Parental alienation syndrome is a term coined by the late forensic psychiatrist Richard Gardner to describe a phenomenon he witnessed where children were being turned against one parent, usually as the result of a divorce or bitter custody battle. He described parental alienation syndrome (PAS) as a “disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It is caused by a combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent.”
What are the Symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
A syndrome is simply a cluster of symptoms with a common etiology. The eight symptoms of PAS are the specific symptoms found in a child who has been successfully alienated. The more symptoms one sees of the eight, as well as the intensity of them, determines the level of severity of the PAS disorder. The eight symptoms are:
- a campaign of denigration;
- weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations for the deprecation;
- lack of ambivalence in the child;
- the “independent thinker” phenomenon;
- reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict;
- absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent;
- presence of borrowed scenarios;
- spread of animosity to the extended family of the alienated parent.
In mild PAS, the eight symptoms are mostly present with the exception of two symptoms (lack of ambivalence, and absence of guilt over cruelty to the alienated parent).
As a child moves from mild to moderate PAS, the remaining six symptoms increase in their severity, and the two symptoms noted above begin to appear. In severe PAS, all the symptoms have progressed to the severe level including the two noted above. In other words, with severe PAS, the child loses his or her ability to empathize and to feel guilt in a patterned and predictable way. This level of symptom organization is the very hallmark of the existence of a syndrome.
Is Parental Alienation Syndrome Real?
According to Baker (2006b),
PAS is not universally accepted by therapists, lawyers, judges, or custody evaluators, and the concept has not yet made its way into the mainstream consciousness. There may in fact be some underlying resistance to the notion that an otherwise “good” parent could be so vehemently rejected by his/her child. Perhaps such skeptics hold the belief that a parent must have done something to warrant their child’s rejection and/or the other parent’s animosity.
The problem PAS faces is the problem all new proposed mental disorders face — providing sufficient, objective empirical research that builds upon a solid theoretical foundation. Without such research, professionals can propose all the new diagnoses they’d like, but they will never appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the mental health bible of diagnoses).
One contributing factor to the debate is the lack of sufficient empirical data regarding construct validity. The current literature is only about 20 years old and, thus, still in its relative infancy. Moreover, the majority of books and articles on the topic of parental alienation syndrome and parental alienation are theoretical, descriptive, or proscriptive.
As you can see, something that is only 20 years old in psychological and family research tends to be seen as something “new” or “untested.” Some clinicians and researchers see PAS more as a family dynamic rather than a formal diagnosis, and therefore are resistant to slapping another label on a family or child already going through a stressful family dynamic (Baker, 2007). There have yet to be any psychometrically valid diagnostic tools used to assess PAS, and even amongst professionals, what constitutes parental alienation syndrome is in disagreement (are all eight symptoms necessary or prevalent?).
There are also some misconceptions about PAS, despite its relative newness. Baker (2006a) found that alcoholism, maltreatment, and personality disorders co-occurred in most of the alienating families, suggesting possible areas of targeted intervention for PAS families. Parental alienation could occur in intact families as well as even non-litigious divorced families. In other words, the power games parents play with their children aren’t necessarily because of litigation or legal issues.
In late 2005, the American Psychological Association released a brief statement saying it didn’t have a formal stand on parental alienation syndrome, but noted the lack of empirical research supporting this syndrome.
Despite this syndrome not being too well known outside of custody, legal and family therapy circles, there appears to be a growing body of research to support its use.
References:
Baker, A.J.L. (2007). Knowledge and Attitudes About the Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Survey of Custody Evaluators. American Journal of Family Therapy, 35(1), 1-19.
Baker, A.J.L. (2006a). Patterns of Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Qualitative Study of Adults Who were Alienated from a Parent as a Child. American Journal of Family Therapy, 34(1), 63-78.
Baker, A.J.L. (2006b). The power of stories/stories about power: Why therapists and clients should read stories about the parental alienation syndrome. American Journal of Family Therapy, 34(3), 191-203.
Gardner, R. (1998) Parental alienation: A guide for mental health and legal professionals. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics Inc.
43 comments
Interesting post. I have never heard of PAS before, although now that you mention it, I believe that I’ve witnessed some of these symptoms from friends. It’s good to know that this is a somewhat recognized, if not validated disease.
