Your boyfriend just broke up with you and you’re thinking, “Wow, he left his favorite t-shirt over here at my place. He wouldn’t mind if I cleaned the toilet with it, would he?”
Revenge is sweet. Or is it? Psychology research on the study of revenge suggests the picture is a little more complicated than a feeling of satisfaction after we’ve taken out our revenge on another.
Researchers call revenge the psychology of retribution, and our feelings about revenge the “revenge paradox,” because when we take out revenge on another person, we often feel worse afterward when we thought we would feel better. Vaughan over at Mind Hacks has the commentary on an article that appeared in the APA’s Monitor this month:
One of the most interesting bits is where it covers a study finding that while we think revenge will make us feel better after an injustice, it seems to have the opposite effect and makes us feel more unhappy […]:
“In the feelings survey, the punishers reported feeling worse than the non-punishers, but predicted they would have felt even worse had they not been given the opportunity to punish. The non-punishers said they thought they would feel better if they’d had that opportunity for revenge — even though the survey identified them as the happier group.”
It’s not only that our feelings and happiness aren’t quite what we thought they’d be. No, it’s far worse. Not only are we bad at predicting how we’ll feel after taking our revenge, but we keep our anger alive through ruminating about the experience long afterward, according to the Monitor article:
[… D]espite conventional wisdom, people — at least those with Westernized notions of revenge — are bad at predicting their emotional states following revenge, Carlsmith says.
The reason revenge may stoke anger’s flames may lie in our ruminations, he says. When we don’t get revenge, we’re able to trivialize the event, he says. We tell ourselves that because we didn’t act on our vengeful feelings, it wasn’t a big deal, so it’s easier to forget it and move on. But when we do get revenge, we can no longer trivialize the situation. Instead, we think about it. A lot.
“Rather than providing closure, [taking our revenge] does the opposite: It keeps the wound open and fresh,” he says.
So why do we even bother seeking out revenge if, in the end, it just keeps the issue alive in our minds, keeps us angry, and doesn’t really make us any happier in the long run? Researchers have some theories about that as well:
“Punishing others in this context — what they call ‘altruistic punishment’ — is a way to keep societies working smoothly,” Carlsmith says. “You’re willing to sacrifice your well-being in order to punish someone who misbehaved.”
And to get people to punish altruistically, they have to be fooled into it. Hence, evolution might have wired our minds to think that revenge will make us feel good.
The other reason mentioned in the article is that, perhaps in some cultures, obtaining ordinary justice through the courts or what-not is not a viable option. So revenge is the only impulse still available and which can be readily and quickly applied.
All of which you should take into consideration next time you’re considering taking out your revenge on another person. Because what’s sweet to you in the moment right now may become bitter later on, as you continue to ruminate upon the original act that led to your taking revenge. Above all else, revenge is not likely to make you happier, either immediately or later on. Drop it, move on, and before you know it, thoughts of the original hurt (and your imagined revenge) are just two more distant memories in your life.
Hat tip to Mind Hacks: Revenge is sweet but corrosive
The APA Monitor article: Revenge and the people who seek it
12 comments
Doesn’t receiving an apology make someone more likely to forgive and less likely to have negative feelings about having been wronged? And couldn’t revenge be an effort to gain this apology and its attendant benefits(ex., “They’ll be sorry.”)? I couldn’t find anything that talks about whether the people in this study who sought revenge got any acknowledgement from the offender that (s)he’d done something wrong; if they didn’t get that, then the study doesn’t really have much to say about whether or not revenge that effectively secures an apology would make you feel better or worse.
Science today has changed, I hope you used the right way, because there are medications such as vicodin, oxycodone, Lortab, etc, are anxiolytic and although much help to soothe the pain, can be double-edged weapon to control pain, so indicate in findrxonline to be confident that this discovery is beneficial to all.
Living well is the best revenge.
Depends on the character of the person: most people have feelings of remourse, but a sociopath doesn’t and wouldn’t care less about inflicting pain or harm.
Hi John,
I read a quote:
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
I agree with Sonia; Getting on with your life is the best revenge.
