’t happened to you.
The best explanation I’ve come across is that parental alienation is a symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Dear Dr. Grohol,
What is legitimate justification? Child abuse would be one. In a case where one parent is abusing the child, that child might seek protection and comfort from the other parent, whom they can trust. My son and I had a strong, healthy attachment until I divorced his abusive father. His father has interfered with my placement for over 400 days. And during that time, my wonderful son, has not only become enmeshed with his dad, but has severed our attachment, has refused to see me, and seethes with hatred. He told me he buried his love for me. His justification? That I always want to see him. I’ll let you decide. Do you think that because I love and miss my son so much that I always want to see him, is a legitiatmate justification to allow a 13 year old to decide that “he doesn’t need a mother”.
Those of us who have a child who has been isolated and alienated by the other parent, don’t care what you call it. We are tortured by our loss, which in my case was identified as severe parental alienation, and my son and I were ordered into therapy and placement was to be enforced. Unfortuately Family court didn’t have the authority to enforce their own orders. And my ex sabotaged any efforts to help our son regain any of his identiy. As a result of hating the mother who is a part of him, he has had a 180 degree personality change, and is on a fast track to hurt himself and/or others. He will not spontaneously recover. If you don’t want to call it a disorder, what would you call it? Because it is as real as I am. Kay
That’s the problem though. Child abuse is one of the toughest things to prove and our system does everything in it’s power to shut victims up of any kind. Look at battered women, abused children, victims of police brutality or any other abuse of power. So how could that possibly come out fairly in a court room? Instead you will have more abused children end up full time with their abusers and yes this can include abusive mothers.
Another huge issue you have here is that if the child is choosing to dislike a specific parent based on said parent’s behavior alone then you are literally basically saying that the child has A) no right to choose who they dislike and B) potentially punishing the child and their preferred parent for it. Can you imagine living in a world that tells you that you are not allowed to dislike mom and since you do now you have to live with her primarily and dad goes to jail for contempt of court?
That’s how this could play out in countless cases.
Finally, terrible definitions are a huge problem. It is why corporal punishment is the go to escape for clear instances abuse, and it is ALLOWED. It is why rapists get away with rape in certain states because “he wasn’t aware he was raping her. “Noâ€wasn’t clear enough because they had sex two weeks ago.†That is what causes the biggest problems in legal systems, court systems, and it doesn’t have a place in a scientific community. We need to have clear and concise information to make diagnoses and evidence to back them. In most cases this can’t be backed on any side especially in the case of younger children, but that wouldn’t stop someone from frivolously using it as soon as it is added. Maybe later in adulthood we could once a person is old enough to recognize behavioral patterns between relationships but from the view point of a child, no. Especially not in custody cases involving abuse.
Cps, and forensic investigators don’t do shit in most cases. They walk into the home, and don’t care to build rapport with the child then interrogate them about the scariest time of their life and if they don’t talk and the other parent isn’t dumb enough to admit what they did case closed. They pretend to know what did or did not occur from less than 30 minutes of talking to a terrified child. Now add PAS to the mix? No. It takes years for some victims to start talking and some never do speak out past a few individuals. We know this. So really we need to think of all those ramifications and what that means.
I think the biggest obstacle to this issue is a lack of understand of what is being debated.
Parental alienation is a set of behaviors conducted by a parent to manipulate a child into adopting their beliefs of another parent. One example: an alienating parent ignores the need of a child as punishment for expressing a positive view of the other parent.
Alignment with one parent over can happen, even when both parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent. That’s normal. When a child expresses preference for reasons that don’t directly affect the child, i.e. “I don’t want to see Daddy because he doesn’t clean the garage anymore.” Isn’t normal alignment. That is a manipulated perspective on the other parent.
Parental Alienation Syndrome, is, in a nutshell, brainwashing. The alienating parent indoctrinates the child into adopting their views of the other parent to the point that the child rejects the other parent.
Every child that experiences alienation tactics does not get Parental Alienation Syndrome.