It happened to me. My husband is a high functioning borderline personality and starting when my daughter was very young, 4 or 5, he had a need to make him her favorite and he did this by doing everything he could to sabotage my relationship with her. He told her it was OK to lie to me to get what she wanted and when she became a teenager he gave her drugs. Every thing I ever did which I knew to be good mothering he sabotaged by telling her I was crazy and abusive and that she never had to listen to me.
I found this item very enlightening. When my father, the alienated parent, died I became aware of and couldn’t understand my previous “absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent.”
I’ve also noticed in myself in general behaviour: “the child loses his or her ability to empathize and to feel guilt in a patterned and predictable way.”
The reference to Baker(2006a) “Parental alienation could occur in intact families” also sheds light for me on how this could have occurred even in the absence of a custody battle for physical custody of a child. Thank you.
Dr. Gardner wrote that 90% of the alienating parents were the mothers. My research located two case series that corroborated his finding.
My mother is the epitome of this article. She is still married to my step dad and all of us kids are now grown with our own children and whenever we visit to this day she reels us in to the emotional abuse she seems to enjoy (the power) at the expense of my stepdad. It has had and still has a devastating effect on us siblings.
My daughter turned against me at age 13, when I was going through a terrable divorce with her father. This behavior continues now she is 45. She has a son that she has alienated and he now on drugs. So the cycle continues.
I am at the receiving end of this. My child has rejected me utterly and gone to live with his dad. I have been a loving involved parent. It is his lack of empathy and guilt that most shocks me. His dad is encouraging this behavior even though he really does not want to assume the burden of single parenting. what can i do?
I see children/adolescents every day that present with these symptoms. Seeing first hand the consequences of parents using their children for ’emotional footballs,’ I would caution all parents to leave your children out of it when you disgree with your partner. I believe that drawing your children into your drama is emotional abuse, plain and simple.
As for labels and empirical study James Audubon once said “when the bird and the book disagree, go with the bird.” I have to treat the whole child and the family to be effective, but it’s a shame that I even need to. Parents everywhere, please wake up.
Anne,
I’m a victim too, and have succeeded in protecting one of my two daughters with the help of the book Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak. What helped me to help her was to be able to give my less-affected child a reason to give her father as an “out” or an “excuse” for wanting to see me.
The older one still suffers greatly. He has succeeded in taking her mother from her, at least during this stage of her life.
My heart goes out to you. Don’t ever give up.
Can PAS be created by someone other than a parent? We are dealing with a situation where a family member now hates her mother and another woman has basically brainwashed her that she should come live with her as her daughter. It’s just completely crazy and there is no reasoning with the child.
I could relate to your comment about someone else creating circumstances to this syndrome. I left a long term relationship to help my daughter who was and still is military to remain in service due to a pregnancy and the father abandoning. Within 2 years there was another child and another abandonment. I stood by her side and we were always very close. She met and married a cheater/child abuser who blamed me for his actions and after 7 yrs of living together and everything fine, I was put out and left destitute. She refuses to have contact with me and hasn’t spoken to me in 18 months. He is “still” cheating and now in her cruelness has banned me from contact with the children I was raising for her. This is an adult who took on this behavior at 29 yrs of age. I am heartbroken and she just does not care. I could never leave my own parent homeless even though I was a child of abuse myself. My daughter is also disconnected from her first born daughter. I never heard of this syndrome before but she fits ALL the signs.
The Canadian Symposium For Parental Alienation Syndrome
I would like to announce the date for our conference MARCH 27th – through MARCH 29th, 2009 at the
Metro Toronto Convention Center.
Please visit our website at http://www.CSPAS.ca
http://www.CSPAS.ca
I, too, am a victim. No parent or child should ever have to go through this.
It has been five weeks since I saw my 15-yr old son. He has hit me and believes it is my fault because I “asked for it and he didn’t even hit me as hard as he could.” He broke into my house and steals things from me, including personal information, which he gives to his father. He called me by my first name in a voice message and asked that I stop trying to contact him.
My daughter is 21, and hasn’t spoken to me or any member of my family, in years.
At 41, I had a heart attack from the stress of this situation. Now, I am having additional heart issues due to stress. Today, I saw my attorney and requested no financial obligation if I can’t see my child. Letting go is the hardest thing I have ever done…
I am an alienated mother and believe that men also employ PAS to the same extent, but perhaps in more covert ways. Hence PAS may be more widespread in men than currently believed.
