The only time I feel any happiness is when I’m on LSD, and the next three days after a ‘trip’. It’s the only time I feel as I have any feelings…in general. I’ve been this pretty much ever since I can remember, way before I even began taking LSD. Doing LSD is pretty much the only good choice I’ve ever made. I believe I started a few months after I turned 14.
Regarding my real life, I attempt to act as normal as I possibly can. I have “friends”, even though I much more prefer being isolated in my room, and preferably doing acid. And I get along with my parents, they have no idea I’m doing LSD. The only slight worry they have is how I isolate myself. It’s pretty much routine, wake up, go to school, go home, in room all day, sleep. They don’t mind it so much, but I can tell they’d much more prefer me hanging out with “my buds” or something.
Other then that, I’ve been arrested two times on accounts of computer abuse or something. It’s complicated, but I can sum it up by: I caused the community approximately $280,000 in damages. Either way, I was never charged, since, “Plausible Deniability”, and my parents are firm believers of my story. The second time was some made-up story about extortion on homosexuals, I believe they did so for revenge for not catching me on the other charge. To be honest, I’m very glad I hurt them. I know they don’t deserve it, but, I just need some way to relieve myself of my frustrations. It’s pretty pathetic, but very funny and amusing – I’m pretty sure the attack caused quite the halt of progress for a few months.
Back to my reason for asking here: I really want a way out of loneliness. I don’t really feel any pain with my loneliness, but, I really hate knowing that I’m wasting time on senseless Netflix shows when I could (probably) be doing something productive. And the thing that’s pissing me off the most is I have no idea why I despise school, authority, rules, etc; pretty much everything besides acid, my computer, and sleep.
Here’s some other notes about myself to really prove I’m a shining star of society; I’m incredibly lazy, and I would rather have curable cancer then going to school.
It is not a surprise that you feel good when you are high on drugs; that is what they are designed to do. It is one of the main reasons why people use them. They make you feel good but they can ruin your life. Many lives have been destroyed by drug use.
LSD is particularly dangerous. It is a potent drug that has been linked to psychotic disorders. Make no mistake about it, you’re risking your mental health each time you use a drug.
Your drug use has already negatively impacted your life. You have not been officially charged with a crime but you’ve been close. Your luck could change.
You said that you despise school. So do many teenagers, but they still go to school. You’d be hard-pressed to find many teenagers who, if given the choice, would go to school voluntarily. There are many disadvantages to not finishing your basic education. Like drug use, not finishing school will be detrimental to your life.
I strongly urge you to seek counseling and to stop doing drugs. If your drug use continues, you risk getting into trouble and developing mental health problems. A mental health professional can treat the problems you have written about and facilitate your development of important problem solving skills. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
