I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years now, only 1 year engaged and I’ve been so happy for the past 5 years, until I met this guy. He is my friend since 3 years & just this last year he became my work partner. We are doing a private business together and we got so attached to each other through out this year. I always had this crush on him, but it was just fine because I thought he would never have any feelings for me. But I was wrong. He traveled now to complete his education but before he left, we were all over each other, texting, and late phone calls and it was obvious for both of us. It was friendly phone calls and we never showed any feelings until it was no longer something to hide and he told me he loves me and he can’t stop thinking about me. I told him I like him too and we decided nothing can ever happen. But we were weak and we kissed and we spent the best 3 days of my life before he traveled. We kissed and were holding hands. We tried to spend as much time as possible together. He also said, if I ever decide to leave my fiancé that he would not promise anything for he doesn’t know yet when he wants to do with his life. The problem is I can’t stop thinking about him and he is always on my mind, always. He is everything my fiancée isn’t. My fiancé and me are now facing problems because of my changed feelings. He doesn’t understand what is going on but I told him my feelings for him changed. He loves me so much that he is willing to fight for me and for us. He wants us to get married as soon as possible and I’m his true love. I love him too but I just don’t feel the same way as before with him after I tasted the other guy’s love. It made me feel something new and special. I can’t also take the decision of leaving my fiancé because I think he really loves me and I will throw away something so special for maybe nothing! Sometimes me and the other guy talk out of business, but he never brings up the us part. He wants me to take the decision on my own so that he wouldn’t influence me. I feel so attached to him and can’t get him off my mind. It’s been a month now since he traveled, and I still have the same feeling and kind of depression that I can’t take a decision and that I feel so guilty and horrible for what I’m doing to my fiancé who is probably suffering. Please help me, it’s been months and I can’t take the decision. I’m going insane and I’m not a happy person anymore. Just full of negative energy and thoughts 🙁
This is a tough issue and I am very glad you took the time to write. Be honest with yourself and your fiancé about this. If you are attracted to another man at this point in your engagement deal with it now. I will be very blunt. The other man in these types of issues isn’t a cause as much a symptom. You having feelings and not being able to put the brakes on tells you that your engagement isn’t as good, or as strong, as you thought. I would tell your fiancé that you are having second thoughts about your relationship with him, and that you are uncertain about going forward in the marriage. He deserves to know that you are not 100% committed so that he can make a realistic appraisal. This isn’t just about your commitment. It is about being honest with your fiancé that you don’t feel for him what he is feeling for you. You deserve to have the kind of relationship you want — and so does he.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
