Today I got a surprise. I was at a day-long training with a variety of activities, and one of them was watching a short video about older people in the hospital. It depicted them being in their own thoughts, remembering times when they were younger, and how they looked at different stages of their life. It was intended to give us a better appreciation of the people who come for physical and mental care.
The room was dark, and I could feel the emotion coming in the last 30 seconds or so. I was happy there was a tissue box nearby because the tears were practically squirting out of my eyes by then. I could not do a thing about it except to soak them up on the tissue. I was over the edge from the undeniable emotion that swelled inside, and I wouldn’t be coming back for a little while.
I know that if I’d tried to stifle that, I’d probably have gotten a headache. And I may have cried later anyway. Thankfully, this was a fairly safe group of about a dozen people. The facilitators had planned the video just before a break. Each time they’ve done the training, someone has needed to take a private moment before joining the group because they cried. The timing helped to make it less embarrassing or noticeable if someone was missing for a few moments.
While I was definitely caught off guard, I’m so glad I had the chance to express myself and recover with a bit of privacy. It gave me a chance to connect with some work associates I hadn’t gotten to know very well yet. And truthfully, ever since I was pregnant with my first child, touching family stuff like this video has made me much more prone to crying.
I can also expect to cry at least a few times every time I’m at Disney World. I have gone with my kids and parents the last couple of years, and I also went as a child many times with my sister and parents. When I’m watching the parade, seeing Cinderella’s castle for the first time, watching the performers in front of the castle, all of it. It floods my senses and nearly always overflows my emotional channels. So technically, that isn’t unexpected. But it is in public and I have no control over it.
I used to be more self-conscious of this, and in a less comfortable circumstance, I’m still more wary of letting it go. However, I’ve simply decided that in those kinds of situations, I’m more willing to be authentic than to appear in control. The tears say to me that the experience is meaningful. It stirs past fond memories, makes me think of important people, connects generations together, or impresses other deep things on my heart.
If I can’t control the flow of tears or emotion anyway, what good does it do to deny myself the expression? Some of these are tears leftover from grieving a death, some of these are tears of joy for passing on traditions, some of these are tears of nostalgia for happy experiences that shaped my life.
That’s just how I have learned to deal with these expressions. I also spent some years crying in private shame from depression that no one really understood or knew about. Perhaps because of that, I’m both more easily triggered and more ready to be open about it.
Anyway, I’m interested to learn more about how you have handled unexpected emotion that has caused you to cry or almost cry in public. Did it feel OK, or did you feel uncomfortable and fight it? What were the circumstances?
87 comments
This article made my day! I am definitely a crier. Today I saw a really cool video where a song from the Sound of Music came on over the PA system in what looked a train station and a group of people came out of nowhere and starting doing a choreographed dance to it. Then gradually, more and more people showed up and joined. It had all been planned but for some reason (I’m still not sure why,) I starting tearing up?!
The other situation that comes to mind is when I was at King’s Island a couple of years ago with my husband. There was a Nickolodeon themed parade through the park at one point. I never got to go to amusement parks or anything like that as a kid, so experiencing that for the first time made me want to cry. I felt so silly being in public and all, so I had to try SO hard to fight it! I just tried to focus on taking pictures. 🙂
Yes, fighting it can be so tough. Seems easier for me to get let it go and be done with it! Doesn’t look like you or I will get “over” being criers anytime soon.
By the way, I’m sure that video would have made me cry, too. Music does really does that to me, especially groups and music for some reason.
Just keep some tissues in your purse. 🙂
i usually do my best to reach a place where i can be alone because i don’t feel good with all of those people around me when i am overwhelmed by emotions
This really helped me to understand why I am such a crier, especially when you explained the reason for the tears. I cry when I go out & eat since I don’t have any friends or children & am divorced.It’s because I am surrounded by couples & families & being alone makes me teary.
At restaurants I have gotten used to the stares now.I always cry for many songs I hear & the rare times I am around someone they can’t understand why I would cry just from hearing a song. Movies, videos, even certain commercials! Thanks for making me feel better about myself regarding this matter.
