I am currently in university and get overwhelmed with the tiniest bit of stress. I always keep thinking and talking to myself. The very moment that I wake up I start talking, imagining situations, which might never arise or practice what to say at uni today. I have a horrible habit of pulling my lip skin, scratching my head and anywhere where there is dryness, to the extent it bleeds sometimes. I have also called in sick to avoid uni or exams. I enjoy being with people and fell lonely once I am home. I have a younger brother and am always terrified to the extent that I have cried for his safety. I am overprotective about him. I am quite excited at some points in the week that I talk very loudly, lie about my life, I want people’s attention. I loved to study but now I struggle to even pass a course. I feel awful about myself. Not paying attention to my family or friends. I often have ideas but can never implement them. I am always sleepy. Sometimes I need people to tell me that I am a good person. I have had suicidal thoughts. I love shopping but feel guilty even for spending a single dollar and this thought goes on for the rest of the day. I sometimes feel that my dad will go bankrupt because of me. I have become very rude to my family but cry to myself when I do that. It feels like I want to be diagnosed with some disease. I get addicted to things very easy. I cannot get off the Internet. I sleep most of the time and give up before an exam. I was never like this. I have so many dreams but they seem impossible now. I don’t have many friends. Sometimes I am in an excited mood and say/do things without thinking and then regret. else I am awfully depressed. I really need to improve but I don’t know how. I have tried being positive but it doesn’t help. I look at myself in the mirror and mainly notice the flaws in myself and cry about how I used to be pretty and look horrible now. I can’t make simple decisions and just want to run away from everything. I tend to pity myself a lot and cry. I don’t know what to do.
Right now the best thing is to go to the university’s counseling center. The contradictory and conflicting thoughts you are having are, as well as some of your other concerns could use the help of a professional. I would take advantage of the therapy the counselors can offer as they help you sort through these issues.
You have taken the first step by identifying these things here. It is time to take the next step toward getting some relief.
Wishing you patience and peace,