Hello, I have a problem relating to my relationship. About three weeks, my boyfriend and I got into a stupid argument. This argument was based on jealousy, yes, I overreacted and he jumped out of bed and tried to stop me. It was not abusive in any manner, but he thinks that he hurt me. He really didn’t, there were no bruisings and I know it was because I was going to do something much worst. During this time, a lot of traumatic memories have come alive and started to overtake my mind. I overreacted to him talking to a girl about some game. I really didn’t mean to do it but he ended up having his dad book him a flight to Chicago, 1000 miles away. I was scared, he said he loves me and to trust him, that he will be back. He said he wanted to find himself and to just have space to think, that he thought he would become abusive and that he just wanted to think about his actions. I was okay with that, he still talks to me but it is very distant, like not as much texting as we usually do, which is weird to me because we are a close couple.
It has been two weeks and 3 days, I am sad because the people around me say he isn’t coming back and my mind is really negative, you know? So I tend to believe the negative people, saying to “dump him, he’s probably cheating,” or my mom that says he isn’t coming back. I don’t want to believe them, I know he is going through a troubling time and that is okay, but he also left me with al of our responsibility. I have asked him if he can come home and he said, “not yet.” We’ve gone through a lot together. From small mistakes to miscarriages. I am insecure, not of him but that his family will persuade him to stay. His brother hates me, he’s texted me rude stuff like, “I hope my brother dumps your trashy a**!” I just don’t know where my place is, I don’t know if I should ask him to come home, I do trust him, a lot. I just have so much negative people and I overthink a lot. Please, give me some advice on what to do in this position.
I can appreciate how difficult it is to be apart, and yet both of you need a break to reflect on the relationship, your goals, and what happened. I’d encourage you to give him some space and focus on the things you need to change for yourself in the relationship. This way you can ready if he does come back to have a better relationship — or if he moves on you’ll be in a better place to do the same thing. The find help tab at the top of this page will help you find someone in your area.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