I find myself crying at the most random times. Sometimes, there’s an obvious trigger like thinking about a sad event, but other times, I just become overwhelmed suddenly. I’ll be grocery shopping or something, having a good day, and next thing you know I find myself crying over cabbage. Typically I can keep the tears to a minimum until I’m somewhere more private, even if this private place is an isolated aisle in the store, but eventually the tears need to be let out.
I was ridiculed for my tender heart and crying as a child. I learned under duress to push my feelings far down inside of myself until I only cried once or twice a year when I was too overwhelmed to prevent tears.
I’ve spent the rest of my life learning how to have my tears and regain my emotions. It has been really hard to overcome the programming but I am going to persevere until I can regain my tears and lose the shame I never should have had to bear. I need my tears.
Well, so, I guess there’s crying and there’s crying. [Warning: this will be a long response.] I don’t feel at all regretful, socially or psychologically, about tearing up over a song/film/play/piece of art or cultural artifact, or something which most people would generally consider to be moving or upsetting. I always cry, for example, at the end of Thelma & Louise, and I probably always will.
But as my former DBT therapist used to say, full-bore sobbing can be very alarming to those around us. Going on a crying jag that’s related to emotional dysregulation is pretty different from tearing up over an interpersonal event or piece of music. True, most of us with emotional dysregulation were mocked and invalidated as children, or even punished, for crying. I don’t think, though, that this now means we should think defensively “Well, I have the right to let ‘er rip and if the people around me are made uncomfortable, too bad.” As a person in a social network, I also care about those around me and don’t want them to be completely freaked out if I’m sobbing uncontrollably. Also, if I completely indulge the feelings of sadness, sometimes the crying doesn’t burn itself out and move on—sometimes I get stuck there, for hours or days; it can retrigger depressive/dysregulated symptoms.
So in this as in everything else, there’s a middle way. Sometimes I need to cry for a few minutes. But when it turns into that breath-holding, chest-heaving, bottomless-feeling well of unresolved grief, I need to make a decision: What’s really going on RIGHT NOW? Is it in my best self-interest to stay in this place? And how are people around me responding? Is this a good time/place to give into these feelings? After thinking about these things, if I decide I need to end the session, I can stop crying using attentive breathing. It’s a trick but a useful one—to relax the diaphragm against the crying spasms and take very regular, very deep breaths. And nine times out of ten, the crying stops, because my body doesn’t really need to be sobbing at that moment anyway—it’s just an old habit, one lasting many unhappy decades.
The real trick to this process, though, for me, is not to invalidate the emotion. I stop crying now without any negative, rebuking self-talk. Instead of “Crying is shameful. You’re embarrassing yourself. You should shut up!”—sentences which usually actually made me cry HARDER—I tell myself things like, “Crying is okay, but there’s no need to cry for everything right this second. Everything will be fine. You’re okay.” This both permits me to feel the feeling (sadness) but gives me a choice in how I’m going to act on it. Because sometimes crying means you can’t see the screen, or the face of the person right in front of you—and I don’t want to miss my life.
All my life I have cried over death in books, something extraordinarily happy or generous, a child scared, etc etc etc. It’s as though my skin isn’t quite thick enough to know where I start and end and the environment begins and ends. I used to teach (I’m 71 now and still a cryer) and the kids would laugh when I hiccupped my way through the end of well-written books. It is true also that I went through a series of rather serious depressions in my life but none of quite a variety of therapists ever asked me about crying, so your note made me think about it.
I’m a 42 year old man and I cry at happy events all the time. At Disney watching the High School Musical show I teared up! Why? Well, I was with my family and it was a happy day, but I kept thinking, “OK, I’m happy and this is a great day, but what’s wrong with me? Why are I tearing up” I was happy to be wearing sunglasses so I didn’t feel so self-conscious. The strange thing is, I don’t cry as much at “sad” times – I just feel sad. I think the “happy” events – and it can be anything like a movie or a day at Disneyworld – are just triggers for the release of emotion. Maybe I do it at these times because I am happy and I feel safe to let it out. It could also be genetic: my mother is a big cryer, too.
