My father is a narcissistic, closed minded, very angry and play the victim role. He used to fight with my mom daily. My mom is playing the victim role too and she’s too sensitive,pessimistic and lonely. My patents used to be over protective ,very very judgmental and critical. MY father judges the other people by looks and ironically he’s the one that people abuse . I grew up shy and introvert as I was from a middle class and the place I’m living in was for lower class (It’s my father’s class).I used to rely on my mom when it comes to buying clothes and on my father for getting my papers or things done .They really never let me do anything in this life and I’ve no real friends to experience life with .Now I’m an adult with no life experiences and I’m scared to be myself or to buy my own stuff coz I’m afraid that my father knows. It eats me that I can’t be myself around them .I have to conceal my shopping list or the stuff I buy and whenever they find it ,they judge me and criticize me immediately. Of course I’m the very nice guy now and this is another problem. I hate my parents and Idk what to do . I want to stop worrying about what they/others think of me and live an independent life.
You cannot control what other people think of you. Not your parents. Not your peers. Not strangers. They will think what they want no matter how much you try to alter their opinions. You cannot control other people. It is a waste of time and effort to try.
If you do not like your parents and how they treat you, then you should limit the time you spend with them. They are who they are and you must accept it and work around it. Being angry with them is akin to being angry at water for being wet. It may be best to keep your distance. It will be less stressful for you that way.
If you are living with your parents, it might be time to move out. You said that your parents “never let me do anything in this life” but as an adult you have the power to choose what you want to do. You can make your own decisions. You can mold your life into what you want it to be. Moving out would be a great step towards independence.
Virtually everyone experiences these types of growing pains, as they transition into adulthood. At some point, everyone must become who they are meant to be, independent of their parents and peers.
Colloquially, and in more modern times, some people refer to this time in their lives as “adulting.” This transition may go more smoothly with counseling. If that is an option for you, try it. It is always good to have help and support from experts when possible. Good luck with your efforts.
Dr. Kristina Randle