From first hand experience I have witnessed PAS in other men besides my ex: derogatory comments become attitudes, which over time become beliefs and then hostile reactions to the mother from the child…I believe that alienating parents are bullies and employ relational aggression strategies, often recruiting an army of misinformed allies. It is certainly a hard hit –living hell- to the target parent who suffers abuse from all sides yet doesn’t understand what is going on…
My son has been alienated from me by his father and his church. My child has no will to see me or spend time with me. He speaks his father’s words. They have cut me out like a cancer. I live a half mile away. I want to move to another state and start over. My son is 12 in a couple of weeks. It breaks my heart, but leaving this place (It is my ex’s neighborhood and state) and moving back to my home down south would be better. I would miss seeing my son, whom I never see, and would be far away and not able to be summoned, although I am never summoned. Torn and confused. I have nothing to lose except the brief 24 hours every other week that he comes to my house unwillingly. I would rather have an extended visit, undisturbed, far from this place, than stay here like I am waiting and waiting for something to change. Am I abandoning him? I have been divorced 2 1/2 years, and he has behaved this way and favored his father and his father’s family and church (I dont have either) for years before this. My little boy, my little baby is gone. All I have are memories.
I have been alienated from my 11 year old son since he was 9. At 10 years of age he physically assaulted me more than 5 occassions leaving bruises on my arms. What my soon-to-be ex husband is doing to our son is despicable. After the child assaulted me the first time, he went and bought him an expensive present. The child kept doing it, he kept excusing the behavior. My son now spends half of his time with me, I have not given up on him. It will be the easiest thing to do, to give up, cut my losses and to go on with my life. I can’t walk away from him, I know he needs me. He has not hit me for months, which is an improvement, but at times he spits at me, he calls me names, and when he does not want to obey me he just doesn’t. But I am here and I will never, never, never, never, never give up.
I cannot believe that this posting is still up given the disgrace in which Gardner died in 2004.
Read the facts: Gardner invented PAS as a means of enabling pedophiles to continue abusing kids. The whole thing was a scam which took in the psyshiatric world entirely (at first) but has since been both ridiculed and dismissed by serious childcare practitioners across the globe.
Sincerely 19.9.09 England
please help if you can. I have not seen my son for 11 years since he was 12. I have found him on face book, Can any body help me to contact him as I am really scared to be rejected again and call me a lire again. Or maybe show me a way. Think He has moved to C.A, Orange county with his mother and study in turkey now. And I think they have made him to be very scared of me.
I am a 61 years old father victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome and devastated for 11 years . I still can not sleep at night.
When my son was 12 years old my oriental wife divorced me unexpectedly in Holland and she did when he was 12 because in Holland children can decide which parents they can live with .and I have not been able to see my son again. I am devastated and still after 10 years can not sleep. I have fund him few times on internet and Facebook but every time he has rejected me very painfully .my divorce was in Dutch language and because I do not speak it I did not understand what I was accused of fully but I heard his mum telling him that I am going to kidnap him and take him to Iran. from a little I understood that they have used my place of birth Iranian in court as a negative fact. . Now I have fund him again in face book but I am so afraid to get in touch with him in case he reject me again. I had never realised she was alienating me specially because she is a kind of oriental who brain wash the boys to stay with mother /grand mother and Aliant the father for their old age. This has actually has happened to his mother . she had told me her older brother had Alienated her parents by her grand mother and live with grand mother in Hong Kong.
I met my wife when she was 17 and paid for all her education by working in restaurant starting as dish washer. And we had promised each other first I pay for her education and then she will for me as she had told me she was alienated by her parents but when her education was finished her parents appeared and her character started to change. until she became a very successful charted accountant and Stole all the money and my retirement too and saving which I had created for my son , and my house , my retirement, and our saving. but non of these is important but my son . they left me penny leas in a country that I could not speak and could not do any thing.
And the I relized she had also mad very closed tie with 3 sisters of mine and has mad every body against me and even now they call me a lier and even acouse me that I had stolen all the mony without understanding how could some one cheat an obiter charted acountent specily with a very limited education I have and I have even herd that they have saied she can fined better husband than me. And now some of them have contact with my son and my his mother and they have past the maseg to me that your son also says you are a lier.
Please Can any body help me to contact him as I am really scared to be rejected again. Or maybe some one can show me a way. He has moved to CA, orange county and study in turkey now.