I think that crying for me was a learned behavior coupled with a natural-born sensitivity. I was laughed at as a child also, for showing such emotions and, as an adult, have been considered “weak” for showing tears. I’ve proven to myself that that’s not true at all. Crying and strength can go hand in hand. I’d rather not have to blubber through emotional times, but I’ve learned not to berate myself for it, and realize it’s a great emotional release.
I’m a 56 year old man, former football player, and a self-described “tough cookie” who nevertheless gets tearful at musical performances, during plays and movies, and almost without fail while attending any activity in which any of my children (three boys) are engaged as team participants. Usually, I just let the tears fall, since it’s too much work to try to stop or hide them. If I simply must make them stop, however, I’ll risk some shame here by revealing that fantasizing about the most attractive woman in the room does the trick every time. “First do no harm.”
I got to your article from links about Susan Boyle, the frumpy middle aged woman whose unexpected singing on a British talent show has got the world crying. I was fascinated by how many people are admitting to crying over Ms. Boyle. I cried just reading about her before I even watched the youtube video. I’m a 45 year old man and I used to be an emotional tough guy, until mystical experiences softened me up – stuff like ecstatic dreams, feelings of oneness and synchronicity with life. I recognize now that sudden tears are spiritual in origin, and I just love to let them out, no one’s gonna stop me. When a situation mirrors a deeper self’s journey, usually involving a redemptive recognition of inner beauty like the Susan Boyle story, I gush all I can to retrieve that part of my soul. If I was a woman I might be judged more harshly for such tears, but women tend to know what’s most important in life after all. People who can’t cry are the ones really hurting.
As a person who has become much more of a crier – the tearing kind, not the sobbing kind – over the years, I’ve often wondered if there were a physiological component – Something to do with hormones, maybe? Considering the situations that evoke my tears – just about any (I like to joke that I cry over commercials and sports scores, and it’s not far from the truth) – the idea of poignancy doesn’t seem right as the whole explanation. I’ve heard that some people with ALS experience ’emotional flooding’ – a physical response disproportionate to the emotion felt. It got me to wondering.Does Anybone know, or have any thoughts?
I would like to know the physical reasons behind this kind of crying. Do we have less of some hormone or is there some disturbance in the brain (thinking of how people after a stroke can get symptoms like uncontrolled crying)? Or is it all psychological?
So, why are some people more prone to crying than others? Some people don’t even cry at funerals. How do they do it? I like being sensitive, but I wouldn’t mind crying less.
I also have an easily triggered tear response. What I find interesting is that there are definite patterns to those “out of the blue” tears for which the cues don’t seem at all upsetting. For example, crowds are liable to make me tear up, even crowded malls. It’s as if just being surrounded by too many people created an excess of emotion. Is there any scientific understanding of why someone might have this response to crowds? It doesn’t feel like panic; I just tear up and get a little catch in my throat.
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
– Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860
As a kid, my Mom was often impatient with my tears. Puppies, horses, any cute cuddly youngster as well as books could trigger tears. When our grade seven teacher read Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables in daily installments, I got set with a hand towel; tissues just didn’t soak up.
In junior highl, I was unable to present a two-minute speech because I dissolved into a puddle in front of the class. More recently (and I’m now 74) while attending an adult writing course, asked to read my quick essay, I cried like a baby. But I warned the other students I cry a lot, with no sound reason, so pay me no mind.
Sitting through my granddaughters’ school band performances was misery. I couldn’t help tearing up, but I didn’t want to embarrass the kids.
I’ve adopted the philosophy my tears hurt no one. If viewers are uncomfortable, they can look away or move along. I just make sure to leave home well supplied with tissues.
I come from a long line of criers and was always uncomfortable with it. I tried hard to hide it. Several years ago I lost a child and I found myself in the position of having to talk about it to friends who were offering their sympathy. During this time, naturally, it was impossible for me to not cry and I became quite comfortable with my tears. Of course my sadness would never go away but you do learn to cope and now if something, happy or sad, causes me to shed a tear I don’t think twice about it. I have my little cry and get on with whatever it was I was doing. A couple of tears is nothing compared to the terrible tragedies that people face daily. A little honest emotion is a beautiful thing.
