My fiancee, Emily, and I have been together since January this year. Both of us have mental health issues, and yeah sure it has some rocky moments but we both agree we really love each other and want to make it work.
I have autism, depression and anxiety. My depression was the result of not going out and having friends, because my family was against it. She has depression, anxiety, OCD and anorexia.
So, here’s my issue. Last week, we were smoking some weed (like we usually do) and, because I was high, I said a really stupid comment about her body that I didn’t even mean to say. I regretted it immediately as she took it the wrong way. She ended up cutting herself over this and I tried to help in anyway I can but, in reality, I didn’t know what her to leave.
So, the next morning, I told my mum what happened. At first, she tried to calm her down. But then, Emily told her that I cut myself one week earlier (because I was stressed over college and starting university, nothing to do with the relationship whatsoever) and she went absolute crazy. My mum threatened to hit me (which left me terrified) and started smashing plates and cups and made it seem like it was Emily’s fault. She phoned my brother Danny, who blamed Emily for me cutting myself. Then, my sister came round and threatened to call the police if she wasn’t out the house in 10 minutes. Emily was having a panic attack at the time and I didn’t want her to leave in that state. So she gave Emily a lift home. When my sister came back home, she made up a lie saying that some car was outside Emily’s house looking for her (so she could buy weed). They manipulated me into thinking she was a compulsive liar. They also told me not to see her again.
So me and Emily both decided to quit smoking weed and get some professional help, so that all of this will be solved.
Anyway, a couple of days pass and I have a doctor’s appointment that my mum made for me. I tell the doctors everything that’s been happening and my whole family got pissed off at me. They said that the whole incident was my fault and my brother threatened that if I ever saw her again, he would go to her house and break her jaw. And my mum said that she will never accept her, and made up more and more lies about her. Like, she lied to me about smoking weed, she’s forced me to watch her favourite programs, she’s told me to get the same medication as her, etc.
And also, my mum and my sister have bribed me with cigarettes to stop me from seeing her.
I have told everything to my support worker and my friends at college, and Emily has told her family and her therapist everything and they all agree that what my family are doing is wrong. Some of them suggest I move out to either Emily’s place or a council house.
I’m honestly feel pushed away by my family and trying to make me split up with her. I want to move out and live with Emily but I’m scared of what my family might do. My brother also said if I go near Emily’s house, he will kick the door down and drag me out of the house. Yeah, I can call the police, but my family could do the same thing to my doctor’s and make up a load of rubbish. I’m really scared of losing Emily and but I don’t know what else to do! If it weren’t for her, I’d be stuck in my room, depressed for the rest of my life. (From the UK)
As your profile says you are in college the best direction for you now is to seek counseling through the university you are enrolled at. If your girlfriend goes there too, perhaps you can see a counselor together.
You need to establish some ground rules for being together with your girlfriend — and what triggers each of you. Your insight about wanting to “quit smoking weed and get some professional help” is right on target. I’d begin with the university counseling center.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