Forgiveness is also a great healer because you will be the one that benefits.
Thank you
Regards
GaryGraye.com
The best revenge is moving on and showing the person you survive dispite his or her action. I never took a negative revenge action. Instead I became a better, nicer, happier and more succesfull person. Which made them think: ” damn! Why did I ever let her go” 😉 In that way I can be thankfull for their actions without their actions I would never have come this far in life!
Revenge is driven by the primitive brain’s self-protective instincts. (If we don’t disable, harm or kill the one who wounds us they may do us in.) Unfortunately, that irrational brain level acts impulsively and spontaneously. It may not distinguish between a physical and emotional wound. Moreover, we can learn healthy coping skills to “condition our brain” to deal with our own pain rather than punish others for what we are feeling. If we “cool off” rather than act on those initial primal impulses we shift our response by using the thinking/reasoning neocortex to avoid physical and emotional retaliation. The more we learn about how our brain instinctively responds to emotional pain, we can control those primal instincts. This is why coping skills education now focuses on healing our own pain vs. trying to punish others because I don’t have the ability to get over it.
I can see the point to the article, however, I’ve done my share of revenge tactics on ex boyfriends with I was younger. It always felt SO GOOD after. I’ve never had any remorse for the revenge I took on them. They deserved it.
Pseudo-Science is the sign of frauds.
Assumptions are never scientific and the chosen examples… who selects them? Is all retribution as propaganda wats it? Does our legal system never fail?
The mere fact that the nerd-author considers an end of relationship to be a focus for retribution, where it is for real self-pity, shows lack of both, sanity and competence.
What, if even cops and law office start telling you that the only way out of hell is answering the criminals in kind? What if our system actually takes bribes while talking about how despicable and impossible bribes are?
My questions are rhetorical, I do not believe such self-glorification of assumptions and common prejudices to be scientific at all. Sad, that university is a business and no reliable education center anymore.
In the book ‘Upside of Irrationality’, Dan Ariely mentions how PET scans have demonstrated that humans actually feel pleasure when getting revenge. Also, according to an article in National Graphic:
“A person who has been cheated is [left] in a bad situation—with bad feelings,” said study co-author Ernst Fehr, director of the Institute for Empirical Research in Economics at the University of Zurich in Switzerland. ‘The person would feel even worse if the cheater does not get her or his just punishment.’ ”
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/08/0827_040827_punishment.html
One said revenge is not useful and one said it’s pleasureable who spoke truth ?
Respected sir ,
I asked this question to psychiatrist anne speckhard
if criminal killed my family and criminal give bribe to police and court system and smartly safe from murder charge , because law system not provide justice to me if i decide to take justice self and premidated plan and killed that person . Is it pathological aggression or behaviour to get justice, I asked this to psychiatrist “Anne speckhard she replied Dear Gurmeet, it could be seen as an understandable reaction to injustice but is hardly “normal†as most would not go to that extreme and most would see taking justice into one’s own hands as not the best way to proceed, but if there is no other option it’s understandable for sure. Is it pathological? Yes I think to kill others outside the law is usually pathological. We would call it murder no? Is it psychopathy? No. Is it narcissistic? Not likely. Is it altruistic? It could be seen that way as the person is angered by injustice and wants to revenge, make justice in his own way and perhaps help prevent other victims. But it is not “normal†or healthy behavior by any means. Said anne speckhard, this is not my duty to stop that criminal person if police or law failed to stop him, we have obligation toward society?
“Why she said it’s pathological behaviour as well as said it’s understandable if not option there , understandable means normal or sane behaviour ? Understandable word ,she can use rational word than Understandable ,She want to say that aggression rational act if there is no other option to fight against injustice ?
I’m not supportive to violence or I’m not supportive to someone who kill I just ask from for knowledge, everyone says that violence is not Justified or it’s pathological, how can this type of moral altruism pathological?i know that vigilantism is bad but when no option I think this can not said pathological? She used understandable behaviour mean not pathological?revenge pathological behaviour? This is her privilege statement? In medical this type of revenge pathological?
Yours sincerely
Gurmeet Singh