Thanks for reading.
[email protected]
I would like to read. Do you have a source for your information?
I’m going to research but would appreciate any information you may have. Thank you,
Heidi Welch
Mr. Ward, you don’t know what you are talking about.
I have a friend whose wife “poisoned” her daughter against her father and the daughter has not seen the father in over 7 years. His son was also “poisoned” by the mother but the father finally had contact with the last couple of years.
This was all brought on by a nasty divorce and the sick mind of the mother. The daughter is probably so damaged psychologically that she will never have a normal life, let alone a relationship with any man – thanks to the mom.
She will never have a normal relationship with her father until the mother is gone out of her life.
You don’t believe it until it happens to you or to someone you know.
my son is the victim of the most extreme parental alienation imaginable and he is on a dangerous, downward plight. the step-mother confiscates his phone, monitors calls, controls communication, signs as his parent and vehemently slanders the mother (me) in front of my son and anyone within earshot. she recently orchestrated / exacerbated an incident to have me out of the way while she removed him from my mother’s home and i’ve seen him only three times for one hour in the past two months. this too is controlled and monitored. he is angry, confused, programmed, robotic and seems to be slipping away. i continue to exhaust any/all resources to assert my parental rights. he is losing hope and trust and faith in any/everything, cut off from the world in a volatile environment. no family or friends have been able to reach him. i am so scared for him and no matter how hard i try, what avenue i explore/attempt, there are barriers and sometimes, it seems it is better for him if i disappear. i can’t watch him slip away, change and remain in this downward cycle. is there anything i can do?
PRAY PRAY PRAY
This article is promoting a harmful hypothetical theory that is specifically used to cover up abuse of children and is routinely used to take children away from protective mothers. Recent CAL story where Joyce Murphy’s child was placed with child molesting dad by using this made up syndrome. Any legitimate psychology site should be ashamed at publishing this article.
http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/custody_crisis_why_mothers_are_punished_in_family_court.php#ixzz0d6rjXv9z
We exist to provide people information about mental health concerns. Whether you recognize it or not, agree or not, there is a body of scientific research on parental alienation syndrome, which is what we discussed in this article. Shame doesn’t enter into the picture; if it did, we might as well stop talking about every mental disorder.
I’ve just stumbled on this new information. and it relates directly to what has happened and is happening to My son and myself at this very moment in time. My son is sixteen now and enorous amounts of damage has already been done. other crimes have been done also. fraud, forgery,, misleading doctors, perjury to the court, and so far the county district attorney will not persue these charges they do not see the crime that has been happening.Wake up to the mom who says this alienation is jusified. I do agree some people should not be allowed to have contact with there children. thats why investagations are done.you ether are abusive to your child or there is frankly no evidence. the courts are very laxe when it comes to making sure the lawyers involved are aware of the potenial risk to the child to be brainwashed by the parent in control .I speak from my experience on this syndrome PAS …… Jo is another story ..
PAS is very real and unfortunately there are many greedy people out there that are just making money off of this term. Also there are abusers buying material about PAS reading up on it and using it against the target parent. It is a shame that most evaluators seem to be crooked and hand the children over to the abusers by taking bribes. That is wht happened to us, we had two crooked evaluators, both who were obviously bribed. Just found out that the abuser is on a waiting list for a PAS support group acting like a victim. Interesting times that we live in and the courts are full of sociopaths!