I am an open and unabashed weeper when I speak in public about my students. Each year we have a graduation picnic for the small group of students that are graduating from my special education program for young adults. It is a given that I will cry throughout the presentation of certificates and accompanying remarks. One parent asked “When will the crying begin?, meaning “When will the presentation start?” I once announced that I was going to try not to cry and a parent called from the crowd…”You better cry for my kid, you always cry”.
I cry because I am deeply moved by having witnessed the students’ growth and accomplishments over the four years of our program. I am proud and I will miss each of them. Strong emotions make me cry. It is that simple. I am just a leaky speaker.
Sometimes I just reassure the audience when I start to tear up. I spoke at a student’s memorial service several years ago and I just said “I’m going to cry while I talk. Don’t worry. I can do both things at the same time.” I decided a long time ago that it was better for me to acknowledge it rather than try to stifle it or decline to speak.
I was always described as overly sensitive as a child. I can’t change that, my volume is on high and had to accept who I am. I think my emotions are a good measure of all those things that are too complex express in words. It useful to think through an emotion, but bad to use an emotion as a rationale. You can justify anything.
The most constant crying I did was during pregnancy so I think there is a strong hormonal connection. I would cry for absolutely no reason.
Now my sister is dying of cancer yet I rarely cry about it because I have to stay up for my parents, children and other siblings and carry on. One night in a hotel room I began to think about how there was a look of disappointment and recognition in her eyes when she realized she wasn’t strong enough to simply go with me to a store and ride in a wheelchair. Then I cried and sobbed and felt terribly hopeless. My husband and son comforted me and that helped. Now I cry for unrelated reasons. My husband thinks it’s because there is so much for me to bear right now. I already miss her so much.
I think of crying as a release of energy, as I believe laughter is, also. I recently heard a recording of myself talking with someone who was giving me advice. As I listened to myself laugh when I asked questions that were uncomfortable I realized that it was a way to move the energy of discomfort out of myself as I went along; I did this so I could smooth the flow.
Im seldom embarrassed about crying. It reminds me that I am alive and human and aware of the wonders of the world around me.
I often cry when I hear an audience cheer. I’m not sure what it is, but something about it triggers an overwhelming feeling of emotion. I finally revealed it to my sister, and she said she felt the same thing, and so did our mom! It’s really nice to know that other people feel this, and I love that the author here owns it. Thanks for writing this!
I have always been an easy crier and have had to much empathy. I tear up when there are loud sounds sometimes in crowds, when telling something sad. But I have a sensory processing disorder. Basically I have sensory overload sometimes so I tear up alot. It’s very annoying because it is very embarrassing to tear up and people don’t know why. My daughter has SPD too and she does the same things. Maybe this might help.
Warning, long and technical! =)
I’ve also suffered with hightened emotional sensitivity and dysregulation all my life and had to accept long ago that I cry easily and not always for a ‘good’ reason. Originally I was viewed as the sensitive kid who needed to get a grip and ‘grow up’, both by myself and others. But eventually I was diagnosed with high functioning borderline personality disorder. (I’m not a crybaby, I’m just crazy! :p)
It used to surprise people when I was a kid (in the 70’s and 80’s) and would would start crying over little or seemingly inappropriate things, but I think people have become more accepting of it as our society has become better educated about how unhealthy it is to supress harmless emotions.
I find it’s like an overflow valve whenever any emotion builds up too much or too fast on me. It can be sorrow, happiness, frustration or even anger. In fact the main way I got my temper under control was to learn (through practice and determination) to ride out the initial surge of rage long enough for the adrenalin to turn into tears. It’s like, if I don’t give the emotion any other escape, it will eventually find its way to my tear ducts. lol
As for the cause, there have been several studies in the last few years linking impulse control and borderline personality with physical changes in the limbic system of the brain. One such change is a reduction in size and increase in activity of parts of the amygdalae which are believed to be of primary importance in the processing of memories and emotional reactions. Impulse control problems appear to have a heredity component, but it is not known if structural anomolies in the limbic system are the result of a congenital factor or if they develop from childhood abuse & neglect, which would likely increase at the hands of a parent with poor impulse control of their own.
I also see a definite hormonal link, at least in myself. When my period is coming on, there is a noticible drop in my tolerance for, and ability to cope with, things that provoke my emotions (good or bad). I try to treat myself extra gently those days!
