I’m 27 years old and recently have been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist because I have been very depressed off and on for quite some time. My mother has told me for years I needed to do this and about 2-3 years ago I saw a physician who put me on Ambien for sleep problems and an antidepressant. I took the antidepressant for quite a while and at first it seemed to help, but after several months I thought it wasn’t working and I was always left feeling tired and out of it. I didn’t like those side effects as well as the lack of sex drive. I knew not to just quit taking the meds all at once so I very gradually lowered my dosage, but I never did go to the Dr. while doing this. I actually felt pretty good for a while, but it seems to come and go.
So after a few visits to the psychiatrist and psychologist recently they both told me I was bipolar 2 and started me on Lamictal. I just started the drug and I’m only on 25mg right now because of the rash thing. I guess I will eventually go up to 100-150mg when safe. It took me many years to go in because I was afraid to hear this stuff, but I decided I could take no more.
the problem is that I’m so depressed. I recently moved to go to college and I have only met a couple of people in the 5 months of living here. I started to date a girl a couple months ago and I really fell for her. She is also Bipolar and I was warned by my buddies as well as her that she is a bit crazy. This actually intrigued me because I know I’m not so ordinary myself. So things moved very fast and she pretty much stayed over every night. She lost her job after a couple weeks and before I knew it I was supporting her for the most part. She also is pretty into oxycontin and got me into it too. Being that we both have mental problems as it is probably really throws things off. So right when everything seemed to be going good she went home one evening and told me she’d come back the next day. Now she won’t text, call, or have any contact with me. Everything was fine one second and just disappeared the next. . . Why would she do this to me after everything I’ve done? I treated her like a queen. Bought flowers on occasion, paid a couple bills, gave her back rubs nightly, and the sex between us was the best ever. I am just so hurt that she won’t even say a word. I’m afraid that if she does get back to me I’ll fall into the same trap because I like her so much. At least I think I do. I wanted to help her get off of the drugs and support her if she wanted to be with me,
I think she just feels so guilty that she can’t confront me. Maybe she is just crazy too. She told me she would hurt me, and she did. Is she crazy or am I or what? I hardly sleep but this is normal. Actually she was the same and we would stay up until 4 or 5am nightly. I only eat about once a day. I’ve lost about 25 pounds since I’ve lived here. I’m so tired of feeling depressed. She was the only thing in a long time that made me feel good and now I just feel worse than ever. I know after breakups people feel down, but it’s like I rely on a girl to make me feel normal. Otherwise I am depressed.
When I do feel good, I blow a bunch of money and do stupid stuff like drink too much and get into trouble. I’ve always known I had problems too. I have to write notes to remind me to do everything. I contemplate things over and over and am constantly stressed out. It’s really hard to go to college and feel like this and that’s why I want to get better. I’m a very smart person and have always done well in work, school, etc. My life isn’t that bad at all, but I feel like I don’t want to live. I hate it. What should I do about everything? Any help would be appreciated.
Your description of your life certainly makes a bipolar diagnosis make sense. If you really want to get better, you need to stop trying to rescue others and start focusing your energy on healing yourself. Work with your doctor to get your medications right. That means going back for regular follow-up appointments and not trying to be your own prescriber. In addition, see a therapist weekly for at least four months no matter what. You are certainly worth a few months of concentrated effort. At that point, you and your therapist can evaluate what is and is not effective and make any necessary changes.
You’re a smart man. You know in your heart that until you take yourself seriously and make a commitment to yourself to stick with a treatment plan, it’s unlikely that you will have a healthy relationship or be as successful as you could be. Writing to us here at Psych Central was a good first step. Now, please, take the next one and give yourself the attention you deserve and need.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