This is very real. I didn’t even hear about this until this year. All 8 symptoms of PAS pertain to us (all 3 children involved) and even on another website where there were nearly 20 explained scenarios involving PAS pertained to us. All of them. I am a lot older now, and nearly 16 years have passed since “the custody storm”…courts were involved, psychiatrists, etc and no one saw it. No one pointed it out and because of it there was a 12 year gap of our relationship with our father where we refused, without remorse, to speak to him via ANY means. I hope that not everyone who reads a Syndrome is skeptical of them because it took years of my life getting over the pain that we knew was caused. When children are involved please don’t be so skeptical to believe what you read, especially when it comes to parenting. People are very good at hiding things, especially adults and ESPECIALLY when it comes to their kids. If I had known about this syndrome earlier I probably wouldn’t have been through so much pain because I didn’t know that what we went through was so common. I would have felt better knowing there was a clinical definition defining our situation. But that isn’t how it worked out. If you have children, and if you care ANYTHING for them, please think of them and only them. This is nothing to mess around with and is a very haunting situation to be placed in. Especially when you’re the child. I can only pray for forgiveness for what my father’s been through and change the direction I am going to take with my future children. All I can say was he never gave up on us and it worked out for the best. If you’re a victim of PAS please keep your faith! Don’t think about revenge! Hope is the last thing to day and will ALWAYS pay off 🙂
thank you for writing your lovely letter it has helped me to understand a lot. I am the grandmother to 3 boys who wont speak to there mother and the family. We ddont know where to turn for help ,the courts have been involded but dont seem to be able to help in anyway because the children say they dont wont to see us. It is so sad to see my daughter who loves these boys so much having to go on with her life without being abele to cuddle her children it has been 5 years now . and i can see my daughter die a little everyday .She will never give up neither will the rest of the family
Oh and to the “mom” post. You really have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t mean to be so blunt but it’s obvious you don’t. I feel sorry for you that you use ONE CAL case to back up your belief and you have nothing from real life from which to draw. You’re the one who should be ashamed.
pas is real my son has been living with caregiver who has now called him her own i have never done anything but love my son and want him to be with me but she at every attempt has stoped me no abuse or neglect just the fact she wanted anther child she took him from me our child protection services in nz wouldnt get invovled due to the fact the had NO CARE AND PROTECTION ISSUSE WITH ME now he wont even speak to me on the phone he is 8 and he is brain washed they told him they will do anything for him and they do she was also a caregiver for the nz child youth and family services but is not allowed to care for cyfs children due to the fact that she physically and emotionally abused the 3 cyfs children she had yet she is still allowed my son where is the justice in that
Don’t give up! Do whatever it takes to make sure your child knows you love him. I know this feels impossible but all you can do is your best. Keep seeking help and guadance of trained professionals.
I am a mother of a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I left her father when she was 2 and a half, due to his abusive ways with my boys (who were not his) which consisted of mental and emotional abuse that lead to physical abuse and his mental and emotional abuse with me. One day when he got into my face and I saw her face filled with fear, I realized that I had to leave for her sake and all of ours. He controlled us all with his “religion” (Jehovah Witnesses) and I had been crying out for sometime to them for help, with results of them telling me that I was not a submissive enough wife! Once he found out I was planning on leaving; he ran with my daughter for over 2 and a half weeks, from JW house to house and living in the van. When I got her back by “pretending” to want to work things out, I had to live with him as he had went to the Judge and claimed behind my back ex-parte that I was unfit and they granted him temporary custody! Then after the 90 days of hell, I left and took my daughter. I had her and filed divorce, which lead to a bad custody battle. Ultimately the Judge who worked with His Attorney’s Dad and the GAL who was a friend of my ex’s sister in law, ruled that my daughter would be better off with him, due to the fact that I had other children, boys to raise! He got primary custody. While going thru the custody battle, he would fill my 4 year olds head with anger and lies about me before bringing her back. She would kick me and scream at me, telling me she hated me and wanted to live with Daddy. It was awful.
Once he had primary custody it only kept getting worse. The court ordered that I could spend holidays with her due to his religion not celebrating, but each time I would go to her school to do these things, he would conveniently have her removed or out of school. I drove over and hour to get to her. He would scold her when she celebrated Christmas or other things with me and make her feel bad about disobeying her God. He would not put me on her school paperwork, so each time I would go, it was difficult to prove that I had joint custody and could have access to her.
The court ordered also that I have DAILY phone contact with her, but he never allowed that. Each time I took him back to court for these violations, the Judge would dismiss them as nothing and told us to stop waisting his time and buy her at 5 years old her own cell phone!! Ya, right! He would just hide it and never charge it.
She is now 7, all of this continues and now he fills her head with other things and has accused my son, her own brother who is 7 years older than her that he has been trying to french kiss her! He has made up utter lies about things in the past and keeps telling her “if Mommy had not been bad and left us, you would still see and have a Mommy and a family” so when she comes, she is angry with me about this and accuses me for doing this. He never tells her anything about how much I try to call her, how much I try to come to functions that he takes her out of so that I can’t and so forth and when I tell her, she does not believe me and says I am lying.
