Recently, a few months ago, found out my dad was a cheat. It was shocking cause he’s such a religious man I never thought it could happen. But our family dynamics were already weird he moved when I was 3 so never really had a relationship anyway. It really hit my mum I guess as her parents had both died within the last year and she took it hard and i feel like she got quite sad. It was already tense that he didn’t want to go to the funeral, due to different religions. Then she found out about a month after her dad died that he was cheating. I was the one that discovered it by text anyway and I told her. Everything’s been a mess now and she’s changed so much. We used to be relatively close and in the first few months she was just always angry at me or crying because of him and since my brothers went to university it’s just been me and her. It feels like she’s so codependent on me and I can’t turn her away cause she’s my mum and that’s not me but it’s hard because I can barely deal with my own problems (depression). Now although it’s been a few months it just feels horrible all she’ll talk about is that other woman, whom she just follows around on social media and my dad. Everyone’s told her to just leave him but she won’t say that people told her it’ll affect us, but it really won’t it’d just be better really. She doesn’t think about what I want anymore just what she thinks or people tell her. She’s always on the phone to other people, got a massive extended family and it’s too the point where I’m just ignored and neglected, despite me making time for her. I feel like she doesn’t even love me anymore. Sometimes she’s say sorry so she knows she ignores me. It’s hard it’s my gcse year and this mess has just made my already bad mental health worse. I feel bad because life’s been hard for her since she’s essentially got with him, she got ill after pregnancy and poor financial decisions have moved her from the middle class to poor. I don’t want her, she’s 50, to be alone and sad. How will I ever have my own life leaving her alone? (From the UK)
I am so very sorry that you are, at 16, having to deal with all of this difficulty in your family. You are definitely in a difficult spot. This is a time when you should be being guided by your mother instead of having to be worried about her.
I’ll encourage you to talk to a counselor at your school. He or she will be able to help guide you in dealing with your mom and can maybe suggest psychological services she can obtain. You need help in dealing with her needs and yours—and your school is a good place to start.
You may also want to contact a behavioral health center near you. These are typically located in a local hospital or woman’s center. They are familiar with helping families and can help you and your mom get the help you need.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
