I’ve been with my boyfriend For about 8 months now, and this is my first real relationship. It hasn’t been easy, we both have depression, and I’m a generally jealous person. Over the summer, his ex tried to get back with him, and although he rejected her, it’s lead to a great deal of insecurity for me. About a month ago, almost two months ago, things started to get terrible. The first thing I remembered was that he saw a picture which aroused him, and that upset me. I knew it was normal, but I felt horrible for about a week. and then after that, I started doubting he loved me, something I had believed for months (this wasn’t because the picture incident). The next week, my fears moved onto something else, and everything’s been rotating. A lot’s happened in these couple months. I confessed to cheating 5 months before that, he forgave me, we moved on. I continued worrying maybe there was something I hadn’t told him, although he told me I didn’t need to say anymore, that it’s okay and he wants to be with me. to sum things up, there’s always something for me to worry about, there’s no break. I recently realized I used to flirt with men, that I didn’t even like, just because when they liked me it made me feel better about myself. So I started being careful about everything I said to guys, making sure I wasn’t trying to attract them. But I still worried, and So I’ve stopped talking to men online. But now I’m worried that maybe I’ve been trying to attract females as well, when I’m straight. I feel terrible about everything I’ve done, and even though my boyfriend isn’t concerned about my cheating again, I just can’t trust myself. I could say hi to a person, and hours later wonder if I was intending to attract them. I can’t tell the difference between when I’m trying to be friendly or when I’m flirting, and it’s driving me insane. And the worst thing is that even if I move past this, I’ll be worried about something else the second after. My boyfriend’s become fed up of me talking to him about all of this, since he has his own depression to deal with, and I understand that. I just don’t know what to do anymore; I can’t stop over analyzing each of my actions, and I can’t stop worrying and picking out details of my past mistakes.
Since you are still in high school I would encourage you to take the time to talk to the school’s guidance counselor. At the core of your issue is that you cannot trust yourself. This is important work for you to focus on. While the relationship concern is front and center now, trusting yourself will be important for your well-being for the rest of your life, Make learning how to improve this feature in your life the number one priority and you will see how the conditions improve. Often we can’t begin to trust ourselves until we talk with someone who can help us see our lives differently. You school counselor is the person to begin with.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