An alienating parent can be a mother or a father, the alienated parent can be a mother or father. It’s not gender specific.
It’s difficult for people to understand that a child would reject a parent based on the manipulations of another parent. It happens. It is difficult, if not impossible, to overcome. Constant reality checking with the child to get them to think critically about what they are being led to believe is helpful, but so is more time. Limiting time with the alienating parent is most helpful.
If the DSM doesn’t want to recognize PA/PAS, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. We accept that brainwashing by fanatics exists, we believe that Stockholm Syndrome exits … we accept that children can have false beliefs implanted in them through leading questions. It’s perplexing that the concept that a child can be conditioned to reject another parent by an alienating parent doesn’t exist. The authors of the DSM has thrown common sense out the window on this one.
Hmmm, Divorce (much like many other socially irritating issues) is our remedy for a mistake that can not be repaired. Especially true once children are involved. Whatever potential level of financial, educational success, and emotional stability the child had prior to the discourse and resulting divorce has been reduced. Study after study show the remarkably more favorable results of children of parents married for the whole time. This would be true no matter what just because the situation becomes “unnatural” once a child looses both parents attention and affection. But as if that isn’t bad enough, out system is set up to pit one against the other and spur on this “King Solomon” type court drama. Only King Solomon had the luxury of knowing 1 of the 2 women were not the parent.I am weird in the what I see things. I am very self aware. So when the time came for me to go through my divorce, I watched not only as a hurt, anxious, participant, but also as an ob server of the social process. I was appalled at the reckless manor in which our system is conducted. My now ex took some AD’s (A subject I will avoid here) and slipped into a state of mania seemingly over night. It came to a head in an event that would find her in jail, then in the criminal system for domestic violence against me. Everybody from my attorney, to my therapist, to my friends and family kept pushing me to keep pushing the DV charge and have her sent to jail. Now, the reason was that her DV attorney played a chess game and illegally filed for divorce and lies about the DV charge on the custody bid. This lead to some really crazy event for me, let alone how they felt to my 2 yr old. With a divorce, I had to choose to push the charges causing her to loose her job and costing me more in alimony and child support. But in my head and with those people close to me I had to push back at a time when I needed their strength. I said, “But she is my best friend and lover of a decade, my wife, and the mother of my child. Why would I want to send her to jail. Especially when I feel she is sick from unnecessary drugs.” Every force around me was forcing me to get into this “Pit Bull” of a fight and I just couldn’t see where the courts could do anything to help my daughter. In my opinion they didn’t choose the best available outcome. Because in the end, in a courtroom we have lawyers and the money making decision that therapist, psychologist, and sociologist should be making. Any parent who says or even thinks they “won custody” is not a parent. They haven’t the first clue of what it means to be a parent. Their child is just a possession. So make this policy, don’t make it policy, it doesn’t matter. It won’t change a thing. The person that really matters was doomed from the moment two people who shouldn’t have had a child, do. The system is frothing at the mouth to promote the debauchery.
US high school students are boycotting their school canteen because it wants to introduce healthier meals with more whole grains, fruit and vegetables. The school has decided it needs to reduce the sugar, salt and fat in school lunches. The kids however are refusing to let go of their burgers, pizza and fries and so are protesting. This student boycott sends out a powerful message, it says that when we teach kids to think for themselves we shouldn’t assume they will use that ability to make wise decisions for themselves. It is the quality of thought that counts, not just the ability to think.
The school shouldn’t really be surprised that the kids lack awareness of what is best for them. -Stephen Brooks.
Having been subjected to alienation from my children by my ex, with the older two realizing they were alienated and the youngest still refusing me as her mother when she had no viable reason to do so, this thinking bears consideration.
It’s excruciatingly painful to go through.