One other possibility is that we’re all just really smart. Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski identified 5 categories of intensities or “overexcitabilities” commonly experienced by gifted children. One of these is emotional overexcitablity. And these overexcitabilities are so common in gifted children that their presence, especially the presence of more than one, is often considered cause to have a child tested for giftedness.
Intelligence has also been directly linked to having a better sense of humor. So maybe the more stuff you react to, and the more stuff you notice and appreciate, the smarter you are. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
i too found this link from the Susan Boyle articles and was surprised that so many teared up watching her (incl me!)…
it was genius to choose that song: I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I’m living, so different now from what it seemed, now life has killed the dream I dreamed..
but really, hasn’t she shown that we could all be capable of living the life we dream, if only we allow ourselves.
she’s waited till her mother’s passed away, plucked up the courage to enter the contest, was not distracted but stayed focused on the song – if we unclench our fist, our dreams are our soul’s wish for us.
This article makes me feel so much better. I cry always when I am deeply moved by something or recall something from the past. There are triggers, being in certain places or hearing a certain song and I will just cry. It feels so embarassing when talking to others and then as you’re talking tears start coming out. I feel uncomfortable because I feel like they think they are judging me thinking I’m weak or too emotional. But, honestly I can’t help it. I have tried to be in control. But reading this article makes me feel better and like I am not alone. I was thinking something is wrong with me. Thank you.
One of the things I was very thankful for that came with ‘change of life’, in addition to the obvious, was that finally I became almost a ‘normal’ person in terms of tear control. Well, I never had any control. Something would bring on the emotional tsunami and I would cry. There was no question of getting it in control, which I always think had something to do with my upbringing, because when I cried as a child I was reprimanded about it, which seemed only to make it worse.
Throughout my life I have suffered great humiliation at bursting into tears when provoked, often by life’s petty injustices. When I was in my 20s, I think I had one of the greatest collections of men’s handkerchiefs on the planet. What always amazed me is people told me I did it for attention, or as a means of manipulation.
I did it because I did it. The volcano erupted. The inner earthquake occurred. The salty seas arose and overflowed.
I’ve always wondered why laughter is encouraged, and tears are taboo. Because, certainly in life there is as much, if not more, to cry about than there is to laugh about. And, often, I think they are sides of the same coin, some emotional turbulence.
Lately, I’ve had frequent episodes of uncontrollable crying. I’m realizing that it’s because one or more of my primitive emotional triggers has been pushed and I’m feeling very dysregulated. I feeling frightened, powerless and overwhelming sad. My therapist tells me that when I’m able to recognize that I am dysregulated and that I need help getting grounded that I am experiencing the part of me that can separate from my dysregulation. My call for help is the part of myself that I’m looking “to be” so I should try to feel positive that that part of me is developing a voice and a more active role in my system. She says this is progress and I need to be patient with myself. Sometimes this is so hard to do but I know she’s right and therefore, I remain hopeful.
Well, I did it again. This morning we had Kindergarten Roundup for my youngest daughter. Next year, I’ll have all kids in school. That’s exciting, but I still get wistful about it.
Today they made a caterpillar puppet out of a lunch sack and some green printed paper. They were told they were caterpillars now, and they would have to patiently wait until they became beautiful butterflies in the fall when they became real Kindergarteners.
OK, so you know what came next. Red eyes, tears dripping, my hand slipping up to dab the corners of my eyes. I saw one other mom doing the same at the same moment, don’t know who else might have been behind me.
And I thought of all of you fine folks who have responded to my post. We are all OK to cry if something moves us! You were all with me at that moment, and I”m glad this post has been a “good find” for many of you.
It’s interesting to see posters write about “dysregulation.” I’ve never heard that term, but it seems to apply to those occasions when I feel very vulnerable in a new relationship. In these instances, when I try to discuss my feelings, I can’t control the crying. Many a lover has been freaked out/turned off by this, but I don’t know how to stop it.
I tend to cry at parades, like NYC’s St. Patrick’s Day parade, when I see soldiers, police, and firemen marching with American flags, and serious kids playing music in marching bands. Never fails to make me tear up. I don’t sob, but tears do come. Also cry at sad parts in novels. Oh – if you are a crier – avoid “The Kite Runner”!
