breeding Lilacs out of the dead land,
mixing Memory and desire,
stirring Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.”
— T.S. Eliot, The Wasteland
Beliefnet’s Fresh Living blogger Valerie Reiss wrote a poignant post yesterday on springtime depression. I found it very comforting because, although I am energized by the changing of seasons and more sunlight, I also feel pressured during the months of April and May to be one happy camper all of the time. Do you know what I mean?
There are actually more suicides in April and May than in January and December, even though you’d think people would crash during or after Christmas, when the weatherman predicts a blizzard that will have your kids out of school for weeks.
The reason for the spikes during the spring? Depressives get the boost of energy they need to kill themselves. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. And I can’t help but think that part of it is that melancholic folks recognize the blast of sunshine and hope around them … their friends breaking out of their gray moods as they hop on the mountain bike for a long ride … and feel even more desperate because the sunshiny mood hasn’t made it to them, yet.
In her post, “Springtime Depression Is Touching My Soul,” Valerie writes:
Though I was calling it “Ungrateful for a Break in the Cold Gray Weather” and “Lame,” apparently some doctors have a kinder, more clinical term for the nice weather blues: “Spring Exacerbation.” No one knows why exactly suicides are at their highest this time of year, or why those suffering from SAD can get an extra dose of wham-slam when the sun re-appears. Some say sadness meets a slight energy lift–just enough to act on ruminations. Others speculate that there’s a feeling of “Wow it’s gorgeous out and I still feel crappy? That must mean I will never be happy.” Whatever it is, it’s true.
As someone who spent the weekend feeling absolutely blammoed by the extreme shift to utter gorgeousness, T.S. Eliot (above) makes sense. There’s something oddly comforting about the misery of winter, and a camaraderie with even those who aren’t normally depressed. When the sun comes and wrenches those lilacs from the earth and families and friends and couples all play frisbee and have picnics and talk about how happy they are, it’s almost too much to bear. And then that fact–that I’ve waited and prayed for spring and now I can’t even enjoy it–makes me feel like an ungrateful wretch in addition to completely alone and raw and skinless. The bad-thought pile-on.
I guess I’m writing about this for my own sense of needing to tell, but also to say to people who might think that no one else could possibly be bummed when the sun is beaming and the flowers are blooming–on a weekend no less–that you’re not alone. And from what I’ve read, things should start to level out again in June.
Valerie’s advice is spot on: Don’t feel pressured to have a FANTASTIC day because, well, everyone else is. Ease up a tad, and treat the day as you would any other … a few hours at a time, if you need to.
15 comments
This is really helpful actually — nice days can feel like a rebuke if you aren’t out there enjoying them to the full.
I actually feel more depressed during the spring due to my severe allergies. I love cloudy, cold weather and actually feel happier in winter.
I think it causes a fair deal of anxiety for a lot of people, too. On a sunny spring day, I feel terribly compelled to spend the entire day outside. As a result, I usually find myself running all over creation (a jog through the park! a walk to get coffee downtown! a nice drive through the country!) and that’s a pretty easy way to get exhausted.
I’m so glad you posted this.
i couldn’t agree more – i actually find comfort in the spring rain… here’s to all of us getting through one more season!
I think I fall on the side that’s compelled to go out and seize the day when it’s sunny & beautiful. The urge to hole up on the couch in the dark is so strong, so I end up feeling guilty all day long.
the worst is digging out clothes from last summer that dont fit and make you feel like you are wrapped in clingfilm. at least when its dark and dingy nobody can see you bulging out of your trousers
the worst for me is remebering all of the people that are no longer in my life to share the flowers,the sun and all the beautiful things in the Spring.
Yes, thank you so much for posting this. At least since I started college Spring has been the worst season for me. It seems to me that there are people out there who just can’t wait to show off to others how happy and fit and successful they are. I feel so exposed by the sun. It isn’t until the real summer months that my symptoms improve somewhat. It also seems weird that then once fall rolls around and the sun starts to go away I feel gloomy then too, but still it’s not as bad as the spring. I remember the first time I met another person who said they felt the way I did. What a relief! Anyhow, I’m trying to remind myself that I’ll probably feel better soon, and though I don’t consider myself to fit right now, I have started exercising regularly again for the first time in years and this helps my mood, my energy level and helps me to let go of some of my worries about modest winter weight gain since I’m doing something about it. To all my fellow depressed in spring people out there I wish you the best. We can get through this.
My depression worsens in the Spring. I thought today I am going to search springtime depression but I didn’t expect to find anything; but wow, did I get surprised. Thought I had to be the odd ball out. I believe my depression comes from the fact that when spring comes there’s so much that needs to be done in the yard and porches, etc. and I don’t want to do it; but I love a nice yard and pretty flowers. My husband is one to do what has to be done and that’s it when it comes to the yard. I try not to blame him for how I feel but I’m tired of being the only one who sees what has to be done==he’s blind to it. We live in the woods and there are leaves from the fall that need to be cleaned up. In winter I can clean my house, feel cozy and not worry about what needs to be done outside. I didn’t mention I have obsessive compulsive disorder which just makes the need for neatness much worse. I am also 64 and having a hard time dealing with the fact that I can’t do everything I did several years ago.
I cannot stress how relieved I am to read this article. I was just writing in my journal how April was such a crappy month this year (same with other years) and to find out that I’m not alone and there is a name for it. Now that it is May, I’m feeling much better, although I am still craving those spring rains and cloudy days.
I’m so glad I found this article. I always thought it strange that this is happening to me. Every year around this time I go through dispair. And during winter I’m more pissed cuz of the snow and being locked in. It’s like I’m too much adrenaline to get depressed. I look forward to spring but then all of a sudden anxiety depression hits me and I can’t control it. Going to see doctor tomorrow.
I’m grateful I’m not alone in this anguish.
An invisible and unbreakable wall divides us, “the melancholic folks”, from them, the shiny happy people.
“I know that light is not for me (…). For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.”
(The Outsider, by H. P. Lovecraft)
So glad others feel like me! I dont know why but I miss the dark nights and wet days early autumn leaves changing colours…its april in the UK and its been sunny all day yet i hate it. Im unemployed so doesnt help when I have to go out and when people say ‘isnt it lovely’ and I just want to say NO! Being skint its hard to be positive when its sunny. I cant afford to go to places I used to so i did enjoy the sun. I am happiest in the dark. The summer last year was toooo hot and i hid indoors with every one outside playing talking loud or revving car engines. God help my moaning but the fact spring doesnt do it any more for me is crap.
Spring depression hits me a whole lot. For me it goes from March until around the end of July. When I was much younger, I loved the spring. What does it for me is a couple of things. The weather gets warmer and I’m more of a cold weather person. Along with that is being surrounded by others who are having a great time and I am not, and being excluded. Another is that, over the years, almost all of the bad things that have happened in my life were in the spring. I am 62 years old, and fortunately, spring hasn’t been that bad lately. But in my 50s, every spring, something happened. Mostly health issues for me. And there were decades before when bad things happened in the spring.