There are quite a few mistakes/misunderstandings presented in this article which I believe should be addressed/corrected. The first is that PAS is a relationship disorder and therefore does not belong in the DSM. There is precedent for relationship disorders being included in the DSM, such as foilie a deux. Moreover, there is a specific place in the DSM for relational disorders and part of the proposal with respect to parental alienation is that it be considered a relational disorder. Second, the author mocks the notion that it is possible to decide what is legitimate justification for a child’s rejection of a parent when this is the kind of clinical judgment that mental health professionals make all of the time. Custody evaluators, for example, are routinely charged with making just this determination. Third, the author writes that certain groups consider PAS to be “an unproven and potentially dangerous concept useful to men trying to deflect attention from their abusive behavior” seemingly supporting this misguided contention. However, within the definition proposed to the APA, this issue is clearly addressed by stating that if there is abuse or neglect on the part of the rejected parent than parental alienation is not applicable. Thus, this criticism is not valid. Further, to suggest that it is “unproven” is also incorrect in that there are numerous peer reviewed studies published in scholarly journals at this point supporting various aspects of the theory (i.e., which behaviors are associated with parental attempts to manipulate children to reject the other parent, which behaviors children will exhibit when they have been manipulated to unjustifiably reject a parent, and the likely long-term negative consequences for children when this occurs. The evidence demonstrates that it is possible for children to be manipulated to reject a parent who has not abused or neglected them, that when they do so they exhibit a set of behavioral manifestations (i.e., symptoms) which can reliably be recognized as part of the clinical picture (syndrome), and that absent intervention and treatment some of these children will suffer over the course of their life. It is time to stop arguing about whether it is real and put our efforts towards effective intervention and treatment for the affected children and families.
Fathers Do Have Rights! Please see the attached article on the Huffington Post.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jacqueline-harounian/fathers-really-do-have-ri_b_858348.html
Thank you Dr Baker for your critical analysis of this. For those that have witnessed a child completely reject a loving parent who has not been abusive, it is inconceivable to believe this is not a disorder. I find it quite astonishing that a the author believes that a child can choose these relationships… why not over empower the child completely and allow the child to choose whether they go to school, or whether they can smoke. It’s absurd, but allow a child to terminate a relationship with a loving parent, then it’s okay, it’s supported by the alienating parent. I have been a witness to this, false abuse allegations, inteference in parenting time, borrowed scenarios, estrangement from extended families…. all the accepted behaviours of PA. Perhaps all that I have witnessed has just been a figment of my imagination, and my step-daughter has not decided to reject her father. Perhaps the false abuse allegations submitted by the mother (under Oath) were also just a figment of my imagination, and the court appearances to defend ourselves from her vicious and sick lies were also not real, nor the legal costs that have been paid out. Perhaps the forensic psychologist report clearing us of abuse was also just a dream, and all this behaviour had no influence on a young and compliant child? I doubt it. Why? Because I have experienced it.
Thank you so much Dr Baker for your comment of this. A perfect example of parental alienation is my husband’s situation. A child who is alienated from one parent starts to believe the lies and manipulations from the parent alienating the child. The child does not know any better and believes in the parent (who is with him/her most of the time creating all these untrue stories). When the child comes around, he is constantly looking for reasons to fault the alienated parent and make adult comments against the parent. Can a young child make these decisions?
Is this a mental health disorder, maybe not, but neither is borderline personality disorder, which is defined in the DSM IV as “A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following”.
Both parental alienation and BPD come from something deeper, maybe a fear of something in life, where the individual has a fear of something, (in this case the fear of loosing a child to the other parent). Thus, this is very true! Since the divorce rates being so high today, this generation of children suffering from parental alienation have yet to show us the consequences this will create for them in the future. Do we think today’s society is filled with violent, dangerous individuals who have any form of addiction and behavior problems? Wait until we see these alienated children in the future. Not to be bias, but the most common custodial parent is the mother, who is also the alienator. Can you imagine all these little boys growing up learning that daddy is no good, he is a looser and they should learn to hate them. What will these boys be in the future? This is very real, and I am one living it each and every day through my husband’s situation with his own son. I see the confusion in the child, and I believe he does not know any more the difference between true and lie.
I believe I have a unique perspective on this topic. I am a 29 year old women who doesn’t speak to her father.