I cry when I am giving people compliments, like telling them how much I loved their wedding/art/party etc. – very embarrassing. Glad to know other people cry over things not necessarily associated with tears – I’ll try not to feel like such an idiot – thanks for sharing.
Another crier here chiming in! I have for a long time been known to cry when I have an emotional response to things that most people would have milder responses. But since having children all of my emotions seemed to ratchet up quite a lot. Now I cry more, and more frequently, than before. I feel it has something to do with the sense of awe (good awe and tremendous fear) associated with being responsible for my children.
I’m not usually too self-conscious of my crying, but one thing that really bothers me is crying when I’m angry. I cannot help but feel that the expression of crying when I’m angry somehow weakens me or my argument. I can’t remember when she discussed this, but Gloria Steinem was once addressing a crowd and spoke of her own tendency to cry when angry. She said that the audience shouldn’t take it as a sign of weakness, and though I know intellectually that I’m not weaker because I cry, I still dislike it immensely.
I’m otherwise quite comfortable with the amount of tearing up I tend to do publically–it’s sometimes seemingly unrelated to the expected emotion but usually comes around to me being overwhelmed by the moment. Recently, I cried while reading a novel by James Baldwin—the WHOLE novel. That was even a bit much for me. I’ll think twice before moving on to more of his stuff!
Wow, Lee. I am SO there with you on crying when I’m angry. I hadn’t thought of that at first when I wrote the post last week, but I totally do that.
And I want some kind of sign over my head that says, “This crying is not because of weakness. It is instead an indicator of strong feelings.” Like a disclaimer or something.
That one I’m not all that comfortable with yet. The happy, touched, sad crying, yes. That’s made me think now. Great comment.
It can be both a burden and a blessing to not only feel things so deeply, but to be open and free about expressing what we are feeling. Learning to live with some of the paradoxes those feelings and responses bring up doesn’t always come quickly or easily, especially when there are social or cultural expectations about the proper way to show emotions . But I’m hearing two distinctly different manifestations here.
The first is one that is more a matter of degree. You are feeling your feelings, but expressing it more intensely than those around you. Many of those describing this response here seem to have made peace with how you express your emotions. swp said, “I was always described as overly sensitive as a child. I can’t change that, my volume is on high and had to accept who I am.â€
The second manifestation is one that’s a little harder to own, because it often doesn’t seem entirely our own emotional response that’s turning on our tears. Posters are expressing perceptive insights into their emotional states, and assessing how appropriate they are for the situation that is setting them off.
Linda referred to the experience of “emotional flooding — a physical response disproportionate to the emotion felt.†Kris spoke of “those ‘out of the blue’ tears for which the cues don’t seem at all upsetting. For example, crowds are liable to make me tear up, even crowded malls. It’s as if just being surrounded by too many people created an excess of emotion.â€
I share those responses with Linda and Kris. I cry at Brownie fly-ups, and at ribbons being awarded for kids at the county fair. At this point I try to stay away from funerals of neighbors or acquaintances with whom I did’t have a deep personal relationship, because I’m always crying more than any of the relatives (I’d have made a dandy hired mourner in the old days!). I find it hard to watch Olympic opening ceremonies on TV without crying, because as much as I find them hokey and nationalistic, I get hit with this wall of big, deep emotion that it feels like I’m picking up from around the world. None of these responses feel like they are genuine expressions of my own emotions. It feels like I’m just soaking up other peoples’ emotions like a sponge. Big positive events can trigger it, the anger and despair of other people around you can drag you down with it.
Those who feel like they are picking up and taking on some emotions that appear to be coming from outside themselves might find it would help to research “empaths†and “sensitives.â€
I first encountered the terms on an online spirituality forum years ago. I was astonished to hear people talking about having those same emotional responses I was having. I wasn’t crazy, and I wasn’t alone. Most importantly, there were people sharing coping techniques.
