When I was 12 my family moved interstate and I started a new school. I became friendly with a student and so did our families. Something happened between my mother and friends father where she accused him or raping her. I was bullied at school and lost all my friends which was devastating as I was struggled to make friends before the move.
She went down tubes, attempted suicide in front of myself and sibs twice, was heavy med for 10 years seeing a shrink, put me through hell as her carer. She looked at me one day and stated ‘If you never became friends with..this never would have happened’. From that moment I felt shame hit the drugs and the streets, constant rejected and scapegoated by family, then at other times used as the parents only source of support.
As I got older all my resilience was sucked out of me by them and then I started to struggle to function.
20 years later, I found out through family friend, that she had an affair! No rape. She lied to her shrink about the rape, the family even her friends in front of my about this rape which never occurred. She was just covering her tracks. She planned to run away with him, leaving us with our violent narcisistic father to go chase a pipe dream overseas.
When my friends father dumped her for being willing to run away as that showed she was in his eyes a terrible mother, she couldn’t cope and tried to kill herself. Infront of my my sibblings twice.
When I found out 2 years ago about her huge damaging lie, I confronted her. I always blamed myself for all went wrong with the family and was litrelly blamed by both parents for the rape and later their divorce from each other. Told ‘Don’t you underestimate your part in this divorce!’ again I hung my head in shame. All around 12 – 14 this happened.
I couldn’t cope had no support hit the drugs, they kicked me out on street.
My mother was the last member of family I was speaking to. After I confronted her, she was to afraid to come visit me and changed all her contact numbers within 2 days which she had for the past 20 years.
She just blocked me out of her life. No explanation. No I’m sorry, no admission of anything. Denial big time. But the thing that bugs me is that, everything is too ruined now and too much damage done to salvage a relationship.
But how can she not feel guilt?
I begged her for 2 years in emails to speak to me about what I found out. I raged, I pleaded..nothing…absolutely not a word no matter what angle I took.
Does she even feel guilt? I know my info correct because everything finally made sense in my mind. It never did before.
Is she afraid of me? She know I’m BPD from all the crap they put me through. She cried once when I explained how BPD develops and the 80% abuse history, so I know she knows but, how can she live with herself cutting her only daughter out of her life because of HER OWN ACTIONS and wrongdoing?
Why does she care about herself more than me? How can people live like this and do this to others and not care?
I am so sorry that you had to endure all of this injustice. Is no logic when this type of mental illness is involved with your mother. Her own shame and repulsion was projected out onto you. Suicide temps were most likely the result of the chain breaking through.
Waiting for your mom to apologize to you put you in emotional prison — with her having the key. Don’t give her that much power. You are armed now with the truth. Use that to free yourself and move on. Don’t look for permission from your mother to get this release. As the saying goes — the truth shall set you free.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