My parents are opposite sides of the same coin in my opinion. They are both very bipolar; my mother is rageful in her manic state but my father isn’t, he gets “euphoric”.
While it is true that my mother has bad mouthed my dad, it doesn’t mean that that is the reason why I don’t talk to him. Every time I would tell him something that he did that was annoying/disrespectful/embarrassing he would counter with “You don’t really feel that way, you only think you do because of your mother.” VERY INVALIDATING!!
He would enter my room constantly without knocking. Call me repeatedly while I was sleeping even after being told not to several times (I had to delete my number from his cell). He has diarrhea of the mouth and LOVES swearing. He would tell compete strangers (grocery store clerks, bartenders, my friends, etc) that he cheated on my mom within minutes of meeting them (Uh, HELLO!) and other embarrasing things. (Other relatives refused to go out in public with him.) Sleep naked on the couch even though he had his own room. Eat my food without asking and after confrontation replacing the food with the cheapest crap he could find. He did other stuff as well but recanting them all would take all day. (I realize that some of these may sound petty but when it’s constant and all coming from the same person, it gets to be too much).
I wish that I could say that my father was a drug addict or an alcoholic but sadly that is not the case. I’m not sure why my father is this way but I believe that he probably decided a long time ago that he didn’t want to be anything like his father -ha- (who is cold, paranoid and uptight) and went way too far with it.
My father has good points too but they aren’t good enough to put up with all of the crap! So no, I don’t think he’s a @$$ because of my mother, I think he’s an @$$ because he’s an @$$. Not every scorned parent is the victim of PAS but you can’t tell some people that, you’ll just get a wall of denial.
So my advice to parents is this;
Listen to your kids, and by that I mean open your mind, ears and heart and shut your mouth when they tell you something not so pleasant about yourself. Don’t get defensive and give yourself time to mull it over before you say something because like it or not what they are saying is their reality.
Your next step is to be self aware, deprive yourself of your illusions and face reality. Denial in the short term may feel good, but in the long run, it’ll cost ya, BIG TIME. Be honest with yourself; does what your kids say have merit?
If so, than this is wonderful news! It means that the situation is almost entirely within your control. Observe your child and the people that your child likes and find out what good qualities these people have and if possible work on being like them if possible (this is the area that you should start first). Or if that’s too much or impossible (or if it backfires on you for some reason) than be the person your child needs you to be. For instance, if (s)he is deluded – be a realist. Try to make it seem natural and be constant with it.
If not, then your next step is to figure out WHY they feel/think the way they do. Ask gentle probing questions ( http://changingminds.org/techniques/questioning/probing_questions.htm ) again do not get defensive or ask to many questions, just ask one question, wait for an answer and when you get one think it over. This will allow them to think it over too and hopefully, over time, it will get a dialog going.
Remember; Do not be pushy, You cannot change someone’s mind by steamrolling them, if you try than their opinion of you will be even more fixed.
Also, be kind to your kids. Do not make them the butt of jokes or “test” them. If you must criticize, be constructive with it. Don’t be a pushover or needy doormat either. Nobody respects a doormat, they just walk all over one and walk away. Treat you child with the respect that you would show anyone else.
I don’t know if this would work or not but it’s what I would do if my child was in this situation. If anyone out there does use this advice, let me know how it works out for ya!
also sorry for the long post but it’s been on my mind for a long time.
It is torture to hear psychologists say it is right for a young child to divorce a parent. When you see a loving child start spewing fabricated stories and hate for no reason after a separation, something is happening. Sadly I have found that the child adopts the hateful mindset of the alienating parent all too easily. Moreover, the psychologists do the same. I have no idea why this profession. Succumbs to this, but it almost uniformly does. And the courts follow suit. Because of this, I have lost all confidence in and respect for psychology and the family court. Empowering kids to choose evil behavior is mind boggling.