There were two techniques which I found helped me most. One was the “radio.†You visualize a radio or sound console in front of you. In your mind’s eye you visualize yourself turning the knob or slider to turn the volume of outside emotional interference down (swp, this night help you). The other was the notion of “shielding.†You visualize yourself within a safe structure — an egg shell, a small room, some fanciful armor. Whatever works for your own metaphor. It is there to make boundaries between you, and the emotional states around you. As part of your visualization, you can make it as permeable as you need, so you select what makes it through that barrier. One of the biggest ways of helping yourself is to be sufficiently conscious of the emotional states of those around you, so you don’t get caught unconsciously assuming that the pain or anger you’re picking up is actually yours.
When reading more about empaths on the internet, the usual cautions apply. Watch for those people who are trying to sell you something. Be pragmatic. As with any path that can take you deeper, if you are in any emotional state for which caution might be called for, speak with a trusted counselor or medical advisor. Some of you may not be comfortable with the language of the paranormal or New Age, but understand that as a new idea for you it often needs new vocabulary. When you start to understand your sensitivities more, think about what aspects of your empathy are a gift. It’s part of who you are, and in a culture where we learn too easily to be disconnected and alienated, our empathy can help bring healing.
I had been a quiet shy child growing up, and soon I began to put on weight which I carry to this date. The most vivid memories of my childhood include ‘feelings’ – of a day, of somebody’s house, of others voices. I have disliked people praising themselves, and have realised that all my friends, save for one, have sort of ‘used’ me to relieve themselves, even my family members. I’ve been depressed since the past five years.without even realising it and have recently completely lost control over crying in public. But recently, nu emotions are becoming negative, or rather, I have started picking up lies, deceit and bad thoughts more easily. But I don’t fight or confront people about it, knowing its pointless. And then, I come across your comment. So thankful now that I did.
Thank you
I have never understood the cultural taboo against crying. Learning not to cry is one of the very difficult tasks in my life. (I remember comparing notes with my schoolmates after one of us been spanked or beaten as to whether or not we had cried. it was a good thing to have learned its difficult suppression) I know that this kind of emotional discharge of feeling aids in feeling better and thinking more clearly. It is one of the built in mechnisms that humans have to help healing. Knowing that, I do not suppress my tears. I do not sob in public but it always feels good when I tear up knowing that I have been emotionally touched.
What I can say – I don’t like to cry public and when a I know that someone can see me I am always trying to avoid that. If I feel I really have to cry I am trying to go to the toilet…and hide from everyone else. It’s great that in the cinema it’s dark;)
Unless you are audible sobbubg uncontrollably, what’s the big deal. I don’t feel others think my tears, and I often tear up, are a sign of weakness or loss of self-control. I think it is a sign of empathy and a good thing. I have often teared up in the presence of clients who are joyful, and I think they realize that they are not just numbers and a commission to me, but someone whom I care about. Anything can be taken to extremes, and this way often lies, if not madness, at least some psychological problems. Inappropriate loud bawling that goes on and on strikes me usually as a plea to be noticed, especially in an audience or medium large group, where a few tears would pass generally unnoticed
In my experience, tears are often the other person’s problem — in that, people who aren’t crying are often uncomfortable with a crier.
However, there are times to practice stoicism. I’ve worked on dealing with unexpected tears when it comes to medical or other high-emotion issues with my children. In advance of a procedure that frightens me and may frighten my child, I find I need to anticipate my emotional reaction and get it out of the way in advance, so I can focus on comforting my child.
Wow! I too cry at commercials, movies, news stories, happy stories, sad…etc etc. More so lately that my husband passed away. Songs that bring back memories are horrid. It’s usually on the bus ride to and from work, and weekends. This weekend I was out doing yard work and I realized my husband who usually helped me was not there. Even now, while writing this I have tears in my eyes. I know this part is how soon he passed, but for the longest time if I am relaying a story I heard etc I just break down and start bawling. I thought wow woman your going nuts. My kids think I am. Anyway, nice to know others do the same thing. Makes me feel like I’m in a “special secret criers society!”
I’m a crier, and I don’t like it. In fact I don’t always want to cry, but it happens anyway. It’s embaressing.
I’m going to retire shortly and I am dreading all the nice things that people are bound to say about me. I’ll be in floods of tears, but I’d much rather smile and enjoy the moment.