She fell down last year at the end of school and broke her arm so badly that she was hospitalized for a few days and had surgery to put pins in her elbow, he was court ordered to inform me immediately and because of his being a JW and not believing in blood the Judge told him I am to be there and make her medical decisions. He texted me 4 days later to tell me she was in the hospital and had surgery!! When she came to me on visitation after that, she was angry with me, asking me why I didn’t come to be with her and help her, that Daddy told her that I didn’t care and other things were more important to me!! This continues today and her anger and confusion is just getting worse!
People that don’t believe in PAS syndrome HAVE NOT HAD TO LIVE THE PAIN of your own child being confused and angry; to have NO choice in the matter and watch your flesh and blood being removed from your life due to his anger and greed. It has always been “his way or the highway” and he will stoop to ANY level to get what he wants, even if it means destroying his OWN daughter!! THIS IS VERY REAL!!
Your story breaks my heart! I am going through a similar situation with my 8 year old son who’s father has been in and out of his life since our split when Andrew was 1. He is an abusive person who isnt capeable of puting the needs of our son above his own agenda. It’s been extremely difficult as I have been very accomodating and supportive of the relationship between Andrew and his father; even given the fact that his visits have never been consistent, or reliable and his financial support has been the same. He went to court stating that my son was being physically abused and the court has granted temporary custody to his father based on the fact that Andrew is saying these things are true. We are undergoing a custody evaluation. Over the past three months, Andrew has become more and more distant. I need help on how to approach the situation. Our custody evalutation is being submitted this week and I’m hoping to have Andrew home by Christmas. If anyone has any advice or tips on handeling the transition I would greatly appreciate! Thanks a god bless all the parents out there who always put their children first, despite the anger or frustrations a split can lead to!!!
I was involved in a family situation in which my ex developed a dissassociative disorder after a week long ‘spiritual retreat. She had came back delusional that I was like her abusive father (who was not abusive) and I had abandoned the children who all feared and hated me. The professional community made total asses of themselves as one after the other got sucked into her story, took pity on her and attacked me. I remained calm and objective. The GAL of the court was going to do an investigation and then the next day was angry with me instead. She then did a hide the PAS style report, frightened witnesses and did everything possible including telling one witness she hated her father. This judge GAL had been doing these things for years. I had one therapist tell me my daughter would recover in 7-10 years, then reported to the court that she was fine. I had a social worker hack my e-mail to attempt to destroy evidence after he lost his memories of what he and I were doing in his office…waiting for the alienator parent to show up. I had what was supposed to be the best evaluator in the region not report the testimony of my unalientated child to hide the alienation. That psychologist made a total ass of himself in the courtroom. Witness after witness testified the opposite of the professionals and about the professional abuse to themselves and my children. But the judge protected her GAL, the detective never finished the investigation into the social worker hacking my e-mail so I got left looking like I lied about this, the psychologist ended up babbling on the witness stand. I lost all ability to protect my child, get her into counseling, had our joint business given away for nothing, was given the right to live on the same property and all my assests locked up under the control of alienator for two years. My youngest son almost killed me the day after court and then stared at his hand holding an iron bar that he almost struck me with like it belonged to someone else.
I used to trust the judicial and therapeutic communities but no longer. I remained calm, encouraged them to read about PAS a bit and every one of the bastards turned on me, afraid of the court, mind blown that something that sick could occur and manipulated so easily, then turn on me because I am an Adult.
PAS is a dissassociative disease. Most therapists do not understand dissassociative illnesses. Several friends got badly damaged by this situation and the therapist abuse. Their spouses have stuck with them and one of them is now recovering slowly, but not because the therapist every really got it.
I think disassociation from oneself knowledge is a cultural phenomena, and a lot of therapist suffer from it to some extent and that is why many have problems understanding PAS and disassociation diseases.
I discovered that every person that was manipulated had some problem of their own that they had not dealt with that the alienator was able to affect and turn that person against me as if I was the part of themselves they could not accept.
(I was a very good therapist years ago and left the field to work in other areas. I knew the field and the jargon, etc… and was very very shocked at the targeting abuse and how pro after pro made the same mistake… making a judgement they later regretted, then turning on me to hide it and try to bury the witness, when I just wanted my kid helped. That and terrified of testifying in court????)
Yes, this story rings true. Misguided therapists and evaluators, even when given full information, will succumb to the forces of wrong persuasion and unwittingly join in the child abuse. There is a reason why Parental Alienation was first described in a personal situation – it is hard to understand and it is counter intuitive. Actually, the earliest description that I know of is in “Les Miserables”…. how fitting … a story about the miserables. Many thanks to John Grohol.