Methinks the good doc protests too much. Indeed, way ,too much emotion in narrative thus seemingly corrupting objectivity and bona fidelity analysis. Possibly responsible for abuse himself in a way that betrays cognitive awareness. Possibly narcissistic to point of insisting reality defer to him than the other way round. In essence intellectually dishonest via cognitive distortion. Thanks greg mutch NZ
Well said. I think you hit the nail on the head.
This article infuriates me! I cannot believe I am reading a “doctor” state that a child should be able to align themselves with whoever they want. WHY should a child ever need to align themselves with either parent?? It is a fact that children can align themselves with a parent out of pure fear, and not because the other parent is bad. What a terrible injustice for a child to actually support them to push away the one parent who truly has the best interest of the child in there heart-based on this ridiculous statement. And the “doctors” comment that children change friends at their own accord and can change parents too. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How many teens in homes with both parents go through stages where they hate their parents and want to leave, ignore school, hang out with a bad crowd? By your logic, all children should just do as they please. I didn’t become a parent to be my child’s “friend”. My job is to help them be the best that they can be, and keep them out of harms way. This does cause them to not like me sometimes, and maybe they won’t want to be in our home when they are teens. Are you telling me the courts should start allowing children in two parents homes to have the choice if they want to live in the home? Why should the rules be any different for the child with divorced parents? Your logic places the parents in the position to only be “the good guy” and never “parent” the child for fear that the child might choose to not come over anymore because they decided to “change their parents, just like they change their friends”.
As a parent on the receiving end of “Parental Alienation” I can only sit in bewildered and utter unbelief and your disingenuous statements. Especially this one:
“Isn’t it a child’s right to align themselves with whomever they’d like, whenever they’d like, with or without justification? Since when would that be considered a disordered behavior; doesn’t this occur every day in perfectly healthy marriages?”
You state it like it’s the child’s choice, yet if such a child is under the direct control and manipulation of a sick individual with the sole motivation of making him or her hate his other parent, is it a choice? You make is sound like the child has a choice… THERE IS NO CHOICE.
So from what you’re are saying, if a parent with sole control over the child’s life is drilling him or her day in, day out to hate the other parent, it is not abuse, it is the up to the child to decide??? Using your logic it would seem that a parent sexually abusing their own child would be ok as well… ie “it’s the child’s right” to choose to have sex or not.
Very dangerous and ill informed are your statements Sir…
It is astonishing that a professional can make these statements about PAS. To acknowledge that a child wishes to divorce a parent, and at the same time compare it with the childs inmature and ever changing friendships just proves how little understanding you really have about this serious subject.
I totally agree with the other parents, many of whom have experienced the full effect of PAS.
Alienated children reacts in exactly the same way as hostages, members of religious cults, puppets etc. Their personality is broken, and there are many studies that proves how much impact this sick behavior results in in both the short and long term.
As a MOTHER of 3 beautiful children, I can only regret that fanatical female groups supported by blind professionals are fighting this serious problem. They damage our children, and I can only suspect that many of them are to blame for the exercise of obsessed PA themselves.
PAS does exist! My ex took my daughter through 5 different states and at least 25 different addresses and we had joint custody. I complained to every court,police department ,government officials,news etc. I have over 400 emails just to my ex begging and pleading with him to let me see and talk to our daughter. I finally get ahold of her and all I get is hatred and she wants nothing to do with either me or my family.Come to find out he told her I was mentally ill and sick and had been hospitalized in a mental institution all the years I wasn’t around and even with proof to support my claims it is meaningless to her and she is cold to me. I also found out he claimed I abused her and that she was molested by me and my family. There are no such reports with any agencies that I or any one in my family was investigated or accused. My daughter was 4 years old when he took her and is now 21. At this point she has been in care of mental professionals,she has lied about having cancer for several years,is sleeping around (even with married men),she is dating a man that is 13 years older(I assume a father figure?),she is trying to get pregnant and has dropped out of school. I also know her father was recently accused of murdering his wife. My ex is a very cold person,heartless and manipulative and his mother is the same way too and she was accused of drowning her 2 year old son. This has to be a disorder. I beg you to email me so I can share my number and we can talk.I will blow your mind away with actual proof and documents to support my claims.. [email protected]
Your struggle to protect, save and restore your child is not just poignant, but took me back to a time 20 years ago when my own daughter had such a bright future. You have my respect, support and prayers as does your daughter.