I’m also pathetic at funerals and weddings, so what’s going to happen when my daughter marries?
Is there a short-term fix…valium, maybe? Does anyone know?
“If I can’t control the flow of tears or emotion anyway, what good does it do to deny myself the expression?” I’ve read everyone’s comments and I still maintain that while it’s never good to invalidate your feelings, it’s not necessarily healthy to succumb to them every single time either—especially for people who have such a history of emotional dysregulation. The very vocabulary Ms. Krull uses is loaded; fortunately “controlling” and “denying” emotions aren’t the only choices we have, at all.
And PS to Kate…I’m glad you’re still hopeful. :o) Hang in there!
I am so pleased that i came across this article and all the fab comments, Carl shared that he feels that sudden crying can be spiritual in nature, and i can relate to this,
I was also called “over sensitive” as a child and ridiculed by my parents…. as an adult i often cry when i think of Jesus.. and most recently i flooded with emotion when greeting people with the namaste greeting and bow at a workshop i was attending,
i consider my self to be an empath and sensitive and am aware of my hightened sensitivity , sometimes i feel a little embarrased by it and sometimes i feel that i’m glad i can just genuinely feel my emotions without getting carried away that is…. thank you so much for your shares …..
I am a guy who cries at parades, movies and patriotic events. I have never figured it out. Today, after a 13 year process, I became a US citizen. I cried from the moment I arrived while standing in line through the entire 2 hour period. It was almost impossible to do my oath or sign the national anthem. I also cry when I reenter the country at the border crossing – once i am through. I don’t have this feeling for my original country but I do for the USA. I could understand if my previous country was a land of suffering – but it was Canada. I still don’t completely understand the parades like gay pride or the bagpipes or marching bands – but I do get some peace of mind knowing there might be some pshycological basis.
Oh my gosh, I have just been weeping like a faucet tonight at this 78 recording that I found on youtube of The Three Bells that my parents used to play when I was a child. Many others have recorded this, including Edith Piaf of course, and The Browns, a popular later version.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VCfm3c8KHU
I am a 40ish year old man and I cry abit everytime my kids have a concert or event in school in which I am very proud or touched by them. It is kind of embarrassing but i deal with it best I can. I am glad I am not alone and see some other guys here. I don’t cry much at sad events but much more at happy/touching moments. I can evern whimper abit when I read a nice kids book to them.
I, too, suffer with what I term inappropriate crying. I wonder if hypnosis would be of any benefit in controlling the tears. I am “comfortable” crying at funerals, etc. but am embarassed at tearing up during everyday conversations, movies, books, and yes, even commercials. I tear up and cry just thinking about an upcoming event at which I will likely cry. One fact caught my interest in this entire thread: All of the previous entries that I’ve read use correct spelling and grammar. Isn’t that unusual??
Sandy – I wonder about that too. Not exactly hypnosis but something. I feel that I have always had a crying problem stemming from childhood perhaps. I wasn’t suppose to show my feelings so I cried. I get so embarrassed when I get into a situation that is confrontational (i.e. told my bill was way more then expected) and start tearing up. I think I have conditioned myself to tear up. I wonder how if there is a way to un-condition myself to react with out tears.
Am I ever happy to see that I am not alone! I am just like most of you. I cry over everything!!! It’s the crying in happy situations that gets me embarrassed. Today is the first day of school for my 2 girls (aged 13 and 7) and I made it through no problem! It’s my daughter grade 8 grad at the end of this year I am absolutely dreading! 🙁
I just don’t know how I’m going to get through it without making a fool of myself. I have not gone to the last day of school parties in years and missed my youngest’s kindergarten grad because I just couldn’t handle it. When I am about to cry my face goes beet red and then I know I am in BIG trouble. That alone is embarrassing enough!!!
I know it must stem partly from being insecure with myself and the thought of being judged by strangers.
I don’t mind crying when something sad happens…animal or child abuse, death, serious matters.. I find this natural, but when you cry cause you see a cute kid in a store…it can be pretty embarrassing.
I guess I’ll try to stay plugged in to this site in hopes that reading that I am not alone may give me a bit of strength for my daughters grade 8 grad!!!