Finally I can put a name to it. I have been divorced for over 6 years. My daughter was 15 when the divorce happened and stayed with her father in the parental home because I could not afford to keep the house myself. She then left home to study at the age of 19. She is now 22. Within the split family unit I am always the “bad” one, the “you know what she is like” and “Christ Mother!”. After stepping back and analysing how I’ve coped with having been betrayed throughout the whole of my marriage (16 years) and 4 years prior to getting married without being given an explanation or even an admittance of the faithlessness and now having to look on how my ex is now living with that woman, I must say that I am pretty proud of myself. I had no support of my children, as I did not want to involve them and I do not have family in this country (UK) as I all my relatives live in Germany. What I found hardest to cope with was the fact that my daughter looks down on me and blames me for everything. On her recent graduation, she would have been happier if I had not attended and a prolonged stay at home with her father has again heightened her animosity towards me. As we are dealing with adults here, I wanted to make the point that PAS does not only relate to small children. What I am still looking for are the reasons for this alienation by the one parent. I shall continue with my research, but in the meantime I am glad i can put a name to the situation.
real-life example of parental alienation syndrome. disturbing video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPpm4Gyi1jk
I have a 15 yr old daughter,my ex has turned her against me,she is all way’s beat’s on me and because of his mental abuse, to my daughter she has become sucidal and I have to put my daughter on PINS, I think a person who mentally abuses a child, should be treated as if they abused the child, LAWS NEED TO CHANGE!
How bout the organizations who fail to see that sometimes the parents are not the enemy to a child’s well being? As in my wife and I may never win the parent of the year awards but it seems like so many places that are suppose to be “there” for our kids today plant seeds in their heads and alienate their patients against their own parents….
Your story breaks my heart also. PAS happens everywere worldwide. There are so many victims in my country as well. This is a world spreading disease and there are no winners but only losers.
So sad….
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My daughter is now 19. Her father hid her from me for 8months when she was 5.
It took 3+yrs and thousands of dollars to retain custody. Supervised visits, psych evaluations, numerous court appointed therapist, investigations you name it, we went through it all. Alienator died less than a year later. My concerns now are my daughter has anxiety issues and fears beyond the norm. Since coming to live with me her life has been consistent. Same partner, same home, same school, good friends, a mothers dream boyfriend, never any drama, been together 4 yrs. graduated with honors, 4 yr cheerleader, sang like a bird in choir, pretty normal life for a kid who went through torture. I thought she had adjusted well. But since Covid she is not the same confident young lady. Have there been any studies or following of children now grown who experienced PAS?
This is a real problem worldwide it seems.
For the past 15 years my job has meant that I work away during the week, sometimes able to get home mid week. I received a text one Wednesday that she and my children wouldn’t be at the house on the Friday when I got home.
When I got home the house was empty of children and contents.
They had moved to a village close by and I collected the children every Friday and dropped them off Sunday evening.
The house was sold and I bought a house in the same village as my children, there mother also had half the proceeds of the house.
They then moved 200 miles away, this was really difficult for me. I collected them four times in the year and had a week’s holiday a week at a time with them before delivering them back to a village close to me from our last holiday.
My company moved 110 miles away from my home and I couldn’t afford to move jobs or house, the commute at each end of the week was my only option, which I did for another 7 years collecting my children every weekend before finding a job closer to my home.
I continued seeing my children up till last year when my ex and her partner made up the last and final lie to turn the children’s feelings toward me, devastating for me.
I’ve NEVER rubbished their mother, I’ve always paid my way towards their lives, more than my monthly mortgage, I’ve always been in their lives not like some I actually know, devastating to me.
I can’t get any help, no one is interested, I’m not sure what could be done.
Everyone who knows the children and me say that they will come around eventually. I’m a believer in karma, but it’s taking a long time coming.
I miss my children so much
Jason
Hi my name is Willie Johnson, and I’m currently experiencing PAS, with my ex-wife and daughter. For the last 4 years I have been in and out of court in Frederick Maryland. I was award more custody in 2015 and that’s when all my problems started to the point where my daughter refusing to say thank you gifts and her mother also says that she can’t make her do anything. I would lover to share my story. PAS, has givin me hope asno attorney or therapist has ever mention PAS to me.