As a parent of a child now in her 30’s, with incredible issues related to the abusive manipulation her mother used to damage her, I’m shocked at your quite simply “stupid”, unenlightened viewpoint. Nothing I say beyond that will ever honor the problems my daughter is dealing with. If you can’t recognize the long term damage that PAS does to the child, then at least say a prayer for her. Thank you.
My daughter, I’ll call her Lisa was killed in a car wreck 12 years ago when my granddaughter was 14 months old. So I will call Amber Lisa and Amber’s daddy will call Dick were together the day she died which was Thanksgiving. They were coming to my house to spend the weekends Friday because he had to work. Lisa called me twice that day. She and Dick had been arguing though she didn’t go into details just said it was the same old crap. We agreed we’d hang in and get on that dressing in the morning. We love to cook bacon dressing for Thanksgiving! She said she’d already made the strawberry cake which was from my grandmother’s recipe that she was going to bring . We said goodbye we loved each other and see each other in the morning I did see her but her eyes were closed because she was at the funeral home . My parents were divorced when I was a child and my father got custody and raised me I visited my mother every other weekend. Had my mother been then when I left with I’m quite sure she would have attempted to alienate me from my father she really did anyway but I knew better. I was with my father most of the time and he had a lot of honesty and intelligence and the way he raised me. I trusted him and he valued me. He gave me a sense that I mattered how I felt in the things that I liked in the things I wanted in the world. I adored my dad I assumed my precious granddaughters father would step up to the plate and be a great father. Unfortunately this was not the case not only did he leave her with relatives I was lied to 4 years about what was going on in her life and where she was staying my visitation was limited and once it was obviously her other grandmother who is Raising her she began to dominate in horde my granddaughter’s attention the weekends that she was with me. Now that I’ve learned about parent alienation syndrome I can look back and see the progression of this horrible thing and how it is affected my granddaughter in our relationship. This woman did this to her own mother and to both of her children and now she’s done it to my granddaughter. I believe that it should be prosecuted just like any other form of abuse. I had to go to court to get grandparent’s visitation which I did very early on when she was just two and I go have gone every other weekend to pick her up and I have two weeks in the summer we had a wonderful relationship we’ve been very close and kind there’s been no divorce but I can tell you first-hand that this is a real thing my granddaughters now reached a point that she doesn’t ever want to see me she’s Rewritten history wants no relationship with me doesn’t like me at all she says in also she has said a number very hateful things to me . I know she is parroting the things that she’s heard her other Grandmother’s Day and I know this because of the things I heard her say over the years beginning with the very first weekend she spent. Today after Lisa died they took down her pictures in the house every single one of them and then that woman had the nerve to tell me it was better that Lisa died when Amber was so young so she won’t remember her . Wow that was a really awful thing to here right after my first child was killed in the car wreck. but I’ve dealt with that ignorant crap since that fateful day on Thanksgiving in 2007. Anyone who says that this parental alienation syndrome is not a real problem is dead wrong it is a mental condition my granddaughter has been manipulated and twisted buy and now she’s fearful and anxious and she has anxiety attacks and acted afraid of me which is just out landish truly ridiculous. She’s been cutting she snuck out and got drunk all of this by 13. Now I found out about it being a real thing I’m going to a lawyer Monday morning I’ve got to get help for this child! granddaughter has repeated disparaging comments through the years beginning on her very first weekend with me when she said that her other grandmother didn’t like me. I’ve only reinforced the luck in the love of her to have two grandmothers who adore her so much and now she wants nothing to do with me. I’m talking to a lawyer Monday if she doesn’t want to be with me fine but she’s not going to have her whole future destroyed if it isn’t already by this horrible insecure and happy and miserable woman